Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

so my boyfriend for 3 years and the father of my child is very irisponsible with money...we have been living together for 2 years and since i got pregnant, we made an agreement that i would sit down and figure out what bills are owed and food and gas and stuff like that and he would hand over his checks and what ever was left over then thats it...i put us both on a buget...ever since the baby's been born (so for 3 months) he has made the choice on paydays not to come home till 5 am will absolutly no money...spent everything on drinks and drugs....he did this about 7 times ..he will promise and blah blah blah and he does fantastic for a couple of weeks but then he goes and does it again...i can;t financhially support my daughter on my own and ireally dont want to break up but at the same time im thinking of whats better for my daughter? me being unhappy and stressed 24/7 or being dirt poor (and im not joking when i say that)i would only have maybe 50$ a month to feed myself...there is assistance and he said he would buy ne thing for the baby he just wouldn't give me the money....but at the same time nothing is getting done on either end...very stressed and confused and would love some feedback.

Personally, I can't imagine any guy not wanting to support and raise his own child!!! He is not only irresponsible with you but also to the baby. Now here are some hard facts you need to hear......get ready to get a job and support yourself and your baby....the baby deserves your undivided attention. You knew this guy was irresponsible BEFORE you had a baby but you thought a baby would CHANGE him......WRONG!!!

So rather than buying food and clothes and diapers for the baby......he buys drinks and DRUGS???? This guy is nowhere near ready to be a father. Sure you want to be a stay at home Mom but you sure picked a LOOSER as a Dad.....so get ready to go to work girl. REMEMBER.......the baby didn't ask to be born......that was your and "looser's" choice......but the fact is ......the baby is here now and it's up to you to take care of that child. IF you are any kind of Mother........you will see to it that the baby is taken care of. IF NOT......then I guess the baby will just become another statistic of children being raised in Foster Care. DO see to it that "looser" pays child support......find a descent guy before you have any more children.

At 52, years I have to reinvent and began my life again.
 
One year ago, my soon to be ex-husband(33years), he stole from my father and my company’s money, he committed Federal bankruptcy fraud, perjury and forgery.  Next, he abandoned, betrayed and filed for divorce.  The result is my beloved home was foreclosed, roommates displaced, workers eliminated, my home Bed & Breakfast destroyed, my family changed, my college children alienated, my youngest son failed his high school senior year, my marriage over and my memories & belongings stored.  I have been hospitalized twice, I have chronic illnesses that have been stressed and I am lonely.

I LOST EVERYTHING TO HIS SELFISH CRIMES.

In this difficult economy, many women face menopause with much change.  Even though I am educated, professional and artistic women, my situation gives “empty NEST” syndrome a foreboding and deep literal meaning.  PLEASE, I need an angel; the changes I face now are overwhelming.  I need help with eliminating my life’s POSSESSIONS, treasures, dreams, and memories to charity.

Additionally, a “new vision” of what it means “die to my old life and rebirth a new life” within this lifetime and to welcome a “new” chapter and start over. Health, self expression, abundance and partnerships, the balance of life and the PRESENCE I am in very much in the NOW of my life.  I find beauty and gratefulness.

MY QUESTION: How do I “let go and rebuild” a very simply, transient life?  I do not know where I will live or work.  I NEED TO REDEFINE LIFE AFTER 50 THAT GOES WITH THE FLOW, not weighted by the past.

I bless the past, have faith in the future, I live in the Now.

 

My husbund and i have been married for 3 years....  He had a business before our marriage and I had two houses completely paid for..... along with some money......    He put me as a co-owner on the business and we took a home equity loan to pay off his debt that he had before he married me.....and also he put money into the business....to make it grow?    His name was put on the new equity line loan and the deed to the house since his/our business was the source to repay the loan....We have a 120000 loan on one of the house now..... its worth around 300000..... He now has told me that he wants to take back the business in his own name ..... and give back the houses into my name....  and he says he will pay back 60000 (which is half of the loan) over the next two years...... He feels that he only should pay back half of the loan since the loan was both ours....and I am responsible for half.....He has also told me that he will pay me 1000 per month for the services that i do for the business... office stuff... and also he will pay for all the utilities at the house  since this is a at home business....   He made it real clear that he does not want a divorce but just wants to control the business....  that would include all the spending and earning.......   when I got married to him  I quit my job  and went to work with the business......  and now he wants that business back...... The houses are worth quite a bit of money  but the business is how we get our food....   is this looking crazy  or am I thinking about this all wrong........ I feel like I am getting ripped off.........

 

our relationship has been fine... pretty good no fighting or anything.... the whole thing started when I got a bill in the mail  that he had spent 7900.00 on tires  that we did not need.....  He said that he told me about this ...... but  he didnt.....he said that the tires were going to go up so he bought them......  I told him that its not fair  for him to spend money with out talk it over with me..... his wife....his business partner........  I told him that he wouldnt like it if I went out and spend that much money on a RV or something.......so we got over that ......with both of us not talking for a day......and then about three days later   I was looking at the business bank account  just like I always do every morning...... if fact we were talking on the phone   and I replied   hey  whats th is check for 3000.00 that our accoutant wrote last week..... he said that i would have to talk to her and then he said that he would need to go (stop talking on the phone).... so i emailed our accountant and she told me that my husbund told her to direct deposit 3000.00 into a friends account.........  boy  was I really upset now....again  he didnt even mention this to me..... and he certainly could of.......  so I tried to call him back on the phone and he would not answer the phone for two days.....  ( he was not home but on business at that time)  he then text me and told me that he never could talk to me about money  and that he wants to pay back the money that our business owes me and he wants to business in his name and so forth...... The person that he loaned the  money for is just a friend  who needs help leaving her husbund......  he has know her for 30 years.......  I do not know her.....he told me to talk all the business stuff over to the accountant and that he and the accountant will run the business and my role is to help dispatch him.....( he drives long haul and we own our truck which is a show truck and seems like a money pit...)   that is why he wants to pay me 1000 per month to dispatch him so he can still make money......yet he doesnt want a divorice and just tells me that I dont understand business and that he wants to make the decisions on where the money goes...... he simply does not want me to be a part of the business but just stay at home  dispatch him a couple of times a week and thats it....... I went to a lawyer and I am having paper work done for him to sign giving me the houses back  and I am giving him the business back......all legal      and of course  he will be signing paper work that he will pay for half the mortgage on the house......  I feel  like I put a lot of money into the business the last 3 years  and now I have been fired almost from making more money.......I do love him but I am wondering if this is a exit stratagy for him ....... he tells me that he doesnt want to leave  but wants to run the business .....thats it.......  I guess I better start finding a new career.......  what do  you think......

Yes, this is a HUGE red flag! I think that you are right; this is a ‘perfect’ exit strategy for him. He has no other way out, he is trying to create problems so he can have an excuse.
This must be upsetting, frustrating and confusing for you. I urge you to reach out for help and support, to friends as well as a professional therapist, if possible. You need and deserve to have a place where you can vent your thoughts, feelings and frustrations and also receive positive guidance. You are going to be going through big changes in your life if things continue on the way that they are, so be good to yourself- be your own best friend. I wish you the best!

Dr. Phil:

 

I just recieved notice from my son that he is about to divorce his wife (for the second time).  She spends money they don't have, writes hot checks, and now she has embezzled about 7,000 from her son's football boosters club.  They are filing charges on her tomorrow and she will probably wind up in Jail.

 

Their children are young teens and very active in school activities.  We are afraid that in such a small school things will become unbearable for the kids and they will have to change schools.

 

My son never knows where the money goes.  She borrows money to pay back debts and then spends it.  She has been diagnosed as borderline bipolor, but I think she might have a drug problem as well.

 

She is moody, screams at Robie and the kids and everyone walks on eggshells when she is around.  You never know what kind of mood she is going to be in.  She can be as sweet as honey, then turn around and bite your head off.

 

Robie suspects that she had been having an affair, but has no proof.  She has told him he just doesn't give her what she needs.

 

She was molested by her grandfater when she was a child, and has done counseling for years but I think sometimes she uses it as an excuse to act out.

 

Before their last divorce Robie built her a brand new house with his own hands to try to save the marriage, but she still left him and he lost the house and everything they had. 

 

Robie is a Paramedic/Fireman and she works for an oil company.  They both make good money, but they are always broke.  She has ruined their credit and Robie has had to bail her out of jail for tickets she said she had paid.

 

They had to leave a church because she stole funds from the youth fund.

 

When they came to San Antonio we went to a souvanier shop and I saw her take my granddaughters backpack and slip something into it.  My granddaughter saw her do it.  I am afraid she is teaching them how to steal.  I am worried about this causing them that stealing is ok.

 

They want her approval so badly that they will do anything to make her happy.

 

Robie is sick and tired of cleaning up her mistakes, and tired of being treated like a door mat.  Should he try to save this marriage?  How can I help Robie and the kids get through this?

 

Broken hearted/Angry mom

Mickie McKee

The best way to help Robie and your grandchildren is to be supportive. It would be easy to trash this woman and her bad behavior; but don’t do it; instead, focus on your son, his children, and their plans for the future. Do your best to not dwell on the past and what could have been, and when/if your son finds himself doing that, remind him that it isn’t helpful or productive. He has to move forward and build a new life for himself and his children. Be supportive, help him out with the children when you can, and be a positive role model for the children. If they ask about or talk about their mother, don’t say negative things about her, always focus on the positive instead. There is a lot of repairing to do and I wish you the best!

Dr. Phil or Anyone I need major assistance.

 

July 3rd, we had found out that my wife was pregnant.  To ensure that she was we went to our family doctor that same day and the blood test came back positive on July 7th.  We then contacted my wife's cardiologist and told him too and he told her to stop taking her coumadin.  On July 9th, we went to a OB/GYN in which he told us "I don't even want to touch you because you are high risk".  Well he had made out a referral to a high risk doctor.  Well while at the clinic he did an ultrasound and said my wife was 6 weeks and possible failure because he did not see a heartbeat.  So he cancelled the referral.  So I went to my insurance company website to find a high risk clinic close to my home which I did according to my insurance.  Well we went had a couple of ultrasounds that the doctor said he could not see anything so he sent us to a hospital to have an ultrasound done.  We told him that my wife needs to be on a blood thinner and he said "yeah she should be and you need to contact your cardiologist."  Well there is nothing he could do as no one was sure if she was pregnant.

On July 19th, I had to rush my wife to the ER because of lower back pain and barely able to walk.  Well the ER gave her 2 bags of fluid, morphine shot, and nausea medication and then sent her home.  The next day I had to take her back to the ER because she could hardly move her legs.  Well they did an ultrasound on her legs and found that she had a bloodclot in her leg and two in her lungs so they admitted her to the hospital.

Now a month later after she was released from the hospital on August 13th, I am having so much trouble on trying to find assistance with getting money for her prescriptions.  I am at risk of being evicted from where we are living, I am at risk of losing my job because my security clearance was revoked because of my credit report and the hospital bills are coming in and I have tried to get loans from everywhere and assistance from my Civilian Employee Assistance Program which was not even helpful.  I am now worried because she needs her medication and can not get assistance from anyone.  I have tried getting an attorney to file a malpractice case but so far two that I have contacted they said "my wife had to be dead before they were able to take the case."  Can someone please tell me where to go or what to do.  Thank you, Chris

Not one person replied to my message from back in May.  Not one person tried to offer me help.

I thought I would let you know, anyway.  Not that anyone will ever read my message.

My son married this girl and is living in the house with me and my husband.  I guess I taught

my children and husband how to treat me and now I have to live with it.

My son got a job after college, but can't make enough to pay his child support and health and dental insurance for his children.  He and his new wife can't afford health or dental for themselves.

They can't have an appartment or home of there own.  They are left with around four hundred

dollars a month after the child support and healthcare for the children.  He gross pay is to much for a gov. sub. house or apartment.  He has been trying to find a part time job to work with his full time job, but not many jobs can be found at this time.  He may have to move to a larger city to be able to make enough to live (EXIST) and pay for the children.

He payed his EX every week for 8 month before the divorce, filed a join income-tax with her a few days before the divorce was heard, she took the entire refund, deposited over 5 thousand into her personal bank account, when the stimulas check was sent out it too was deposited into her bank account, my son didn't get a penny of the turns from the IRS, his last year he was married to this woman.  He let her have it for his children.  She remarried shortly after the divorce.  The children are being taught not to like there Dad or any of his family.  The court will do nothing! 

I cry all the time.  I'm sick menally and phycially.

I just want to give up on life.

My EX daughter-in-law said if my son would give up all rights to the children

she would no long need or want any support from him.

He will never see the children again.

We all love these children so much.  My EX dau.-in-law was adopted and these

children are my blood kin and the only grandchildren I will ever have.

Not one of us want to give up the children, but how can my son live with out enough

money to pay his bills?

There is no help for honest people, who try to do the right thing in life.