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Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

Number of Replies: 190
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:23:21 am
Author : dataimport
Do you find yourself not telling the whole truth about where the money goes every month? Is your spouse or child untruthful about their spending habits? Share your stories and coping strategies.

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July 17, 2007, 1:51 pm CDT

MOM - GIVE YOUR DAUGHTER GOOD ADVICE...

Quote From: flamingo14

My daughter is grown and married, and has a 2 year old son and another son on the way. she has 2 degrees including a BA in Business. (the first member of our family to get a finish college) Her husband has a degree in Graphic Arts. He has not found a job yet. He graduated over a year ago. He has been running a sole proprietorship business from home for years. It doesn't make much money, but does give them a tax benefit. They recently mover to Seattle Washington so she could take a great paying job. Well now she is pregnant with her 2nd son, and facing overwhelming financial problems. She would not like to work after the new baby is born, but since she is the main breadwinner of the family and they have racked up quite a debt she may have to. However since she had some health concerns with the birth of her first child, Medical reasons my prevent her from going back to work right away any way. Her husband is reluctant to close down the business, and can't seem to find a job in his chosen field. They both have student loans due, there are doctor bills from the first baby's birth, and numerous other bills piled up. My daughter is very smart with money and bills, but so many emergencies have hit her in the last 2 years, the bills have grown and now the stress of it all threatens her pregnancy, and her marriage. The movers lost many of their things, including the crib, The house they are renting has ants and many structural problems, and the only family she has (myself and her brother) lives pretty far from her, so there is no one to babysit or come by to comfort her. They are at a crossroads now. I can not help financially, as I am disabled and have no money myself. She is looking for a dept counselor that won't charge her much to help her set a new plan to get out of dept. And I think her husband need someone to advise him on closing down the business and get a full time job. I am worried sick about her. since she was 7 years old I have done everything I could to take care of my little family, Myself, My daughter and my Son ( who has bi-polar disorder) . Is there anyone out there who can help me help her? does anyone know of help in Seattle? It's not as though she was running a much with a credit card, buying shoes and purses. She has  been working since she was 16 and put herself through college and supported herself, her husband and her own children for years now.  She is a very responsible woman.  I just can't stand to hear her cry over the phone, knowing I can help. I can't even watch my grandson while she goes to the movies for a couple of hours to forget about her problems.  I am sure some of you know, no mater how old they are, they will alway be you little child you want to hold in your arms.

 

A Loving Mom

 

 

FLAMINGO14......Sounds to me like your daughter is the only one making any money to amount to anything!! Boy was the timing bad to get pregnant again!! Well......too late now....but I would recommend to your daughter NOT to get pregnant again until they are more financially stable. I'm sure she knows.....there are ways to avoid getting pregnant.

 

HUSBAND......needs to make his JOB......finding a JOB!! He is married now and his FIRST responsibility is to his FAMILY!! It doesn't matter that it may not be in his "chosen" field....he needs to bring money into the household....PERIOD!! He has a College education, he needs to use it. That alone would remove a terrific amount of stress from your daughter. HE NEEDS TO GET A JOB!!!

 

MOM......you need to let your daughter know that you will be there for her when the baby is due.....don't give me excuses.....if you must.....take a Bus to Seattle. She needs to know that she can count on you. Give her all the support you can. Sounds to me like she has been a strong woman most of her life and this is no time for her to give up. Give her encouragement.....only "positive" words and do not remind her of any "Medical Risk" when having the baby.

 

ADVICE.......you may recommend that your daughter visit one of these Message Boards and seek help. There are several that give great "financial" advice and I am sure they could help her....at the very least.....point her in the right direction.

 

MY OPINION.....anyone who has been out of work for a year is not trying very hard to find a JOB. I don't care about his "sole proprietorship" business.....it does not produce enough money to support the family.....he is using it as an excuse to avoid doing what he should be doing.....and that is.....accepting RESPONSIBILITY!!

 
July 28, 2007, 10:11 am CDT

gambling

Married 13yrs, this is my 2nd marriage. My husband and I are self-employeed, electrical contracting. My hsband keeps all money matters from me, I am not on any checking acct. for R business, or any credit cards. He says he doesn't trust me...He lies to me about his time and says hes working "hard" and "late", he use to be a hard worker, but even when I know he's gambling he lies about it...He is very controlling, and abusive, some physical, alot emotionally, and verbal... before the "GAMBLING", he was a completely different man, and husband...
 
August 22, 2007, 5:07 pm CDT

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

What a miserable life! LOL 

I got in this relationship with a man, that I had been seeing for 18 months.

We moved in together Feb this year.  He bought a house and put it in my name, says this is his way of showing his committment to me!?!  Ok.

I wasn't working at the time, and it bothered me cause I really wanted my own money to spend as I needed and wanted to.

He told me that His money was my money, and did want to put me on his account, which I chose not to, because that was too fast for me.

Well, here it is 8 months later, I have been making sure the bills are paid, I pay them right when we receive them, and taking care of things around here.

Well, he signs me 2-3 checks each pay period (2x a month) and I usually will fill them out to me, and get the cash and use as I want and need, includes any expenses that may come up for the house, and groceries, gas, etc.

Ok, he sees a bank statement and there were checks that I had written out to myself, and they totaled 3100.00 for a month.  He was IRATE, and said I stoled money from him, etc.  Now, mind you I have every single receipt !!

He has been so upset about it, he won't listen to me and doesn't even want to see the receipts.  Whats up with that? 

I do love him, but he says he isnt' sure he loves me and that he cannot trust me. That kills me, didn't realize I had been doing anything wrong, and for him to be so harsh? 

I don't know what to do. I am torn. I told him that if it was my intention to steal from him, which it isn't in my nature to do, that is why it tore me apart when he said that, I would have done a much better job and RAN....LOL

Is it fair that he is being so hard on me?  

I have never known a couple that if they have any type of problems, for them to turn on each other, with name calling, etc. and not try to "resolve" the problem.

What do you think?  I need some feedback as to whether I am stupid, or what??

 

 
August 22, 2007, 5:08 pm CDT

Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: boowhoo

Married 13yrs, this is my 2nd marriage. My husband and I are self-employeed, electrical contracting. My hsband keeps all money matters from me, I am not on any checking acct. for R business, or any credit cards. He says he doesn't trust me...He lies to me about his time and says hes working "hard" and "late", he use to be a hard worker, but even when I know he's gambling he lies about it...He is very controlling, and abusive, some physical, alot emotionally, and verbal... before the "GAMBLING", he was a completely different man, and husband...
GET OUT!!
 
September 11, 2007, 8:36 am CDT

My Fiance's A Spendthrift...And This Time Lied About It!

My fiance is a bit of a spender and is horrible at managing money.  I will definitely have to be the accountant in our marriage ;)  However, I don't mind this at all because it's I what I do best (I'm a business major after all!).  When we first met, he was over $11,000 in debt...most of it was on his 4-wheeler and a bank loan he took out to buy his Jeep.  He also owed $900 on his cell phone (he claims his job ran up his cell phone bill).  The rest was various smaller accounts such as one credit card account and a PayPal account.

 

Since then, he let his 4-wheeler go...which helped a LOT!  And he payed off his PayPal account.  Now he still owes the cell phone bill and the bank note, about $420 on his credit card, and about $400 to the college for some courses he's taken.  A while back he'd been blowing money on hunting supplies (he's an avid hunter!) and it caused him to get WAY behind on his bills.  I had a serious talk with him and we made an agreement to both get out of debt before we get married (I'm a college student and have some college expenses to pay off).  As an incentive, I told him that I would put off the wedding until he gets out of debt...however long that takes is up to him!  ;)  lol!   Well, he's been doing much better since then.  However, he has recently done some backsliding.  He went and spent $120 on a rifle that his boss sold him.  He told my dad about it and asked him not to tell me because I "would be mad."  Well my dad told my mom about it, and my mom of course told me.  He says that the $120 was given to him by his grandmother to help him pay his school expenses, and that he just used the money from his paycheck to cover the school expenses instead.  BUT now he does not have the money to make his credit card payment on time!  And besides, we had a deal!  Neither one of us was gonna spend money on anything we didn't need!  All our money was supposed to be dedicated to getting out of debt so that we could get married and start fresh!  I was gonna have all my college expenses paid off and he was gonna have all his debts paid off!  Our wedding is scheduled for March 15 and he doesn't make much money at his job, so he can't afford to be frivolous!

 

What angered me so much is that he made me feel like not only could I not trust him with money, but I also could not trust him to be honest with me about money!  I was so angry with him that I called his grandmother and told her where the money went that she gave him!  I might should not have done this, but I was so angry and I felt like she had a right to know. 

 

I know that this will make things difficult in our marriage, but I also know that these difficulties can be managed with set guidelines and communication.  But any opinions and advice would be very much appreciated.

 
September 12, 2007, 2:27 pm CDT

hiding money problems

I have taken my husband off the account-he still could write checks off my account!   He also would write counter checks and not put them down in the check book register.   We bank in a small town bank.

He then hides overdrafts, and bank statements from me, so I have no idea where the account is even at?  He helps get it straighten out by going to the bank and getting another loan, just to put us in the same position 3 months down the road.  I am at my wits end with stressing over the money and 3 kids to raise and a huge mortgage to pay.

He has been doing this all through our 14 years of marriage.  I have talked to his parents about it, no help there.  Taken him off the checking account, open a new account.  Doesn't matter, her writes checks and hides things from me.

 
September 21, 2007, 10:55 am CDT

Your business now

Quote From: luckylady3

I live with my fiance and have been for about 2 years- we've been together for three years.  I leave my bills and pay stubs out- he knows what debts I have and how much money I make- but he is extremely secretive.   I've asked him to be more open about it - he says he'll try- he hasn't- and that for him money is tied to pride and his sense of self-worth and he has a hard time talking about it.  I've seen some docs (via some snooping which began accidentally, then the curiosity got the best of me) which shows he owes the IRS thousands of dollars and how much he made a couple years back.  He doesn't know that I know about this.  He bounces checks frequently- those little slips from the bank that come in the mail are unmistakable.   I think I make about twice what he does and i know he probably feels shy about his financial situation.  At what point does it become my business?  Now that we're engaged, or only once we're married?  I feel for you and your situation; I think as your relationship becomes more serious you have an increased right to know, but I'm not sure exactly where to draw that line.  I will say though that if you're not engaged, and don't share any financial responsibilities, you don't have a right to know just yet.  But I can't say for sure where to draw the line.  I also wonder if I'm being too nosy since we're not yet married....  any suggestions for me to encourage him to share?  Do I tell him what I know? 

  

  

I would not wish to marry someone who did not know how to earn and take care of money.
 
October 2, 2007, 9:14 am CDT

My husband lies to his employer

I found my husband typing up a fake invoice for a hotel stay to send into his employer.  He will be  reimbursed $120.00 for this. Needless to say, he did not stay at the hotel or incurr these charges.  I confronted him and he basically told me to butt out.  I asked him if he was the employer; how would

he like someone doing that to him.  He basically acted like they "owe" him, because he "loses" money

and spends more than what they allow him for reimbursement of his travel/work expenses.  I am not

okay with this and makes me feel uneasy being married to someone who is "dishonest".  How do I

deal with this?  Do I just leave it alone and realize people have different views?

 
October 2, 2007, 10:34 am CDT

Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: jams789

I found my husband typing up a fake invoice for a hotel stay to send into his employer.  He will be  reimbursed $120.00 for this. Needless to say, he did not stay at the hotel or incurr these charges.  I confronted him and he basically told me to butt out.  I asked him if he was the employer; how would

he like someone doing that to him.  He basically acted like they "owe" him, because he "loses" money

and spends more than what they allow him for reimbursement of his travel/work expenses.  I am not

okay with this and makes me feel uneasy being married to someone who is "dishonest".  How do I

deal with this?  Do I just leave it alone and realize people have different views?

Not when it comes to issues that involve both of you (money). What else is he lying about or not telling you. How can he tell you to butt out... how about GET OUT

 

 
October 2, 2007, 10:57 am CDT

Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: artamis_1982

My husband is very bad with money, so I handle all of the finances and I tell him the balance of the check book after every purchase, even though I'm sure he doesn't care. I will not give him the check book, because he thinks we are millionaires and I know the truth, yet if he needs something I will give him a check or two, if we have the money to cover what he wants/needs. Before we met he was the king of bouncing checks. Let me add that I do spoil him, a lot.
I only make 1/4 as much money as he does, I work part-time and take care of the house (cook, clean, do laundry etc.) and he works full time and we also have a farm. He does have a very very bad habit of buying things be hind my back, he takes out loans, and it's not just $100 here and there, it's more like $5,000 here and there. He takes out at least one loan per year and doesn't tell me about it, I find out when the bank sends him a late statement in the mail. He usually has two responses "You weren't supposed to find out." or "When you make as much money as I do, then you can have an opinion." He does find little ways of paying for his loans, like selling something he doesn't use/need anymore, he never pays the loans with his paychecks. I did consult his banker about this and he told me that even though I am his spouse it was none of my business. Needless to say my husband is forbidden to see this banker anymore, and he doesn't, it's a new one, ha ha.
Let me add that with my little income I pay ALL of the house bills plus 1/2 of our vehicle payment which adds up to $600/month and he pays his 1/2 of the payment and car insurance which adds up to $350/month (we do not have a mortgage, thank God our house/farm is paid for). I told my husband that I will never get a full-time job (yet I desperately want one, I just won't tell him that) because I know that he will stick me with everything and he will spend his money on what he wants (farm toys). When I say that I never get a response. Is that because he knows that is what will happen? The funny thing is that he will watch Dr.Phil with me and he agrees that when a woman cleans and cooks(takes care of the house), that qualifies as a job. Yet I believe he doesn't think that concept applies to me. I love him, yet I want to strangle him, Ha ha ha.
My husband has said some of the very same things!  Farmer also!  OMG
 
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