What you have is not a healthy supportive marriage. Deep down inside I believe you know this. The best thing for you to do – is not let your anger get the best of you with it. Cutting up the credit cards or shreading the checks won’t help- it’ll only exasperate the already bad situation. Don’t touch any of the bills or financial stuff anymore. Infact –if he expects you to only use 25-60 dollars per week to support yourself and five kids – then only cook for you and them – and never have anything for him and conveniently lose all the receipts.
When you get child support checks (for your children) put them into an account that he can’t have access to. Fair is fair. If he is going to be this way – so can you. Your job of staying at home with the kids and taking care of the household is just as important as his job, if not more. You do at least deserve a much higher weekly allowance to run the household. He’s living in major denial. The main problem is he is obviousously very selfish and he will probably not see the harm that is being done – right at the beginning of your marriage until it is too late.
Maybe you should get out – before things get worse, because quite frankly if he is this way now, the chances of you having the power to change him are slim to none. I know this is difficult to swallow, especially if you love the man for other reasons – but his deceptiveness with money could lead to other lies –if it hasn’t already.
While you were dating, if you managed to work and support your kids, then you can go back to that fairly easily. As it is now, you probably shouldn’t expect any help from him – if you decide to leave. His kids and his financial problems will then be ALL HIS and he can get his mother to help him again (which is another problem in itself). Because your name isn’t on any of it, that’s a pretty lucky break for you and knowing about it so early in the game is actually an advantage for you to re-coop and start over. He may not realize what he has lost until it is gone. Most of us don’t. If a threat that you WILL leave doesn’t do it, then stick to your guns and get out, ASAP.
When and if you move on, then make sure that in a new relationship in the future, you are aware of and have real plans with a new partner that are healthy with finances, as well as other important aspects of a relationship BEFORE you comit to another marriage. Learn from your mistakes and grow as an individual. It's your life and you do also have children to consider about what's best for them in the future.
I'll pray for you!
Karolina
