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Topic : 06/10 Deadly Kids

Number of Replies: 247
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Created on : Friday, October 12, 2007, 02:54:58 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/18/07) What if you feared your own child? Dr. Phil's guests say they worry that one day they may die at the hands of their offspring. Steven and Tori say Steven's 9-year-old son, Donovan, poisoned his siblings and then laced Tori's drink with aquarium cleaner. They say he laughed after his family members went to the hospital and has not shown remorse for his sinister acts. He's now in a treatment facility, but should Tori and Steven allow him back into their home once he's released? Then, Susie narrowly escaped death after her stepson tried to brutally kill her with a gun and then a knife. He's now behind bars, so why does she fear he will try to finish the job? And, Carrie and Lance fear their son, Michael, will be the next shocking murder headline. They say he threatened to cut his teacher's eyes out with a knife and kill his younger sister. When Michael becomes enraged, Carrie locks herself in the bedroom for fear of what he might do. Find out what Dr. Phil cameras caught on tape while at Carrie and Lance's house. And, why do the parents feel their son's behavior is influencing their daughter? What does Dr. Phil think is at the root of Michael's rage? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 18, 2007, 7:36 am CDT

I agree

Quote From: memorie

There has to be more then meets the eye here.Something deeper that no one has been able to get at.Or are these children just born evil?So is the solution to drug these kids up?Doctors do not know how most medicines work,they go on case scenario.Maybe the meds are not all they are hyped up to be.Lock them up?What purpose does that serve,other then protection for the family.I do not know the answers and apparently the doctors have no clue.Could it be the answers can only come from a higher power?Children learn from their environment.Maybe some truths are not being told.

There is underlying factors that lead up to such feeling of hate, resentment, anger, outrage, etc.  Get to the bottom of it while they are still young enough to be a child and not have the worries and fears of an adult.

 

I do believe there was more hope for Michael than the boy who was poisoning his family. That boy seemed to have those black, empty eyes. Different approach to that child, and that's just it every child acts out differently.

 
October 18, 2007, 7:42 am CDT

Cut the excuses, please

Quote From: memorie

In our society today, you have in most households a situation were both parents have to work outside the house.And I see more and more parents expecting the school system to deal with their children.I am not saying that this has anything to do with the kids here.But with some kids it might.Think about it,most schools even serve breakfast,and I am sure that a time will come when they serve all 3 meals.It is hard to blame the parents,they have to make a living for the family.How about we look at society as a whole,to much greed.Over worked,under paid, no time for home.It isn't even ,for most people about"keeping up with the Jones",it's about trying to survive in a world where you are rich or poor,no in-between any more.And the majority of us fall in the "poor" category.This does not pertain to all children,nor all families.Some times things just go wrong,or are wrong to start with.The human mind is a wonderful,yet at the same time complex thing.My heart and prayers go out to these families,I could not even imagine what you go through.

Stop with the excuses, please. Nobody betters his/her situation with EXCUSES. I taught in a poor high school for 9 years. I have seen the poorest of the poor single mothers FIND time to take a vested interest in their children's education. I have seen poor parents decide that their kids will NOT end up like them so they disciplined them, provided them with God and structure, made sure they had good friends, emphasized school work and sports, etc. The poor are not dumb. They are merely poor in financial resources.

 

No, most households don't "have" to have both siblings working. There are more middle class parents working than anyone and many of those families have made a CHOICE to work double to have the nice cars, the expensive cable TV, the yearly vacations, the brand-name "keep up with the jones" clothing, etc. Most of our friends are upper middle class and they both choose to work so they can have more "stuff." Their kids are always exhausted, they get their meals from fast food junk food places and nobody is taking time to TALK with their kids about the truly important stuff.

 

I do not fault the wealthy. They owe me, you and everybody NOTHING. They got what they got thru hard work and planning or the hard work of their parents and grandparents. We should all strive to obtain what they have, providing they have a balance in their lives and the lives of their children.

 

I do hope these kids (and their parents) get the help they obviously need. Pointing fingers does NOT help at all (as you stated), but PLEASE don't make excuses for some people who could do MUCH better by their children!

 
October 18, 2007, 7:44 am CDT

Heart is breaking....

My heart goes out to these kids and their families. I cannot imagine walking in their shoes. May Dr. Phil (with the help of God) work with these families to help them change their lives. All these kids are the sons and daughters of God; what precious "gifts" they are. They just need help that the avearge person cannot provide. Good luck, families. You CAN do it; I have faith in you!
 
October 18, 2007, 7:56 am CDT

Praise to you

Quote From: icarmi06

When a child acts up, that child is calling out. There is normally a reason for the child to act the way he or she is. Parents who allow there kids to take control are the ones that deals with being scared of there children. It starts from when the childred are very young, and they start touching things like on a table, and a parent says no, and they child looks at us and does it again. Right there consistency is needed. And No should always be no.

I have raised 6 children all by myself...and i tried hard to make sure they would not become a statistic. If i was having this many kids then i was going to be sure they did the right things. Morals and values all the way.

more....

thanks

I totally agree with you when you say, " when the child acts up, that child is calling out."  Isn't that about the truth.  I know parenting is easier for some than others and like my Grandma always tells me, "the babies don't come with a manual." 

 

I have a ten year old, and a new baby who is 4 months.  All I can do is put myself in my child's shoes when is is having problems. I Give lots, and lots of love, support, encouragement, structure, and firm discipline. 
I am a single mom also, have always been.  Just when I think I have things figured out, he grows and changes, and I am back to evaluating the situation.

 

I can only imagine raising six children on your own.  Every parent requires loads of patience.  I know you have it.

 
October 18, 2007, 9:36 am CDT

deadly kids

 

all this talk about god & how faith can save this child...

 

god does not save you.  medicine & airbags, that's what saves you. 

 

look at the parents.  clearly they are not leading an active, healthy lifestyle.  they need to get up off their a@$es & be involved in this childs life.

 

all behaviour is learned.  hmm, 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree'. 

 

 

 
October 18, 2007, 9:43 am CDT

10/18 Deadly Kids

Quote From: cherilan

i have 2 wonderful boys age 8 and 10 and my 8 year old has been diagnosed with bipolar this past year after 1 year of intense therapy i have done all of the taking away the privliges and at one point my son picked up a pool stick and threw it at me because i would not budge when he wanted his video games back i put him in time out and he still continued to call me very ugly hateful names and kept thrwing things at me and told me he hated me so much he wished i was dead i dont feel that it is always the parents fault but one thing i do not want is to ever have to put my son in a strange place with no family to let him know how much he is loved i tell both my boys everyday about 20 times a day i love them. i just dont want to see my childs face on americas most wanted.

 

you're first problem is the video game.  get rid of it.  i have 2 boys as well.  one is 19 & is in 1st yr university on a 5 yr athletic/academic scholarship.  & he didn't get that...playing video games.

 

my other son is 15 & in gr. 10.  He is a 97% avg student, aspiring to be an M.D.  Again, no video games. 

 

you are the parent, act like it. 

 
October 18, 2007, 9:55 am CDT

10/18 Deadly Kids

Quote From: mstammi

Children that display such severe disconnect in emotions, compassion, that have no care of life, only want to destroy people around them need to be receiving serious help and it should not be "Outpatient" help. They should not be allowed around average life routines and the people involved. It is obvious these children can not handle "normal" anything and to allow them to be around people, knowing that at any moment the child may "snap" is endangering all people's safety and lives and the parents will be held responsible for allowing the child ,(who has severe mental and emotional life issues that threaten the very lives of others,)to be around people and endanger them. There is nothing "normal" about children who have such a serious disconnect that threatens to kill anyone, children who make fun of anyone who gets hurt or displays any emotion, children who don't seem to have a discernment of right and wrong, good and bad.

 

They may never may be able to return to a "normal" life. Parents need to accept that and not feel guilty if they know they had NO involvement in anyway(abuse, drugs,ect) of their child's predictiment or lack of mental state. It is a heavy burden and the families need prayer.

I truly believe you can't help some people. You have to want to help yourself also. Some kids just know exactly what they are doing and are determined to go any route to get someone they are jealous of or have deep hatred towards, out of the picture. They use every trick in the book, the "I'm sorry" just doesn't work anymore after so many times. You know whether they mean it or not. Kids can be very manipulative and clever, know how to play you and they grow up into adults with the same mindset. You know down the line they are going to end up in serious trouble with the law, be a drug abuser, alcoholic, liar or just plain vindictive and abusive in some way. You either recognize the signs or you don't. You can only do so much, and after having exhausted every avenue some turn their life around, and some just aren't wired up right and need serious mental help.

 

We make too many excuses for our kids, parent through guilt (or whatever) and when we do that, you are damaging them even further. The parents have the issues and pass it on somehow, problem is they refuse to see they are at fault, and that they fed the behavior somehow, continue to do it on a daily basis and are absolutely clueless, not enough rules, not enough discipline and rewarding bad behavior is the worst you can possibly do. Eventually you end up on the path of destruction. I say somehow, you bring it all on yourselves and if you take a step back and examine your life how it 'really' is, you might just "GET IT" where you went wrong. Parents hate to admit they are at fault and it's NEVER their child to blame for anything. A lot of parents are at fault and it IS their child, so accept it and deal with it. Some people just should NEVER be parents. When parents out there think it's funny to see their young child act with an attitude because they did  (and they see themselves through the kid), and you don't correct that, you are telling them it's ok to be that way and it gets progressively worse. On your head be it!

 
October 18, 2007, 10:08 am CDT

10/18 Deadly Kids

Quote From: mstammi

Children that display such severe disconnect in emotions, compassion, that have no care of life, only want to destroy people around them need to be receiving serious help and it should not be "Outpatient" help. They should not be allowed around average life routines and the people involved. It is obvious these children can not handle "normal" anything and to allow them to be around people, knowing that at any moment the child may "snap" is endangering all people's safety and lives and the parents will be held responsible for allowing the child ,(who has severe mental and emotional life issues that threaten the very lives of others,)to be around people and endanger them. There is nothing "normal" about children who have such a serious disconnect that threatens to kill anyone, children who make fun of anyone who gets hurt or displays any emotion, children who don't seem to have a discernment of right and wrong, good and bad.

 

They may never may be able to return to a "normal" life. Parents need to accept that and not feel guilty if they know they had NO involvement in anyway(abuse, drugs,ect) of their child's predictiment or lack of mental state. It is a heavy burden and the families need prayer.

I truly believe you can't help some people. You have to want to help yourself also. Some kids just know exactly what they are doing and are determined to go any route to get someone they are jealous of or have deep hatred towards, out of the picture. They use every trick in the book, the "I'm sorry" just doesn't work anymore after so many times. You know whether they mean it or not. Kids can be very manipulative and clever, know how to play you and they grow up into adults with the same mindset. You know down the line they are going to end up in serious trouble with the law, be a drug abuser, alcoholic, liar or just plain vindictive and abusive in some way. You either recognize the signs or you don't. You can only do so much, and after having exhausted every avenue some turn their life around, and some just aren't wired up right and need serious mental help.

 

We make too many excuses for our kids, parent through guilt (or whatever) and when we do that, you are damaging them even further. The parents have the issues and pass it on somehow, problem is they refuse to see they are at fault, and that they fed the behavior somehow, continue to do it on a daily basis and are absolutely clueless, not enough rules, not enough discipline and rewarding bad behavior is the worst you can possibly do. Eventually you end up on the path of destruction. I say somehow, you bring it all on yourselves and if you take a step back and examine your life how it 'really' is, you might just "GET IT" where you went wrong. Parents hate to admit they are at fault and it's NEVER their child to blame for anything. A lot of parents are at fault and it IS their child, so accept it and deal with it. Some people just should NEVER be parents. When parents out there think it's funny to see their young child act with an attitude because they did  (and they see themselves through the kid), and you don't correct that, you are telling them it's ok to be that way and it gets progressively worse. On your head be it!

 
October 18, 2007, 10:24 am CDT

Deadly kids

I feel for anyone who has to go through this.  However as a parent YOU have a responsibily to ALL your kids!  NOT just one.  If one of my kids was like this I MUST protect my other children too!  If this was my child I would NOT allow him back in my home!  OF course if this was my child he would have never have got this way!  There is no excuse for this kind of behavior!  NONE!  These parents have obviously missed something along the way of raising a child like this.  Perhaps that is the problem, that the parents did NOT raise him and a daycare did!  The more MOms that work, the worse the kids are!  And YES I it is ALWAYS possible to stay at home!  IT may mean you will have to make a sacrifice, but there is a way!  I am a proud stay-at-home mom of 4 great, loving, happy children.  We dont have much and in fact, live with my parents.  I may not like living with my parents but it is  a sacrifice I am proud to make and would do so again and again.  My kids are so worth it.  True my kids do not have as much as other kids their age but they have a MOM that is ALWAYS there for them!  THey are NEVER alone!  I am an educated Nurse but I stay home with my kids and I would not have it any other way!  Come hell or high water, no one will ever be able to say I DID NOT RAISE MY OWN KIDS!  More parents should try staying-at-home with there kids.  The rewards are so much more then that of working parents get.  A child is only a child once in their life time. .... make the most of it for both, you and them!
 
October 18, 2007, 10:27 am CDT

10/18 Deadly Kids

Quote From: nedraewart

I don't know what might be the source of your step-son's rage, but it may always be directed  at you.  With his starting so young to try to take your life, I think I'd have to recommend you never let him back in your home.  If he appears to finally understand the gravity of what he has done, and apologizes, and IF you and the medical staff who are currently caring for him have any reasonable expectation that hes being honest in his apology, and not just role playing to get at you again, and if they recommend taking him home, then I recommend you make him a ward of the court before he comes home. 

To those who have not lived this nightmare, this may seem extreme, but I have walked in your shoes.  My son, however, was 20 when he attempted to take my life in the middle of my divorce.  All his life he was full of rage, and he always blamed me for everything he thought was wrong with his life.  I immediately moved into "tough love" mode, and moved him out that same night.   He claimed he didn't know who did it, but later admitted it was him.  He mournfully asked how I could throw him out on the street to sleep.   I calmly told him he'd made that decision for me when he took action against me and so it was simply a logical consequence of his actions.... one I could not change.  Like I told him, "you can't live here any more".

I tried to keep in touch via email, after he got out of jail on a 5 year probation.  Every email got a nasty response from him.  So, finally, I had to let him go totally.  It was very painful to give him up, but my first responsibility is to take care of me, so I am there for the rest of the family, and for my responsibility to take good care of myself.  I've had no contact with him for about 8 years now.  I had to love him by letting him go and letting him NOT be in my life.

As bad as things have been with your step-son, I believe you will have to do as I have done.  Some children choose to not heal.  Some of my son's problems come from his father; most come from his intrinsic personality.... and are his responsibility alone.  He's an addictive type personality; he blames me for all his woes and problems, rather than taking personal responsibility.  I will pray for you.
Good for you. You did the RIGHT thing! Don't let anyone cause you pain, grief or sadness. People get their kicks from hurting others and bringing others down to their level, never allow that to happen. People treat you how you allow them to.
 
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