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Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

Number of Replies: 190
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:23:21 am
Author : dataimport
Do you find yourself not telling the whole truth about where the money goes every month? Is your spouse or child untruthful about their spending habits? Share your stories and coping strategies.

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May 24, 2006, 7:35 am CDT

Have you been scammed before?

 Hi my name is Cathy and I was wondering if I am the only gullible person left on earth? lol 

 My husband Just recently changed jobs because the one he had just wasnt enough to  

support us and our four children. This new job required him to buy his own truck and 

while the company will give him a truck allowance they will not provide the d own payment. 

So we went on a popular web site and saw the truck we wanted and clicked on finance. 

We were approved right away but because we didnt have very good credit we had to send 

"money to insure" t he loan in the amount of 1800.00. Which was the very last dime we had 

and was supposed to be used on bills. But we were approved for 40,000.00 that was to be 

direct deposited into our account in 12 buisness days. So no worries right? Well the money 

never appeared in our bank and now I have local police involved in a man hunt for these crooks. 

BE ADVICED,  A COMPANY CALLED, ROYAL OAK FINANCIAL GROUP IN TROY MICHIGAN IS A  

FRAUD.  THE SUT #103 THAT THEY CLAIM TO HAVE BEEN IN HAS BEEN EMPTY FOR A YEAR. 

Now me and my husband are on the verge because we have no idea if we will be homeless 

next month or not.  

WWW.ROFGROUP.COM IS A FRAUD. THEY ARE BEING INVESTIGATES AS WE SPEAK. 

IF YOU KNOW ANYONE DEALING WITH THEM PLEASE LET THEM NOW. 

AND PLEASE KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS. 

                                                                                                           SIGN, BROKEN HEARTED 

 
May 30, 2006, 6:08 am CDT

I am there with you

Quote From: lonelyinsd

My husband and I have $7000 in credit card dept, his school loan of 26,000 and two car loans. He's in the military and wanting to get out in June so we're wanting to get everything paid off by then. We have a 6 month old son and I was a SAHM but I now started working full time Customer Service at night to help pay everything off. He's always lecturing me about not putting things on the credit card but everything I put on there I make sure we have the money for an pay off. He came up with this great plan that we could both spend $100 a month on whatever we want, the problem is that I never spend money on myself that I just spend it on household and baby stuff but he wanted an excuse to spend a $100 a month on computer parts and games. We got a consumer loan to pay off all of our cards so that we just have to worry about 1 payment with a set interest rate. When I went to go pay them off I asked for the log in for his credit card, when he didn't want to tell me I tried a few things and figured it out. He bought $650 worth of computer parts last month! Everything he asked me about getting  I budget and figure out a way for us to afford it but he went out and spent this money without even consulting me. He put it on a credit card, when he knows we can't afford it. It's like he thinks that I'm working just to buy him stuff. The month before that he spent $150 on a new gaming keyboard, mouse and mousepad without telling me and I was pissed about that so why in the world would he do this?  He works and goes to school full time so is never home to help with the house or the baby but thinks that he needs computer games to unwind.
 I am in the same situation as you are.  We are paying our bills, but just barely.  My husband is entirely to blame for our financial problems.  We are 30,000 in debt with credit cards.  My husband has been on a spending spree for years.  I was able to keep up with payments until this january when they increased the minimum payments due.  Now we are scrambling and trying to budget.  We gave ourselves $20 each week as spending money.  I never spend mine and my husband goes to his mother for more money.  My husband's therapy for any problem is shopping.  He has no other extra-curricular hobbies but shopping.  A good day out for him is go to mall and buy a computer part.  He has taken apart and rebuilt our computer so many times and each time, he needs more parts. I wish I could cancel his subscription to these terrible magazines on computer advancements.  My husband now blames everyone but him on our debt.  First me and him for fighting, my son for not been good, his friends for deserting him.  I told him, it is his problem and he needs help.  He will not get individual help, but I have found a debtors anonymous meeting out of town--about 25 minutes from our house,  that he as agreed to go to.  I don't know what type of help they offer, but maybe we are not alone.  I am hoping to take this debt-thing one day at a time and slowly pay it off.  It is killing us.  We are one incident from disaster.  It is stressful and taking its toll on our 10-year marriage.  To top it off, our son has learning disabilities which already cause extreme chaos in our relationship.  It we stick to our plan we should be completely out of debt in 30 months.  However, that is if we survive the hardships (e.g., no vacations, no extra clothes, no new furniture, and hopefully nothing breaks or none of us gets sick.).  I wish there was a fast solution to change ones spending habits.  I wish my husband would recognize how seriously he is damaging our family by his spending habits.
 
May 30, 2006, 2:15 pm CDT

Hopefully some help

Quote From: cdtate

Hi, I have been with my fiance for 9 months now and he is great.  As far as cheating, there are no trust issues there.  I trust him completely.  I've thought for the last year that we were totally honest and open with each other about everything and that I finally had that kind of honest relationship.  Recently I have discovered some issues when it comes to money.  He has lied to me once about the amount of money he kept out of his check after a deposit into our account and I discovered this when I found the deposit slip.  I also found a check stubb where he got an advance of money from his work that I did not know about.  I don't feel that I can tell him that I found the check stubb because he is a private person when it comes to his personal space and I found the stubb while getting cash out of his wallet. (which he knew i was doing)  Do I tell him that I was nosey and looked at the stubb and that I want to know why he got a cash advance from work and didn't tell me??  Or do I wait to see if he comes clean about it??  It's been 2 weeks since he got the advance and we have had conversations about money since then and he had the chance to tell me and didn't.  I'm worried about this......I thought that there were no secrets between us, but I was wrong.  I am supposed to marry this guy in the fall and now I feel like he is lying to me.  WHAT DO I DO???
I have been married for 7 years now, and my husband has had spending problems from the day I met him.  I dearly love my husband, and thankfully we are finally in a good financial situation.  I guess all I can say is that finances are one of the most stressful elements of a marriage (if not the most stressful).  I can't emphasize enough how important open, consistent communication about your finances are PRIOR to marriage.  I would just tell him that you came across the stub and deposit slip and are questioning them.  If he gets angry tell him that getting your financial priorities in line prior to marrying one another is important to the health of your marriage.  I remember time and time again, my husband hiding receipts from me, withdrawing money without telling me about it, or saying he was going to pay and bill and never did.  This has been the basis of more than a few fights and A LOT of stress.  We came to a head when I was working 3 jobs (one full and 2 part) and he could barely get to his 1 full-time job and was spending well beyond our means.  As for your wedding- A marriage is for a life-time right?  I know that it can be embarrassing and even a hassle to postpone a wedding, but if you have the rest of your life to spend together I would suggest getting all of this on the table and agreed upon before marrying one another.  If I can offer one more suggestion it would be to let one person control the finances-and only have 1 credit card with a small limit between the two of you. It is a wonderful feeling to know that you can pay your bills each month, have money left over, and not have the stress of owing everything and owning nothing ( believe me I have been there).   I hope this has been some help.  I will keep you in my thoughts.  Amy
 
May 30, 2006, 2:20 pm CDT

In my prayers!!!

Quote From: neauxcue

I have been married to my bi-polar spouse in July will be our 4th anniversary. 

The area of money is a big issue. For 18 months when we got married he could not find work. Finally, jobs began openning up and he was getting an income.  

Always though, there were/are stories told that he didn't get paid, left his check somewhere, lost the money or the check. Loaned it to someone, got mugged, whatever he thinks I will believe. But its gotten to the point I had to somewhat put my foot down.  

Now he earns 4-5X more  than me working on the river. Yet he still never manages to gt any money home. He goes to Bourbon Street and stays until the money is gone then finds his way home if then. At one point he decided to stay down there working and pretending to be homeless. 

So now I told him, pulling an empty pocket out the side of my pants. I told him if he couldn't help put money in it he better not come and try to get anything out of it either. Because if it only pertained to him I wasn't getting it anymore. I struggle with keeping utilities on while he parties every paycheck away. So last week when he brought nothing home, I had already explained I couldn't do it. He ran out of cigarettes and coffee for 3-4 days, suffered the withdrawal from both and was generally miserable. However, the next money he got his hands on managed to get home for some groceries etc. But that's not to say it will work very long. 

 

I have begged pleaded explained how his disorder affects both of us and those around us. But he still refuses to get on medicated. The rages and rapid-cycling nearly drive me nuts too. Not to say he is nuts, its a figure of speech. 

 

How did you manage to get your spouse to accept treatment. 

 

My husband took a whole new checkbook from me and claimed someone came in to use the bathroom and took it. Thankfully where I bank there are several who know me and it was my personal checking account, he was trying to use. They didn't let him get by with cashing the check/s. He still says that is true. But they have cameras and taped the whole thing. 

 

I have to keep an eye on every bit of income I get. from locking my purse in my car, and hiding the keys to sleeping with my purse under my pillows at night. How much more can one person take. 

My husband has spending issues, but my heart genuinely goes out to you.  I will keep you in my prayers!  Sometimes the hardest things to do are the best for us. 
 
June 1, 2006, 8:45 pm CDT

lying about money

I can not tell my husband any time their is a money problem.  He start at me so bad that In the last ten years of my marriage, I have Lynde to he are just keep it to myself.  I wish I could tell my husband things I be going thought but  he is so very verbalize abased when he talk to me I do not what to hear it. so i work round it  just lyn what bills or due to keep from telling him.  I like to come clean but I know it will never happen,
 
June 1, 2006, 11:30 pm CDT

Same boat

Quote From: rondareyes

 I am in the same situation as you are.  We are paying our bills, but just barely.  My husband is entirely to blame for our financial problems.  We are 30,000 in debt with credit cards.  My husband has been on a spending spree for years.  I was able to keep up with payments until this january when they increased the minimum payments due.  Now we are scrambling and trying to budget.  We gave ourselves $20 each week as spending money.  I never spend mine and my husband goes to his mother for more money.  My husband's therapy for any problem is shopping.  He has no other extra-curricular hobbies but shopping.  A good day out for him is go to mall and buy a computer part.  He has taken apart and rebuilt our computer so many times and each time, he needs more parts. I wish I could cancel his subscription to these terrible magazines on computer advancements.  My husband now blames everyone but him on our debt.  First me and him for fighting, my son for not been good, his friends for deserting him.  I told him, it is his problem and he needs help.  He will not get individual help, but I have found a debtors anonymous meeting out of town--about 25 minutes from our house,  that he as agreed to go to.  I don't know what type of help they offer, but maybe we are not alone.  I am hoping to take this debt-thing one day at a time and slowly pay it off.  It is killing us.  We are one incident from disaster.  It is stressful and taking its toll on our 10-year marriage.  To top it off, our son has learning disabilities which already cause extreme chaos in our relationship.  It we stick to our plan we should be completely out of debt in 30 months.  However, that is if we survive the hardships (e.g., no vacations, no extra clothes, no new furniture, and hopefully nothing breaks or none of us gets sick.).  I wish there was a fast solution to change ones spending habits.  I wish my husband would recognize how seriously he is damaging our family by his spending habits.

It is somewhat comforting to know I am not the only one out there going though this.    

   

I too have been married over 10 years.  My husband has always been irresponsible with money and has freqently paid bills late which absolutely infuriates me.  To me there is nothing more frustrating han paying a late fee, over-credit-limit fee, bounced check fee....  it's just throwing money away needlessly.  He pays all the bills.  I own my own small business and pay myself a salary and the rest I keep and pay out as didvidends annually so it is more of a savings.  

   

Instead of coming to me and telling me he needed extra money he has taken out over 20K in credit cards in the last year and has maxed or gone over the limit in all of them thus sticking us with massive fees.  

   

One card was as recently as two weeks ago for a pathetic $300 credit limit which cost him a $95 setup fee to get.  What 40 year old successful business man does this???????? He swears there is no gambling, women, drugs etc. involved but refuses to talk to me about it.    

   

He has completely hidden this from me for over a year.  I only found out about it in the last two days when he went away for a business trip and I received two collections calls for cards I never knew existed.  I then went and pulled an entire credit report.  The results were painful.  

   

Before I pulled the report I asked him if there were ANY other cards or debt he failed to mention and he repeatedly told me "no" which was a huge lie.  

   

I sepnt the day closing our bank accounts and crying to bank staff trying to protect what little is left knowing that my mortgage is due in a few days.  

   

I had him move out and am now finding out he has not paid many bills in months.  I ask him where it went and all he says is "I refuse to be yelled at for this" and refuses to talk at all.  

   

I am absolutely shocked and heart broken over this.  My husband is a loving man and a good Father and I just don't see why he would detroy our family like this.  

   

I am seeing no way out but divorce which is destroying me as I cannot imagine having to share my children that are only 8 and 3.  

   

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  

 
June 1, 2006, 11:40 pm CDT

Credit Report

Quote From: rissie

    My husband and I have been married for just about a year, together for 5 years.  He is a hard worker, BUT he spends $$ like it’s water.  He will spend up to $100 a day from our personal account.  I make on average $1,700 a month, his job is ‘hand to mouth.”  He has collection dept. calling look for $$.  He has not done his Taxes in over 7 years!!!!!  I have discuss it with him, bribed him, yelled, screamed, threatened… You name it I’ve tried it.  An still nothing.  He make promises and drops the ball every single time. 

Our lease is up on our rental house in 2 months; I want to move out after the lease is up.  I’ve told him this last night.  He says he will do what he needs to do to get his $$ problems strait, BUT if his pasted actions are any inclination; he’ll just keep doing what his doing.    He is the kind of guy who doesn’t like to do ANYTHING he doesn’t like. Period 

He tells me “We love each other and knowing that we can accomplish anything.”   That’s great for a person who lives in La La Land, BUT here in the real life “Love isn’t everything.”  Security and a feeling of being safe is what I want!  An I don’t have that with him.  I’m 6 years younger then my husband and I have better credit them him. 

            Do any of you have an idea that could help?  I’ve taken away his debit card, but I can’t take-off work and hold his hand when he goes to the accountant for his taxes.  I already have to take off work when he goes to the Doc.!!!  Well I stopped that after he was making appointments that I didn’t NEED to be there for.  I’m at the end of my rope.
My advice - run his credit report and call you bank to see what is really there.  I just learned a whole lot about my loving husband this way and am sick over it.  He moved out yesterday.
 
June 2, 2006, 8:32 am CDT

Please help - advice needed

I have been married over 10 years.  I have always known him to tell a few white lies or stretch the truth if you will.  When bills have been late it was always a computer glitch or mistake on the bank's part but at least they were being paid.  

  

To me there is nothing more frustrating than paying a late fee, over-credit-limit fee, bounced check fee....  it's just throwing money away needlessly and we have had many fights over the years about it. 

  

It got so bad this month that I took over the bill paying again and agreed to give him an allowance of $100 per week for gas, lunch etc.  

  

As I have started to straighten out our bills I started to find out that the late fees was only the tip of the iceberg. 

    

Instead of coming to me and telling me he needed extra money he has taken out over 20K in credit cards in the last year and has maxed or gone over the limit in all of them thus sticking us with massive fees.  He never told me about the cards or late bills and must hide the statements and phone calls.  Whenever he travels for work is when I find out about everything as he is not here to shield me. 

    

One card was as recently as two weeks ago for a pathetic $300 credit limit which cost him a $95 setup fee to get.  What 40 year old successful business man does this???????? He swears there is no gambling, women, drugs etc. involved but refuses to talk to me about it.     

    

He has completely hidden this from me for over a year.  I only found out about it in the last two days when he went away for a business trip and I received two collections calls for cards I never knew existed.  I then went and pulled an entire credit report.  The results were painful.   

    

Before I pulled the report I asked him if there were ANY other cards or debt he failed to mention and he repeatedly told me "no" which was a huge lie.   

    

I spent the day yesterday closing our bank accounts and crying to bank staff trying to protect what little is left knowing that my mortgage is due in a few days.   

    

I had him move out and am now finding out he has not paid many bills in months.  I ask him where it went and all he says is "I refuse to be yelled at for this" and refuses to talk at all.   

    

I am absolutely shocked and heart broken over this.  My husband is a loving man and a good Father and I just don't see why he would detroy our family like this.   

    

I am seeing no way out but divorce which is destroying me as I cannot imagine having to share my children that are only 8 and 3.   

    

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.   

 
June 2, 2006, 12:27 pm CDT

I did

Quote From: ellewoods

I have been married over 10 years.  I have always known him to tell a few white lies or stretch the truth if you will.  When bills have been late it was always a computer glitch or mistake on the bank's part but at least they were being paid.  

  

To me there is nothing more frustrating than paying a late fee, over-credit-limit fee, bounced check fee....  it's just throwing money away needlessly and we have had many fights over the years about it. 

  

It got so bad this month that I took over the bill paying again and agreed to give him an allowance of $100 per week for gas, lunch etc.  

  

As I have started to straighten out our bills I started to find out that the late fees was only the tip of the iceberg. 

    

Instead of coming to me and telling me he needed extra money he has taken out over 20K in credit cards in the last year and has maxed or gone over the limit in all of them thus sticking us with massive fees.  He never told me about the cards or late bills and must hide the statements and phone calls.  Whenever he travels for work is when I find out about everything as he is not here to shield me. 

    

One card was as recently as two weeks ago for a pathetic $300 credit limit which cost him a $95 setup fee to get.  What 40 year old successful business man does this???????? He swears there is no gambling, women, drugs etc. involved but refuses to talk to me about it.     

    

He has completely hidden this from me for over a year.  I only found out about it in the last two days when he went away for a business trip and I received two collections calls for cards I never knew existed.  I then went and pulled an entire credit report.  The results were painful.   

    

Before I pulled the report I asked him if there were ANY other cards or debt he failed to mention and he repeatedly told me "no" which was a huge lie.   

    

I spent the day yesterday closing our bank accounts and crying to bank staff trying to protect what little is left knowing that my mortgage is due in a few days.   

    

I had him move out and am now finding out he has not paid many bills in months.  I ask him where it went and all he says is "I refuse to be yelled at for this" and refuses to talk at all.   

    

I am absolutely shocked and heart broken over this.  My husband is a loving man and a good Father and I just don't see why he would detroy our family like this.   

    

I am seeing no way out but divorce which is destroying me as I cannot imagine having to share my children that are only 8 and 3.   

    

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.   

I did the same thing your husband did, except I maxed out the cards to make ends meet.  Go to each credit card co and ask for copies of the statements and that will give you a idea of where the money went.  You can also have something listed on your credit report to keep any cards being issued to him in both of your names.  I am so sorry that this had happened to you, but it didn't sound like he did it for survival and I wish I would of been honest with my husband about our money situation. 
 
June 2, 2006, 6:01 pm CDT

Why

Quote From: loris

I did the same thing your husband did, except I maxed out the cards to make ends meet.  Go to each credit card co and ask for copies of the statements and that will give you a idea of where the money went.  You can also have something listed on your credit report to keep any cards being issued to him in both of your names.  I am so sorry that this had happened to you, but it didn't sound like he did it for survival and I wish I would of been honest with my husband about our money situation. 

Thank you for responding.   

  

Can I ask why you felt you could not tell your husband what was going on?   

  

Did you continually lie after he found out about some of the bills? 

  

What was your final outcome? 

  

Do you have any advice for my husband? 

  

Thanks again. 

 
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