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Topic : Balancing Work and Family

Number of Replies: 60
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:23:59 am
Author : dataimport
Do you find time for your family away from the pressures or work, or are you struggling to find that balance? Do you feel guilty when you need to take time out for kids or spouse from your job? Share your work/family balancing act with us.

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September 21, 2005, 5:28 pm CDT

Day and night!

I teach first grade special education in a rural area of Missouri.  I have three students with severe behavior problems at school.  Dealing with them all day is exhausting.  Between behavioral outbursts, modifying curriculum and teaching social skills, I am overdone by the time I get home.  I love teaching and I know that I am making a difference, but I feel like the wicked witch of the west at home to my two boys (6 and 8).  By the time we get home from school, do homework, eat supper (fix supper) and start to relax, my temper is short and my patience is thin.  I feel that my students are getting the best of me and my kids are getting the left overs.  It doesn't help that my husband works the night shift.  He has applied for a different shift and has been promised the day shift, but it will take a while for the change to happen.  How can I find ways to have more patience at home?  My boys are not behavior problems - just very active.  Their teachers say that they are very good at school, but at home it is non-stop bickering, arguing and rough-housing.  As a teacher, I want them to be good at school, but as a mother I need them to be good at home.  Can someone help me find a way to balance both parts of my life? 
 
October 28, 2005, 3:25 pm CDT

Balancing Work and Family

Quote From: tracyock1

I teach first grade special education in a rural area of Missouri.  I have three students with severe behavior problems at school.  Dealing with them all day is exhausting.  Between behavioral outbursts, modifying curriculum and teaching social skills, I am overdone by the time I get home.  I love teaching and I know that I am making a difference, but I feel like the wicked witch of the west at home to my two boys (6 and 8).  By the time we get home from school, do homework, eat supper (fix supper) and start to relax, my temper is short and my patience is thin.  I feel that my students are getting the best of me and my kids are getting the left overs.  It doesn't help that my husband works the night shift.  He has applied for a different shift and has been promised the day shift, but it will take a while for the change to happen.  How can I find ways to have more patience at home?  My boys are not behavior problems - just very active.  Their teachers say that they are very good at school, but at home it is non-stop bickering, arguing and rough-housing.  As a teacher, I want them to be good at school, but as a mother I need them to be good at home.  Can someone help me find a way to balance both parts of my life? 

I just read your message.  I hope you are checking for replies still.  

I feel your exhaustion.  I work at a pediatric hospital where everything is urgent and critical.  I am so stressed by my coworkers and the demands of perfection.  I go home to an ADD/ severe ADHD child that has some learning disabilities.  I have  3 hours to fix dinner, eat, clean up, do homework (he's not able to do homework without constant one on one attention at the 3rd grade level because of ADD).  Then do any chores, run any last minute errands, baths and ready for the next  day.  Some nights we have soccer, PTA, family stuff.  I am so burned out and exhausted.  Oh, I'm a single parent by the way.  TV is out of the question. I catch headline news from the radio.  Luckily I have an hour commute each way and that is my relaxation and down time.  I unwind, leave my stress where it originated (either at home or work).  I think of what I have ahead and organize my thoughts and prioritize what needs to be done.  I look at rush hour traffic as therapeutic.  :)   

Then I've tried to simplify my life.  Do only necessary errands during the weekends and only plan one or two (if short) activities a day on the weekends.  This keeps me from still feeling rushed and stressed and doesn't over stimulate my son.  We have managed to find some great down time at home and able to do things with each other.  I  understand the demands of work taking all your energy and patience where none is left when you walk in your house.     

  

  

 
October 28, 2005, 4:06 pm CDT

Thank you!

Quote From: dchmtx

I just read your message.  I hope you are checking for replies still.  

I feel your exhaustion.  I work at a pediatric hospital where everything is urgent and critical.  I am so stressed by my coworkers and the demands of perfection.  I go home to an ADD/ severe ADHD child that has some learning disabilities.  I have  3 hours to fix dinner, eat, clean up, do homework (he's not able to do homework without constant one on one attention at the 3rd grade level because of ADD).  Then do any chores, run any last minute errands, baths and ready for the next  day.  Some nights we have soccer, PTA, family stuff.  I am so burned out and exhausted.  Oh, I'm a single parent by the way.  TV is out of the question. I catch headline news from the radio.  Luckily I have an hour commute each way and that is my relaxation and down time.  I unwind, leave my stress where it originated (either at home or work).  I think of what I have ahead and organize my thoughts and prioritize what needs to be done.  I look at rush hour traffic as therapeutic.  :)   

Then I've tried to simplify my life.  Do only necessary errands during the weekends and only plan one or two (if short) activities a day on the weekends.  This keeps me from still feeling rushed and stressed and doesn't over stimulate my son.  We have managed to find some great down time at home and able to do things with each other.  I  understand the demands of work taking all your energy and patience where none is left when you walk in your house.     

  

  

I was just checking the message board while my two are outside playing.  I started crying when I read your message.  It meant so much to me that someone else understands.  Keep your chin up.  It sounds like you have a good sense of humor - keep it - you will need it.  I completely understand about the stress of co-workers and the demands of perfection.   I have one little girl who is completely out of control.  The regular classroom teacher looks at me to solve all of her problems, her mother can't control her either.  My boss thinks I should devote a lot of time to the girl plus keep up with all my other students.  ENOUGH!!!    Good luck and don't give up.  THanks again for replying.   

  

 
November 7, 2005, 3:32 pm CST

Over stressed

Quote From: tracyock1

I was just checking the message board while my two are outside playing.  I started crying when I read your message.  It meant so much to me that someone else understands.  Keep your chin up.  It sounds like you have a good sense of humor - keep it - you will need it.  I completely understand about the stress of co-workers and the demands of perfection.   I have one little girl who is completely out of control.  The regular classroom teacher looks at me to solve all of her problems, her mother can't control her either.  My boss thinks I should devote a lot of time to the girl plus keep up with all my other students.  ENOUGH!!!    Good luck and don't give up.  THanks again for replying.   

  

You are not alone in this big world!!  There are sympathetic people out here that know the sceario all too well.    Wow, a child that the parents can't control?  Sounds like they look forward to when school is in session.  Sounds like the parents need the help -which would make your life easier!  As long as you know you are stressed, you've identified the problems and can focus on your limits.  Most people don't recognize stress which causes so many more problems.  If you lose your temper at your boys- stop, count to three and very calmly repeat what you orginally were saying.  You'll get some strange looks for your boys thinking you have totally lost it when infact, you are recomposing : )     

We have had a birthday party every weekend.  2 coming up this weekend alone.  Then thanksgiving is here.  I'm so busy that I forgot to plan a get together with my friends for my OWN b-day.  That's okay.  Makes me feel young celebrating a child's birthday rather than my own. hehehe.  My friends and I have started scrap booking and letting the children go wild (within  safety limits of course) while we stay up all night.  I feel like a younger generation of old ladies quilting :)  Don't want to offend anyone who quilts because I want to learn to do that too.   

Just be sure to make time for yourself.  Get up early and take a long shower.  Sacrifice the dishes and soak in the tub.  Just plan time for yourself.    

I got married b/c I was pregnant which was a HUGE mistake.  Needless to say, I was soon going thru a seperation with an infant at the time.  My parents were splitting up, work was stressful, I totaled my vehicle, financial problems.  You name it.  My doctor wanted to intervene.  I told her "NO THANKS.  I'M NOT GOING TO WASTE MY ENERGY AND TIME ON THE THINGS I CAN'T CONTROL.  I CAN'T CONTROL MY PARENTS, MY COWORKERS OR MOST OF MY FINANCIAL PROBLEMS.  I CAN ONLY CHANGE WHAT I HAVE CONTROL OVER".  She tore up the prescription and knew I was fine.    Do what you can and start a new day when the alarm clock goes off (or a big big dog in your face -in my case).  

You are only one person.  Simplicity is the best remedy.   

 
November 30, 2005, 10:10 am CST

single mom

hi everyone  

well i am a single mom and i work  

so it can be stressful working when you have kids  

i have a 7yr old son  

and he can be a handful sometimes 

so with work and taking care of him plus a b/f  

it can be stressful  

of course my son goes with his dad every weekend so that gives me a break  

any advice? 

thanks jenny 

 
January 30, 2006, 10:53 am CST

toxic husband boss

I need to know, what do you do when the toxic person in your life is your husband.  I know, get rid of him, right.  But it doesn't happen all the time.  My husband and I have a unique relationship.  We are not only married (30 years and counting), but we run a small business together.   A good share of the time, things are great, we work well together, we can make decisions about the business and we just take care of things.  But there are those times when, he won't let me do my job.  I am the bookkeeper, collections, AR, AP, payroll, you name it. 

  

I don't like it when accounts run to 60 days and we have had no communication, no partial payment, I have sent statements and late notices and still nothing.  So I add service charges to thier account as well and I expect them to be paid.  I don't always get them, but I start out with all the good intent.  I have threatened further collection action and anything I can do.  My husband will sometimes give me a hand with it and go talk to the contractor who is holding our money.  But sometimes he won't, but then he yells at me for doing it.  He tells me I am too pushy.  And, there are some contractors that we have worked for, for a long time (repeat business) and he will not go after them for anything.  Oh, just leave them alone, they will pay.  I get so frustrated.  I am sitting here right now worrying about a long time contractor who is sitting on our money.  In the past they have always paid well and applying service charges and sending late notices has never been an issue.  Well, this time, my husband did a job for them.  When I sent the invoice at the end of the job there were some questions on thier part. They didn't call,  they did not pay at 30 days like usual.  I had to send a late notice.  AT that point they did call and found out that part of the problem they had with our charges, was because of something they did not take care of.  So, they agreed to pay our invoice.  But as of today it is still not paid, and the first of next week the invoice is 60 days past due.  So I sent a statement and applied $100.00 to thier account.  I am so worried that my husband will yell at me because I did that.  I am so affraid everytime the phone rings that I am in deep trouble and I just wait for my husband to come in the office all red in the face.  I can't take any more.  Even though they are the ones that need to pay thier bill.  I am the one in the wrong. 

  

We also had an employee last summer, who was a big help to us, but on the same hand, he was playing mind games with us.  He was always stealing from us, wheather is was an hour or 2 here and there or if it was actually something he could take home in his lunch box.  Everyweek all summer long he would be at work, but he would take the day off.  He didn't do, not one thing he was ask to do.  My husband would come back at the end of the day and the project he had told our employee to work on was still sitting there.   So, when things started to slow down around Christmas time , he was the first one to go on unemployment.  Then last week, my husband finally decided to let him go for good.  Now, even though that is what we should have done, my husband is worried about him filing a law suit for wrongful termanation against us.  For one, he doesn't have the money to go after us.  But, my husband is still obsessing over it.  He is driving me crazy. 

  

I don't know how to handle these mood swings.  Somethings like the collections just  have to happen.  Period.  I know that, but I also don't want to fight with him.  Because at the end of the day, I still have to go home with him.  I have thought about packing a bag and just leaving and not going to work one day.  I have thought about going to a big city where no one will ever find me and just live a simple life where no one bothers me.  People have told me, "what good would that do"  I would be out from under this stress.  I have also thought about going to a therapist.  But, my husband needs to go too.  But, he won't.  I keep thinking if i change, then some of that will eventually rub off on him.  But he is also very strong minded and changing his mind is no easy task. 

  

So, I just don't know what to do.  I love him dearly, but on the other hand, I really hate him too. 

  

thanks for listening 

 
February 17, 2006, 9:41 pm CST

balancing work and family

I was in an abusive marriage for13 years and have 2 kids. I was a stay at home mom for all of those years. I have no formal education. When my x-husband left us. He took everything of value and hid it while the kids and I were out of town for a family emergency. We returned home to find him and all thing of value gone. He made over200,000/yr. My kids and I lost everything(home,7pets,financial security,worst of all my kids lost me to a job that doesn't even keep enough food on the table).If I work a second job my kids are home alone longer. We have tried it ,but since I believe one of my kids has Asburgers(sp?) it makes it very difficult for my kids to be left alone. I have 2500 dollars in collections as my x-husband did not pay the bills during the divorce.I have one $200 spending limit credit card(maxed)a cell phone contract for 2 more years, and the least expensive place I could find to rent and keep my kids in their same school district is $1000/mo.I just can't seem to make it.I do recieve child support of $1300/mo. I have a 5yr. old vehical.NO family or close friends in the state we  currently live in whicch we moved to for my x-husband's job. I am from west Tx. I am now way up north(YUCK). With no  financila way to continue fighting him in the leagle system. I try to stay positive and focused on the kids,some days just seem a bit much. I don't know how to continue with all the things that need to be done, and get out of this crater I've fallen in to. my kids do not spend any time with their father. I don't want them to feel I've abandoned them also,by working a second job.What to do
 
February 21, 2006, 4:03 pm CST

Husband works away from home 95% of the time and I NEED HELP!!!

My husband works for a company that has jobsites in a 400 mile radius of our home. I am a young SAHM to a 5 and 4 yr. old and a 2 week old. He also has 2 kids ages 3 and 7 who are here 50 % of the time......I am new to this town and know NO ONE and have only one relative who lives 1800 miles away. I have suffered from Depression since age 12 and after treating it 2 years ago and feeling good enough to go off my meds.....I now know it's time to go back on them. 

My husbands company keeps him out 2-3 weeks and home 3-4 days.....not a ratio of time conducive to having a new marriage, new baby, depressed/lonely wife and blended family. He is supposed to get 24 hours minimum notice when he's being sent to another job.....this NEVER happens, he gets 2-3 hours notice to "pack up and head to ____ " and doesn't know if he'll be at that jobsite for 2 days, 2 weeks, or.......???  They don't tell him when he is set to come back home until the day before they send him home!!! So when he leaves I don't even know how long til he comes back!!! 

My question is:  Do I make him quit?  (almost impossible to do because he makes GOOD money and we live in a rural depressed economy in Oklahoma and his previous job was the best in the area at $7 an hour, he now makes about 5 times that so quitting kinda sorta isn't an option) 

or do I put up with it and slowly lose my mind, thus ruining a marriage I VERY MUCH want to last??? 

Someone give advice!! My head hurts from playing Devil/Angel and weighing all this in my head on top of carrying EVERYTHING at home including kids, finances, chores, his nasty ex-wife (long story regarding her mouth and his poor kids hearing too much bad stuff about their Daddy) and trying to recover from a C-section I had only 12 days ago!!  Yes he is off on a job right now (left 2 days after baby was born) 

  

Thanks! 

  

P.S. Just to clarify also, I am not religious so joining Church groups not an option (someone suggested this to me) and my town is about 3000 people with nearest town 45 min. away......clubs or volunteering kind of hard too. 

Just gets better and better don't it?!  LOL 

 
February 28, 2006, 9:48 am CST

Response to Husband works away from home

Quote From: kgoetsch

My husband works for a company that has jobsites in a 400 mile radius of our home. I am a young SAHM to a 5 and 4 yr. old and a 2 week old. He also has 2 kids ages 3 and 7 who are here 50 % of the time......I am new to this town and know NO ONE and have only one relative who lives 1800 miles away. I have suffered from Depression since age 12 and after treating it 2 years ago and feeling good enough to go off my meds.....I now know it's time to go back on them. 

My husbands company keeps him out 2-3 weeks and home 3-4 days.....not a ratio of time conducive to having a new marriage, new baby, depressed/lonely wife and blended family. He is supposed to get 24 hours minimum notice when he's being sent to another job.....this NEVER happens, he gets 2-3 hours notice to "pack up and head to ____ " and doesn't know if he'll be at that jobsite for 2 days, 2 weeks, or.......???  They don't tell him when he is set to come back home until the day before they send him home!!! So when he leaves I don't even know how long til he comes back!!! 

My question is:  Do I make him quit?  (almost impossible to do because he makes GOOD money and we live in a rural depressed economy in Oklahoma and his previous job was the best in the area at $7 an hour, he now makes about 5 times that so quitting kinda sorta isn't an option) 

or do I put up with it and slowly lose my mind, thus ruining a marriage I VERY MUCH want to last??? 

Someone give advice!! My head hurts from playing Devil/Angel and weighing all this in my head on top of carrying EVERYTHING at home including kids, finances, chores, his nasty ex-wife (long story regarding her mouth and his poor kids hearing too much bad stuff about their Daddy) and trying to recover from a C-section I had only 12 days ago!!  Yes he is off on a job right now (left 2 days after baby was born) 

  

Thanks! 

  

P.S. Just to clarify also, I am not religious so joining Church groups not an option (someone suggested this to me) and my town is about 3000 people with nearest town 45 min. away......clubs or volunteering kind of hard too. 

Just gets better and better don't it?!  LOL 

Hi, I just saw your post. I am a 46 year old stay-at-home mom of 2 and I also work at home for a company called AmeriPlanUSA. They are awesome to work for. I absolutely love it! I was in the Air Force for 13 years when my husband (who is retired Air Force) and I decided to have kids. So, I got out. As my kids got older, and our finances got worse, my husband had to take a part time job to make ends meet.  I knew I needed to find something to bring in some money so he can quit his part time and be home with us, but I didn't want to leave my kids. So I searched for 2 years for something legit and finally found what I was looking for. My husband helps me with it also and soon he will be able to quit his job and be home with us. And then we both will have a career at home. This is a totally fantastic feeling. I would truly love to help you if you you would like.  That's what I do, is help people and it's such a rewarding feeling.  Take care.    

 
March 26, 2006, 2:51 pm CST

Getting ready to start a new job!?! please help!

My husband is losing his job on May 5th of this year. He has been our major bread winner for the past 5 yrs. I have the opportunity of a lifetime to start a job about the same time he loses his, starting wage @ $21.42/hr and after 5 yrs I'll be @ over $30/hr. GREAT right?! Except I had my first baby in December of 2003 and I'm scared something will happen to him while I'm at work. Yes, his dad is a very good dad (very clean, hard working, no drugs or alcohol). But it makes me nervous that he might not be as watchful as me. I keep having dreams about the baby falling on the driveway and his teeth going through his lip, or him hitting his head and getting hurt really bad, running out in front of a car, falling down the cement stairs on the front porch and breaking his nose.........the list is never-ending!!!! Can anyone give me any advice on how to cope with not being his watchful eye all day, and how I would never forgive myself if something happens while I'm gone??!! 
 
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