Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

Hello,

     I am haveing a problem with my husband lieing to me about payday loans. To help everyone understand. Here is our story: My husband and I have been together for 6 years...for at least 4 of them years he has been getting into the payday loans..in other words getting wrapped up in a circle of them. The worst was last year when my Mother had to loan us up to over $3000.00  so he could pay them off....He only told me that at the time he only had 4 checks out for $345.00 each and I was trying to get a loan from my Aunt to pay them off..but then all the sudden it turned into 11 of them out. We were lucky my mother could help us. This is bad..He was paying over $700.00 a month just to keep these places from cashing the checks. He only brings home like $800.00 every two weeks.  We have paid off these checks twice before with Tax money. He always promises me that he won't touch another check. Well I've actually locked the check books in a lock box and hid the keys. I kept one in my purse and wrote down the check number just to keep track of them..he stold them out of the middle. So now..he has 3 checks out for $345.00 each and we are so strapped for cash, we have a total of $64.00 every two weeks to get gas and food with. We get into tight spots..and i've talked to him untill I was blue in the face, he agrees with me and says he will leave them alone...I cannot believe him anymore...I feel like leaveing him, but I love him...He is perfect for me other than this payday loan thing. And I've made him close the checking account before, just to find out he opened another without telling me. I am so stressed. I have no work experience except bbsitting for family, I am a 28 yr. old stay at home mom with a 5 year old son and a baby on the way. I am just at a loss of what to do anymore. It's like a addiction for him...he will even admit it at times with a BUT in there. He makes good money, but it is always going to these darn payday loans. He has no one to bail him out of it this time...we still owe my mom over $3000.00. I think maybe if after I have the baby I can get a job....but we still wouldn't beable to afford daycare costswith these payday loans out. He makes to much money for us to qualify for state assistance. The only thing i see is leaveing him and going on my own, stay with my mom to get on my feet. Anyone have any advise?

Girlfriend, let that man go. 41 years OLD, you better stop and think 10 years down the road. He is going to be tired. You can do bad by yourself, you do not have any children. Girl, you do not want to get caught up in a relationship much less a marriage with this zero.  If he is not esablished now something is wrong all the other women know it, everyone except you. He has bills in his ex name, business went under and people calling for money and you thinking about marrying him. You need to get your head examine, because he has not prepared to marry you. Why do we marry men or live with them when we know they are not up to our expectations? We say we can help them get on their feet, NO let them get on their feet and then look us up. You want to marry someone who has good credit, a house or apartment of his own, his own car and a checking and saving account and no children. Wise up young lady, you too young to be with this man and no money.  

It seems that the situation with adult children is becoming quite common!! You raise them and then you can't get rid of them!!

Actually, the way your husband is treating HIS son is considered ABUSE by many experts, including Dr. Phil. He is continuing to enable a full grown adult (not yet a MAN) and it will not get better until and unless dad or you do something about it. I would guess that your husband is enabling the son out of guilt.......I don't know what the guilt may be.....but the son is more than likely an expert at making dad feel guilty. So here is what I recommend to you......sit down and have a civil discussion with your husband and.....BOTTOM LINE........me or your son. He isn't doing any favors for the "boy" by supporting him in adulthood. No wonder the son doesn't stand on his own two feet......he doesn't need to!! NOTICE: this is not YOUR son, you should not be involved in any discussions between your husband and his son.......but your husband MUST grow a backbone and get this burden off you. I noticed in your "profile" that the son AND his wife is currently living in the house with you and your husband.......that will not work for very long!!

NOW........the lying!! No....not all men are liars. Now a bit of reality to you.......you knew this man before you married him, you knew about the son, and like 90% of women out there.....You thought you could CHANGE him. Remember.....women marry for love......men marry for lust!! It sounds like he lies mostly about or because of the son. Get the son kicked out on his own and then sit down AGAIN with hubby and tell him the lying must stop or he suffers the consequences. Don't make the consequences something you can't back up. If you say it......mean it!!!

The cc debt you speak of is absolutely unacceptable IF much of that debt is because of or due to the son and or his new wife. I think it is GREAT for family members to help other family.....if they can afford it....AND.....there is appreciation from those being helped. NO ONE......especially your age.....should go into debt to support or even....help out....family. REMEMBER......you said you loved the jerk.......so straighten YOUR backbone and claim YOUR home and your RESPECT!!!!!

My husband is secretive about his spending.  He doesn't ever consult me about what he decides to spend on most everything.  He always tells me we can afford whatever I, the children or he want.  The difference between him and me: Everything that I spend, I tell him about it and it is almost always something for the house or the children.  When we were first married, he still had bills from giving his parents money while he was single.  We decided that he would never loan them money again because he now had his own family to support.  Okay, that settled, just this week  I found out he had been donating money to his former high school for the past 15 or so years (which is a private Catholic one).  I was opposed to that as well mostly because I don't agree with Catholic schools nor do I believe he should have kept this from me.

Am I wrong in being finally VERY upset with him and what should I DO about it??

Anybody out there that has something to say, please do so. 

After 5 years of marriage, I am starting to feel uneasy about my wife's inability to pay off her past debt. I would like to mention that I did not find out about it after I was already into the marriage, and also there is the fact that she gets extremely angry if I inquire. 

I came to find about all of this until collectors started calling, at first I just offered help, but only to have her hide her finances and always start a fight. Then there was another attempt by me putting her on one of my credit cards, short story, I cancelled her after it was up to $5000 and no signs of her paying part of it, much less reducing her own. Collectors kept calling. 

Funny twist is that we both have good solid jobs. My finances are in order and I am able to save money while at the same time paying off all bills including mortgage and rent. Yes, living in 2 places. On the other hand, she does not want to ever tell me about her paycheck, or what she does with her money. 

Fortunately and for now, I am not so worry about needing money. I am courious  about the reason and the destination of her earnings; certainly they are not coming to my house. On top of this,  she still refuses to show her credit card statements, while I keep joggling with collectors looking for her. I am a little concerned this is going to hurt me.  

On all other aspects, she acts like the most caring person as long as I dont inquire about finances. Is there any way I can go about this?  

After reading messages on board I know that I am not alone with my problem.  My husband continually racks up credit cards hides them from me and then when I find out he owns up to it and never fails to continue appling for more.  I have an ability to make payments on time so his credit is very good. Because of this he is able to go and apply for credit cards behind my back.  Does he think Im stupid I would never find out, I always do.?

Please give me some advice on what his problem is?