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Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

Number of Replies: 190
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:23:21 am
Author : dataimport
Do you find yourself not telling the whole truth about where the money goes every month? Is your spouse or child untruthful about their spending habits? Share your stories and coping strategies.

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May 5, 2008, 8:36 am CDT

???

so my boyfriend for 3 years and the father of my child is very irisponsible with money...we have been living together for 2 years and since i got pregnant, we made an agreement that i would sit down and figure out what bills are owed and food and gas and stuff like that and he would hand over his checks and what ever was left over then thats it...i put us both on a buget...ever since the baby's been born (so for 3 months) he has made the choice on paydays not to come home till 5 am will absolutly no money...spent everything on drinks and drugs....he did this about 7 times ..he will promise and blah blah blah and he does fantastic for a couple of weeks but then he goes and does it again...i can;t financhially support my daughter on my own and ireally dont want to break up but at the same time im thinking of whats better for my daughter? me being unhappy and stressed 24/7 or being dirt poor (and im not joking when i say that)i would only have maybe 50$ a month to feed myself...there is assistance and he said he would buy ne thing for the baby he just wouldn't give me the money....but at the same time nothing is getting done on either end...very stressed and confused and would love some feedback.
 
May 13, 2008, 9:09 pm CDT

KIMBERLYMARTIN.....GET READY TO LEAVE

Quote From: kimberlymartin

so my boyfriend for 3 years and the father of my child is very irisponsible with money...we have been living together for 2 years and since i got pregnant, we made an agreement that i would sit down and figure out what bills are owed and food and gas and stuff like that and he would hand over his checks and what ever was left over then thats it...i put us both on a buget...ever since the baby's been born (so for 3 months) he has made the choice on paydays not to come home till 5 am will absolutly no money...spent everything on drinks and drugs....he did this about 7 times ..he will promise and blah blah blah and he does fantastic for a couple of weeks but then he goes and does it again...i can;t financhially support my daughter on my own and ireally dont want to break up but at the same time im thinking of whats better for my daughter? me being unhappy and stressed 24/7 or being dirt poor (and im not joking when i say that)i would only have maybe 50$ a month to feed myself...there is assistance and he said he would buy ne thing for the baby he just wouldn't give me the money....but at the same time nothing is getting done on either end...very stressed and confused and would love some feedback.

Personally, I can't imagine any guy not wanting to support and raise his own child!!! He is not only irresponsible with you but also to the baby. Now here are some hard facts you need to hear......get ready to get a job and support yourself and your baby....the baby deserves your undivided attention. You knew this guy was irresponsible BEFORE you had a baby but you thought a baby would CHANGE him......WRONG!!!

So rather than buying food and clothes and diapers for the baby......he buys drinks and DRUGS???? This guy is nowhere near ready to be a father. Sure you want to be a stay at home Mom but you sure picked a LOOSER as a Dad.....so get ready to go to work girl. REMEMBER.......the baby didn't ask to be born......that was your and "looser's" choice......but the fact is ......the baby is here now and it's up to you to take care of that child. IF you are any kind of Mother........you will see to it that the baby is taken care of. IF NOT......then I guess the baby will just become another statistic of children being raised in Foster Care. DO see to it that "looser" pays child support......find a descent guy before you have any more children.

 
May 18, 2008, 10:01 am CDT

LYING: hubby Fraud Bankruptcy CRIME

At 52, years I have to reinvent and began my life again.
 
One year ago, my soon to be ex-husband(33years), he stole from my father and my company’s money, he committed Federal bankruptcy fraud, perjury and forgery.  Next, he abandoned, betrayed and filed for divorce.  The result is my beloved home was foreclosed, roommates displaced, workers eliminated, my home Bed & Breakfast destroyed, my family changed, my college children alienated, my youngest son failed his high school senior year, my marriage over and my memories & belongings stored.  I have been hospitalized twice, I have chronic illnesses that have been stressed and I am lonely.

I LOST EVERYTHING TO HIS SELFISH CRIMES.

In this difficult economy, many women face menopause with much change.  Even though I am educated, professional and artistic women, my situation gives “empty NEST” syndrome a foreboding and deep literal meaning.  PLEASE, I need an angel; the changes I face now are overwhelming.  I need help with eliminating my life’s POSSESSIONS, treasures, dreams, and memories to charity.

Additionally, a “new vision” of what it means “die to my old life and rebirth a new life” within this lifetime and to welcome a “new” chapter and start over. Health, self expression, abundance and partnerships, the balance of life and the PRESENCE I am in very much in the NOW of my life.  I find beauty and gratefulness.

MY QUESTION: How do I “let go and rebuild” a very simply, transient life?  I do not know where I will live or work.  I NEED TO REDEFINE LIFE AFTER 50 THAT GOES WITH THE FLOW, not weighted by the past.

I bless the past, have faith in the future, I live in the Now.

 

 
August 3, 2008, 8:09 pm CDT

is this the beginning to the end

My husbund and i have been married for 3 years....  He had a business before our marriage and I had two houses completely paid for..... along with some money......    He put me as a co-owner on the business and we took a home equity loan to pay off his debt that he had before he married me.....and also he put money into the business....to make it grow?    His name was put on the new equity line loan and the deed to the house since his/our business was the source to repay the loan....We have a 120000 loan on one of the house now..... its worth around 300000..... He now has told me that he wants to take back the business in his own name ..... and give back the houses into my name....  and he says he will pay back 60000 (which is half of the loan) over the next two years...... He feels that he only should pay back half of the loan since the loan was both ours....and I am responsible for half.....He has also told me that he will pay me 1000 per month for the services that i do for the business... office stuff... and also he will pay for all the utilities at the house  since this is a at home business....   He made it real clear that he does not want a divorce but just wants to control the business....  that would include all the spending and earning.......   when I got married to him  I quit my job  and went to work with the business......  and now he wants that business back...... The houses are worth quite a bit of money  but the business is how we get our food....   is this looking crazy  or am I thinking about this all wrong........ I feel like I am getting ripped off.........

 

our relationship has been fine... pretty good no fighting or anything.... the whole thing started when I got a bill in the mail  that he had spent 7900.00 on tires  that we did not need.....  He said that he told me about this ...... but  he didnt.....he said that the tires were going to go up so he bought them......  I told him that its not fair  for him to spend money with out talk it over with me..... his wife....his business partner........  I told him that he wouldnt like it if I went out and spend that much money on a RV or something.......so we got over that ......with both of us not talking for a day......and then about three days later   I was looking at the business bank account  just like I always do every morning...... if fact we were talking on the phone   and I replied   hey  whats th is check for 3000.00 that our accoutant wrote last week..... he said that i would have to talk to her and then he said that he would need to go (stop talking on the phone).... so i emailed our accountant and she told me that my husbund told her to direct deposit 3000.00 into a friends account.........  boy  was I really upset now....again  he didnt even mention this to me..... and he certainly could of.......  so I tried to call him back on the phone and he would not answer the phone for two days.....  ( he was not home but on business at that time)  he then text me and told me that he never could talk to me about money  and that he wants to pay back the money that our business owes me and he wants to business in his name and so forth...... The person that he loaned the  money for is just a friend  who needs help leaving her husbund......  he has know her for 30 years.......  I do not know her.....he told me to talk all the business stuff over to the accountant and that he and the accountant will run the business and my role is to help dispatch him.....( he drives long haul and we own our truck which is a show truck and seems like a money pit...)   that is why he wants to pay me 1000 per month to dispatch him so he can still make money......yet he doesnt want a divorice and just tells me that I dont understand business and that he wants to make the decisions on where the money goes...... he simply does not want me to be a part of the business but just stay at home  dispatch him a couple of times a week and thats it....... I went to a lawyer and I am having paper work done for him to sign giving me the houses back  and I am giving him the business back......all legal      and of course  he will be signing paper work that he will pay for half the mortgage on the house......  I feel  like I put a lot of money into the business the last 3 years  and now I have been fired almost from making more money.......I do love him but I am wondering if this is a exit stratagy for him ....... he tells me that he doesnt want to leave  but wants to run the business .....thats it.......  I guess I better start finding a new career.......  what do  you think......

 
August 18, 2008, 1:54 pm CDT

Spending addict

Dr. Phil:

 

I just recieved notice from my son that he is about to divorce his wife (for the second time).  She spends money they don't have, writes hot checks, and now she has embezzled about 7,000 from her son's football boosters club.  They are filing charges on her tomorrow and she will probably wind up in Jail.

 

Their children are young teens and very active in school activities.  We are afraid that in such a small school things will become unbearable for the kids and they will have to change schools.

 

My son never knows where the money goes.  She borrows money to pay back debts and then spends it.  She has been diagnosed as borderline bipolor, but I think she might have a drug problem as well.

 

She is moody, screams at Robie and the kids and everyone walks on eggshells when she is around.  You never know what kind of mood she is going to be in.  She can be as sweet as honey, then turn around and bite your head off.

 

Robie suspects that she had been having an affair, but has no proof.  She has told him he just doesn't give her what she needs.

 

She was molested by her grandfater when she was a child, and has done counseling for years but I think sometimes she uses it as an excuse to act out.

 

Before their last divorce Robie built her a brand new house with his own hands to try to save the marriage, but she still left him and he lost the house and everything they had. 

 

Robie is a Paramedic/Fireman and she works for an oil company.  They both make good money, but they are always broke.  She has ruined their credit and Robie has had to bail her out of jail for tickets she said she had paid.

 

They had to leave a church because she stole funds from the youth fund.

 

When they came to San Antonio we went to a souvanier shop and I saw her take my granddaughters backpack and slip something into it.  My granddaughter saw her do it.  I am afraid she is teaching them how to steal.  I am worried about this causing them that stealing is ok.

 

They want her approval so badly that they will do anything to make her happy.

 

Robie is sick and tired of cleaning up her mistakes, and tired of being treated like a door mat.  Should he try to save this marriage?  How can I help Robie and the kids get through this?

 

Broken hearted/Angry mom

Mickie McKee

 
August 29, 2008, 6:38 pm CDT

Financial Crisis

Dr. Phil or Anyone I need major assistance.

 

July 3rd, we had found out that my wife was pregnant.  To ensure that she was we went to our family doctor that same day and the blood test came back positive on July 7th.  We then contacted my wife's cardiologist and told him too and he told her to stop taking her coumadin.  On July 9th, we went to a OB/GYN in which he told us "I don't even want to touch you because you are high risk".  Well he had made out a referral to a high risk doctor.  Well while at the clinic he did an ultrasound and said my wife was 6 weeks and possible failure because he did not see a heartbeat.  So he cancelled the referral.  So I went to my insurance company website to find a high risk clinic close to my home which I did according to my insurance.  Well we went had a couple of ultrasounds that the doctor said he could not see anything so he sent us to a hospital to have an ultrasound done.  We told him that my wife needs to be on a blood thinner and he said "yeah she should be and you need to contact your cardiologist."  Well there is nothing he could do as no one was sure if she was pregnant.

On July 19th, I had to rush my wife to the ER because of lower back pain and barely able to walk.  Well the ER gave her 2 bags of fluid, morphine shot, and nausea medication and then sent her home.  The next day I had to take her back to the ER because she could hardly move her legs.  Well they did an ultrasound on her legs and found that she had a bloodclot in her leg and two in her lungs so they admitted her to the hospital.

Now a month later after she was released from the hospital on August 13th, I am having so much trouble on trying to find assistance with getting money for her prescriptions.  I am at risk of being evicted from where we are living, I am at risk of losing my job because my security clearance was revoked because of my credit report and the hospital bills are coming in and I have tried to get loans from everywhere and assistance from my Civilian Employee Assistance Program which was not even helpful.  I am now worried because she needs her medication and can not get assistance from anyone.  I have tried getting an attorney to file a malpractice case but so far two that I have contacted they said "my wife had to be dead before they were able to take the case."  Can someone please tell me where to go or what to do.  Thank you, Chris

 
November 3, 2008, 2:57 am CST

Not One Reply

Quote From: j2james

This is my story.  Hope someone can help.  I watch Dr. Phil daily, have all his books, refer back to them almost everyday.  My children, son age 40 and daughter age 35, will not read Dr. Phil's book or watch him on TV.  Ex-dau.-in-law convinced my son from the first Dr. Phil show, that she was smarted than Dr. Phil, and my son was not to listen to anything Dr. Phil or me had to say about anything. Son thought her words were the gospel.

 

My story...I'm over 60 yrs. old, been married to the same man for over 40 yrs.  Our children have been grown for a number of years, now.  We educated them, and they became stupied when they married.

But not nearly as stupid as I have become to believe there parents are.

You see, our son has become divorced this year, after almost twenty years of marriage.  He is back in college and doing really well with it.  The first week of school he met a twenty yrs. old girl (only girl in class).  She started playing him.  She needed help and wanted him as a study buddy.   He and his wife was not getting along and after a few short weeks of college, he was back in the house with me and his Dad.  Divorce was not final until this study-buddy ask him to marry her.  He agreed.  After they finished the schooling.  In two week ithey will have finished.  They planned to go over 200 miles away from here to get jobs and wanted to be married before they went.  They checked on line for jobs and an apartment.  Now my son has had a part-time job while in school.  This paid his child support for his two children and the credit card  (which is in his Dad's name)note for school and things needed for the course.  The plans these two made is to add the apartment rent and deposit and everything they will need to start there marriage on this credit card of ours.  Now this happened within the first marriage and it was HELL.  I ttake care of our bills and always had to pay our son's CC notes and hope for him and his first wife to pay it back.  Most the time we were paid back.  My husband had a good job, but that company closed.  My husband lost his job after almost 30 yrs. working there.  My husband had to take a job ten thousand a year less pay.  We lost everything from our health insurance to our savings.  The company let all the over 50 people go first.  Then closed the plant a few short month later.

Enough!!!

I refused to let our children use our credit cards.  My husband disagrees and has gave them full access to HIS credit cards, to the max.  If I don't like it I can get out.  Well, where do I go.  This morning both our children hate me.  Our daughter agrees with her Dad.  I told both of the son and daughter I was tired of doing without everything so they could use the credit card and sit around waiting and praying Dad will not live much longer so they can send these cc people Dad's death certificate, and they would owe the cc companies anymore.  Well, these two children were taught not paying your bills was stealing.

Our son, daughter, and my husband hates me.  I put up with this long enough.  I'm not well.  But enough is enough.  Should I give in and stay stressed out forever, or get out and live on the streets?

Our 40 yrs. old Son marries this 20 yrs.  I'm finish with him!

Not one person replied to my message from back in May.  Not one person tried to offer me help.

I thought I would let you know, anyway.  Not that anyone will ever read my message.

My son married this girl and is living in the house with me and my husband.  I guess I taught

my children and husband how to treat me and now I have to live with it.

My son got a job after college, but can't make enough to pay his child support and health and dental insurance for his children.  He and his new wife can't afford health or dental for themselves.

They can't have an appartment or home of there own.  They are left with around four hundred

dollars a month after the child support and healthcare for the children.  He gross pay is to much for a gov. sub. house or apartment.  He has been trying to find a part time job to work with his full time job, but not many jobs can be found at this time.  He may have to move to a larger city to be able to make enough to live (EXIST) and pay for the children.

He payed his EX every week for 8 month before the divorce, filed a join income-tax with her a few days before the divorce was heard, she took the entire refund, deposited over 5 thousand into her personal bank account, when the stimulas check was sent out it too was deposited into her bank account, my son didn't get a penny of the turns from the IRS, his last year he was married to this woman.  He let her have it for his children.  She remarried shortly after the divorce.  The children are being taught not to like there Dad or any of his family.  The court will do nothing! 

 
November 3, 2008, 3:05 am CST

P.S.

Quote From: j2james

Not one person replied to my message from back in May.  Not one person tried to offer me help.

I thought I would let you know, anyway.  Not that anyone will ever read my message.

My son married this girl and is living in the house with me and my husband.  I guess I taught

my children and husband how to treat me and now I have to live with it.

My son got a job after college, but can't make enough to pay his child support and health and dental insurance for his children.  He and his new wife can't afford health or dental for themselves.

They can't have an appartment or home of there own.  They are left with around four hundred

dollars a month after the child support and healthcare for the children.  He gross pay is to much for a gov. sub. house or apartment.  He has been trying to find a part time job to work with his full time job, but not many jobs can be found at this time.  He may have to move to a larger city to be able to make enough to live (EXIST) and pay for the children.

He payed his EX every week for 8 month before the divorce, filed a join income-tax with her a few days before the divorce was heard, she took the entire refund, deposited over 5 thousand into her personal bank account, when the stimulas check was sent out it too was deposited into her bank account, my son didn't get a penny of the turns from the IRS, his last year he was married to this woman.  He let her have it for his children.  She remarried shortly after the divorce.  The children are being taught not to like there Dad or any of his family.  The court will do nothing! 

I cry all the time.  I'm sick menally and phycially.

I just want to give up on life.

My EX daughter-in-law said if my son would give up all rights to the children

she would no long need or want any support from him.

He will never see the children again.

We all love these children so much.  My EX dau.-in-law was adopted and these

children are my blood kin and the only grandchildren I will ever have.

Not one of us want to give up the children, but how can my son live with out enough

money to pay his bills?

There is no help for honest people, who try to do the right thing in life.

 
January 30, 2009, 6:03 pm CST

boyfriend lies about the smallest things

My boyfriend and I don't live together.  We live about hour and 15 minutes apart. We alternate weekends.  He lies about going to work or about returning something to the store and buying something else.  Each and everytime I find out.  He always slips up later.  It's quite often and I don't know why.  To me they mean nothing.  They are so insignificant.  What is significant is that he is lying to me at all? Or being sneaky about things.  He'll give me things then take them back after I leave for work.  We see each other Sunday and Monday's only.  He leaves my place on Tuesday and goes directly to his job an hour away near his home.

 

I have asked him why he does this.  He tells me he doesn't know.  I've asked if there is something going on that I should no about.  He says 'no'.  I told him it is very hurtful when he does those things.  He makes it seem as if he is planning to go elsewhere when he takes stuff back or is in another relationship when he lies to me about going to work.  He promised not to do this, but continues to do it.  I told him I do not like being lied to and I do not like people being sneaky.  That will ruin a relationship.  I also told him It makes me feel as if he's hiding something.  He apologized and said he wouldn't do it. I found a UPS return receipt for the projector he just bought while I was doing his laundry.  I was going to ask him if he returned it.  Before I could he says that he watched a movie last night on it and it looks great.  He loves the colors and the contrast.  The Sanyo PLV - Z700 HD projector is so sharp and clear.  The receipt was dated 3 days prior to the day he states he watched the movie  I told him I found the return label receipt.  All he could say was "oh".  I asked again why he had to lie about these things.  He says I don't know. 

 

I'm 39.  He's 42.  I am at the end of my rope with these stupid lies and sneaky actions.  I want to know why he does these things.  I'm at the point that if he does this one more time I will end our relationship.  As I said I'm 39 and I feel like I'm dating a 42 year old child when he lies.  Don't get me wrong.  He's a great guy.  He supports himself, cleans, cooks, pays his bills on time.  Takes me where I want to go.  Always tells me he loves me and I mean the world to him.  Sends me little I love you cards.

 

 We live 70 miles apart.  For all i know he has another girl on the side. I don't believe that, but yes it has crossed my mind when he says these lies.  I just want an answer to why he does this, but he's not giving me one.   

 

 

 
September 13, 2009, 3:23 pm CDT

Help!!

I have been married for 20 years.  We have NEVER had a budget.  I have begged for one.   I have asked him to take over bill payment for years and years.  He spends a LOT of money and I get blamed when we go into credit card debt.  He makes great money.  We have 2 teens and I DON'T spend a lot on them.  We don't shop at Nordy's or Dillards..We shop at Kohls, with an occasional splurge at Hollister etc.  I pay all the bills and I think I do a pretty good job at it.  We have no late payments, I always pay more than the minimums, but occasionally we get caught in a bind with credit card payments.

 

He uses the cc for EVERYTHING, groceries, beer, wine, sports stuff, trips, shopping... I use it when I forget my checkbook! 

 

We have the money to pay it off from our brokerage acct, but I am not allowed to just call our broker and say ..hey we need to pay this off..It has to be part of a show down. 

 

Right now our cc is maxed out.  He found out because in the last week he put over 2,000 on the card for our anniversary, shopping for guns  and then a hunting trip, which put us over the edge.

 

We live in a major city..Our rent is ridiculous....I clip coupons, I don't splurge often, and yet...we have NOTHING to show for our cc debt...I am TIRED of being responsible for everything...I am tired of "hiding" it from him, when he's the major contributor to the debt...

 

He knows now, and of course he's upset...so am I...Luckily he's away for a week and maybe, just maybe this time we can sit down and communicate  about this!!

 

btw...We have the money to pay this off today!

I have asked many times to be relieved of this burden..I want HIM to see that he is the spender!

I have asked many times to have a sit down every quarter to go over money...No dice

 

Lastly....His favorite quote is "no bad news."  So what am I supposed to say?  I don't tell him because his job is stressful enough and I try to make the homelife a good place...(Ridiculous!)

 
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