Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

Quote From: landey

Ok let's all be frank. How many people lie to a friend/family member about how much they spend when faced with the possibility that they over spent for a particular item? For example, I just bought Dora the Explorer Talking Kitchen. I spent $79.99 at Toys R Us. However, my husband and I saw it advertise at Target for much less. After loosing the receipt desperately trying to find it. I told my husband that I spent less than the advertised sale price at Target.  Did I lie? Sure. As trivial as that may seem let's go to the bigger picture. My son has a birthday party coming up. I told my husband that it is going to cost 200.00 for the event. However, it costs 34.00 a kid and my son has invited 12 children to his party. Ummmmm a little more than the 200.00 quoted to my husband. I figure I pay the bills and I can take the extra from money that I would have normally spent on myself. Should I have to justify the spending if in the end the kids are happy? I don't have a mess at the house to clean up, and someone else runs the party. Besides, since I am spending my money (extra diverted to my own needs etc., is it really any of my husband's business? The fact is to make up the difference, I'll just do my own hair dye job this month and not go to my hair stylist for my monthly cut, dye, highlight, head massage, hot oil treatment, and manicure.  That will make up most of the extra costs. Perhaps we'll eat Kraft dinner instead of steak....hahaha (not that there's anything wrong with K.D.....especially once you add the weiners).  Seriously though....is that such a big deal? And Yes, I am the spender, but my husband spends quite well on his own without my permission and he fabricates his amounts as much or more than I do. It seems as though we are always getting the deal of the century!! We never go over our personal budgets and we're not in debt. Perhaps I come by it honestly.  I remember my mother telling my father that the donation to the Church was 20.00 when in fact she gave 200.00!! She justified it as a noble cause and to tell my father would/could bring on his angina. So......is it really, REALLY a BIG BBBIIIIIIGGGGGGG deal to fabricate for the greater good and peace int the house?  If lying is the issue......how many time have you told your spouse that he/she looked great when in fact he/she looked like something the cat dragged in.... ? Is there really a difference between lying about one thing and not the other? Aren't both lies 'peace keeping strategies?'  If in the end no one is hurt.....have you done wrong???

Quote From: landey

Well you certainly have your hands full. If kids are in the picture you are not going to be able to provide the best for them. If you stay in this relationship  and his spending increases or even stays the same perhaps you should get familiar with some good second hand stores and thrift agencies. If the debt continues, you will not be able to provide for your kids. Going to McDonald's will be out of your budget because to feed 3 people you're spending over 20.00 for meals and a few hours later be hungry........ Hearing "would you like fries with that?" will be a distant memory.  If you need a car.....your credit will be so damaged that it would be impossible to get a car loan. Make sure you live in the city where you can take public transport.......but then again a monthy pass is expensive too! Being dishonest about spending your own money is one thing, but spending someone elses to the point of debt, loans, and creditor calls is stressful, depressing, and causes anxiety. My heart goes out to you. I hope that he will change his habits......other wise you are going to be in for a long, hard, bumpy road. I'm not trying to be mean in any way so please don't take this the wrong way, but in all seriousness please be careful and I strongly urge you to talk and discuss things in a civil manner with your husband, the one you fell in love with enough to marry.

Quote From: zforce

  

I have been married for 12 years now and hide financial problems from my husband just like your husband does to you.  I know for me that it is a control issue and I have a hard time not being in control, even though I know that I will screw it up again, but it is not easy to live this why for either one of you.  I bet your husband doesn't sleep much because I know that I don't.  I worry all the time when is the other shoe will drop.  Please try to get your husband to talk to you about this problem, as I currently am trying to talk to my husband about the big mistake I just made and it is not easy.  I have gone through all the emotions that could happen like: hate, disgust, regret, guilt, him leaving me, me losing our home , restlessness, loss of hope and many more. Please understand that your husband maybe like me have other issues that he can't figure out and he is calling out for help.  I would have to say that your husband is looking for something in his life that he has not found yet.  I do understand both sides of the coin.   

Quote From: jettav

personally, i would want nothing to do with a person like this, if he has cheated otehrs out of their money, he will do the same with you. now, I do believe a person can change and all, but if he has complete control of the money, and has these type of secrets, I say get out while you can, don't fool your self.

Quote From: klineja

Trying this message board in hopes of some input.   I am wondering if anyone is in a similiar situation.  I have been dating a man for a little over a year.  We have a wonderful relationship except one small issue.  He is not open about his finances. We do not live together but we are planning a future together.  At any point if I found myself in a poor financial situation he would be more than happy to help me out.  His comments to me are that we are in this together and that means finances too.   I know how much money he makes as I came across a pay stub on accident, although he does not know that I know.  I have never brought is up as I wanted to wait for him to be open with me.  He received his W-2 yesterday and I asked him what his gross was.  He joked and told me nunya (non of my business).  He knows what my W-2 says because I told him and he knows every expense that I have. I have a pretty good idea of his expenses but he has never specified.  Neither of us uses credit cards so we dont have any credit card debt.  I am certain of this.        I guess I am just looking for some opinions.  Am I just being nosey or do you feel that I have a vested interest in his finances due to the fact we are planning a future together.