Topic : Arguing Over Money

Obviously you are wanting to leave her.... If you really love her and then you will find a way to work things out.  I will tell you something once you get married and have children be prepared to do it on your own.  Not saying that she wont go to work or that some women dont work but childcare is almost not worth working. I have 3 kids and I was working just to pay childcare and gas back and forth to work.  Luckily I have a wonderful fiance that pays all the bills and does not complain about it.  We are not rich by no means we have our share of money problems and that is actually the only thing we do argue about.  But he loves me and our family and he does what he needs to do to take care of us.  So if you love her really you will find a way.  God works in mysterious ways and he will get you through your problems. He always does for us.

 

Good luck with what ever you decide.  Dont give up.

My partner and i are always arguing over money and I am sick and tired of it!  We have been together over five years and have two wonderful children together.  For the first three years of our relationship, I was a full time working mother with a very respectable job making pretty decent money.  During this time, he was always employed, but moved from job to job a lot.  We have always shared a bank account, and when I was the breadwinner we didn't have any arguments over money.  After my second child, we relocated to a different state because he had an incredible job opportunity come his way.  I quit my job as a business professional when we moved and became a stay at home mom, which we both decided would be the best for our family.  I worked a part time job at night as a carhop at our local Sonic, but after nine months of missing dinner and bedtime with my kids, I decided to quit.  I am also a full time college student taking courses online.  We still share a bank account, but because I don't earn a paycheck, I am not allowed to hold onto a debit card, checkbook, or hardly ever any cash!  I have to ask him every day for something because I am not ALLOWED to spend any money without his approval.  He throws a fit whenever I do ask him for anything, no matter what it is!  He is sure to rub it in my face on a regular basis that HE is the one who makes the money, therefore everything (even the food in our kitchen) is HIS, not OURS!  The house is HIS, the car is HIS, the computer is HIS, and the list goes on.  I hear the word MINE come out of his mouth more than I do my toddlers!  I think it is a total control issue that needs to be worked out quickly.  I express my distaste for his selfishness, but it doesn't change the way he acts.  As a stay at home mom, I think I should have the responsibility of the grocery shopping (since I do the cooking) at least!  It's becoming quite ridiculous.  We just got a huge income tax refund and I tried to make it clear to him before the money was deposited that it was OUR money, not just his.  Yes, he worked and paid the taxes, but I gave birth to the babies that has to count for something! Every other year we got a refund, there were no arguments about who would have access to it, because it was considered to be both of OURS, not just mine!  Any suggestions? Please help!

Isn't that the eternal problem? Arguing over money seems to be the number one problem in couples.

Some of us have lived with these issues with our parents when we were growing up. We learned very young that 'life is not a joke' nor is it a free ride.

What I think is that before so much selfishness you should just think about yourself and your kids, it's your time to be selfish. Try to get a good job again, think about yourself for a change, that's what he does, isn't it?...it was a mistake for you to quit your other job but I understand, we only regreat what we don't have the courage to try and it's always good to make changes....and now it's time for another change. So, my advice is, get a nice paid job, a job that also fulfills you emotionally. Keep the account together with your husband only  for house expenses, like rent, electricity, water, etc....and open another account only for you where you can save the rest of your money for other type of expenses, for you and your children.  I hope you understand what I mean, my english is not 100% perfect but I think my messege went through. We only live one life and we shouldn't live it the way others want it and we shouldn't live it like we owe something to someone all the time and like we're guilty of something we're not, those feelings only bring you down, shame, regreat, guilt, frustration are feelings your husband shouldn't make you feel. Shame on him. Talk to him, ask him why he's making you go through all of this, ask him if he acting the way he is coz he's punishing you for once back then you had earned more money than him....maybe back then that's the way he felt, when you were in control and now he feels like it's your turn to experience what he did...I don't know....talk to him, there must be a reason why he's acting the way he is....but still, follow my advice...get a job you like, a job that pays you well, get your independence back, there's nothing like it and you'll see that your children will also thank you coz they'll have a more happier mom, a more confident mom, a mom that doesnt take bs from noone, not even there dad. Be strong, talk to your husband and Action!!!

 

Good luck!!!

I think that couples only argue over money when it's not enough...and most of the time it isn't enough....I have the same problem....the money is never enough and it's sad that we have to live our lives in a constant arguement over something so shallow like money. Money should be banned from our Society, from all the World, we should go back to the days when people traded things and goods, it was much easier and when a persons word of mouth had some value....now, there's no trust, only money is valued, there are no honor and principles anymore, it's a shame and very sad.

 

PS: Rich couples have arguements over other things  but never about money.

You'd be surprised at how many rich couples argue over money! The general rule is that the more you make, (or have), the more you spend. And isn't it the WAY money is spent that creates the problem?

 

Your wish to revert to a barter system is understandable, until you realize that that is how money evolved. Money is only a symbol that stands for something else. If you have cows, but the owner of what you want to barter a cow for doesn't need a cow, you have to barter the cow to someone else that wants the cow and has something to trade that the first guy wants for whatever it is you want. (And don't forget how cumbersome a cow can be to get from one place to another!) You may have to make multiple trades to end up with what you want.

Money came about as a convenient short-cut and a easily portable medium of exchange. These days, in most cases, money symbolises the labor we give to an employer.

If we all took 10 seconds of reflection before an impulse buy, and figured out how much of our time this thing took in order to buy it, we would all have a different perspective.

Say you've just got to have the latest whiz bang music storage/timekeeper/phone/camera/internet contact/etc gizmo and it's price tag is $250. How many hours of labor did you have to put in, what did you have to do, in order to buy it? Don't cop out and just take your wage per hour, figure out how many hours you had to work, take out the taxes that the government demands, and add the taxes your going to have to pay when you buy it. Is it really worth that much of your precious life/time/energy? This is what money symbolizes.

 

Couples argue about money quite often because they have different core values and emotions relating to money. For instance, my husband came from a fairly well to do family. He is relaxed about money and never worries about it. He tends to spend impulsively and has a mind set that things will always work out because he is a hard worker and has never had a problem getting a job or keeping one.

I came from a large family that often lived paycheck to paycheck, on the verge of financial ruin if an emergency came up. I remember eating macaroni and cheese for a month once, and watching a collections agency come take the family car away for non-payment of bills. Needless to say, I wore hand-me-downs and value every penny to this day. I feel very insecure if we have no savings.

It has been our on-going project since we got married to learn the positive aspects of each others attitudes about money, and minimize the negative ones.