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Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

Number of Replies: 190
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:23:21 am
Author : dataimport
Do you find yourself not telling the whole truth about where the money goes every month? Is your spouse or child untruthful about their spending habits? Share your stories and coping strategies.

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March 26, 2006, 10:44 am CST

Here's one way to find out:

Quote From: dadancer

After years of arguing, I separated my money from his with bank accounts, credit cards, etc. 

  

Right now he has racked up an astronomical amount of cc debt and has refuses to give up some of his possessions.  He is driving a car I co-signed so he could get when his previous one was going to cost a fortune to repair again.  He has always had a car fetish of sorts.  He trades them every few months, and for the past year has owned at least 2 at a time. 

  

He has no money for anything except his cc bills and car payment & insurance.  I pay everything else. 

  

So it's not adultery or physical abuse, but it is financial irresponsibility.  Is it a deal-breaker? 

 Scroll up to the top of the page and click on "Advice". On the pull down menu click on "Relationships/Sex". Next, scroll down the page with different topics to "The 5 Tough Questions"
Read the instructions and answer the questions as honestly as you can.

You have problems within your marriage, but it may not be time to throw in the towel yet. These 5 questions will help you to determine if you are trully "done" or need to find some help dealing with your problems. You would never want to get divorced only to regret it later.
We all have our personal areas of weakness, for your husband it's spending money. The first thing he would need to admit to himself is that he has a problem, and that he would like to overcome it.
 
March 26, 2006, 10:46 am CST

Forgot one link!

Quote From: ritehere

 Scroll up to the top of the page and click on "Advice". On the pull down menu click on "Relationships/Sex". Next, scroll down the page with different topics to "The 5 Tough Questions"
Read the instructions and answer the questions as honestly as you can.

You have problems within your marriage, but it may not be time to throw in the towel yet. These 5 questions will help you to determine if you are trully "done" or need to find some help dealing with your problems. You would never want to get divorced only to regret it later.
We all have our personal areas of weakness, for your husband it's spending money. The first thing he would need to admit to himself is that he has a problem, and that he would like to overcome it.
 After clicking on "Relationships/Sex" go to "Relationship Rescue Retreat", and then "the 5 Tough Questions." Sorry .
 
March 26, 2006, 2:45 pm CST

He just doesn't care

Quote From: ritehere

 Maybe it's time to say, "Honey, I can't do this anymore, so it's time for you to step up to the plate." Once he has to make sure there's money in the account to cover the bills, he will become more responsible. Or, if he has a problem with spending, it will bring it home to him in a direct way.
 Right now he's disconnected, is blissfully unaware of what bills will be coming in next week, and can blame it all on you since you take care of them. Put the load on his shoulders. Make him accountable. After he gets a handle on being accountable, you can discuss setting up discretionary accounts for the both of you, where you can each have "mad" money to spend the way each of you want without being accountable to the other or shorting money for regular living  expenses.
Hi Ritehere, thanks for your response. Even if I did hand over the bills to him to take care of he won't stop spending I know this for a fact. With the bills he would just put them all on automatic payments like he did before we got married. We do have some bills that are on automatic payments. But even with automatic payments he still would have to know if there's enough money in the account for the bills to be paid. Before we were married he had all his bills paid this way and there were times when he didn't have sufficient funds in his account to pay the bills. He's not the type who would balance his checkbook and make sure there's enough money to pay for everything. He just spends as he pleases. Within 3 days in a row he had already spend over $300 taking "his SONS" out to eat or whatever he's doing with them without me in the picture. I tell him he has double standards when it comes to me. He told me we couldn't eat out anymore because we have to watch our money but he turns around and takes his sons out ( is something wrong with this picture here?).  Now isn't this double standard? Why is it ok for him to spend money on his sons but it's not ok to spend on me!!??!!! Right now he's out with them spending more money and having a good time together. I am so fricking  mad right now!!!!! I'm hurt and feel so alone in this marriage. He doesn't care about me AT ALL!!!!!! Lately on the weekends he would just leave me alone at home while he's out with "his sons" or whoever else he's with.  Yesterday, he took them out for breakfast and didn't invite me at all. He told me there's food in the fridge and for me to make myself something to eat and that he'll be back later. The nerve of that man!!! Now he's out again with them and spending more money on them. He doesn't treat me like I'm his wife at all!!!! In fact, he treats his ex-wife better than he treats me. The kids are from his previous marriage and they don't like me at all or respect me. I'm going to stop right now because as I'm writing this I'm getting really fired up and angry!!!!
 
March 27, 2006, 6:27 am CST

Lying about Money/Spending

 I have been married for almost three years, and my husband is lying about everything.  Just this morning, I saw a spot on the carpet, a circle almost a foot wide, and asked if something spilled, or if it was a shadow.  Without even thinking about it, my husband said it was a shadow.  Well, after I took him to work, I took off my shoes, and accidently stepped in that "shadow" and got my sock wet.  That is the first shadow I have ever seen that is cold, wet, and smells like root beer.  Why did he just not say that he spilled a root beer in the living room floor?  Why didn't he feel the need to clean it?  He is always comming home with cash, $20 here, $20 there, saying it is from doing work on people's computer's in his spare time at work.  I checked the balance of the checking account this morning, and it is $70 dollars short.  Now we won't even be able to make the car payment.  We used to keep the money for gas in the middle console of the car, and it would mysteriously disappear.  When there should have been $70 in there, and I opened it and found only $30, I asked him what happened to the rest.  He said, "I don't know.  It must have been stolen".  Like someone would see the car, know there was money in the console, and only take $40 out of the $70, and leave the cd's and radio and other crap.  When we started dating, he gave me a cd with a song on it, saying he wrote it himself, and recorded it just for me.  Then, in November, I heard the same song on a tv show, which had origionally aired a few months before we even started going out.  He lies about the amount of ciggarettes he smokes, saying there were only a few in the pack when he got it off the table, when I know there were more, because I counted them to see how many we had left.  There is nothing too big or too small for him to lie about.  It is driving me crazy.  After the song thing in November, we aggreed to have everything open book, nothing held back.  I had a problem trusting him after that, and didn't want anything kept from me.  And now there are still things he doesn't tell me, and stuff he lies about.  What do I do?  Do I need to tattoo "be honest" on his forehead so he remembers when he looks in the mirror?  Do I need to write it in permanent marker on the computer screen where he spends all his time playing "World of Warcraft" with his friends almost everyday, for hours at a time?  I have tried being an adult about it, talking sensibly.  I just want to yell and scream, but I know that will solve nothing, plus, we have a year old daughter, and I don't want her to hear yelling.  How do I get my husband, who is almost 23, to act his age and be honest, and not act like a 13 year old kid, who's lying when still caught with his hand in the cookie jar?  If I had stepped in that root beer this morning when he was here, he would have said he didn't know how it got there.  I guess it just jumped off the desk, spilled, and the empty can jumped back?  I know I am being very sarcastic here, but I try not to do that in everyday conversation with people, and this is keeping me from calling my husband at work and saying everything I just wrote.  And that would not help anything.  If anyone has any ideas, please share.  I am at the end of my rope.
 
March 27, 2006, 10:10 am CST

Sounds like there's more to it...

Quote From: deeplyhurt

Hi Ritehere, thanks for your response. Even if I did hand over the bills to him to take care of he won't stop spending I know this for a fact. With the bills he would just put them all on automatic payments like he did before we got married. We do have some bills that are on automatic payments. But even with automatic payments he still would have to know if there's enough money in the account for the bills to be paid. Before we were married he had all his bills paid this way and there were times when he didn't have sufficient funds in his account to pay the bills. He's not the type who would balance his checkbook and make sure there's enough money to pay for everything. He just spends as he pleases. Within 3 days in a row he had already spend over $300 taking "his SONS" out to eat or whatever he's doing with them without me in the picture. I tell him he has double standards when it comes to me. He told me we couldn't eat out anymore because we have to watch our money but he turns around and takes his sons out ( is something wrong with this picture here?).  Now isn't this double standard? Why is it ok for him to spend money on his sons but it's not ok to spend on me!!??!!! Right now he's out with them spending more money and having a good time together. I am so fricking  mad right now!!!!! I'm hurt and feel so alone in this marriage. He doesn't care about me AT ALL!!!!!! Lately on the weekends he would just leave me alone at home while he's out with "his sons" or whoever else he's with.  Yesterday, he took them out for breakfast and didn't invite me at all. He told me there's food in the fridge and for me to make myself something to eat and that he'll be back later. The nerve of that man!!! Now he's out again with them and spending more money on them. He doesn't treat me like I'm his wife at all!!!! In fact, he treats his ex-wife better than he treats me. The kids are from his previous marriage and they don't like me at all or respect me. I'm going to stop right now because as I'm writing this I'm getting really fired up and angry!!!!
Do you suspect there's more to the story? Your line, "out with his sons, or whoever else he's with" is kind of telling. The fact that he spends all this time with his kids, but you're not invited, is disturbing too. How old are they and why do they need so much money spent on them?
Your true emotions are coming through loud and clear, you are not only worried about the debt piling up, you are worried about your relationship.
There are other boards for the relationship issues you have, so I won't go into that. You might want to consider getting a job, though, so that you will have money for yourself. It's not fair what he's doing, so make sure that he understands that you're not getting a job to take over the bills completely, you are doing it because you're tired of being made to feel that you don't deserve to spend any.
And I stand by my previous advice about letting him be responsible for the bills. If you really think he'll drive the car off in the ditch, take your name off the debt, or see about a separation. Sometimes it takes drastic action to get the attention of someone that's not paying attention.
 
March 27, 2006, 2:39 pm CST

Thank you for your advice

Quote From: ritehere

Do you suspect there's more to the story? Your line, "out with his sons, or whoever else he's with" is kind of telling. The fact that he spends all this time with his kids, but you're not invited, is disturbing too. How old are they and why do they need so much money spent on them?
Your true emotions are coming through loud and clear, you are not only worried about the debt piling up, you are worried about your relationship.
There are other boards for the relationship issues you have, so I won't go into that. You might want to consider getting a job, though, so that you will have money for yourself. It's not fair what he's doing, so make sure that he understands that you're not getting a job to take over the bills completely, you are doing it because you're tired of being made to feel that you don't deserve to spend any.
And I stand by my previous advice about letting him be responsible for the bills. If you really think he'll drive the car off in the ditch, take your name off the debt, or see about a separation. Sometimes it takes drastic action to get the attention of someone that's not paying attention.

I really don't know what to suspect anymore. He doesn't tell me the whole truth about where he's going or who he is with. Yesterday he told me he was going over to his mother's and that was all the information I got. I called over to his mother's and she told me he did drop by for a few moment and then left to be with his sons. He was out from morning to evening and didn't answer any of my phone calls to me. He never invites me whenever he gets together with his sons. His sons ages are 22 yrs. and 16yrs. old. The oldest one has been asking his dad for money cause he isn't working and doesn't have any money. The son has a cell phone but he doesn't have money to buy minutes to use the phone so my husband has to buy the minutes for him to use the phone. I feel if his son can't afford to use a cell phone then he shouldn't have one to begin with. Along with his son's phone and my husband's own cell phone, I would say he spends about $200 a month.  

  

Yes, I am worried about my relationship with my husband as well. We've been having problems for sometime now as you probably know from the other board that I have posted on.  

  

I have been trying to find a job but it hasn't been very successful at this time. I had to quit my previous job because I was sexually harrassed and was violated by the assistant physician. It hasn't been easy for me at all. I know part of our problem is because I'm not working at the moment.  

  

I really appreciate you for taking the time to read my post and answering it. I really appreciate you for not passing any judgement on me like juballl did. Thanks!!! 

 
March 29, 2006, 11:26 am CST

Good Guy who deals w/ $$ poorly

    My husband and I have been married for just about a year, together for 5 years.  He is a hard worker, BUT he spends $$ like it’s water.  He will spend up to $100 a day from our personal account.  I make on average $1,700 a month, his job is ‘hand to mouth.”  He has collection dept. calling look for $$.  He has not done his Taxes in over 7 years!!!!!  I have discuss it with him, bribed him, yelled, screamed, threatened… You name it I’ve tried it.  An still nothing.  He make promises and drops the ball every single time. 

Our lease is up on our rental house in 2 months; I want to move out after the lease is up.  I’ve told him this last night.  He says he will do what he needs to do to get his $$ problems strait, BUT if his pasted actions are any inclination; he’ll just keep doing what his doing.    He is the kind of guy who doesn’t like to do ANYTHING he doesn’t like. Period 

He tells me “We love each other and knowing that we can accomplish anything.”   That’s great for a person who lives in La La Land, BUT here in the real life “Love isn’t everything.”  Security and a feeling of being safe is what I want!  An I don’t have that with him.  I’m 6 years younger then my husband and I have better credit them him. 

            Do any of you have an idea that could help?  I’ve taken away his debit card, but I can’t take-off work and hold his hand when he goes to the accountant for his taxes.  I already have to take off work when he goes to the Doc.!!!  Well I stopped that after he was making appointments that I didn’t NEED to be there for.  I’m at the end of my rope.
 
April 1, 2006, 1:52 pm CST

Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: ritehere

 Scroll up to the top of the page and click on "Advice". On the pull down menu click on "Relationships/Sex". Next, scroll down the page with different topics to "The 5 Tough Questions"
Read the instructions and answer the questions as honestly as you can.

You have problems within your marriage, but it may not be time to throw in the towel yet. These 5 questions will help you to determine if you are trully "done" or need to find some help dealing with your problems. You would never want to get divorced only to regret it later.
We all have our personal areas of weakness, for your husband it's spending money. The first thing he would need to admit to himself is that he has a problem, and that he would like to overcome it.

To me it is more than a weakness.  He may not have a "roving eye", but he has a "roving credit card" that is doing just as much, if not more, damage. 

  

I will take a look at the questions. 

  

Thx. 

 
April 4, 2006, 2:20 pm CDT

I have tried to ignore your attack on me

Quote From: deeplyhurt

I really don't know what to suspect anymore. He doesn't tell me the whole truth about where he's going or who he is with. Yesterday he told me he was going over to his mother's and that was all the information I got. I called over to his mother's and she told me he did drop by for a few moment and then left to be with his sons. He was out from morning to evening and didn't answer any of my phone calls to me. He never invites me whenever he gets together with his sons. His sons ages are 22 yrs. and 16yrs. old. The oldest one has been asking his dad for money cause he isn't working and doesn't have any money. The son has a cell phone but he doesn't have money to buy minutes to use the phone so my husband has to buy the minutes for him to use the phone. I feel if his son can't afford to use a cell phone then he shouldn't have one to begin with. Along with his son's phone and my husband's own cell phone, I would say he spends about $200 a month.  

  

Yes, I am worried about my relationship with my husband as well. We've been having problems for sometime now as you probably know from the other board that I have posted on.  

  

I have been trying to find a job but it hasn't been very successful at this time. I had to quit my previous job because I was sexually harrassed and was violated by the assistant physician. It hasn't been easy for me at all. I know part of our problem is because I'm not working at the moment.  

  

I really appreciate you for taking the time to read my post and answering it. I really appreciate you for not passing any judgement on me like juballl did. Thanks!!! 

All I want to say is I didn't pass judgment on you. I only gave you food for thought. If you re-read my post, and others that followed, they mostly said the very thing I said,  they were just not as upfront about it. They danced around the same questions and observations I made myself. I would not have even replied if you would have left my name out of it. I had not even given consideration as to you breaking up your husband's past marriage. It was you, defending yourself for a comment I had not even made, that it was he that pursued you.  

  

You mentioned if I couldn't say anything nice, don't say anything. Well these boards are for advice, not attempting to find someone to to just agree with you, but maybe make you think, and see if anyone's observations may have some validity.  If you could take a deep breath, calm down, re-read your first post, my answer, and your reply to me, I think you would find me more considerate of you, than you have been to me. 

 

Again, good luck, and I hope this helps. 

 
April 4, 2006, 3:41 pm CDT

I wasn't attacking you......you attacked me first

Quote From: juballl

All I want to say is I didn't pass judgment on you. I only gave you food for thought. If you re-read my post, and others that followed, they mostly said the very thing I said,  they were just not as upfront about it. They danced around the same questions and observations I made myself. I would not have even replied if you would have left my name out of it. I had not even given consideration as to you breaking up your husband's past marriage. It was you, defending yourself for a comment I had not even made, that it was he that pursued you.  

  

You mentioned if I couldn't say anything nice, don't say anything. Well these boards are for advice, not attempting to find someone to to just agree with you, but maybe make you think, and see if anyone's observations may have some validity.  If you could take a deep breath, calm down, re-read your first post, my answer, and your reply to me, I think you would find me more considerate of you, than you have been to me. 

 

Again, good luck, and I hope this helps. 

You may not think you were passing judgment on me but you were. The post that you replied to wasn't on this board....it was on the cheated on board. I have re-read your post and others and they didn't say mean things like you did toward me. You accused me of hating my husband's children and saying mean things to them. How is that not passing jugdment on me???  The other people that responded to my post DID NOT say the very thing you said. They didn't accused me of anything nor pass judgment on me.  You need to go back and read what you posted to me and rethink about what you've said to me. 

  

Like you said these boards are for advice and also for support. I was not trying to find someone to agree with me on anything I said.  You said you were being considerate of me....well I'm sorry I don't think you were being considerate of me by your post.  

  

The damage has been done and I just want to let it go and get on with things. I appreciate you for responding and saying what you needed to say. Let's just move on. 

  

 
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