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Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:23:21 am
Author : dataimport
Do you find yourself not telling the whole truth about where the money goes every month? Is your spouse or child untruthful about their spending habits? Share your stories and coping strategies.

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loris

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June 5, 2006, 7:35 am PDT

afraid

Quote From: ellewoods

Thank you for responding.   

  

Can I ask why you felt you could not tell your husband what was going on?   

  

Did you continually lie after he found out about some of the bills? 

  

What was your final outcome? 

  

Do you have any advice for my husband? 

  

Thanks again. 

I was afraid of his reaction and still am.  I have told him of all the credit cards.  Tell him to be honest it is all going to come out sooner or later and the longer he waits the worse it will be. 
 
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alpen36
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Happy

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June 8, 2006, 1:28 pm PDT

cashed out

I need some help.  I'm not sure what to think or what to do.  I love my husband very much and I though we had a great marriage (even with money issues).   But I recently found out that he has been getting the child support checks that are issued in my name.  He has forged my name and hid the check stubs from me, this has been going on for months.  I am not as hurt about the money (because it is just money) but the fact that he had to lie and sneak behind my back, Why?  Am I making to big of a deal about this?  I haven't talked to him in 2 days, I just don't know what to say, if he is lying to me about this what else is there?
 
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lostatsea
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Depressed

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confused
June 8, 2006, 5:19 pm PDT

the money thing

I read some of the messages and was quite surprised to read my emotions in most of them. My husband and I just got married in April, and I am under so much stress due to the lack of money we are making. He works full time and I dont work at all ( I am clinically depressed, and find it hard to keep a job). Anyway, I get the same response about money now, as I did when I was working and making more then him. I signed my checks over to him, and literally have to beg him for things we need, and it is getting old. 3 days ago we were fighting over whether or not to get the whole gallon of milk, or just the half gallon. WHO DOES THAT? I don't drive(I am too terrified of failing or hurting someone), and I rarely leave the house. When I do ask to go somewhere, I get so much hell for even asking. If I do get him to take me somewhere, he pout s and makes me feel like a child.  

 Our finacial state has gotten so bad(we also have a daughter), I feel so much resentment towards him for making it seem I am constantly the reason we are broke, or behind. I have tried to get a job, and in the area I live in College education doesn't help, there isn't anything. So I went to extreme circumstances and almost VERY ILLEGAL took some medication to sell, so we could buy groceries. I felt so guilty, but he left me no other options. I backed out at the last second, and vowed to never even consider that again, but what do we do? I feel like a prisioner in my own home.  
 
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sueg1963
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Distressed

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quiet
June 9, 2006, 7:36 pm PDT

Scammed!!

Quote From: inspiredis

 Hi my name is Cathy and I was wondering if I am the only gullible person left on earth? lol 

 My husband Just recently changed jobs because the one he had just wasnt enough to  

support us and our four children. This new job required him to buy his own truck and 

while the company will give him a truck allowance they will not provide the d own payment. 

So we went on a popular web site and saw the truck we wanted and clicked on finance. 

We were approved right away but because we didnt have very good credit we had to send 

"money to insure" t he loan in the amount of 1800.00. Which was the very last dime we had 

and was supposed to be used on bills. But we were approved for 40,000.00 that was to be 

direct deposited into our account in 12 buisness days. So no worries right? Well the money 

never appeared in our bank and now I have local police involved in a man hunt for these crooks. 

BE ADVICED,  A COMPANY CALLED, ROYAL OAK FINANCIAL GROUP IN TROY MICHIGAN IS A  

FRAUD.  THE SUT #103 THAT THEY CLAIM TO HAVE BEEN IN HAS BEEN EMPTY FOR A YEAR. 

Now me and my husband are on the verge because we have no idea if we will be homeless 

next month or not.  

WWW.ROFGROUP.COM IS A FRAUD. THEY ARE BEING INVESTIGATES AS WE SPEAK. 

IF YOU KNOW ANYONE DEALING WITH THEM PLEASE LET THEM NOW. 

AND PLEASE KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS. 

                                                                                                           SIGN, BROKEN HEARTED 

 Cathy you are not the only one this has happened too. It happened to my daughter also by someone from the same company. She was told to send in an insurance payment and then the money would be sent by fedex and be received within the next 48 hours. Once "Royal Oak Financial Group" received her money they stopped contacting her. They also blocked her phone # so she couldn't contact them anymore. We have learned that we can still call them from any number but hers. She is also having them investigated.  I don't know if you were contacting them by the same # but  they can be reached at 1-877-814-7737. If this will help with your investigation please use it.
 
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sukapunch
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Worried

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June 13, 2006, 11:14 am PDT

I feel so stupid!

When I met my husband 9 years ago he was approx. 80,000 in debt from gambling. I took the love will get us through approach and helped him pay this debt, not thinking that this could happen again. The lesson was learned. Well we are married now and we have a 3 year old son. Last week I discovered that we are now 70,000 in debt and we have to sell property I was hoping to build a house on when my son was school age and I returned to work. I have a range of emotions at this time and today I am angry and want a divorce. I realize now that he is a compulsive gambler and this wasn't just him running a muck in his twenties. I know we need to get help from more educated sources but there is only one GA meeting a week in this area and one Gamanon meeting. I know I shouldn't abandon him at this point but I can't help feeling like I need to seperate from him financially to protect my son and I from this happening again. Does anyone have any advice on this other than get divorced. Someone with experience in this area who knows what works and what doesn't would be a gift right now. I still love my husband (at this point) and my no experience with this situation girl friends are no help. I have taken control of the finances at this point but there really is no money left. I feel sick!  
 
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loris

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June 13, 2006, 11:59 am PDT

I do

Quote From: sukapunch

When I met my husband 9 years ago he was approx. 80,000 in debt from gambling. I took the love will get us through approach and helped him pay this debt, not thinking that this could happen again. The lesson was learned. Well we are married now and we have a 3 year old son. Last week I discovered that we are now 70,000 in debt and we have to sell property I was hoping to build a house on when my son was school age and I returned to work. I have a range of emotions at this time and today I am angry and want a divorce. I realize now that he is a compulsive gambler and this wasn't just him running a muck in his twenties. I know we need to get help from more educated sources but there is only one GA meeting a week in this area and one Gamanon meeting. I know I shouldn't abandon him at this point but I can't help feeling like I need to seperate from him financially to protect my son and I from this happening again. Does anyone have any advice on this other than get divorced. Someone with experience in this area who knows what works and what doesn't would be a gift right now. I still love my husband (at this point) and my no experience with this situation girl friends are no help. I have taken control of the finances at this point but there really is no money left. I feel sick!  

I do not have any experience with gambling problems, but you taking control of the finances was a smart move.  I charged up credit cards behind my husbands back, but I did it to make ends meet, instead of being honest with him about where we stood, he hoped I had a gambling or a drug addiction because he feels he could accept that easier.  I would look into a counselor for him to go to alone and then a marriage counselor for you both.  Best of luck.
 
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sukapunch
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June 16, 2006, 5:53 pm PDT

Thanks

Quote From: loris

I do not have any experience with gambling problems, but you taking control of the finances was a smart move.  I charged up credit cards behind my husbands back, but I did it to make ends meet, instead of being honest with him about where we stood, he hoped I had a gambling or a drug addiction because he feels he could accept that easier.  I would look into a counselor for him to go to alone and then a marriage counselor for you both.  Best of luck.
I really don't want this to ruin my marriage, but I need to make sure my son and I don't suffer financially in the future.
 
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tahitian
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June 28, 2006, 4:16 pm PDT

Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: loris

I do not have any experience with gambling problems, but you taking control of the finances was a smart move.  I charged up credit cards behind my husbands back, but I did it to make ends meet, instead of being honest with him about where we stood, he hoped I had a gambling or a drug addiction because he feels he could accept that easier.  I would look into a counselor for him to go to alone and then a marriage counselor for you both.  Best of luck.

I'm going through a similar situation. After being married 31 years I am seeking a divorce. My husband can buy up to $1000.00 or more in clothes a month on a credit card.  I have had control of the check book all of these years and now realize that I have been the enabler for him.  He never worried about paying it back because I did it, over and over again.   It will continue until he learns to get control of his spending by respecting himself and money.   
 
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tahitian
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June 28, 2006, 4:29 pm PDT

Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: avinton10

I have been married for 7 years now, and my husband has had spending problems from the day I met him.  I dearly love my husband, and thankfully we are finally in a good financial situation.  I guess all I can say is that finances are one of the most stressful elements of a marriage (if not the most stressful).  I can't emphasize enough how important open, consistent communication about your finances are PRIOR to marriage.  I would just tell him that you came across the stub and deposit slip and are questioning them.  If he gets angry tell him that getting your financial priorities in line prior to marrying one another is important to the health of your marriage.  I remember time and time again, my husband hiding receipts from me, withdrawing money without telling me about it, or saying he was going to pay and bill and never did.  This has been the basis of more than a few fights and A LOT of stress.  We came to a head when I was working 3 jobs (one full and 2 part) and he could barely get to his 1 full-time job and was spending well beyond our means.  As for your wedding- A marriage is for a life-time right?  I know that it can be embarrassing and even a hassle to postpone a wedding, but if you have the rest of your life to spend together I would suggest getting all of this on the table and agreed upon before marrying one another.  If I can offer one more suggestion it would be to let one person control the finances-and only have 1 credit card with a small limit between the two of you. It is a wonderful feeling to know that you can pay your bills each month, have money left over, and not have the stress of owing everything and owning nothing ( believe me I have been there).   I hope this has been some help.  I will keep you in my thoughts.  Amy

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.  iF HE LIES ABOUT THIS HE WILL BE DISHONEST IN OTHER AREAS OF HIS LIFE ALSO. 
 
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oh67la
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sad
July 7, 2006, 12:54 pm PDT

Scared and confused

Two years ago I met a man that I thought would be in my life forever.  We could finish each other sentences, would think the exact same thing at the same time, and stayed on the same page in our relationship from day one.  I was living in Louisiana at the time but originally from Ohio, so after a few months of dating when he offered to move to Ohio to start a life with me, I was more that willing and excited.  After we moved to Ohio things started to change.  He became very secretive, but his excuse was because I did not trust him.  I have had so many issues with trust in my life that I agreed I was only being suspicious and I let it go.  In May of 2005 he was fired from his job and in July of 2005 I got him hired on where I was working to get him back to work due to bills.  This is where the relationship began to take a turn.  He started being handed reports that I had been responsible for all along, that where just out of the blue taken from me, and by December of 2005 we decided that it would be best if one of us started looking for a new place of employment to save our relationship.  He decided that if we moved into a less expensive appartment that I would not need to work.  That way I could be home for my children.  His vehicle did not have leagal tags on it and no insurance so he decided that since I was not working he would get better gas milage with mine.  Three weeks ago I had a feeling come over me that he was cheating on me.  The one thing we promised each other is that we would be honest about all feelings and doings in our lives, so I went to him and asked him point blank if he was and who I thought it was.  He assured me that I was wrong and that he loved me more than he had ever loved anyone before.  It was only a few days later that I found out that my feelings were correct.  I started looking thru our computer and found emails, in an account that I did not even know he had.  I have found several places on the computer that I did not know he was.  On june 29 he again told me he was not cheating and he was sorry for leading me to believe that he was.  The very next day I found yet more on our computer proving different, such as him planning to take her out again using my car, while I sit here with no vehicle to use with my children.  I had a friend take me to work to get my car, and that evening he had his girlfriend, my friend, come pick him and his things up.  He left me here with no food, $.27, and all the bills with no job.  I feel like my whole world is coming in around me.  I thought about ending my life and the only thing that stopped me were my two children that I love so very dearly.  I could not do that to them, but I have no idea what I am going to do.  I am looking for work and have gone to several interviews but have heard nothing back.  I am so scared and I have no idea where to turn.   HELP!!!!!!!
 
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