Topic : 06/10 Deadly Kids

I heard so many times- if that was my daughter, she wouldn't get by with that.  You are correct that not every misbehaving child has a disorder or other issues.  However, it is very wrong to also state that all children that act out just need discipline.  We tried everything including the `swats' that you suggest- it didn't help.  My daughter had physiological and mental issues that a swat couldn't help.  Our daughter is not allowed to use her mental illness or other challenges to get by with things.  But we are still learning ways to help our daughter gain control of her issues and be able to function in the world.   We were able to keep her in our home, and did not have to place her in a professional setting, and I am thankful for that.  But your blanket response that these children just need the proper discipline is an unfair judgement towards children and their families when there are disorders and special needs involved.  I am a good parent, but it was very hurtful to have people passing judgement in very loud and pointed ways based strictly upon the behavior they witnessed without any background information.   Unless you have a child with serious mental issues,

disorders or other medical problems, you have no idea what is involved.   Appearances can truly be decieving, and rarely  are the solutions as simple as some might believe.   As a good friend once said, our children are like brown paper bags;  they all look the same until you open them up and look inside.  As you can see, these parents love their children and are looking for a solution to help them.   Sometimes the solution is not found in traditional parenting methods because all children are not typical.  

Are you kidding???? DO NOT GIVE THIS CHILD AN ANIMAL!! These children would kill an animal or torture the animal. Our son also had these intense and dangerous behaviors. He also got bigger and more powerful. He killed two of our animals and was torturing the other one. He was removed from the home and placed in intense therapy for all of our safety. He also roamed at night and would lurk over our beds. When asked in therapy what his goals were he said "to kill my mom and my sister." You can not understand the intensity of these situations until you have lived it!! And I do not think hopelessly!! I think in reality and survival!!

Okay Dr. Phil, If you check these kids out and there are no physical (such as metal toxicity) problems, I want and expect you to totally blame lack of discipline for these kids' problems. Parents are getting too much of a easy ride these days. The fat lazy, parents of the nine year old who seem so sad while they call the police on their child- I won't even go into how stupid that is, coddle their four year old only to exacerbate the problem while they should be spanking-and I understand why you cannot advocate spanking on TV. It's because people would beet their kids senseless and say , "Dr. Phil told me to." Nonetheless, you are letting parents get off scott-free who have clearly never disciplined a child. As you well know, discipline teaches a child that there are boundaries. There is a distinct barrier between me and the world-not just endless gaps and possibilities. Children want and  need boundaries. They need them to feel safe and loved. Discipline teaches love. Not disciplining a child while coddling the sibling teaches jealousy and hate and lack of boundaries which leads to frustration. It's unacceptable to me for parents to get away with calling the police on a nine year old and whining about a nine year old's behavior. Now, if you find out this kid has been eating lead paint since he was two, I'm sorry but where were his parents then. Oh yeah, hiding in the bedroom. If you continue to advocate this type of poor, pathetic parenting you are contributing to, not helping, the country's problems. It is your responsibility to tell parents it is their job to stop being lazy and stand up to (and for) their children. I'm ashamed to even have to say it. I work full time, raise a child and maintain a household. I'm tired of hearing the whining and of being afraid for myself and my family due to the pure laziness of others. These children are suffering-you saw that frustrated kid on the video. They are suffering because their parents would rather hide and complain than to deal with the problem. Please do your job and make me proud. I have watched your show for 5 years and this is the first time I have ever written in.

Dr. Phil,   It was so nice to see you air this show. I wish you were around 18 years ago when this type of problem started when our son (Kelly) was just 2 years old. He is now 20 living in a homeless shelter after spending 9 months in jail. He was so bad that I had to get a restraining order on him for my daughter 18 and myself. Before he went to jail he was hearing voices in his head to kill me and his sister. I was so afraid of him killing me or our daughter that when my husband was not home I had myself locked in the house with a shot gun. Our daughter moved in with some friends in the next town.    When Kelly was 2 he had his first rage. Doctor after doctor told us it was just the terrible two's then the horrible three's and so on. I remember telling one Doctor if all three year olds behaved this way there would not be a four year old alive today! We went to any and all parenting class we could find never to find an answer to what to do. At the age of nine we found a wonderful doctor in Loma Linda that eventually dx Kelly with bipolar disorder. Even with meds and counseling things were not easy. The rages still came. We would go months without them then years with them. No one had an answer as to how to stop them. Over time what worked was never to give in to what he wanted and talk calm and quietly to him it never stopped the ragging from happening. It did help calm him down eventually.   At any time he could explode over anything. He would go after his sister or me most of the time. He put many holes in our doors and walls broke anything he could get his hands on. When he was small I was able to restrain him and try to calm him down. As he got older and bigger things got worse there were many times my daughter and I would leave the house to get away from him. When we tried to lock ourselves in a room he would bust the door down. I can not tell you how many times we have had the sheriff out to calm him down or take him to the hospital.   I hope by you doing shows like this no other families will have to live through what we have. I forgot what it was like not live in fear until he went to jail last January. I will never live like that again. I love my son dearly and tried to do everything in my power to help him now it is up to him.   Love you Dr. Phil, Nannette

 

 Why do these people think it always the parents fault?  Some kids have problems that they are born with.  I have two completely different children one boy and one girl.  I knew that there was something wrong with my son from the time he was three.  I wish that Dr Phil had been around 10 years ago so that I had some insight into what was wrong with my son.  I am not saying that sometimes its not the parent fault  since I can only speak for myself.  My son didnt  care about anything.  You could put him in a room and he would stare at the wall.  My daughter is a different story.  She is best thing that ever lived.  I parented them the same way.  But I had to take her and leave when she was 5 and my son was 14 because I was afraid that he would hurt her and me.  So just be glad that you havent had to deal with a child that cant help himself and the drs. that dont know what to tell you.  It is not always the parents fault.  In my case it wasnt. 

 I agree with you 100%  I dealt with the exact same thing you did.  I would have to sleep with my bedroom door locked in fear that he would come in at night and try to hurt me.  I had to leave and take my daughter with me when she was five.  It was the best thing I ever did.  You are absoulety right that you cant understand the severity of the situations until you yourself have lived with it.  He is an adult now and thank god I dont have to deal with being afraid anymore. 

I never realized that there are so many young kids with this problem.

What is a parent to do? Where can these children be placed so that they don't hurt someone?

I don't believe that it is possible to just abandon a child to the state, is it?

 I disagree with you.  If it hadnt been for Dr. Phil doing a program on Asberger Syndrome I would have never found out what I think is wrong with my son.  I wish that Dr Phil would do more shows like these to get the word out there.  I went through this for most of my sons life.  He is now 22.  My son didnt get the help that he needed cause I didnt know where to turn.  Thanks Dr. Phil for doing these types of shows.  I just wish you had been around to help me.

I live in Washington state and have a similar situation.  When my now 19 year old son was living at home he threatened my husband, myself, and his teenage brother, as well as my infant son.  I didn't think we were safe with him inthe home.  When he wasn't in Juvenile Detention or other locked facilities, there was NOWHERE else for him to go, but home.  What do you suggest that a person should do with a child that they gave life to?  You can't just leave them somewhere.  A bodyguard is more do-able than abandonment.  It is illegal!!!  Thank God my son reached the age of 18 but now is is an unsupervised menace to society.  It used to be that I had to keep track of him.  Now nobody does.  That is when worse things happen.  I worry everyday about his next innocent victim.