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Topic : Arguing Over Money

Number of Replies: 566
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:22:45 am
Author : dataimport
Is money the central argument in your home? How do you keep money from becoming a huge problem in your marriage? Tell your story.

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October 13, 2005, 11:19 am CDT

money problems

i am not working, i am a stay at home mom and my husband thinks that all the bills are more important then food in house with two kids. everytime i get a job he don't want me to work i might find a nother man or he don't want to watch kids after he gets off work. I don't know which one really. He owns this house, I don't, it was given to him by a family death. he uses that in our fights and money problems. he took a loan out and now the bank has it untill its paid. so our problems get bigger and bigger, but it's all my fault..
 
October 13, 2005, 1:17 pm CDT

Arguing Over Money

Quote From: dreamer77

i am not working, i am a stay at home mom and my husband thinks that all the bills are more important then food in house with two kids. everytime i get a job he don't want me to work i might find a nother man or he don't want to watch kids after he gets off work. I don't know which one really. He owns this house, I don't, it was given to him by a family death. he uses that in our fights and money problems. he took a loan out and now the bank has it untill its paid. so our problems get bigger and bigger, but it's all my fault..
sounds like your husband is a control freak and he needs to get over himself. tell him if he doesn't want to at least provide food for the kids then you will need to go to a local food pantry to get food. Have you thought about babysitting, maybe taking in at least one child, then at least you would be able to feed your kids. And since he doesn't want to watch the kids then you will have a little money as well to pay a sitter while you go out for an hour or so. You deserve to be treated with respect as a wife and mother, and remember we teach people how to treat us and though it might be hard to stick up for yourself, you may need to do it, especially if it involves the kids not eating.
 
October 14, 2005, 2:42 pm CDT

getting divorced

Iam 45 years old I have been married for 14 years. the house we live in is his my name is on the loans but not on the title. I dont have a job. health problems. I drove a bus for 9 years they said my feet and back was from driving. so I started a job of standing and I couldnt do that either. I told him it was never going to work we were not happy. so he filed for divorce. I have cats dogs and birds and no place to go. I dont feel I should take him for part of the house because it is the house his dad built and he grew up in. Iam scared to death and I dont know what to do. when we drink it is really bad. but when we stop drinking were still not happy. I know I need out of this but Im scared.
 
October 14, 2005, 11:52 pm CDT

alimony

Quote From: jl1960

Iam 45 years old I have been married for 14 years. the house we live in is his my name is on the loans but not on the title. I dont have a job. health problems. I drove a bus for 9 years they said my feet and back was from driving. so I started a job of standing and I couldnt do that either. I told him it was never going to work we were not happy. so he filed for divorce. I have cats dogs and birds and no place to go. I dont feel I should take him for part of the house because it is the house his dad built and he grew up in. Iam scared to death and I dont know what to do. when we drink it is really bad. but when we stop drinking were still not happy. I know I need out of this but Im scared.
After putting up with a man for 14 years, you must be entitled to something.  The least he could do is refinance the house or take out an equity loan to give you some financial stability.  Don't walk away from this marriage empty handed.  You deserve half of everything acquired during your marriage, and don't settle for any less!  
 
October 15, 2005, 8:23 am CDT

worried

Quote From: pariah

After putting up with a man for 14 years, you must be entitled to something.  The least he could do is refinance the house or take out an equity loan to give you some financial stability.  Don't walk away from this marriage empty handed.  You deserve half of everything acquired during your marriage, and don't settle for any less!  
we cant refinance because we had to file bankruptcy. so we had talked about waiting till it was over. but he has these mood swings and just does stupid stuff. like go and getting divorce papers. then a few days later sets and crys because he doesnt want it. I filed a few years ago when I had a job and moved out and had my own place and he talked me into coming back. so I did what a mistake that was. when we split up he stays drunk. and doesnt pay the bills. then when I come back and get things all caught up we fight again and he goes back out and drinks. I looked at his back acount and in 5 days he spent 100.00 drinking. when he left to go to work this morring he was drinking. he drinks from the time he gets up till he passes out. I drink and yes sometimes to much but Ive never been able to drink like he does. I guess where Im going with this is why do I feel bad over asking for half when all he does is drinks up all the money he will loose this place anyway.
 
October 15, 2005, 12:11 pm CDT

I don't know about You

Quote From: jl1960

we cant refinance because we had to file bankruptcy. so we had talked about waiting till it was over. but he has these mood swings and just does stupid stuff. like go and getting divorce papers. then a few days later sets and crys because he doesnt want it. I filed a few years ago when I had a job and moved out and had my own place and he talked me into coming back. so I did what a mistake that was. when we split up he stays drunk. and doesnt pay the bills. then when I come back and get things all caught up we fight again and he goes back out and drinks. I looked at his back acount and in 5 days he spent 100.00 drinking. when he left to go to work this morring he was drinking. he drinks from the time he gets up till he passes out. I drink and yes sometimes to much but Ive never been able to drink like he does. I guess where Im going with this is why do I feel bad over asking for half when all he does is drinks up all the money he will loose this place anyway.

but I see a pattern.  Your the responsible one and he ain't.  He knows that you are going to bail him out - seems like you do it regularily.  He is an acholic full fledge.  This is one headache you do not need. 

  

Do what you gotta do. 

 
October 15, 2005, 12:46 pm CDT

Arguing Over Money

Quote From: jl1960

we cant refinance because we had to file bankruptcy. so we had talked about waiting till it was over. but he has these mood swings and just does stupid stuff. like go and getting divorce papers. then a few days later sets and crys because he doesnt want it. I filed a few years ago when I had a job and moved out and had my own place and he talked me into coming back. so I did what a mistake that was. when we split up he stays drunk. and doesnt pay the bills. then when I come back and get things all caught up we fight again and he goes back out and drinks. I looked at his back acount and in 5 days he spent 100.00 drinking. when he left to go to work this morring he was drinking. he drinks from the time he gets up till he passes out. I drink and yes sometimes to much but Ive never been able to drink like he does. I guess where Im going with this is why do I feel bad over asking for half when all he does is drinks up all the money he will loose this place anyway.
Remember, we teach people how to treat us and as long as you allow him to get away with this, he will contil, alcoholism is a disease and if you both want this marriage then he is going to have to get help with this alcholism and you are going to have to help him through it as well, you must own your part in this and take responsibility for your self, you can't change him but you can change yourself, like maybe you need to quit drinking and don't participate in the arguements, walk away, get the help that you need to help your self and at the same time don't be manipulated and feeling guilty for needing his help in paying the expenses and all,marriage is a partnership and I believe if people now days would look at like that, it would eliminate a lot of problems that marriages are having now days.
 
October 15, 2005, 7:06 pm CDT

responsible

Quote From: renagade

but I see a pattern.  Your the responsible one and he ain't.  He knows that you are going to bail him out - seems like you do it regularily.  He is an acholic full fledge.  This is one headache you do not need. 

  

Do what you gotta do. 

Ok your right Im not resonsbile but I thought this was a place for help.if I wanted this I would have called my outlaws
 
October 15, 2005, 7:06 pm CDT

allow

Quote From: jettav

Remember, we teach people how to treat us and as long as you allow him to get away with this, he will contil, alcoholism is a disease and if you both want this marriage then he is going to have to get help with this alcholism and you are going to have to help him through it as well, you must own your part in this and take responsibility for your self, you can't change him but you can change yourself, like maybe you need to quit drinking and don't participate in the arguements, walk away, get the help that you need to help your self and at the same time don't be manipulated and feeling guilty for needing his help in paying the expenses and all,marriage is a partnership and I believe if people now days would look at like that, it would eliminate a lot of problems that marriages are having now days.
thank you so much Im glad to know there is people who cares I know hes walking all over me he goes to the bar everyday tonight I went bowling with a bunch I worked with driving a bus had a good time its killing him. I glad Im doing what it takes. its hard
 
October 15, 2005, 10:03 pm CDT

I did say that you are

Quote From: jl1960

Ok your right Im not resonsbile but I thought this was a place for help.if I wanted this I would have called my outlaws

the responsible one.  You are telling us all that you have to go thru and put up with.  So I'm saying that since he is upsetting you, and seemingly do not want to take it any more - then do waht you have to do. 

  

We are here to help, but remember we are also different people and some of us see things slightly different. 

 
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