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Topic : 03/21 Is This Normal?

Number of Replies: 179
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, October 12, 2007, 02:57:45 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date 12/14/07) Dr. Phil’s guests call their loved ones on the carpet about their unusual behavior. Linda says her dog, Sasha, is more human than canine. She loves to dress Sasha in pearls when company comes and feed the pampered pooch off her fork. Linda’s future daughter-in-law, Jill, says Linda is going overboard with her doggie doting -- especially since Linda wants Sasha to host Jill’s bridal shower! Then, Mary says it’s time for her husband, Eric, to let go of his dream of being a rock star. He’s 50 years old, and she says it’s time for him to get a real job. Eric says she supported his passion for 27 years -- so why is it suddenly abnormal? Next, Amber says she’s concerned about her fiancé, Colin’s, unpredictable mood swings, because one minute he’s the nicest guy in the world, but the next minute he’s flying off the handle. Should she call off the wedding until he gets his temper under control? Plus, a picky eater says she wants to stop being a “food weirdo” and start enjoying meals like a normal person. And, a woman at odds with her husband over the dangerous hobby that left her with a fractured back. Should she pursue her passion even though it terrifies her spouse? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 15, 2007, 11:22 am CDT

michelegal is your SO your husband?

Quote From: michelegal

My significant other has been with me for 9 years and has a problem with getting along with people. He gets a job and keeps it for about 3 months. He is a sweet man and makes up tasks that, to him, are a contribution to the relationship. And although it is, such as taking mail to the PO, picking up groceries, taking the car for service, cooking an occasional meal, and listening to my BS, the fact that he does not contribute monetarily is really tiring.

 

My friends pity me and people who find out that he does not work, immediately go into a lecture about how I have no self esteem and that I deserve better, etc. etc. I do agree with them, but this dependency is so deep, meaning that if my friend does not find another host, he will be homeless, without a car, without money, etc.  I feel responsible for letting him get so dependent and am reluctant to cut the cord without some sort of effort to make sure he is OK.  

 

What do you all think 

I'm sorry but I think the answer is a different one if you are married.  I'd been an SAHM for years and hadn't contributed monetarily on a regular basis for years.  Of course me being at home with kids was something we'd agreed on long ago when we talked about having children and the things important to us.  This was a *mutual decision* .  I think being married makes a *huge* difference because those 2 are making decisions together and have vowed to care about & for one another &/or share their lives for life.  If you're not married then you haven't taken that vow. 

 

This isn't about your friends pitying you or lectures given by people about him, but in reality it's about you being finished with the relationship & him.  Just tell him straight out that "this relationship just isn't right for me any more.  I know that it's going to take some time for you to find a place to go etc. but I need to end this relationship and very soon".  Then give him a time table to be out.  Tell him he can have 2 weeks to find a place and move.  If you're able to plan a vacation with friends while he's looking for a place to go so it isn't awkward living there together while he's looking to get out.   If you're in a place that he owns or is in his name then perhaps you may want to think about doing the moving yourself.  This way if there are bills he's unable to pay for it's up to him to just fix that or leave there. 

 

I know your feel resoponsible for allowing the situation to turn into what it has but the idea that you're "reluctant to cut the cord without some sort of effor to make sure he is ok" is what got you into this in the first place.  You're not his mother and his well beinging is not your responsibility, it's up to *him* to make sure he's ok!   I think if you consider yourself his "host" that says it all as far as you being finished emotionally with the relationship and if that is the case then you're not doing yourself or him any favors by prolonging the inevitable. 

 
October 15, 2007, 4:10 pm CDT

Humanizing of dogs/pets

On the subject about the dog (or any other pet for that matter) being more human than canine....

 I believe some people go WAY overboard with the "humanizing of pets", if you will. Maybe a cute 'shirt' here & there or talking to your dog (pet) kinda like a human isnt such a big thing, but when you go further than that & dress them in actual outfits, want them to be an actual part of a wedding & treat them as humans instead of the animals/pets they are, then its time to chill out. I cringe every time I see someone's dog "dressed up" like they're human & going to a party. I myself have a dog, a miniature daschound (sp?) & yes, she is a little spoiled, but NOWHERE to the extent of being treated as a human. I dont know if anyone watches or has watched the show Wife Swap, but on one episode there was a woman who was a HUGE dog lover & literally had NO HUMAN friends, just her 3 or 4 dogs. She put her dogs ahead of her husband & son, had the dogs on a little schedule (I think) & made them clean up after the dogs. She even had the dogs in the BATHTUB with her! I mean really, thats just crazy. Yes people, love your dogs/pets unconditionally, but stop "humanizing" them so much.

 
November 30, 2007, 8:47 pm CST

Bipolar Bears

 I met a brilliant man several years after a divorce. He lived in Canada and I, in California. He was intelligent, creative, articulate, curious...he pushed me to think and tapdanced on every boundary I was adjusting in my single life. We got married after dating, long distance mind you, for a year. Oh I know it was stupid NOW but then it was romantic..le sigh.  I attributed his mood swings to the creative process...to being brilliant...to being a lost and tortured soul. Had I known anything about bipolar disorder I would have seen it for what it was and I like to believe, I would have run like there was a fire licking my hiney.

Bipolarism is tough to deal with...tough to live with.  I spent four years in hell. He attempted self medication through alcohol and eventually drugs. He could not cope with the fact that his brain had 'betrayed' him...he was suicidal...he was hateful...I swear he was a minion of the antichrist come to pay me back for being a hellion as a kid.  I didn't give up because I was already 'in' when we found out he was bipolar. I should have left for myself and for my two boys that I subjected to his lunacy.  The marriage lasted less time than the courtship; he was taken to jail in handcuffs after being chased down by 3 cruisers who found him at our house after trying to kill himself by driving his car into a brick wall...then running back to our home, breaking in, threatening to kill me if I told the police anything and then going out the front door to tell the police to get off his driveway. ALl this with my boys huddled in a back room with a baseball bat in case he tried to touch me.  And at that point he was on medication.

I think it's great that some people make it through....it gives hope to those that need it. However, there is so much about bipolar disorder that is unknown by the general public that to tell someone to stick it out without knowing all the details can be dangerous advice.  My ex was a Philosophy Major with a Law Degree obtained on a fully funded scholarship. He was a gifted musician and when not in the throws of a cycle, quite charming and spiritual. My point....not the guy you would ever guess spent thousands of dollars on cocaine, started bar fights or beat people up. 

Get the information and diagnosis before you make any decisions but for the love of all things holy don't believe that you can change him or save him. 
 
December 1, 2007, 4:48 am CST

How do you REALLY feel about this man.

Quote From: michelegal

My significant other has been with me for 9 years and has a problem with getting along with people. He gets a job and keeps it for about 3 months. He is a sweet man and makes up tasks that, to him, are a contribution to the relationship. And although it is, such as taking mail to the PO, picking up groceries, taking the car for service, cooking an occasional meal, and listening to my BS, the fact that he does not contribute monetarily is really tiring.

 

My friends pity me and people who find out that he does not work, immediately go into a lecture about how I have no self esteem and that I deserve better, etc. etc. I do agree with them, but this dependency is so deep, meaning that if my friend does not find another host, he will be homeless, without a car, without money, etc.  I feel responsible for letting him get so dependent and am reluctant to cut the cord without some sort of effort to make sure he is OK.  

 

What do you all think 

It's not really about what other people think. It's more about what do you really want in your life.

 

My daughter was with a man for 4 years. She was in love with him, so we kept out mouths shut. He wouldn't work, but he also slept till late in the afternoon and did nothing around the house. My daughter meanwhile worked and attended college.

 

My daughter was the one who finally figured out that she didn't want to live her life this way. It didn't look like he was ever going to be any different.

 

Myself, I've been a SAHM and am now a housewife. My husband foots the bills. We've been married for 33 years. This situation is working for us.

 

I think you just simply have to decide what works for you and what you really want and go from there. Best wishes and good luck.

 

 
December 1, 2007, 10:02 am CST

Son is anorexic-picky eater

 I'm interested in the girl who is a picky eater and wants to eat normal. Dr Phil has had anorexic females on but never an anorexic male. My son is anorexic, not because of negative body image, but because he just can't eat and doesn't know why. He's been this way since he was about 5 and is now 17. He desparately wants to eat like a normal male. He has a very very limited list of foods that he will eat and is very skinny and hates it. I worked with my Dr when he was young and it seemed like none of the usual behavior techniques would work. My Dr finally told me to stop worrying about it because he ate cheese, cottage cheese, apples, brocolli and bread and he said that was a healthy diet and thought he would grow out of it. He hasn't. I took him to a therapist for a few months when he was 10 and the therapist said he had severe anxiety and stress that manifested in an eating disorder. He has been through a lot of trauma in his life. My husband was a farmer and because of the drought we lost our farm and home. Before that he farmed with his brother who was a rageaholic and my son witnessed some very ugly treatment to his dad from his uncle and other family members. The family disowned us. His dad was a suicide threat for two years, and as much as I tried to protect him, I know he picked up on my fear and anxiety. We've been fairly poor since then and have had trouble putting our lives back together after the loss, so it makes sense that his eating disorder is stress-related.

His biggest problem is eating meat. He's such a good kid and never complains but he's so embarassed by his "problem"  that he fears things like our church potlucks because someone always says something about how little he eats. Occasionally he does get very hungry like a normal 17-year -old and will eat a whole pizza (he does love pizza) but that's not very often. Over the years we've been able to add chicken (certain kinds) bacon and eggs but it's very rare that he's hungry enough to eat it. He's so embarassed to be like this and hates it. One time at a youth camp his girlfriend was able to get him to eat a hamburger (she's very understanding)  and that was a huge thing for him and he called me so excited. He hasn't been able to since and doesn't know why.

I really hope I get some answers from Dr Phil on this because no doctor has been able to help him. Uh oh he just came in and saw this message and says that he is very embarassed but gave me his okay to send this
 
December 1, 2007, 11:02 am CST

Normal?

There is nothing wrong to be different as long it does not hurt you or someone else. There is nothing wrong to live out your dreams. Sometimes you have to be little practical, but anyone can be a rock star. Life is too short to live in a life that is unfulfilled. Go out and reach your star. My grandmother says that everybody is a star in their own life. Just remember that. As long you don't hurt your self physically, mentally, or spiritually, there is nothing wrong. 

Peace,

God bless you 

 
December 1, 2007, 12:02 pm CST

Colin and Amber

 

 

I am a 50 yr. old female. The story I read on Colin and Amber is so familiar. I too had mood swings that went from one extreme to another. My friends were afraid of me at times, especially when I was at my worst.  My psychiatrist diagnosed me as having a bipolar disorder. He prescribed me with Lithium, and the mood swings went from ups and downs to more of a calm state. I'm alive again, don't have suicide thoughts, and feel I can live a normal life again.

I advise Colin to have that checked out, and I hope and pray it works for him. I feel they can work it out by having Amber support and be there for him through this difficult time. I'll be thinking of them in prayers they can get through this together.

 
December 1, 2007, 12:13 pm CST

street racing

 

 It angers me to see these kids street racing with cars brought by the parents to keep up with

the Jones's. These kids don't have parents with the back bone to say NO, to these spoiled brats.

 A good wake up call is to send BOTH parents and kids to the morgue, and sentence them to attend

 a few funerals of said, individuals who have died or lost loved ones to the INSANITY that these kids

 stupidly think is hurting no one. It's the parents these days that have no conquences for their kids.

 Always bailing them out of situations that they get themselves into, only to send the WRONG message

 to these kids that whatever they do, it will be taken care of. We are raising kids today with so sense

 of value, compassion, remorse, or sensitivity. That's why our kids are more violent today and our

 prisons full. Is it any wonder that these kids think of only themselves. For that is the way they were

  brought up. They need to know that a life lost cannot be brought back. The conquences to this is a

 life long sentence, in more ways than there is room on this message board to explain. It's SAD but

parents need to desperately wake up and police, patrol their kids and if they can't, then have the guts

 to have them arrested. It's better for them to taste what is it like behind bars, than to see them on a

 slab at the morgue.

 
December 1, 2007, 12:25 pm CST

I was there once...

Quote From: michelegal

My significant other has been with me for 9 years and has a problem with getting along with people. He gets a job and keeps it for about 3 months. He is a sweet man and makes up tasks that, to him, are a contribution to the relationship. And although it is, such as taking mail to the PO, picking up groceries, taking the car for service, cooking an occasional meal, and listening to my BS, the fact that he does not contribute monetarily is really tiring.

 

My friends pity me and people who find out that he does not work, immediately go into a lecture about how I have no self esteem and that I deserve better, etc. etc. I do agree with them, but this dependency is so deep, meaning that if my friend does not find another host, he will be homeless, without a car, without money, etc.  I feel responsible for letting him get so dependent and am reluctant to cut the cord without some sort of effort to make sure he is OK.  

 

What do you all think 

I was married for 11 years to a man that I supported.  He would have jobs here and there and they never lasted for very long, eventually he stopped working all together, and I supported us both.  His issues were that he wasn't getting paid the money he "deserved".  Eventually, it gets real old.  I got tired of always worrying about money.  I constantly tried to get him to go get a job through encouragement and then eventually I yelled.  I stopped ALL financial support to him.  I thought if he was broke enough he would go work.  I lost all respect for him as a man, & a husband.  He lost respect for himself because men in general need to feel like the "man" and bring home the bacon, protect the family.... he was none of these.  I felt more like his Mommy than a wife. Finally got a divorce.  And trust me, men like that will latch onto someone else, they will never be homeless.  They will find another shmuck like us to leech onto.  And that's what he did.  Last I heard he moved out of the country.

I am happy to say that I got married to a wonderful man that has drive and ambition, and is loving and caring.  He wants to be a CEO of his company some day and makes well over 6 figures a year.  I am grateful I met him and got out of that black hole I was previously married too.

 
December 1, 2007, 1:40 pm CST

feeding dog

That is going just to far

i hve 3 dogs

6 birds

1 cat

and love them all

and take good care of all of them

 
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