Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

I live with my fiance and have been for about 2 years- we've been together for three years.  I leave my bills and pay stubs out- he knows what debts I have and how much money I make- but he is extremely secretive.   I've asked him to be more open about it - he says he'll try- he hasn't- and that for him money is tied to pride and his sense of self-worth and he has a hard time talking about it.  I've seen some docs (via some snooping which began accidentally, then the curiosity got the best of me) which shows he owes the IRS thousands of dollars and how much he made a couple years back.  He doesn't know that I know about this.  He bounces checks frequently- those little slips from the bank that come in the mail are unmistakable.   I think I make about twice what he does and i know he probably feels shy about his financial situation.  At what point does it become my business?  Now that we're engaged, or only once we're married?  I feel for you and your situation; I think as your relationship becomes more serious you have an increased right to know, but I'm not sure exactly where to draw that line.  I will say though that if you're not engaged, and don't share any financial responsibilities, you don't have a right to know just yet.  But I can't say for sure where to draw the line.  I also wonder if I'm being too nosy since we're not yet married....  any suggestions for me to encourage him to share?  Do I tell him what I know? 

I know the evil of credit card companies- paying off one card with the other, spending out of control  and racking up huge amounts of debt.  My advice is to cut up the cards.    If you need help- ask a friend to help you cut them up. (I did). I had over $20000 in credit card debt a few years ago before I refinanced my house.  Now I rarely use my credit card and pay it off monthly when I do.  You need to come up with a solid plan for getting rid of this debt, getting the interest rates lower and paying as much as you can on them each month.  If it were my spouse with this growing debt, I would want to hear it directly and honestly so we could figure it out together rather than find out about it accidentally when more debt and interest had accumulated.   Only you can make that decision though.  The first step is to stop using the cards- only buy things with cash or debit cards.    I also found http://www.cheapskatemonthly.com/ a great budgeting tool and a good reality check.  You're not alone, but you can take control over this!  Good luck!. 

Girlfriend, let that man go. 41 years OLD, you better stop and think 10 years down the road. He is going to be tired. You can do bad by yourself, you do not have any children. Girl, you do not want to get caught up in a relationship much less a marriage with this zero.  If he is not esablished now something is wrong all the other women know it, everyone except you. He has bills in his ex name, business went under and people calling for money and you thinking about marrying him. You need to get your head examine, because he has not prepared to marry you. Why do we marry men or live with them when we know they are not up to our expectations? We say we can help them get on their feet, NO let them get on their feet and then look us up. You want to marry someone who has good credit, a house or apartment of his own, his own car and a checking and saving account and no children. Wise up young lady, you too young to be with this man and no money.