Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

I have been with my bf for 3 years.  We were co-workers, he started lying to me from day one.  He told me he had one child,after being with him for 1 month. Then he tells me he adopted his sister's daughter and he named her after himself. It turned out his "adopted" daughter was actually his biological daughter and he didn't want for me to tell our co-workers this is why he says he lied.  2 weeks after, he tells me he had a newborn, she was one 1 month and a half @ the time and how he wasn't sure if he was the dad so after a paternity test, he is the father.  He stated he didn't want to tell me because he didn't even know if he was the dad.  I feel like a jerk because i acually believed him. Then we hear a song on the radio by a well known artist and he tells me that he wrote that song.  I began to ask him detailed questions about it,and he was very evasive. Four months into the relationship he tells me he owns a house, he invests in stocks, he had a huge trustfund of over $700,000. He had excellent credit etc, etc.  I moved in with this psycopath about 5 months ago and I decided to snoop through his paperwork because i noticed he would  change banks every 2 months.  I found this to be very odd, it turns out he bounces checks and the institution closes the check accounts.  I also managed to review his credit report and he owes thousands of dollars to the irs.  Not to mention child support orders. 

over $40,000. Also, There was no mortgage company on his report, Everytime I mention the house or I will ask him to show it to me, he makes up an excuse. He claims he has a tenant. 

He has also been pressuring me to marry him for about two years now, and i aways felt uneasy about.  If i had not moved in with him I would never have found this out.  I notice he receives these notices from the bank 2x a week notifying him of a bounced check. He has no idea that I know. Just last week he wanted to open up a joint account @ the same bank. I declined his offer. I would be responsiblle for his neglegience.  I read his statement and he has numerous charges to his card for horseracing.  I had no clue he had a gambling problem.  I am so ready to move out, but I have two car loans 1 is a joint account with him, he tricked me into getting it saying he needed a co-signer and i would only be on the loan for 10 months.  @ the time we were in two different states. It turns out i am actually the main account holder.  He lies about paying the rent. they constantly put evictions notices on our door, and he blames them saying he pays on time but they are incompetent.  I recently found out the car insurance was never renewed that was 5 months ago after i asked him about it every month and he tells me he payed it.  I am so annoyed and disgusted with him.  I would never do something like this. He has a problem and whenever i mention it gets angry and leaves.  I am sorry for the long post i needed to vent. Does anyone know what type of damage could have been caused by getting married? 

Do whatever it takes and get out of this relationship!   

He is a pathological liar and cannot be trusted.  If you stay, you will be dragged down with him, and you will be bankrupt too. 

Get some legal advice.  Sell the cars.  Separate your money. Close all accounts where you are the main holder and he has access. 

If you are in physical danger, take appropriate actions.   

People lie when they are afraid to tell the truth . Why do you think he lied to you ?   

he pays the rent and i pay for ever thing else i wont buy is beer or smokes but i dont tell him or will not ask for help on the pills if i do i have to tell him were i spent the money and it pay the the bills.. i see as if i dont ask and dont tell im not lying ... 

So I guess the question of the day is...how do you know?  Maybe Dr. Phil will weigh in on this one for us.  It seems that we can't always assume our partner is being honest, so how does one determine if someone is a financial wizard or a financial flop? 

What are things (behaviours, indicators) to watch for when you're trying to determine if someone is financially responsible? 

Can you check someone out (i.e. through a credit agency, bank, etc.) and if so, how do you do that? 

I have been married to my bi-polar spouse in July will be our 4th anniversary. 

The area of money is a big issue. For 18 months when we got married he could not find work. Finally, jobs began openning up and he was getting an income.  

Always though, there were/are stories told that he didn't get paid, left his check somewhere, lost the money or the check. Loaned it to someone, got mugged, whatever he thinks I will believe. But its gotten to the point I had to somewhat put my foot down.  

Now he earns 4-5X more  than me working on the river. Yet he still never manages to gt any money home. He goes to Bourbon Street and stays until the money is gone then finds his way home if then. At one point he decided to stay down there working and pretending to be homeless. 

So now I told him, pulling an empty pocket out the side of my pants. I told him if he couldn't help put money in it he better not come and try to get anything out of it either. Because if it only pertained to him I wasn't getting it anymore. I struggle with keeping utilities on while he parties every paycheck away. So last week when he brought nothing home, I had already explained I couldn't do it. He ran out of cigarettes and coffee for 3-4 days, suffered the withdrawal from both and was generally miserable. However, the next money he got his hands on managed to get home for some groceries etc. But that's not to say it will work very long. 

I have begged pleaded explained how his disorder affects both of us and those around us. But he still refuses to get on medicated. The rages and rapid-cycling nearly drive me nuts too. Not to say he is nuts, its a figure of speech. 

How did you manage to get your spouse to accept treatment. 

My husband took a whole new checkbook from me and claimed someone came in to use the bathroom and took it. Thankfully where I bank there are several who know me and it was my personal checking account, he was trying to use. They didn't let him get by with cashing the check/s. He still says that is true. But they have cameras and taped the whole thing. 

I have to keep an eye on every bit of income I get. from locking my purse in my car, and hiding the keys to sleeping with my purse under my pillows at night. How much more can one person take.