Topic : Arguing Over Money

Four years ago my husband quit his job and started his own business.  We agreed that he would not pay himself for one year to get the business established.  Unfortunately, the business is still barely making enough money to support itself, and is acquiring more and more debt.  Whenever I suggest my husband help out with the bills at home, he says he cannot afford to pay himself yet. 

Meanwhile, the burden of supporting the entire household is on me.  I feel like he doesn't realize how expensive the cost of living is.  He expects me to be able to pay all of our personal expenses by myself with one meager income.  Now we have incurred enormous credit card debt, and have absolutely no financial security.  We can't save any money for emergencies, kids' college or anything.  I've decided to take a second job just to make ends meet.  

We already live in a pretty small house, and drive older cars, but my husband refuses to downsize.  He also refuses to give up on the business and get a paying job to help out with our household expenses.  He keeps insisting that the business will pick up soon.  After hearing this for four years, I'm beginning to think my husband is living in Fantasyland.   

I feel guilty for not wanting to support my husband so he can work toward his lifelong dream.  But I also feel like he is really taking advantage of me by not contributing to our household expenses! 

Four years ago my husband quit his job and started his own business.  We agreed that he would not pay himself for one year to get the business established.  Unfortunately, the business is still barely making enough money to support itself, and is acquiring more and more debt.  Whenever I suggest my husband help out with the bills at home, he says he cannot afford to pay himself yet. 

Meanwhile, the burden of supporting the entire household is on me.  I feel like he doesn't realize how expensive the cost of living is.  He expects me to be able to pay all of our personal expenses by myself with one meager income.  Now we have incurred enormous credit card debt, and have absolutely no financial security.  We can't save any money for emergencies, kids' college or anything.  I've decided to take a second job just to make ends meet.  

We already live in a pretty small house, and drive older cars, but my husband refuses to downsize.  He also refuses to give up on the business and get a paying job to help out with our household expenses.  He keeps insisting that the business will pick up soon.  After hearing this for four years, I'm beginning to think my husband is living in Fantasyland.   

I feel guilty for not wanting to support my husband so he can work toward his lifelong dream.  But I also feel like he is really taking advantage of me by not contributing to our household expenses! 

Four years ago my husband quit his job and started his own business.  We agreed that he would not pay himself for one year to get the business established.  Unfortunately, the business is still barely making enough money to support itself, and is acquiring more and more debt.  Whenever I suggest my husband help out with the bills at home, he says he cannot afford to pay himself yet. 

Meanwhile, the burden of supporting the entire household is on me.  I feel like he doesn't realize how expensive the cost of living is.  He expects me to be able to pay all of our personal expenses by myself with one meager income.  Now we have incurred enormous credit card debt, and have absolutely no financial security.  We can't save any money for emergencies, kids' college or anything.  I've decided to take a second job just to make ends meet.  

We already live in a pretty small house, and drive older cars, but my husband refuses to downsize.  He also refuses to give up on the business and get a paying job to help out with our household expenses.  He keeps insisting that the business will pick up soon.  After hearing this for four years, I'm beginning to think my husband is living in Fantasyland.   

I feel guilty for not wanting to support my husband so he can work toward his lifelong dream.  But I also feel like he is really taking advantage of me by not contributing to our household expenses! 

If after 4 years this business is struggling - something is wrong somewhere and if your husband is running it by himself - he may fancy himself as knowing everything just because he owns his own business.  I am a guy myself and in talking to owners of both sexes - men by far don't want to ask for help because it's not 'being a Man' 'Of course I know what I'm doing'.  On the other hand women will ask for help 'because they want to succeed' they don't want to fail. 

Do either of you know how to read the financials that is produced.  They will tell what's doing on provided they were done write.  If there are no financials - accounting records - then as queentween has said 'Cut your losses' and tell him to get a job. 

You and the family cannot suffer anymore.  Enough is enough. 

Rog 

I'm sure your husbands lifelong dream was not to go down with the ship and his own business. I don't know what business it is, but if after 4 years, the debt is increasing and the profits are non-existant,  its time to cut your losses.  Unless its a hobby business, and your husband is willing to get another job while he does this biz that is his lifelong dream, liquidate and go forward.  

Everyone thinks that having your own (storefront or service) business is lucrative and cool, because you get to work for yourself. Thats not always a good thing! The economy is not good now, and if you are having to purchase stock with credit cards, the interest you pay is taking away any profits you may someday realize.  Plus, no offense to men, but having a biz isn';t hanging out with your buddies at the coffee shop talking about what you are doing, going to do and have done. And that is typical of many small businesses run by men. In my experience, women are better at maintaining a business over the long run....(now wait for the guys to jump on me!!) If he can reduce his expectations of his lifelong dream, and get a good paying job, you';ll both be happier!  

My husband owns a towing business.  His excuse for not getting a paying job is because he has to be available to tow 24/7.  When he's not towing, he is hanging around the garages chatting it up with the mechanics.    

We are spending quite a bit in finance charges and interest.  He just doesn't get it!!!  He blames the bad economy, and keeps saying "the business will pick-up." 

I've been trying to convince him to throw in the towel, but he won't budge.  He literally said that he would resent me forever if he gave up the business, and if I'm not willing to support him, I might as well divorce him.  He's a great guy, but if he doesn't start acting like an adult and help out with the bills soon, I will divorce him...It's just a matter of how much longer I can put up with it.   

Thank you for your encouragement. 

Making your own money gives you independence and freedom, so don't give up your job unless you want to.  If your husband wants to drive a better vehicle, he should be able to finance it himself.   

Maybe your husband is having an identity crisis right now.  Hopefully he'll get on the right track and find a career that will make you both happy.