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Topic : Career Goals

Number of Replies: 360
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:24:24 am
Author : dataimport
Are you stuck in a dead-end job, or do you feel you are on the career path of your dreams? Talk about how to set - and achieve - your goals!

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September 1, 2005, 5:16 am CDT

no direction

 I have a 20 yr SD that has no direction. She has been out of high school for 2yrs .We have spent thousands of $$$ for her to go to school ,she is a very smart girl that wants everything NOW. She has dropped out of 2 schools now and still has no clue . She says she is an adult but she is acting like 16 . How can you help guild a 20 yr old to a career and grow up ???
 
September 1, 2005, 5:43 pm CDT

To Sungloblue

Quote From: sungloblue

 I have a 20 yr SD that has no direction. She has been out of high school for 2yrs .We have spent thousands of $$$ for her to go to school ,she is a very smart girl that wants everything NOW. She has dropped out of 2 schools now and still has no clue . She says she is an adult but she is acting like 16 . How can you help guild a 20 yr old to a career and grow up ???

She sounds like a Brat that is now under your care.  Let's say one thing now - she is an adult - aint nonething you can do about that.  According to Doc Phil she has this disease that's called 'entitlement'.  She also could be fighting or hating herself and not knowing it, and when you fight with yourself - you always loose.  She also could hate the world and authority.  Can the two of you talk or do you come across as a Drill Sargent!  What about her Dad.  Does she treat you with respect - how does she treat her dad?  She may not have found her way and be struggling with that.  I am 58 and I remember how it was when I was only a little older than her.  I had to begin liking myself before I could see clearly. 

  

                                                       Rog 

 
September 2, 2005, 10:39 pm CDT

Career Goals

Quote From: renagade

Why on earth are you focusing on your insecurities and failures - this is one of the prime reasons people don't get ahead.  Insecurities and failures are not the same.  An insecurity is either real or imangined.   If it is real ok - deal with it and correct it if possible - if not - forgetaboutit.  A failure can and should be a learning tool.  Every time you fail at something - fine - learn from it. 

  

Yes - Natalie - you should be focusing on your abilities and goals.  I don't know why you arn't in the first place??? 

  

Is it fear of failure or fear of being successful, or fear of standing out from others that holds you back?    I further read about 'Rich Dad Poor Dad' that Rich Dad  had failures and made many mistakes - and he learned from each one.  I am doing the same.   I am waiting for one last ok to finish my website - and am waiting for another item to happen (lets say Part B). 

  

If your thinking of starting a business pick an area that you know a lot about, feel comfortable with, and can have fun with - yes have fun with. 

  

The other item that I employ and don't imploy is - I don't use a 'positive mental attitude' - I use a 'factual mental attitude' - this means that I deal with life as it comes.  Too many people that have a positive mental attutide get angry over negatives that happen - they say 'no I'm only going to be positive today - well how about being real. 

  

It is good that your goal is not to be superrich - making money should never, never be a goal.  Having a business that gives people what they want, and that belives in Customer Service Par Excellencant well get you there.  I read an article on customer service that said 4% of the people complain the other 96% go home angry - this is what will kill any business. 

  

Let me know your thoughts.              Rog 

How is it that someone you don't know, can make you ask yourself the questions that you normally don't even acknowledge?   

    

Three of your questions all made an impact on me. Fear of failure, fear of success and fear of standing out are for sure the things that are holding me back. I am a learn from mistakes person, that is one of the things that I have always lived by. As a student I was very scared of not being right, so I did nothing and only just graduated high school. So at some point I decided to ask more questions and let myself be wrong. Not only did I learn more, but I was happier with myself.   

    

So now I am pretty certain that my two areas of concern are as always money and what I think is most important, stepping out of my comfort zone. Basically there are two options I am considering, one is to join the police force or two is to open a cafe in a newly developing local shopping center.   

    

Two jobs, poles apart. But both are very enticing to me. But both are going to require a whole heap of commitment from me and that is where your questions hit home. To join the police force is going to require a lot of time and dedication, both of which will take me away from my family.   

    

The Cafe option for me, although it would be expensive, is the safe option. As crazy as it seems this is also the scariest option. It is what I know, when I left school I studied to be a chef, and then took a job in hospitality in the defence force. I know I want to try something new and my own business would no doubt provide that, but if I get it wrong, my family looses, if I get it right, is it really what I want to commit my time to?   

    

On the other hand if the police force doesn't pan out, we haven't lost anything. I just continue looking for another job.   

    

It is crazy, a few years ago getting a job was all about me, now it is all about us. Nothing like some pressure to make you feel mad.   

    

Thank you for helping me, it is good to have some wisdom. And someone to bounce my ideas off of.   

    

Nat   

 
September 3, 2005, 8:18 am CDT

job search

i left my job a year ago due to wanting a change.knew in my heart i could do better and i got to the point where i would look at myself and just knew it was time.the day i left ,i wasn't even thinking about it. myboss was new and she had waited to get this move up for 9 years.well i was up for it to but she got it and from day one she said i was out to get her and didn't like her.and it got worst from there.she would take pot shot at are associates and me.and that day she called and said i had no back bone and that i would never move up.then i started thinking move up to what .that minute i just looked around and said is this where i want to be.i left and wrote i note to the manager who i went to with all this.that brings me to day.i now live with my sister ,can't find a job away from what i was doing for the money i was getting .i don't want to go back.i have moved so i don't know the area.so how can i found a job in oldsmar so i can get back out on my own.i just can go back because i wasn't happy.
 
September 3, 2005, 7:00 pm CDT

Hi Nat

Quote From: bigred80

How is it that someone you don't know, can make you ask yourself the questions that you normally don't even acknowledge?   

    

Three of your questions all made an impact on me. Fear of failure, fear of success and fear of standing out are for sure the things that are holding me back. I am a learn from mistakes person, that is one of the things that I have always lived by. As a student I was very scared of not being right, so I did nothing and only just graduated high school. So at some point I decided to ask more questions and let myself be wrong. Not only did I learn more, but I was happier with myself.   

    

So now I am pretty certain that my two areas of concern are as always money and what I think is most important, stepping out of my comfort zone. Basically there are two options I am considering, one is to join the police force or two is to open a cafe in a newly developing local shopping center.   

    

Two jobs, poles apart. But both are very enticing to me. But both are going to require a whole heap of commitment from me and that is where your questions hit home. To join the police force is going to require a lot of time and dedication, both of which will take me away from my family.   

    

The Cafe option for me, although it would be expensive, is the safe option. As crazy as it seems this is also the scariest option. It is what I know, when I left school I studied to be a chef, and then took a job in hospitality in the defence force. I know I want to try something new and my own business would no doubt provide that, but if I get it wrong, my family looses, if I get it right, is it really what I want to commit my time to?   

    

On the other hand if the police force doesn't pan out, we haven't lost anything. I just continue looking for another job.   

    

It is crazy, a few years ago getting a job was all about me, now it is all about us. Nothing like some pressure to make you feel mad.   

    

Thank you for helping me, it is good to have some wisdom. And someone to bounce my ideas off of.   

    

Nat   

How do some people make you doubt yourself - easy - because they don't like themselves and they have to put others down. 

  

I was like that in hight school too - till I found out that part of this problem was the fault of the teachers.  Going into my senior year and after talking to my Uncle I became Me and let the chips fall where theymay. 

  

If you don't step out of your confort zone - not only do you loose - but your family suffers. 

  

The reason the police option is not scary is that you have nonething to loose - except your life in the line of duty.  The police dept will provide everything - however you may too a large extent loose yourself. 

  

The cafe is the scariest because You will have to provide everything and everything falls on your shoulders.  However if you succeed walaa!!!  If the cafe fails, your family will not loose they will still have you and I'll bet they will be supportive, and you will still have yourself. 

  

On the one hand Nat - you and only you can make this decision - on the other let me know the pros and cons of each and I'll give you my opinion. 

  

                                                    Rog 

 
September 4, 2005, 6:22 am CDT

no direction

Quote From: renagade

She sounds like a Brat that is now under your care.  Let's say one thing now - she is an adult - aint nonething you can do about that.  According to Doc Phil she has this disease that's called 'entitlement'.  She also could be fighting or hating herself and not knowing it, and when you fight with yourself - you always loose.  She also could hate the world and authority.  Can the two of you talk or do you come across as a Drill Sargent!  What about her Dad.  Does she treat you with respect - how does she treat her dad?  She may not have found her way and be struggling with that.  I am 58 and I remember how it was when I was only a little older than her.  I had to begin liking myself before I could see clearly. 

  

                                                       Rog 

 Brat is a nice way to put it . Have you meet my SD cause everything you said is SOOO true. She has never had respect for her mom , dad or anyone else. BUT when she turned 18 I stopped letting her treat me like trash and started telling her the real in your face deal and she HATES me for that. We would really like to help guild her in the right direction so she can be happy but  nothing is ever good enough for her. She is very smart and could do anything she puts her mind to.But she is also very hard headed to anything we have to say. Do we need to just let her go and hope she finds her way or what?? This has been going on for 2yrs now. How do you help them find there way?

 
September 4, 2005, 6:31 am CDT

Cafe......

Quote From: bigred80

How is it that someone you don't know, can make you ask yourself the questions that you normally don't even acknowledge?   

    

Three of your questions all made an impact on me. Fear of failure, fear of success and fear of standing out are for sure the things that are holding me back. I am a learn from mistakes person, that is one of the things that I have always lived by. As a student I was very scared of not being right, so I did nothing and only just graduated high school. So at some point I decided to ask more questions and let myself be wrong. Not only did I learn more, but I was happier with myself.   

    

So now I am pretty certain that my two areas of concern are as always money and what I think is most important, stepping out of my comfort zone. Basically there are two options I am considering, one is to join the police force or two is to open a cafe in a newly developing local shopping center.   

    

Two jobs, poles apart. But both are very enticing to me. But both are going to require a whole heap of commitment from me and that is where your questions hit home. To join the police force is going to require a lot of time and dedication, both of which will take me away from my family.   

    

The Cafe option for me, although it would be expensive, is the safe option. As crazy as it seems this is also the scariest option. It is what I know, when I left school I studied to be a chef, and then took a job in hospitality in the defence force. I know I want to try something new and my own business would no doubt provide that, but if I get it wrong, my family looses, if I get it right, is it really what I want to commit my time to?   

    

On the other hand if the police force doesn't pan out, we haven't lost anything. I just continue looking for another job.   

    

It is crazy, a few years ago getting a job was all about me, now it is all about us. Nothing like some pressure to make you feel mad.   

    

Thank you for helping me, it is good to have some wisdom. And someone to bounce my ideas off of.   

    

Nat   

Please please reconsider the cafe' option. I owned a restaurant for 15 years and it was a nightmare from day one. It was a 24/7 job with headaches coming from all sides at once. From licensing to taxes to scheduling to purchasing to advertising, to cleaning to maintenance and then of course, cooking, serving and filling in when other people fell apart......if you have a family, don't do it. Looking back on my life, if I only hadn't fallen into that trap. And working with your family makes it even worse. That time I spent cleaning grease traps- yes, fun stuff- when you own it, you do the stuff you can't hire others to do- is lost to me and I will never get it back. Now I sell sex toys at home parties through Black Diamond ent, work 2-3 nights a week, 4 hours a party and make a LOT more than I did working 80 hours a week at a cafe'- restaurant- owning the damn thing.  Now I see my friends, my kids, my husband, I can read, garden, volunteer, do fun things. Would I ever go back- no no no noNONONONO!!!!!!!
 
September 4, 2005, 8:49 am CDT

Hi Songblue

Quote From: sungloblue

 Brat is a nice way to put it . Have you meet my SD cause everything you said is SOOO true. She has never had respect for her mom , dad or anyone else. BUT when she turned 18 I stopped letting her treat me like trash and started telling her the real in your face deal and she HATES me for that. We would really like to help guild her in the right direction so she can be happy but  nothing is ever good enough for her. She is very smart and could do anything she puts her mind to.But she is also very hard headed to anything we have to say. Do we need to just let her go and hope she finds her way or what?? This has been going on for 2yrs now. How do you help them find there way?

Let me be very straight forward - your first major mistake was waiting till she was 18 before you tried to put a stop to her behavior.  Remember what Jay has said on his dads show - kids don't want to loose - believe it or not she is listening to you, but she doesn't want to loose.   

  

As for hard headed - I am a left hander - so we think differently - if she is left handed - this is one of the reasons and also her personality comes into play.  If she is as smart as you say she is - the other problem could be that she is not being challenged enough.   

  

I don't know how close she is to her 21st birthday, but if it's close she could be counting the days, just like I did.  Do you let her go - good question - she is either crying out for help - or shes counting the days.  I don't know what the law says in your state about age, but I do know that at 21 thats it.  No matter what - just don't you and your husband give up. 

  

Keep me posted.                                       Rog 

 
September 4, 2005, 4:22 pm CDT

Hi Natalie - Part 2

Quote From: renagade

How do some people make you doubt yourself - easy - because they don't like themselves and they have to put others down. 

  

I was like that in hight school too - till I found out that part of this problem was the fault of the teachers.  Going into my senior year and after talking to my Uncle I became Me and let the chips fall where theymay. 

  

If you don't step out of your confort zone - not only do you loose - but your family suffers. 

  

The reason the police option is not scary is that you have nonething to loose - except your life in the line of duty.  The police dept will provide everything - however you may too a large extent loose yourself. 

  

The cafe is the scariest because You will have to provide everything and everything falls on your shoulders.  However if you succeed walaa!!!  If the cafe fails, your family will not loose they will still have you and I'll bet they will be supportive, and you will still have yourself. 

  

On the one hand Nat - you and only you can make this decision - on the other let me know the pros and cons of each and I'll give you my opinion. 

  

                                                    Rog 

I just read what queentween wrote to you about going into business - this is a perfect example of people that should never go into business.  I responded and I don't think they are going to like it. 

  

Anywho.  I was going to wait for a responce from you, but decided to do this. 

  

If you choose the police - you will have everything provided for you.  It will be dangerous, basic training will be hard and gruelling, and you will probabley be trained to loose your idenity.  You will be admired by some, and reviled by others.  Your family life may suffer, may not - depending on type of cases that happen.  You will put your life on the line daily.   

  

If you choose the Cafe.  Yes it will be hard work in the beginning, but if you know who you are, have  

confidence in yourself, do all your homework, do not think you know everything, allow other to help you run your business (and by this - in Lee Iacoccas book - he was the president of Ford - he said the job of a ceo is to hire people who can stand on their own feet, who know their area well and you allow them - not tell them - but allow them to do their job) you will have a successful busniness. 

  

                                                                Rog 

 
September 4, 2005, 10:37 pm CDT

To Queentween

Quote From: queentween

Please please reconsider the cafe' option. I owned a restaurant for 15 years and it was a nightmare from day one. It was a 24/7 job with headaches coming from all sides at once. From licensing to taxes to scheduling to purchasing to advertising, to cleaning to maintenance and then of course, cooking, serving and filling in when other people fell apart......if you have a family, don't do it. Looking back on my life, if I only hadn't fallen into that trap. And working with your family makes it even worse. That time I spent cleaning grease traps- yes, fun stuff- when you own it, you do the stuff you can't hire others to do- is lost to me and I will never get it back. Now I sell sex toys at home parties through Black Diamond ent, work 2-3 nights a week, 4 hours a party and make a LOT more than I did working 80 hours a week at a cafe'- restaurant- owning the damn thing.  Now I see my friends, my kids, my husband, I can read, garden, volunteer, do fun things. Would I ever go back- no no no noNONONONO!!!!!!!

I have never heard such a negative responce from a business owner ever.  A business never has to be operated 24/7 unless the owner/management do not know what they are doing.  I have been to many restrauants and things followed smoothly. 

  

Yes when you have a business it does take a lot to get it going - but after the rough spots have been ironed out - owners/management should be able to keep the pace going with relative ease. 

  

When you hire people - you should be able to choose those that know what their doing from those that don't.  The only area I agree with you is family - they should never be a part of it unless they want to be. 

  

As far as the licensing to taxes to to to - if you hired people to do that then why are you complaining - or did you do that yourself - bad mistake. 

  

                                                              Rog 

 
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