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Topic : Balancing Work and Family

Number of Replies: 60
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:23:59 am
Author : dataimport
Do you find time for your family away from the pressures or work, or are you struggling to find that balance? Do you feel guilty when you need to take time out for kids or spouse from your job? Share your work/family balancing act with us.

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April 4, 2006, 5:24 am CDT

Help! Keep Losing Jobs!!!

Help! I'm a 45 year old father and husband who can't keep any job he gets. I have lost 6 jobs in the last six or seven  years!  It has taken me years and  years to find my niche. I have gone through counceling about it. I finally found what I thought to be my niche with web design.

I am a talented designer, and reasonably intelligent. But I keep losing jobs. They say I am too slow!  I am also very nervous at work, and it shows!

All my life people have come along and outdid me. Now it is happening with my career.  I have a Bachelor's degree so I know I am no dummy.  Yet I may have some sort of mild learning disability.

I don't abuse alcohal or take any ilegal drugs.

Dr.Phil I just don't know what to do anymore. 
 
April 6, 2006, 11:55 pm CDT

not enough hours

With everything out to make our lives easier..it's no wonder that we get SO frustrated when we can't get it together.... I Have a wonderful summer work schedule.....I work mornings as a chambermaid, then run down the road to the drive-in A&W as a carhop..The most wonderful thing about my hectic 10+ hour days, is that I work in a resort/vacation town and most everyone is so excited to be on vacation....it's GREAT to be around happy people.. I believe it's my strength.... I do find the hardest part is my time away from my family....My husband and mother in law are the greatest, but I worry SO much that no one will help them with those everyday "little things" when I'm not homeMy husband work long hours and Mom isn't able to do alot.I try hard to spoil her in my off season...but, now that the summer vacation season is weeks away...I wish that there were 2( or 3 ) OF ME...OR IS IT THAT THERE ARE JUST NOT ENOGHT HOURS IN THE DAY.
 
May 22, 2006, 9:33 pm CDT

Balancing Work and Family

Quote From: tracyock1

I teach first grade special education in a rural area of Missouri.  I have three students with severe behavior problems at school.  Dealing with them all day is exhausting.  Between behavioral outbursts, modifying curriculum and teaching social skills, I am overdone by the time I get home.  I love teaching and I know that I am making a difference, but I feel like the wicked witch of the west at home to my two boys (6 and 8).  By the time we get home from school, do homework, eat supper (fix supper) and start to relax, my temper is short and my patience is thin.  I feel that my students are getting the best of me and my kids are getting the left overs.  It doesn't help that my husband works the night shift.  He has applied for a different shift and has been promised the day shift, but it will take a while for the change to happen.  How can I find ways to have more patience at home?  My boys are not behavior problems - just very active.  Their teachers say that they are very good at school, but at home it is non-stop bickering, arguing and rough-housing.  As a teacher, I want them to be good at school, but as a mother I need them to be good at home.  Can someone help me find a way to balance both parts of my life? 

My mom teaches 6th grade history, she taught art for 28 years but they cut that and she was qualified for history so now she's teaching that. My sister and I did what your kids did at that age and we turned out fine. I know its stressful now--especially when you deal w/it at school all day, believe me, my mom used to come home and tell us how she had a "regular" class where 10 were really normal, 5 or more had ADD/ADHD, some were ESL, some were BD or LD or ED and she was supposed to teach all of them and follow IEPs w/no classroom aides.  

  

Just remind your kids that you love them and try to spend half an hour doing something individually w/them at night or rotate nights--my parents used to take turns reading to us, when my dad was on midnights he'd read to us on weekends or he'd do the major house cleaning on the weekends so my mom could take us to do something fun. Go out to eat or get take out once or twice a week--you can still eat healthy. Find a tv show you like that you can watch at night--w/my mom it is now Apprentice, even though my sister and I were out of the house. Make sure your household work is divided and you aren't doing all of it, my dad was responsible for packing our lunches and both parents helped w/homework on top of the other chores.  

 
June 6, 2006, 5:33 pm CDT

Career/Motherhood?

I just graduated college. I majored in liberal studies, and minored in human development and human movement. Within 3 days I got engaged, graduated and moved 300 miles south.  

  

I would love to start my career or a business related to my career but my fiance and I are going to be getting married in a year and we have wanted kids forever so we will be having kids in 2 to 3 years.  

  

If finances permit it, I definately want to be a stay-at-home mom. But I can't just be a stay-at-home fiance for the next 2 years. Should I just get a job related to my field like child care or what? I just don't want to get attatched to any kids (which will happen) and then get pregnant and then have to stop working 2 years later.  

  

I don't know what to do. There are soooo many things I want to do and I can't do all of them. How can I decide what to do? 

 
June 8, 2006, 9:52 am CDT

I'm Interested

Quote From: c_trkja

I'm not a mom yet but I'm curious as to what you do. 

  

I DEFINATELY want to be a stay at home mom but I just graduated college and am planning on getting married in a year and probably have kids in 2 to 3 years.  

  

I have a lot of ideas of what I want to do but I like learning about other options. 

Jenn, 

  

I am at SAHM and I operate my own PT home-based busness ..was wondering what you do for I am looking for a more steady income. 

 
June 29, 2006, 8:28 am CDT

Balancing Work and Family

Quote From: kgoetsch

My husband works for a company that has jobsites in a 400 mile radius of our home. I am a young SAHM to a 5 and 4 yr. old and a 2 week old. He also has 2 kids ages 3 and 7 who are here 50 % of the time......I am new to this town and know NO ONE and have only one relative who lives 1800 miles away. I have suffered from Depression since age 12 and after treating it 2 years ago and feeling good enough to go off my meds.....I now know it's time to go back on them. 

My husbands company keeps him out 2-3 weeks and home 3-4 days.....not a ratio of time conducive to having a new marriage, new baby, depressed/lonely wife and blended family. He is supposed to get 24 hours minimum notice when he's being sent to another job.....this NEVER happens, he gets 2-3 hours notice to "pack up and head to ____ " and doesn't know if he'll be at that jobsite for 2 days, 2 weeks, or.......???  They don't tell him when he is set to come back home until the day before they send him home!!! So when he leaves I don't even know how long til he comes back!!! 

My question is:  Do I make him quit?  (almost impossible to do because he makes GOOD money and we live in a rural depressed economy in Oklahoma and his previous job was the best in the area at $7 an hour, he now makes about 5 times that so quitting kinda sorta isn't an option) 

or do I put up with it and slowly lose my mind, thus ruining a marriage I VERY MUCH want to last??? 

Someone give advice!! My head hurts from playing Devil/Angel and weighing all this in my head on top of carrying EVERYTHING at home including kids, finances, chores, his nasty ex-wife (long story regarding her mouth and his poor kids hearing too much bad stuff about their Daddy) and trying to recover from a C-section I had only 12 days ago!!  Yes he is off on a job right now (left 2 days after baby was born) 

  

Thanks! 

  

P.S. Just to clarify also, I am not religious so joining Church groups not an option (someone suggested this to me) and my town is about 3000 people with nearest town 45 min. away......clubs or volunteering kind of hard too. 

Just gets better and better don't it?!  LOL 

I feel for you.  I know what it is like to live in  a rural area.  It isn't easy.  I think your case is worse than mine though.  This might be hard to hear but you have to weigh out what is more important to you and your husband.  I would surely hope it is your family.  He might have to take a lower paying job and even drive 45 min to work(like I have)but he is home at night and every weekend most of the time.  You might have to cut back on some things but your time with him and your family will be so valuable.  You could even work part time when he wasn't so he could be with the kids.  That gives him his time with the kids as well.  I read your church message.  Don't think of it as being religious to go to church.  That isn't true.  You don't have to join either.  It is a peaceful feeling.  It is a stress free environment to just feel blessed for what you do have and pray for the things you need.  If you do try it, whick I hope you do, please let me know what your experience is.  It may help with your depression but you will never know if you do not try.  God bless you and be strong.  I know it is a tough world out there and I hope something I said will be of some help even if it is a just a little!!  Take Care!!!!!
 
June 29, 2006, 8:35 am CDT

Balancing Work and Family

Quote From: normalita

I need to know, what do you do when the toxic person in your life is your husband.  I know, get rid of him, right.  But it doesn't happen all the time.  My husband and I have a unique relationship.  We are not only married (30 years and counting), but we run a small business together.   A good share of the time, things are great, we work well together, we can make decisions about the business and we just take care of things.  But there are those times when, he won't let me do my job.  I am the bookkeeper, collections, AR, AP, payroll, you name it. 

  

I don't like it when accounts run to 60 days and we have had no communication, no partial payment, I have sent statements and late notices and still nothing.  So I add service charges to thier account as well and I expect them to be paid.  I don't always get them, but I start out with all the good intent.  I have threatened further collection action and anything I can do.  My husband will sometimes give me a hand with it and go talk to the contractor who is holding our money.  But sometimes he won't, but then he yells at me for doing it.  He tells me I am too pushy.  And, there are some contractors that we have worked for, for a long time (repeat business) and he will not go after them for anything.  Oh, just leave them alone, they will pay.  I get so frustrated.  I am sitting here right now worrying about a long time contractor who is sitting on our money.  In the past they have always paid well and applying service charges and sending late notices has never been an issue.  Well, this time, my husband did a job for them.  When I sent the invoice at the end of the job there were some questions on thier part. They didn't call,  they did not pay at 30 days like usual.  I had to send a late notice.  AT that point they did call and found out that part of the problem they had with our charges, was because of something they did not take care of.  So, they agreed to pay our invoice.  But as of today it is still not paid, and the first of next week the invoice is 60 days past due.  So I sent a statement and applied $100.00 to thier account.  I am so worried that my husband will yell at me because I did that.  I am so affraid everytime the phone rings that I am in deep trouble and I just wait for my husband to come in the office all red in the face.  I can't take any more.  Even though they are the ones that need to pay thier bill.  I am the one in the wrong. 

  

We also had an employee last summer, who was a big help to us, but on the same hand, he was playing mind games with us.  He was always stealing from us, wheather is was an hour or 2 here and there or if it was actually something he could take home in his lunch box.  Everyweek all summer long he would be at work, but he would take the day off.  He didn't do, not one thing he was ask to do.  My husband would come back at the end of the day and the project he had told our employee to work on was still sitting there.   So, when things started to slow down around Christmas time , he was the first one to go on unemployment.  Then last week, my husband finally decided to let him go for good.  Now, even though that is what we should have done, my husband is worried about him filing a law suit for wrongful termanation against us.  For one, he doesn't have the money to go after us.  But, my husband is still obsessing over it.  He is driving me crazy. 

  

I don't know how to handle these mood swings.  Somethings like the collections just  have to happen.  Period.  I know that, but I also don't want to fight with him.  Because at the end of the day, I still have to go home with him.  I have thought about packing a bag and just leaving and not going to work one day.  I have thought about going to a big city where no one will ever find me and just live a simple life where no one bothers me.  People have told me, "what good would that do"  I would be out from under this stress.  I have also thought about going to a therapist.  But, my husband needs to go too.  But, he won't.  I keep thinking if i change, then some of that will eventually rub off on him.  But he is also very strong minded and changing his mind is no easy task. 

  

So, I just don't know what to do.  I love him dearly, but on the other hand, I really hate him too. 

  

thanks for listening 

First of all, you need to have a long talk with your husband on how this makes you feel.  This sounds like a communication problem and you are looking for a quick fix.  Talk to him directly and tell him how all of this makes you feel and that theses people not paying bothers you because these peope are not paying for your hard work you provide for them.  It is a stealing, plain and simple.  See what his response is and go from there
 
July 3, 2006, 7:18 am CDT

lonely wife

My husband works for a family owned company. His brother started the company. After his divorce and eventually his death he sold it to his nephew. It is a construction company that does fiber optic cable for telephone company’s. It involves long hours and sometimes emergency calls.   

His brother and I didn’t get along. He wanted control over everyone. I have never been one that accepts control. Although he was a good business person, he was filthy mouthed and trashy, and true to only his self. The type of person that used money to buy his way. He would even try and buy my husband hookers to split us up. Hope you get the idea.  

Now that his nephew has the company it think he is trying to take up where his uncle left off. He cannot make it home till at least 7:30 pm. ( He goes to work at 7:30am) There are time it is not a job, but his boss running him around talking till all hours of the evening. Here lately he has not been coming home till 9:30pm. At first he said it was a hot job. I do understand hot jobs. Then I find out 2 days out of 5 that was not the truth. He had him doing odd and end things. One day of it his boss just needed someone to talk to.   

We plan our vacation around our anniversary. In 2005 and 2006 he has been called in on our anniversary. New Years eve 2005 & 2006. Mothers day 2006. He is paid salary so there’s no money issue here.   

I’m alone 90% of the time. We have been married 5 yrs and had a relationship for 11 years. Both of us are in our fifties. So we are not kids and have our whole life ahead of us. I tired of being by myself. Talking does no good. My husband has little formal education. He has been a good provider. He has a heart of gold. His nephew plays on all of that and the fact he wants to be needed.  

Anyone have any suggestions.   

 
July 4, 2006, 10:22 am CDT

farm husband

I have been married for almost 15 years with a relationship of almost 20 years.  My husband and I have a good marriage, except for one major item.  He works long hours.  He is a farmer and does really try to spend time with the family.  He gets up and goes out to the barn at 5:30 am and sometimes comes it at 10:00 at night.. He doesn't work all day though.  He will take 1 hour off for breakfast 1 hour off for lunch and coffee breaks etc.  sometimes a nap.  but it all depends on what he is working at.. i figured out once that he works about 100 hours a week in the summer and about 60 hours a week in the winter.  He says that he spends time with the kids because they always know where he is.  ie he is in the barn or in the field.  They can always go to speak to him.  Which is true but he doesn't take them anywhere usually.  He only goes to school plays and school concerts etc because i make him.  Basically my problem is i feel he needs to take time away from the farm and home and take the kids to the park.. to the show or take me out for dinner or away for the weekend.  these things rarely happen.  When i go away with the kids for the weekend and dad does come with us.. their response is always "Dad is coming with us?????!!!!!" they can't believe it. 

You would think he would catch on to that but he does not. 

Any advice from other self employed farming families?? 

 
July 4, 2006, 10:30 am CDT

self employed wife

Quote From: momescapes

My husband works for a family owned company. His brother started the company. After his divorce and eventually his death he sold it to his nephew. It is a construction company that does fiber optic cable for telephone company’s. It involves long hours and sometimes emergency calls.   

His brother and I didn’t get along. He wanted control over everyone. I have never been one that accepts control. Although he was a good business person, he was filthy mouthed and trashy, and true to only his self. The type of person that used money to buy his way. He would even try and buy my husband hookers to split us up. Hope you get the idea.  

Now that his nephew has the company it think he is trying to take up where his uncle left off. He cannot make it home till at least 7:30 pm. ( He goes to work at 7:30am) There are time it is not a job, but his boss running him around talking till all hours of the evening. Here lately he has not been coming home till 9:30pm. At first he said it was a hot job. I do understand hot jobs. Then I find out 2 days out of 5 that was not the truth. He had him doing odd and end things. One day of it his boss just needed someone to talk to.   

We plan our vacation around our anniversary. In 2005 and 2006 he has been called in on our anniversary. New Years eve 2005 & 2006. Mothers day 2006. He is paid salary so there’s no money issue here.   

I’m alone 90% of the time. We have been married 5 yrs and had a relationship for 11 years. Both of us are in our fifties. So we are not kids and have our whole life ahead of us. I tired of being by myself. Talking does no good. My husband has little formal education. He has been a good provider. He has a heart of gold. His nephew plays on all of that and the fact he wants to be needed.  

Anyone have any suggestions.   

I can relate to some of the things you are talking about.  my husband is a self employed farmer.  He works long hours but in his case he is the boss and no one gives him odd jobs or anything. 

I have to wonder why your husband wants to spend so much time away from home.  does he want to take over for the boss??  does he feel an obligation?? Only he knows.. I would ask him more about it..  try to probe but not be accusatory.  I understand you being tired of being by yourself.  I tried to just do things on my own.  I have two kids 8 and 10 and I am always going places with them.. it is always the three of us.. to the show and playing in the pool.  rarely daddy shows himself. In my husband's case he just feels that nothing can get done properly unless he does it.  He has his brother works with him.  He is paid salary like your husband is.  My brother in law is different than your husband though as he does not hand around any extra time.  He takes advantage of his brother really.  will not show up for most weekends now unless he specifically knows that my husband is going to be away or something.. 

You say your husband has a heart of gold.  That sounds like my husband too.  but you have to wonder if they are doing things for other people.. My husband takes me for granted because he knows i will always be here.  it is easy to take for granted someone you are close to.. perhaps this si what your husband is doing without meaning too. perhaps look at it that way.. Tell him what you need.  Tell him how his being away is affecting your life.  perhaps he doesn't realize how much you miss him .. Maybe he thinks you can do fine without him?? 

Good luck 

 
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