Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

credit cards are the root of all evil.All of the preapproved offers should be illegal. I owe 30 thousand. My husband is a hard worker and for him to find out what I have done will kill him. I can't go back, this is a one way trip. Wouldn't it be great if GOD gave us one shot at going back and erasing only one item in our past.I fear the mail or a phone call will let my secret out and my wonderful husbands world will be destroyed. Is there an easy way to kill my 30 year marriage. How do I really tell him without loosing him.

I know I've been married more than once and the reason for the divorces was ALWAYS money.  I remarried to a man who has the same ideas and financial goals as me.  We work well together.  Currently I am a stay at home mom.  I have an income of child support for 2 children from a previous marriage, and I have a Visa, Mastercard, gas card and a Sears card.  That's it.  For the most part I use my debit card, I very seldom use my credit cards and I absolutely NEVER make big ticket purchases without discussing it with my husband first.  I can't imagine hiding or lying to my husband about money.

I dont work, never have, he has taken money out of joint account and put money in his name only, he gives me 10 dollars aweek to spend, he will not let me drive, a car at this time, because of an accient I had a month ago,so Ican not find a job, no bus service here. 

 my question is , ive gotten a few baby sitting jobs, and have started a checking account in my name, should I tell him? its not much..... 

It's your money and it is in your name, so there isn't anything he can do about it other then take your 10 dollars a week away. Marriage is about two people and I think one good key is honesty amongst many other things of course. I am sure in time he would find out, who takes care of the mail and bills? Money is the biggest break up of a marriage and I think you need to sit him down and discuss the money issue. He sounds very controlling and I for one would not put up with it?

Im sure at one point he will, statement is on line, and nothing for it gets mailed here, I pick up the mail as he works 12 hr a day 5 days a week with an hr travel each way.he leaves at 2pm, and home 4 am. 

 He now pays the bills, I was doing it, He got an shut off notice for the elec today, he did pay it  today and phone , each a week late, I would never pay late, he would have a fit. 

 if I did. 

    We have disussed it, its his money and he will see how its spent, he does by food ect. 

 Im afraid if I dont put something back, and he leaves, or has me leave,Ill have nothing. 

 Im 48 , and their is no saving ect, as he spends every dime. 

Well, he certainly sounds selfish and controlling, I think you need to do what you need to do. Marriage is suppose to be about two people committed together but I know there are some situations where that doesn't happen which is a really sad thing to me. You might even want to to get a seperate P.O. box if you are afraid that he will find out and try to cause problems.

 thanks for advice, I did tell him of thechecking account, we got in a big fight, about me wanting to know how much money their was, ect. 

 today he did say he had an anger problem, because of past events, and I mean years ago10 matter fact.I had my check book stolen and of courese I was at fault. 

 anyway im thinking all this may not be all with money but his angry from past things they he can not get over. 

thanks again 

Anybody out there that has something to say, please do so. 

  

After 5 years of marriage, I am starting to feel uneasy about my wife's inability to pay off her past debt. I would like to mention that I did not find out about it after I was already into the marriage, and also there is the fact that she gets extremely angry if I inquire. 

  

I came to find about all of this until collectors started calling, at first I just offered help, but only to have her hide her finances and always start a fight. Then there was another attempt by me putting her on one of my credit cards, short story, I cancelled her after it was up to $5000 and no signs of her paying part of it, much less reducing her own. Collectors kept calling. 

  

Funny twist is that we both have good solid jobs. My finances are in order and I am able to save money while at the same time paying off all bills including mortgage and rent. Yes, living in 2 places. On the other hand, she does not want to ever tell me about her paycheck, or what she does with her money. 

  

Fortunately and for now, I am not so worry about needing money. I am courious  about the reason and the destination of her earnings; certainly they are not coming to my house. On top of this,  she still refuses to show her credit card statements, while I keep joggling with collectors looking for her. I am a little concerned this is going to hurt me.  

  

On all other aspects, she acts like the most caring person as long as I dont inquire about finances. Is there any way I can go about this?  

Ok let's all be frank. How many people lie to a friend/family member about how much they spend when faced with the possibility that they over spent for a particular item? For example, I just bought Dora the Explorer Talking Kitchen. I spent $79.99 at Toys R Us. However, my husband and I saw it advertise at Target for much less. After loosing the receipt desperately trying to find it. I told my husband that I spent less than the advertised sale price at Target.  Did I lie? Sure. As trivial as that may seem let's go to the bigger picture. My son has a birthday party coming up. I told my husband that it is going to cost 200.00 for the event. However, it costs 34.00 a kid and my son has invited 12 children to his party. Ummmmm a little more than the 200.00 quoted to my husband. I figure I pay the bills and I can take the extra from money that I would have normally spent on myself. Should I have to justify the spending if in the end the kids are happy? I don't have a mess at the house to clean up, and someone else runs the party. Besides, since I am spending my money (extra diverted to my own needs etc., is it really any of my husband's business? The fact is to make up the difference, I'll just do my own hair dye job this month and not go to my hair stylist for my monthly cut, dye, highlight, head massage, hot oil treatment, and manicure.  That will make up most of the extra costs. Perhaps we'll eat Kraft dinner instead of steak....hahaha (not that there's anything wrong with K.D.....especially once you add the weiners).  Seriously though....is that such a big deal? And Yes, I am the spender, but my husband spends quite well on his own without my permission and he fabricates his amounts as much or more than I do. It seems as though we are always getting the deal of the century!! We never go over our personal budgets and we're not in debt. Perhaps I come by it honestly.  I remember my mother telling my father that the donation to the Church was 20.00 when in fact she gave 200.00!! She justified it as a noble cause and to tell my father would/could bring on his angina. So......is it really, REALLY a BIG BBBIIIIIIGGGGGGG deal to fabricate for the greater good and peace int the house?  If lying is the issue......how many time have you told your spouse that he/she looked great when in fact he/she looked like something the cat dragged in.... ? Is there really a difference between lying about one thing and not the other? Aren't both lies 'peace keeping strategies?'  If in the end no one is hurt.....have you done wrong???