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Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

Number of Replies: 190
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:23:21 am
Author : dataimport
Do you find yourself not telling the whole truth about where the money goes every month? Is your spouse or child untruthful about their spending habits? Share your stories and coping strategies.

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October 5, 2007, 5:49 am CDT

My adult child is in financial ruin

Here's my situation: My daughter made some really stupid choices and is in big trouble financially and legally. Of course, she has come to us for help. She has 2 children. My problem is that I am feeling so many emotions and don't want to see anything happen to the kids. My husband and I don't have the kind of money to get her out of this mess and will gladly give her emotional support and take care of the kids but I know she expects money.  I'm angry, hurt, worried, can't sleep or eat and don't know what is the best move to help her. The father of the youngest child is in the picture but of no help and will probably bail on her. This is certainly nothing I have ever thought would happen and I am dumbfounded as to what to do. You think you've raised them right and when they are grown, you don't expect this. Anyone else been through a similar situation? What did yo do?
 
October 5, 2007, 2:55 pm CDT

Major Spending / Lying Issues

Hi!  I am new to this board, but have been posting on others.

 

After reading quite a few of your postings, I have to tell my story. 

All of you are referring to someone else who did you wrong.  Well, I'm the one who did wrong to my husband, his family who had to get involved, and of course myself.

 

I am the one who ran up 13 Credit Cards to the max and then some.  I am the one who lied about how much money I was making at my job, not to mention what my position with the company was.

 

I was so afraid to tell my husband the truth for fear that I would end up either alone, in jail or dead. 

Well, so far, I am none of those things.  All of this happened within the past year.  2006 was my year from hell, where I put myself in some sort of Fantasy World or Dream World when it came to money and power. 

Don't ask me why or what triggered it, because I have yet to figure it all out.

 

My husband started asking questions in October 2006.  I only gave him the answers to the questions he asked, I didn't not tell the entire truth.  The whole truth finally came out around February 2007.  Numerous times between October 2006 and February 2007 I was so frightened for my life!

Not that background matters, but when you hear that Italians have bad tempers, they do!

My husband turned into a horrible creature, I honestly and truly thought he was going to kill me several times.

 

To this day, I am still afraid for my life, not as much, but I never know if I am going to set him off by something I say or do.

 

I am waiting for a $2500 payment for monies owed to me from my employer, which I have been waiting for for about 3 months now.  I keep being told next week, next week.  Next week comes and my money never comes.  I have only been here for 8 months and really need the job, as my husband is retired (20 yrs older than me).  Every Friday, I am afraid to go home because I don't have the money to give to my husband and show him I am telling the truth.  Obviously, he does not believe me that it is coming. 

 

I am working on getting enough money together to buy Dr. Phil's SELF MATTERS and work my way through that. 

 

I am so depresses, scared, worried, confused, and any other down beat emotion you want to put in.

 

HELP!!!!!

 

 
October 26, 2007, 1:52 pm CDT

DID SHE ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE??

Quote From: bigheart4kids

Here's my situation: My daughter made some really stupid choices and is in big trouble financially and legally. Of course, she has come to us for help. She has 2 children. My problem is that I am feeling so many emotions and don't want to see anything happen to the kids. My husband and I don't have the kind of money to get her out of this mess and will gladly give her emotional support and take care of the kids but I know she expects money.  I'm angry, hurt, worried, can't sleep or eat and don't know what is the best move to help her. The father of the youngest child is in the picture but of no help and will probably bail on her. This is certainly nothing I have ever thought would happen and I am dumbfounded as to what to do. You think you've raised them right and when they are grown, you don't expect this. Anyone else been through a similar situation? What did yo do?

BIGHEART4KIDS......Did your daughter ask for your advice before she made the bad choices you speak about?? We are sorry that you are forced to deal with the situation, it always hurts when one of your children gets into trouble. We have, in the past, had to help our own adult children. Here is my advice to you:

 

Financial Help: Never go into debt to help your children!! Never give them more than you can afford to do without!! (they probably will never pay it back) Don't expect to get the money back. Chances are that your daughter did not come to you for advice, the mistakes she made were her choice and you would not be doing her justice to "bail her out" of trouble. You can however, sit down with her and develop a PLAN to help her get out of trouble. Most  debtors will negotiate a settlement.....although they may not be too nice about it......document any "good faith" offers you make and keep records of such.

 

Legal Problems: We assume that you are talking about a Lawsuit rather than a "criminal" offense. If a debtor is threatening to sue her......they hardly ever do. If....a Suit has already been filed....she needs to hire an Attorney to defend her. Try to settle out of Court. Again.....document events and keep records.

 

Father: You are probably right about Dad.....he'll run from responsibility. It angers me that so many guys will bring children into this world and then run like a scared rabbit!! If....by some leap of faith....he does not run.....he should be financially responsible for his own child.....not you!!

 

Emotional Support: If that is all you have to offer....that alone is HUGE!! You would be the best one in the world to take care of the children. Your daughter should be eternally grateful that you were willing to care for her children. You.....on the other hand.....need to calm down and be strong for your daughter. I don't mean "solve her problems" for her but be prepared to give her good advice.

 

What We Did: First I discussed it with my wife and we agreed to help both financially and emotionally. I then drew up papers (Promissory Note) that she (daughter) would promise to educate herself on how to be financially responsible and demanded proof of such. I explained that we were not a "revolving door" and this offer would not be repeated in the future. She complied and today is doing well, financially.

 

HOPE THIS HELPS!!

 
October 26, 2007, 2:36 pm CDT

CAN YOU SPELL "BETRAYED"

Quote From: lori043002

Hi!  I am new to this board, but have been posting on others.

 

After reading quite a few of your postings, I have to tell my story. 

All of you are referring to someone else who did you wrong.  Well, I'm the one who did wrong to my husband, his family who had to get involved, and of course myself.

 

I am the one who ran up 13 Credit Cards to the max and then some.  I am the one who lied about how much money I was making at my job, not to mention what my position with the company was.

 

I was so afraid to tell my husband the truth for fear that I would end up either alone, in jail or dead. 

Well, so far, I am none of those things.  All of this happened within the past year.  2006 was my year from hell, where I put myself in some sort of Fantasy World or Dream World when it came to money and power. 

Don't ask me why or what triggered it, because I have yet to figure it all out.

 

My husband started asking questions in October 2006.  I only gave him the answers to the questions he asked, I didn't not tell the entire truth.  The whole truth finally came out around February 2007.  Numerous times between October 2006 and February 2007 I was so frightened for my life!

Not that background matters, but when you hear that Italians have bad tempers, they do!

My husband turned into a horrible creature, I honestly and truly thought he was going to kill me several times.

 

To this day, I am still afraid for my life, not as much, but I never know if I am going to set him off by something I say or do.

 

I am waiting for a $2500 payment for monies owed to me from my employer, which I have been waiting for for about 3 months now.  I keep being told next week, next week.  Next week comes and my money never comes.  I have only been here for 8 months and really need the job, as my husband is retired (20 yrs older than me).  Every Friday, I am afraid to go home because I don't have the money to give to my husband and show him I am telling the truth.  Obviously, he does not believe me that it is coming. 

 

I am working on getting enough money together to buy Dr. Phil's SELF MATTERS and work my way through that. 

 

I am so depresses, scared, worried, confused, and any other down beat emotion you want to put in.

 

HELP!!!!!

 

LORI043002.....You betrayed his TRUST and to top it all.....you did not stop until you got caught!!! What kind of reaction would you expect from your husband?? Did you think he would place a "Gold Star" on your forehead and tell you everything would be O.K.?? The damage you have done....and you admitted to it.....will take years to clear up.

 

The money that your employer owes you needs to come.....or....you need to report them to the Federal Agency that controls wages. Even if you do need the job, your employer probably knows about your family problems and should what is right and get your money to you.

 

The best thing you can do is to slowly begin to re-build trust with your husband. You should sit down with him and discuss the best way for you to do that. If it means that you do not get any money to control....so be it!! Your life should be an open book.....no hiding, no lying, no cheating.....just be an open book!! Eventually, the trust will come back and you should treasure that day. Frankly, I believe YOU do know why you did what you did.....and did not plan to stop, even if you spent your "Family" into homelessness. GROW UP GIRL AND BECOME AN ADULT!!!

 
October 31, 2007, 3:50 pm CDT

Husband lying about money

My husband and I have been married for 12 years and had what I thought was a good, honest relationship.  I have recently found out that he has been completely lying to me about our finances.  He has had total control of the finances during our marriage.  Although he makes a great deal of money, I have now found out that he has not been paying major bills and also that he has taken significant money out of our equity line of credit on the house without my knowledge or consent. 

 

As this has just come to light in the past few days, I just don't know what to do about it.  I just found out about the home equity line of credit this morning.  I feel I cannot even speak with him at this point, as I am so hurt and so angry.

 

Any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated.

 
November 13, 2007, 9:59 am CST

Good luck

Quote From: liebchen

My husband and I have been married for 12 years and had what I thought was a good, honest relationship.  I have recently found out that he has been completely lying to me about our finances.  He has had total control of the finances during our marriage.  Although he makes a great deal of money, I have now found out that he has not been paying major bills and also that he has taken significant money out of our equity line of credit on the house without my knowledge or consent. 

 

As this has just come to light in the past few days, I just don't know what to do about it.  I just found out about the home equity line of credit this morning.  I feel I cannot even speak with him at this point, as I am so hurt and so angry.

 

Any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated.

What else is he lying to you about?  I have the same type of problem.  My husband has

forged my signature on large bank loans that I was unaware of until after the fact.  He

had purchased a collectors car for $30K which I knew nothing about.  I didn't find out that he

even had this vehicle until we were at a family function and his family member started to talk

about it (thinking I knew).  Boy, did I feel dumb not even knowing!  People do make mistakes. 

 We are currently still trying to work thru this in our marriage.  I don't know if I am willing to sacrifice "trustworthiness" with my spouse to stay in a marriage??  My concern for you is that more than likely

there are more things under the rug that you don't know about!  And if he is lying, it means he

knows what he is doing is wrong!  If the house is in both of your names, why weren't

you required to sign for that home equity line????

 

 
November 13, 2007, 10:08 am CST

Important

I might also add that you should be directly involved with "your" finances!  It's your life too, not just his! 

When I realized my husbands "money problems"/bad financial choices, reocurring NSF and bank

fees, among other things....I finally after years of putting up with this and ignoring it to prevent arguments,

gave him the ultimatum of me handling the finances or I was leaving.  After persuasion and him breaking down, he handed it all over to me.  I am at the currently trying to drag us out of debt.  Good luck!

 
December 10, 2007, 10:55 am CST

scamming spouse

I have returned to school to change careers, and my wife is making over $20 dollars an hour. She spends so much money that she had to file bankruptcy. She has fallen behind on her payments and was forced to pay $3,000 in back payments. I gave her half the money, although I am just a student working part-time. I just got a letter in the mail from the same attorney saying that she owes another $3,000. I looked at the enveloped to see that the address was in my wifes hand writing. I opened the letter and it looked like she made a copy of the letter by changing the dates to make it look current. When I checked an original envelope, I noticed that they typed, and the prepaid stamp did not have the correct zip code. My wife is trying to swindle another $1,500 from me. My wife has been in trouble in the past, and now I am convinced that no matter how much money she makes, she will always be a thiref.
 
December 26, 2007, 4:37 am CST

In the same boat...

In my household I'm the one with the money...while my boyfriend of 7 years is unemployed. I don't work but get a very sizable amount of income from a business which I am able to receive percapita payments each  month. He used to work when we first met, in construction, but that slowly came to a end once we became serious enough and moved in together. I never said anything but now I regret that I didn't keep on him to work...!! Why? Because he's a gambler....and although I have always known he likes to gamble, I think I'm just at the end of my rope with it.

 Recently, I trusted him enough to take my card to go buy some things for himself and the house (usually we go together) but I was busy  but  he ended up at a casino and spent over $2000 there!!

I had given him the benefit of the doubt, once again, gave him my trust and he ends up blowing money on that rather than getting anything for himself or the house! I was so sick at this, and angry that he chose to do something so stupid and inconsiderate....so selfish..that I'm at my wits end with him now. 

 The only thing I said to him about it was this; "you want to be in control of the finances, then here (throwing the stack of bills at him)!! and when you (because I get a check) end up on the streets remember you put yourself there!! "I'm unable to handle this anymore....but he just doesn't get it!! And I dont know what to do about it I hate having all the responsibilities ....all the financial ones, while he goes and does stupid bonehead stuff like this to us..time and time again and I'm left picking up the peices!! How do I make him realize that when he does this sort of thing, it effects everything in our relationship...the respect ...the trust...especially the trust...and it effects both of us not just me!! Give me some advice please!!!!

 

 
January 29, 2008, 6:46 am CST

Dr. Phil

Hey i am excited to type some messages, got some goodones. ill be back on tomorrow

 
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