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Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

Number of Replies: 190
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:23:21 am
Author : dataimport
Do you find yourself not telling the whole truth about where the money goes every month? Is your spouse or child untruthful about their spending habits? Share your stories and coping strategies.

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April 5, 2006, 10:17 am CDT

Need Help

I have been with my bf for 3 years.  We were co-workers, he started lying to me from day one.  He told me he had one child,after being with him for 1 month. Then he tells me he adopted his sister's daughter and he named her after himself. It turned out his "adopted" daughter was actually his biological daughter and he didn't want for me to tell our co-workers this is why he says he lied.  2 weeks after, he tells me he had a newborn, she was one 1 month and a half @ the time and how he wasn't sure if he was the dad so after a paternity test, he is the father.  He stated he didn't want to tell me because he didn't even know if he was the dad.  I feel like a jerk because i acually believed him. Then we hear a song on the radio by a well known artist and he tells me that he wrote that song.  I began to ask him detailed questions about it,and he was very evasive. Four months into the relationship he tells me he owns a house, he invests in stocks, he had a huge trustfund of over $700,000. He had excellent credit etc, etc.  I moved in with this psycopath about 5 months ago and I decided to snoop through his paperwork because i noticed he would  change banks every 2 months.  I found this to be very odd, it turns out he bounces checks and the institution closes the check accounts.  I also managed to review his credit report and he owes thousands of dollars to the irs.  Not to mention child support orders. 

over $40,000. Also, There was no mortgage company on his report, Everytime I mention the house or I will ask him to show it to me, he makes up an excuse. He claims he has a tenant. 

He has also been pressuring me to marry him for about two years now, and i aways felt uneasy about.  If i had not moved in with him I would never have found this out.  I notice he receives these notices from the bank 2x a week notifying him of a bounced check. He has no idea that I know. Just last week he wanted to open up a joint account @ the same bank. I declined his offer. I would be responsiblle for his neglegience.  I read his statement and he has numerous charges to his card for horseracing.  I had no clue he had a gambling problem.  I am so ready to move out, but I have two car loans 1 is a joint account with him, he tricked me into getting it saying he needed a co-signer and i would only be on the loan for 10 months.  @ the time we were in two different states. It turns out i am actually the main account holder.  He lies about paying the rent. they constantly put evictions notices on our door, and he blames them saying he pays on time but they are incompetent.  I recently found out the car insurance was never renewed that was 5 months ago after i asked him about it every month and he tells me he payed it.  I am so annoyed and disgusted with him.  I would never do something like this. He has a problem and whenever i mention it gets angry and leaves.  I am sorry for the long post i needed to vent. Does anyone know what type of damage could have been caused by getting married? 

 
April 5, 2006, 5:39 pm CDT

Get out!

Quote From: flusterred

I have been with my bf for 3 years.  We were co-workers, he started lying to me from day one.  He told me he had one child,after being with him for 1 month. Then he tells me he adopted his sister's daughter and he named her after himself. It turned out his "adopted" daughter was actually his biological daughter and he didn't want for me to tell our co-workers this is why he says he lied.  2 weeks after, he tells me he had a newborn, she was one 1 month and a half @ the time and how he wasn't sure if he was the dad so after a paternity test, he is the father.  He stated he didn't want to tell me because he didn't even know if he was the dad.  I feel like a jerk because i acually believed him. Then we hear a song on the radio by a well known artist and he tells me that he wrote that song.  I began to ask him detailed questions about it,and he was very evasive. Four months into the relationship he tells me he owns a house, he invests in stocks, he had a huge trustfund of over $700,000. He had excellent credit etc, etc.  I moved in with this psycopath about 5 months ago and I decided to snoop through his paperwork because i noticed he would  change banks every 2 months.  I found this to be very odd, it turns out he bounces checks and the institution closes the check accounts.  I also managed to review his credit report and he owes thousands of dollars to the irs.  Not to mention child support orders. 

over $40,000. Also, There was no mortgage company on his report, Everytime I mention the house or I will ask him to show it to me, he makes up an excuse. He claims he has a tenant. 

He has also been pressuring me to marry him for about two years now, and i aways felt uneasy about.  If i had not moved in with him I would never have found this out.  I notice he receives these notices from the bank 2x a week notifying him of a bounced check. He has no idea that I know. Just last week he wanted to open up a joint account @ the same bank. I declined his offer. I would be responsiblle for his neglegience.  I read his statement and he has numerous charges to his card for horseracing.  I had no clue he had a gambling problem.  I am so ready to move out, but I have two car loans 1 is a joint account with him, he tricked me into getting it saying he needed a co-signer and i would only be on the loan for 10 months.  @ the time we were in two different states. It turns out i am actually the main account holder.  He lies about paying the rent. they constantly put evictions notices on our door, and he blames them saying he pays on time but they are incompetent.  I recently found out the car insurance was never renewed that was 5 months ago after i asked him about it every month and he tells me he payed it.  I am so annoyed and disgusted with him.  I would never do something like this. He has a problem and whenever i mention it gets angry and leaves.  I am sorry for the long post i needed to vent. Does anyone know what type of damage could have been caused by getting married? 

Do whatever it takes and get out of this relationship!   

  

He is a pathological liar and cannot be trusted.  If you stay, you will be dragged down with him, and you will be bankrupt too. 

  

Get some legal advice.  Sell the cars.  Separate your money. Close all accounts where you are the main holder and he has access. 

  

If you are in physical danger, take appropriate actions.   

  

  

  

 
April 9, 2006, 8:41 am CDT

finding out too much too late

i married my husband one year ago, after dating only 6 months. i asked him before we got married how his credit was and he said it was ok. what a load!! since then i have discovered that he was $4000 behind in child support payments, owed for taxes not paid in 2003, didn't even FILE taxes in 2000, he couldn't renew his automobile registration until he paid the taxes on his first wife's car (i am #3) and he wouldn't even TRY to make her pay it. last week i found a letter from a collection agency for $16,000 on a home that he had with his first wife (she filed bankruptcy after their divorce). he had hidden the letter behind the microwave. he is totally irresponsible with bills, and he acts like if he ignores them they'll go away. now he wants to file bankruptcy, and i want a divorce, although i haven't told him that yet. if he files before i file for divorce, can they come after me for debts he had before we met? i'm going to consult with an attorney tomorrow, but i want some advice now.
 
April 9, 2006, 8:50 am CDT

you're smarter than i was

Quote From: flusterred

I have been with my bf for 3 years.  We were co-workers, he started lying to me from day one.  He told me he had one child,after being with him for 1 month. Then he tells me he adopted his sister's daughter and he named her after himself. It turned out his "adopted" daughter was actually his biological daughter and he didn't want for me to tell our co-workers this is why he says he lied.  2 weeks after, he tells me he had a newborn, she was one 1 month and a half @ the time and how he wasn't sure if he was the dad so after a paternity test, he is the father.  He stated he didn't want to tell me because he didn't even know if he was the dad.  I feel like a jerk because i acually believed him. Then we hear a song on the radio by a well known artist and he tells me that he wrote that song.  I began to ask him detailed questions about it,and he was very evasive. Four months into the relationship he tells me he owns a house, he invests in stocks, he had a huge trustfund of over $700,000. He had excellent credit etc, etc.  I moved in with this psycopath about 5 months ago and I decided to snoop through his paperwork because i noticed he would  change banks every 2 months.  I found this to be very odd, it turns out he bounces checks and the institution closes the check accounts.  I also managed to review his credit report and he owes thousands of dollars to the irs.  Not to mention child support orders. 

over $40,000. Also, There was no mortgage company on his report, Everytime I mention the house or I will ask him to show it to me, he makes up an excuse. He claims he has a tenant. 

He has also been pressuring me to marry him for about two years now, and i aways felt uneasy about.  If i had not moved in with him I would never have found this out.  I notice he receives these notices from the bank 2x a week notifying him of a bounced check. He has no idea that I know. Just last week he wanted to open up a joint account @ the same bank. I declined his offer. I would be responsiblle for his neglegience.  I read his statement and he has numerous charges to his card for horseracing.  I had no clue he had a gambling problem.  I am so ready to move out, but I have two car loans 1 is a joint account with him, he tricked me into getting it saying he needed a co-signer and i would only be on the loan for 10 months.  @ the time we were in two different states. It turns out i am actually the main account holder.  He lies about paying the rent. they constantly put evictions notices on our door, and he blames them saying he pays on time but they are incompetent.  I recently found out the car insurance was never renewed that was 5 months ago after i asked him about it every month and he tells me he payed it.  I am so annoyed and disgusted with him.  I would never do something like this. He has a problem and whenever i mention it gets angry and leaves.  I am sorry for the long post i needed to vent. Does anyone know what type of damage could have been caused by getting married? 

girl, i wish i had found out all that stuff about my husband before we got married. unfortunately i didn't. i am stuck with most of the bills now due to his back child support, bills from his previous marriages, my mother has to buy us groceries sometimes (and we're in our 30's), and they are holding our tax refund because he didn't even file 5 years ago and it seems like they waited till he married me to figure that out. please don't marry this loser. he sounds like he might be related to my husband. get some legal advice regarding the cars and move out. i'm looking at divorce now. i'd hate to see you end up like me, especially knowing what you know.
 
April 11, 2006, 6:27 pm CDT

is someone listening?

i have been married for 4 years.  my marriage has been a roller coaster from day one.  i have gone through alcoholism w/ him, rumors of him w/ other women, job after job, drugs, debts he incurred in MY name.  he was diagnoised bi-polar and is on med's finally.  he's been much better.  at least i thought.  2 wks ago he sat me down and told me that he's been taking cash advances out on MY credit cards because he racked up $50,000.00 worth of football debts w/ people u don't mess w/.  i thought that we were finally getting on track and he screwed me.  i ended up dealing w/ a settlement company on some of these debts and am getting screwed there.  he's been off of work because he was in an accident 3 months ago.  we're receiving nothing because there is a lawsuit pending.  i am so confused on what to do now.  i have a small child and she's the one i'm worried about.  if i file bankruptcy and leave i feel like what if i end up in a jam...no where to get money.  i'm so confused.  he's apologized but i see him so differently now.  he took all our savings and lied to me.  told me so many stories.  i don't know what to do and i really need someone to listen and talk to.  i feel like i'm the only one worried.  it seems like he was so concerned paying those thugs back because he had to save himself.  but paying me back?  he doesn't seem so quick to do.
 
April 25, 2006, 10:05 pm CDT

Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: need2go

i married my husband one year ago, after dating only 6 months. i asked him before we got married how his credit was and he said it was ok. what a load!! since then i have discovered that he was $4000 behind in child support payments, owed for taxes not paid in 2003, didn't even FILE taxes in 2000, he couldn't renew his automobile registration until he paid the taxes on his first wife's car (i am #3) and he wouldn't even TRY to make her pay it. last week i found a letter from a collection agency for $16,000 on a home that he had with his first wife (she filed bankruptcy after their divorce). he had hidden the letter behind the microwave. he is totally irresponsible with bills, and he acts like if he ignores them they'll go away. now he wants to file bankruptcy, and i want a divorce, although i haven't told him that yet. if he files before i file for divorce, can they come after me for debts he had before we met? i'm going to consult with an attorney tomorrow, but i want some advice now.

People lie when they are afraid to tell the truth . Why do you think he lied to you ?   

  

 
May 2, 2006, 1:07 am CDT

his money is his money and my money is money

he pays the rent and i pay for ever thing else i wont buy is beer or smokes but i dont tell him or will not ask for help on the pills if i do i have to tell him were i spent the money and it pay the the bills.. i see as if i dont ask and dont tell im not lying ... 

 
May 2, 2006, 10:01 am CDT

How do you know if someone is financially responsible?

So I guess the question of the day is...how do you know?  Maybe Dr. Phil will weigh in on this one for us.  It seems that we can't always assume our partner is being honest, so how does one determine if someone is a financial wizard or a financial flop? 

  

What are things (behaviours, indicators) to watch for when you're trying to determine if someone is financially responsible? 

Can you check someone out (i.e. through a credit agency, bank, etc.) and if so, how do you do that? 

  

 
May 22, 2006, 7:47 am CDT

I can really understand

Quote From: hopeless1

i have been married for 4 years.  my marriage has been a roller coaster from day one.  i have gone through alcoholism w/ him, rumors of him w/ other women, job after job, drugs, debts he incurred in MY name.  he was diagnoised bi-polar and is on med's finally.  he's been much better.  at least i thought.  2 wks ago he sat me down and told me that he's been taking cash advances out on MY credit cards because he racked up $50,000.00 worth of football debts w/ people u don't mess w/.  i thought that we were finally getting on track and he screwed me.  i ended up dealing w/ a settlement company on some of these debts and am getting screwed there.  he's been off of work because he was in an accident 3 months ago.  we're receiving nothing because there is a lawsuit pending.  i am so confused on what to do now.  i have a small child and she's the one i'm worried about.  if i file bankruptcy and leave i feel like what if i end up in a jam...no where to get money.  i'm so confused.  he's apologized but i see him so differently now.  he took all our savings and lied to me.  told me so many stories.  i don't know what to do and i really need someone to listen and talk to.  i feel like i'm the only one worried.  it seems like he was so concerned paying those thugs back because he had to save himself.  but paying me back?  he doesn't seem so quick to do.

I have been married to my bi-polar spouse in July will be our 4th anniversary. 

The area of money is a big issue. For 18 months when we got married he could not find work. Finally, jobs began openning up and he was getting an income.  

Always though, there were/are stories told that he didn't get paid, left his check somewhere, lost the money or the check. Loaned it to someone, got mugged, whatever he thinks I will believe. But its gotten to the point I had to somewhat put my foot down.  

Now he earns 4-5X more  than me working on the river. Yet he still never manages to gt any money home. He goes to Bourbon Street and stays until the money is gone then finds his way home if then. At one point he decided to stay down there working and pretending to be homeless. 

So now I told him, pulling an empty pocket out the side of my pants. I told him if he couldn't help put money in it he better not come and try to get anything out of it either. Because if it only pertained to him I wasn't getting it anymore. I struggle with keeping utilities on while he parties every paycheck away. So last week when he brought nothing home, I had already explained I couldn't do it. He ran out of cigarettes and coffee for 3-4 days, suffered the withdrawal from both and was generally miserable. However, the next money he got his hands on managed to get home for some groceries etc. But that's not to say it will work very long. 

 

I have begged pleaded explained how his disorder affects both of us and those around us. But he still refuses to get on medicated. The rages and rapid-cycling nearly drive me nuts too. Not to say he is nuts, its a figure of speech. 

 

How did you manage to get your spouse to accept treatment. 

 

My husband took a whole new checkbook from me and claimed someone came in to use the bathroom and took it. Thankfully where I bank there are several who know me and it was my personal checking account, he was trying to use. They didn't let him get by with cashing the check/s. He still says that is true. But they have cameras and taped the whole thing. 

 

I have to keep an eye on every bit of income I get. from locking my purse in my car, and hiding the keys to sleeping with my purse under my pillows at night. How much more can one person take. 

 
May 23, 2006, 11:42 am CDT

What do I do??

Hi, I have been with my fiance for 9 months now and he is great.  As far as cheating, there are no trust issues there.  I trust him completely.  I've thought for the last year that we were totally honest and open with each other about everything and that I finally had that kind of honest relationship.  Recently I have discovered some issues when it comes to money.  He has lied to me once about the amount of money he kept out of his check after a deposit into our account and I discovered this when I found the deposit slip.  I also found a check stubb where he got an advance of money from his work that I did not know about.  I don't feel that I can tell him that I found the check stubb because he is a private person when it comes to his personal space and I found the stubb while getting cash out of his wallet. (which he knew i was doing)  Do I tell him that I was nosey and looked at the stubb and that I want to know why he got a cash advance from work and didn't tell me??  Or do I wait to see if he comes clean about it??  It's been 2 weeks since he got the advance and we have had conversations about money since then and he had the chance to tell me and didn't.  I'm worried about this......I thought that there were no secrets between us, but I was wrong.  I am supposed to marry this guy in the fall and now I feel like he is lying to me.  WHAT DO I DO???
 
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