Topic : Arguing Over Money

I really dont mind sharing conversation with you. My heart goes out to you and you sound very stressed. First off you need to take care of you first and then the kids and then the hubby.

That being said; I too was married (we are divorced now) to a controlling man who was financially abusive. Yes; that is the term. There were other kinds of abuse but since yours sounds financial we will speak about that for now. Okay; My ex had more children than me and I had one. It was never equal. His kids got more than me and mine. So we too kept everything separate. I never used the joint checking account nor did we ever  have anything jointly. I also felt like a second class citizen. Your husband sounds selfish and only interested in his way or you can take the highway type of personality. Do you think he has some sort of personality disorder?

My ex is narcisstic. That means they only care about themselves and their own families; not their wives nor anyone else for that matter. They come first, then their families. You are on the back burner all of the time and funny you use that expression. Second class citizen because that is what I used to tell my therapist. I always felt like a second class citizen.

Dont feel like a burden. You know marriage is 50/50. Does your husband know that?

Doesnt sound like he wants to change. Leopards dont change their spots; but I digress.

So what if you are a teacher making less money. You know at one point I refused to work because my ex put down my career choices and said because it was seasonal it didnt matter.

Dont listen to your husband. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.So if a bill doesnt get paid let hubby pay it. So what is the worst that can happen?

Sounds like you would do so much better without this guy. Trust me I am not in favor of divorce. Actually I am a firm believer in marriage; really; but your guy sounds like he has sooooooo many issues and he isnt working on them.To even go out and buy a motorcycle behind your back was not right (was it behind your back) while you struggle with your children. Oh; By the way didnt he know you had children when you married? He cant say they are a financial burden. You had them when you married right? Your husband sounds immature, selfish, egotistical and controlling. Are you going to ride on this motorcylce? What would happen if you went out and bought a boat? Couples who are married make decisions together but you I am sure know all of that? What broke up your first marriage?

Oh; Why do you have to take a teachers job with less pay next year? Budget cuts?

If I were you and I am not I would quit all jobs and stay home and raise the kids and find something flexible to supplement income and tell hubby to f--- off and let him pay all of the bills. See what happens then? What would he do? Unless you have that in your prenup? Can you explain what is in the prenup. I am not too smart at those documents.

Okay; You sound good and confident and strong so you will be okay. You just needed to vent.

So forget the motorcycle for now. Who cares? Let him have his name on it. You need to pick your battles in an extended family with money and all. Why cant you buy your own piano?

I wouldnt fall into the trap though of making more money for hubby. I would fall into the trap of making more money for me. How do you know when your parents will die? Are they old?

Cant rely on the future. We only have the present and the past is gone.

Here is what I think? If you do everything your husband says like if you get another job with more money because he wants you too then this will just go on and on and on. You also talk alot about divorce even though you dont want one. I would talk that out with the therapist.

Happy married couples rarely talk about divorce or do they?

Can you focus on being married and forget about the money part and just be happy the way he is? I dont know for I am just grasping at straws now. Can you tell me what you love about your husband? Something positive?

I understand if you just need to vent.

I want to post to get some opinions on what I should do to prevent arguments in our future relationship.  We have been dating for over a year now, and we are not quite paying bills together yet. We don't live together, and if I were to say something about how he spends his money he gets upset because its "his money." I would agree that if he were telling me how to spend my  money I would be upset also. I have although offered him ideas on how I save ( I feel I am pretty good when I need to be).

We do talk alot about our dreams, ambitions, goals, such as buying a house next year.  He seems to have potential to be someone who can do the right thing with his money, but for now he struggles with spending on un-necessary items (im guilty sometimes too). He does admit he knows he has this problem and says he wants to fix it, but he never seems to do anything about it. 

After being with him I see where he gets his "problem" from.  His mom seems to get him out of money ruts all the time. So I don't think he understands that in real life, no one can help him like that.

For now I say who cares, there are other things to worry about, enjoy what you got now.