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Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

Number of Replies: 190
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:23:21 am
Author : dataimport
Do you find yourself not telling the whole truth about where the money goes every month? Is your spouse or child untruthful about their spending habits? Share your stories and coping strategies.

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March 16, 2007, 9:06 am CDT

Payday loans are very tricky

Quote From: teysee

Hello,

     I am haveing a problem with my husband lieing to me about payday loans. To help everyone understand. Here is our story: My husband and I have been together for 6 years...for at least 4 of them years he has been getting into the payday loans..in other words getting wrapped up in a circle of them. The worst was last year when my Mother had to loan us up to over $3000.00  so he could pay them off....He only told me that at the time he only had 4 checks out for $345.00 each and I was trying to get a loan from my Aunt to pay them off..but then all the sudden it turned into 11 of them out. We were lucky my mother could help us. This is bad..He was paying over $700.00 a month just to keep these places from cashing the checks. He only brings home like $800.00 every two weeks.  We have paid off these checks twice before with Tax money. He always promises me that he won't touch another check. Well I've actually locked the check books in a lock box and hid the keys. I kept one in my purse and wrote down the check number just to keep track of them..he stold them out of the middle. So now..he has 3 checks out for $345.00 each and we are so strapped for cash, we have a total of $64.00 every two weeks to get gas and food with. We get into tight spots..and i've talked to him untill I was blue in the face, he agrees with me and says he will leave them alone...I cannot believe him anymore...I feel like leaveing him, but I love him...He is perfect for me other than this payday loan thing. And I've made him close the checking account before, just to find out he opened another without telling me. I am so stressed. I have no work experience except bbsitting for family, I am a 28 yr. old stay at home mom with a 5 year old son and a baby on the way. I am just at a loss of what to do anymore. It's like a addiction for him...he will even admit it at times with a BUT in there. He makes good money, but it is always going to these darn payday loans. He has no one to bail him out of it this time...we still owe my mom over $3000.00. I think maybe if after I have the baby I can get a job....but we still wouldn't beable to afford daycare costswith these payday loans out. He makes to much money for us to qualify for state assistance. The only thing i see is leaveing him and going on my own, stay with my mom to get on my feet. Anyone have any advise?

I have heard that payday loans can have interest as much as 100%, which makes them very very hard to get out of. I have never had a payday loan, but I do feel bad for those who do. Your husband actually makes more money than mine does, but we do have resources we can tap into, if the freezer gets low we will butcher a steer (we have a large beef farm). Yet we know what it's like to financially struggle. In 2006 we got selected for TB (Bovine Tuberculosis) testing, that really hurt our pocket book (we had to miss work for the vet and we were both out of vacation days), and we didn't have a choice, it was a state requirement, thank God we were clear, or it could have been a lot worse. Plus farm expenses in general can be very intense, but my husband loves it and I won't force him to give it up. Just keep track of all the finances, down to the penny, and PRAY. We also don't have little ones yet, someday, so I know my finances are nothing like yours. I hope everything works out., God Bless!
 
March 16, 2007, 9:25 am CDT

You pay

Quote From: bigstime

I am your wifes shoes. My husband makes a great deal more money than I do.Up until a few months ago we always had seperate bank accounts and he would often ask me where all of my money went or say things like "you need to find a way to carry your weight around here" At that time I was paying for the groceries, daycare, clothing, and sports for our two children, my student loans, gas, and my cell phone bill. When I could I would pitch in for other bills or expenses but alot of times it wasn't possible due to the high costs of groceries and daycare. I considered getting a second job just to make him see how irrational he was being. But as soon as we started using the same account and he could see first hand where all of my money was going his attitude changed right away. I feel that if your married there should be no your money & my money. There is only one roof over your heads and in order to make things work you should plan your finances together. And to answer your question no the man of the house should not have to pay all. This is not the 1950's.  Also, maybe a way of settling the income tax dispute- save it to use on your next vacation or a large item purchase for your home.
I agree with you 100%. I actually pay all of the house bills with my tiny income, but I do leave some bills for my husband to pay. We share one checking account, always have. When my husband has a money fit, which is about once a year (male PMS I call it), he will threaten to get his own checking account. I just tell him to go ahead, but when he starts bouncing checks to not come crying to me, before we met he would spend more money than he made. Guess what, he has never gotten his own account either. My husband also makes a lot more money than I do, but we have the philosophy that my/his money is OUR money.
 
March 17, 2007, 6:54 pm CDT

marriage and mondy

 my husband & I have been married for 7 years; together for 10.  He contantly lies to me about giving his loser 28-yr old son money.  It has gone on as long as we have been together.  I was figuring that the kid would growup and learn, or at least  try to support himself by now, especially now that he has been married now for a year.    Shame on me.   It was one thing to "help" the kid out every month, but now it is severely cutting into our financial ability to pay OUR bills.  My husband is retired now, with me still working.  I am so tired of working my rear off, so his kid can sit on his butt and do nothing.  God forbid that the wife should get pregnant; we would be supporting three people then.  That will be the day I leave. 
The  trouble is, I love this big jerk.  Other than this problem, we get along great; but then, how great can it be when I cannot trust him with anything he tells me.
I have come to the conclusion that most all men are liars in some form or another. . . at least I have not met one.  I am getting way too old to put up with this stuff.
 
March 18, 2007, 8:34 am CDT

Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: delachae

Girlfriend, let that man go. 41 years OLD, you better stop and think 10 years down the road. He is going to be tired. You can do bad by yourself, you do not have any children. Girl, you do not want to get caught up in a relationship much less a marriage with this zero.  If he is not esablished now something is wrong all the other women know it, everyone except you. He has bills in his ex name, business went under and people calling for money and you thinking about marrying him. You need to get your head examine, because he has not prepared to marry you. Why do we marry men or live with them when we know they are not up to our expectations? We say we can help them get on their feet, NO let them get on their feet and then look us up. You want to marry someone who has good credit, a house or apartment of his own, his own car and a checking and saving account and no children. Wise up young lady, you too young to be with this man and no money.  

 All I can say, is DON'T DO IT!  As much as I love my husband, I would never marry him again, if I had to do it over.  The lying never stops, no matter how much you want to trust him. . . and just when you are feeling good about your relationship, and you think you will be okay. . . BLAM!   You discover yet another lie; sometimes worse than the last.  My Dad always said, "a leopard never changes his spots".  I have found this out the very hard way.  Now I do not know how to get out, nor, if I can emotionally. 
All I can say, if you stay with him, keep your independence, and do not marry him.  His bills become your bills.  We are now in the excess of $15,000.+ in cc debt.  I think I am getting them off, and I get a new cc bill in the mail, from a new cc company.  Let him go!
y.
 
March 18, 2007, 6:27 pm CDT

IS THE PROBLEM HIS SON OR LYING??

Quote From: pipery

 my husband & I have been married for 7 years; together for 10.  He contantly lies to me about giving his loser 28-yr old son money.  It has gone on as long as we have been together.  I was figuring that the kid would growup and learn, or at least  try to support himself by now, especially now that he has been married now for a year.    Shame on me.   It was one thing to "help" the kid out every month, but now it is severely cutting into our financial ability to pay OUR bills.  My husband is retired now, with me still working.  I am so tired of working my rear off, so his kid can sit on his butt and do nothing.  God forbid that the wife should get pregnant; we would be supporting three people then.  That will be the day I leave. 
The  trouble is, I love this big jerk.  Other than this problem, we get along great; but then, how great can it be when I cannot trust him with anything he tells me.
I have come to the conclusion that most all men are liars in some form or another. . . at least I have not met one.  I am getting way too old to put up with this stuff.

It seems that the situation with adult children is becoming quite common!! You raise them and then you can't get rid of them!!

 

Actually, the way your husband is treating HIS son is considered ABUSE by many experts, including Dr. Phil. He is continuing to enable a full grown adult (not yet a MAN) and it will not get better until and unless dad or you do something about it. I would guess that your husband is enabling the son out of guilt.......I don't know what the guilt may be.....but the son is more than likely an expert at making dad feel guilty. So here is what I recommend to you......sit down and have a civil discussion with your husband and.....BOTTOM LINE........me or your son. He isn't doing any favors for the "boy" by supporting him in adulthood. No wonder the son doesn't stand on his own two feet......he doesn't need to!! NOTICE: this is not YOUR son, you should not be involved in any discussions between your husband and his son.......but your husband MUST grow a backbone and get this burden off you. I noticed in your "profile" that the son AND his wife is currently living in the house with you and your husband.......that will not work for very long!!

 

NOW........the lying!! No....not all men are liars. Now a bit of reality to you.......you knew this man before you married him, you knew about the son, and like 90% of women out there.....You thought you could CHANGE him. Remember.....women marry for love......men marry for lust!! It sounds like he lies mostly about or because of the son. Get the son kicked out on his own and then sit down AGAIN with hubby and tell him the lying must stop or he suffers the consequences. Don't make the consequences something you can't back up. If you say it......mean it!!!

 

The cc debt you speak of is absolutely unacceptable IF much of that debt is because of or due to the son and or his new wife. I think it is GREAT for family members to help other family.....if they can afford it....AND.....there is appreciation from those being helped. NO ONE......especially your age.....should go into debt to support or even....help out....family. REMEMBER......you said you loved the jerk.......so straighten YOUR backbone and claim YOUR home and your RESPECT!!!!!

 
March 19, 2007, 8:33 am CDT

Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: caddyguy

It seems that the situation with adult children is becoming quite common!! You raise them and then you can't get rid of them!!

 

Actually, the way your husband is treating HIS son is considered ABUSE by many experts, including Dr. Phil. He is continuing to enable a full grown adult (not yet a MAN) and it will not get better until and unless dad or you do something about it. I would guess that your husband is enabling the son out of guilt.......I don't know what the guilt may be.....but the son is more than likely an expert at making dad feel guilty. So here is what I recommend to you......sit down and have a civil discussion with your husband and.....BOTTOM LINE........me or your son. He isn't doing any favors for the "boy" by supporting him in adulthood. No wonder the son doesn't stand on his own two feet......he doesn't need to!! NOTICE: this is not YOUR son, you should not be involved in any discussions between your husband and his son.......but your husband MUST grow a backbone and get this burden off you. I noticed in your "profile" that the son AND his wife is currently living in the house with you and your husband.......that will not work for very long!!

 

NOW........the lying!! No....not all men are liars. Now a bit of reality to you.......you knew this man before you married him, you knew about the son, and like 90% of women out there.....You thought you could CHANGE him. Remember.....women marry for love......men marry for lust!! It sounds like he lies mostly about or because of the son. Get the son kicked out on his own and then sit down AGAIN with hubby and tell him the lying must stop or he suffers the consequences. Don't make the consequences something you can't back up. If you say it......mean it!!!

 

The cc debt you speak of is absolutely unacceptable IF much of that debt is because of or due to the son and or his new wife. I think it is GREAT for family members to help other family.....if they can afford it....AND.....there is appreciation from those being helped. NO ONE......especially your age.....should go into debt to support or even....help out....family. REMEMBER......you said you loved the jerk.......so straighten YOUR backbone and claim YOUR home and your RESPECT!!!!!

 I appreciate the feedback.  You are right, it is my husband.  He created this mess, and it is up to him to clean it up.  The kid and wife have been "kicked out" by me, since Sept.  He is no longer allowed in my house, due to many abusive things he has done to our home, and things he has said and done directed at me.  My backbone is straight.   I have "packed up" and have been in the process of moving out two times now.  This time I am holding my ground.  If anyone leaves, husband is going to.  I have told him that if he feels he needs to support his kid, then they should all live in the kid's house.  He has NO backbone when it comes to this kid.  I appreciate you reiterating what I already know and feel.  It IS me & our marriage, or the kid.   If he wants me, he does need to get this burden off of me. 
What has been so heart wrenching, is that when I was diagnosed w/breast cancer 8-yrs ago, My husband was there for me every step of the way, and he wanted to marry me in spite of my having a bald head, and being sick.  I keep thinking of how it was, and how it is now, and can't understand how things have changed so much.  It is so clearly his kid, and only his kid, now.  
And for the record, I have always known I could not change my husband; just thought I would be able to live with it.
A question:  this kid is adopted.  WHAT is it with parents that think if they don't give every thing to this "poor little kid" that "no one wanted", that he won't love him?  I have asked my husband, since day one with him, that because I tell my kids no, does that mean I love them less than he loves his?
Thanks again for the feedback.
Y.
 
March 20, 2007, 10:27 pm CDT

Gambling and Lying

Houston! We have a problem.  My husband has blown it and we need to make a change for all of us.  We have 3 children (Oldest 26 lives own his own and receive SSI-Love Him) (Middle 19 going to college out of state-Love her) (17 Junior in High School-want a car and not driving yet-Love Her).  I am a God fearing Women, who Loves the Lord.  On Sunday's when I go to church, my Husband goes to the Casino.  He is a deceitful man.  When I am getting ready for church we we will have  conversations before I leave, he never ever mentions or give an indication that he will be going to the Casino.  But, when I get home and see that his truck is gone, I know where he is.  I have explained to him that all he has to do is tell me that he is going.  But, he has never told me.  This has been going on for at least 10 years.  There was times when he would go every day when he got back from IRAQ until one night I went and got a hotel room and prayed to GOD that he stop.  He has spent thousands of dollars and he thinks I should never say any thing because he is a MAN and he is not a child.  The children knows what he is doing and what he is about.

 

  Well! guess what?  We Refi our home and while the money is waiting for someone to do the work on the house, my husband has gone on a spending spree to the Casino.  He thinks this is okay.  He has spent $4000.00 in 2months, I moved the money to my account.  OOOH guess what!  My Husband went to IRAQ when the war started 4 years ago.  He came back and filed for VA benefits.  I found out that he has been getting this money for at least 3 years.  I just found out because we have separate bank accounts and had to review his account for REFI reasons.  He found his bank statements for me and as I was reviewing them I saw the VA amount being received.  I asked him when did he start receiving this.  He stated to me he did not have to tell me anything because he got hurt and IRAQ and that was HIS money.  I will be calling the VA to see if the children and my self was used for the amount he is receiving.  I could not believe what had just came out of his mouth.  We had the biggest fight in a very long time.  This man has lied about money for a long time.  He often receive bonus at work and never says a word.  I have had it with this man.  Seems like he is praising the Casino, while I am praising the Lord.  I asked my husband if we need to get a divorce?  Do you know what his answer was?  Do what you think you need to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Anytime this man is confronted, he place the blame on me and he never admits that he is wrong.  He never apologies about anything.  There is so much more in this relationship that I can not tell you at this time, because it will blow you away.  I have been with this man for 26 years and married for 4 years. I can leave now and get over it.   I love this man as a human being but, I am not in LOVE with him and I feel he is not in LOVE with me.  Although, he has stated that he Love's me more than I would ever know.  He is the father of all children.  I do not want to leave my home until I get it fix and I know it is going to take an act of GOD to remove him.  But, we have to do something.  I know you may say leave him.  Well,  it is not that easy.  We have lived in this state for 26 years with no family and all we have is each other.  He is waiting for me to make this change, which is so selfish of him.  We can not communicate with each other  because we end up in a argument.  I pray to GOD for him and waiting for an answer.  Please tell me in your opinion what is this?  I am so frustrated, angry and all the above?

 
March 20, 2007, 11:11 pm CDT

Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: politicalmom

My husband is secretive about his spending.  He doesn't ever consult me about what he decides to spend on most everything.  He always tells me we can afford whatever I, the children or he want.  The difference between him and me: Everything that I spend, I tell him about it and it is almost always something for the house or the children.  When we were first married, he still had bills from giving his parents money while he was single.  We decided that he would never loan them money again because he now had his own family to support.  Okay, that settled, just this week  I found out he had been donating money to his former high school for the past 15 or so years (which is a private Catholic one).  I was opposed to that as well mostly because I don't agree with Catholic schools nor do I believe he should have kept this from me.

 

Am I wrong in being finally VERY upset with him and what should I DO about it??

This is the same thing I told my husband about being secretive.  No you are not wrong.  Why do you think he feels like it should be secretive?  Because he knows how you would feel about it?  Like if you found out, you would kill him.  Some Men are so stupid!!!!!!!!!!
 
March 20, 2007, 11:23 pm CDT

What else is being hidden?

Quote From: keacrn

Anybody out there that has something to say, please do so. 

  

After 5 years of marriage, I am starting to feel uneasy about my wife's inability to pay off her past debt. I would like to mention that I did not find out about it after I was already into the marriage, and also there is the fact that she gets extremely angry if I inquire. 

  

I came to find about all of this until collectors started calling, at first I just offered help, but only to have her hide her finances and always start a fight. Then there was another attempt by me putting her on one of my credit cards, short story, I cancelled her after it was up to $5000 and no signs of her paying part of it, much less reducing her own. Collectors kept calling. 

  

Funny twist is that we both have good solid jobs. My finances are in order and I am able to save money while at the same time paying off all bills including mortgage and rent. Yes, living in 2 places. On the other hand, she does not want to ever tell me about her paycheck, or what she does with her money. 

  

Fortunately and for now, I am not so worry about needing money. I am courious  about the reason and the destination of her earnings; certainly they are not coming to my house. On top of this,  she still refuses to show her credit card statements, while I keep joggling with collectors looking for her. I am a little concerned this is going to hurt me.  

  

On all other aspects, she acts like the most caring person as long as I dont inquire about finances. Is there any way I can go about this?  

My Husband also gets up set.  This is so wrong, what else is being hidden?  You better start searching to see what is going on.  When someone really Loves you, they would not do anything to hurt you.  The reason the she gets angry is because she knows that she is wrong.
 
April 22, 2007, 3:15 am CDT

Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: mayfalls

After reading messages on board I know that I am not alone with my problem.  My husband continually racks up credit cards hides them from me and then when I find out he owns up to it and never fails to continue appling for more.  I have an ability to make payments on time so his credit is very good. Because of this he is able to go and apply for credit cards behind my back.  Does he think Im stupid I would never find out, I always do.?

 

Please give me some advice on what his problem is?

 

It's easy to see what your husband's problem is: it's you!  Do not pay his credit card debts!  Let him find more work and pay them himself.  Does he think you are stupid?  Yes, he thinks you are so stupid that you will keep paying.
 
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