Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

My boyfriend and I don't live together.  We live about hour and 15 minutes apart. We alternate weekends.  He lies about going to work or about returning something to the store and buying something else.  Each and everytime I find out.  He always slips up later.  It's quite often and I don't know why.  To me they mean nothing.  They are so insignificant.  What is significant is that he is lying to me at all? Or being sneaky about things.  He'll give me things then take them back after I leave for work.  We see each other Sunday and Monday's only.  He leaves my place on Tuesday and goes directly to his job an hour away near his home.

I have asked him why he does this.  He tells me he doesn't know.  I've asked if there is something going on that I should no about.  He says 'no'.  I told him it is very hurtful when he does those things.  He makes it seem as if he is planning to go elsewhere when he takes stuff back or is in another relationship when he lies to me about going to work.  He promised not to do this, but continues to do it.  I told him I do not like being lied to and I do not like people being sneaky.  That will ruin a relationship.  I also told him It makes me feel as if he's hiding something.  He apologized and said he wouldn't do it. I found a UPS return receipt for the projector he just bought while I was doing his laundry.  I was going to ask him if he returned it.  Before I could he says that he watched a movie last night on it and it looks great.  He loves the colors and the contrast.  The Sanyo PLV - Z700 HD projector is so sharp and clear.  The receipt was dated 3 days prior to the day he states he watched the movie  I told him I found the return label receipt.  All he could say was "oh".  I asked again why he had to lie about these things.  He says I don't know. 

I'm 39.  He's 42.  I am at the end of my rope with these stupid lies and sneaky actions.  I want to know why he does these things.  I'm at the point that if he does this one more time I will end our relationship.  As I said I'm 39 and I feel like I'm dating a 42 year old child when he lies.  Don't get me wrong.  He's a great guy.  He supports himself, cleans, cooks, pays his bills on time.  Takes me where I want to go.  Always tells me he loves me and I mean the world to him.  Sends me little I love you cards.

 We live 70 miles apart.  For all i know he has another girl on the side. I don't believe that, but yes it has crossed my mind when he says these lies.  I just want an answer to why he does this, but he's not giving me one.   

I have been married for 20 years.  We have NEVER had a budget.  I have begged for one.   I have asked him to take over bill payment for years and years.  He spends a LOT of money and I get blamed when we go into credit card debt.  He makes great money.  We have 2 teens and I DON'T spend a lot on them.  We don't shop at Nordy's or Dillards..We shop at Kohls, with an occasional splurge at Hollister etc.  I pay all the bills and I think I do a pretty good job at it.  We have no late payments, I always pay more than the minimums, but occasionally we get caught in a bind with credit card payments.

He uses the cc for EVERYTHING, groceries, beer, wine, sports stuff, trips, shopping... I use it when I forget my checkbook! 

We have the money to pay it off from our brokerage acct, but I am not allowed to just call our broker and say ..hey we need to pay this off..It has to be part of a show down. 

Right now our cc is maxed out.  He found out because in the last week he put over 2,000 on the card for our anniversary, shopping for guns  and then a hunting trip, which put us over the edge.

We live in a major city..Our rent is ridiculous....I clip coupons, I don't splurge often, and yet...we have NOTHING to show for our cc debt...I am TIRED of being responsible for everything...I am tired of "hiding" it from him, when he's the major contributor to the debt...

He knows now, and of course he's upset...so am I...Luckily he's away for a week and maybe, just maybe this time we can sit down and communicate  about this!!

btw...We have the money to pay this off today!

I have asked many times to be relieved of this burden..I want HIM to see that he is the spender!

I have asked many times to have a sit down every quarter to go over money...No dice

Lastly....His favorite quote is "no bad news."  So what am I supposed to say?  I don't tell him because his job is stressful enough and I try to make the homelife a good place...(Ridiculous!)