Topic : 03/21 Is This Normal?

Linda needs to grow up and "Butt out," like right now!  This is NOT HER special day or her "Mutt's" special day!  What she does with her dog  is her business but  she cannot "force" this mutt on everyone else.  If she wants "dog celebrations" then I suggest she have a "dog party" once or twice a month to honor her "human Mutt," and try real hard, to think of her son, (by the way, where is this scardy-cat weakling?) and his fiance, and remember to honor them and their wishes!

When Colin and his wife got on the show because of Colin's temper, it brought me back to the never-to-be forgotten memory of my father's temper growing up. It was explosive. He hit me, called me names, humiliated me in front of the rest of the family. Once he kicked a big hole through my bedroom door.

The door incident happened because I was getting confirmed from my synagogue (I was 16) and we had a discussion over my using pencil to write my thank you notes for the people who sent me presents. He was sitting at his place at the kitchen table, which was on the far left end of the table, facing a sliding door to the balcony on that floor. He wanted me to write the notes in pen. I said, "What difference does it make whether I use a pen or a pencil? I'm getting the thank you message out, aren't I?"

With that, my father quickly got up from his chair, and he acted like he was on fire. I knew what was coming, because he was coming after me to physically attack me. I ran upstairs to my bedroom and tried to block him from coming in by closing the door on him. I wanted to close the door and lock it so he couldn't come in, but he wedged the door with his foot as I was trying to close it. He wanted to get in my bedroom so he could assault me and kick me. This was a common thing for him to do when I activated his rage, a rage I was constantly at blame for activating.

He unexpectedly kicked a hole through my bedroom door, close to the bottom of the panel. I quickly realized the door wasn't a solid wood, but two plywood panels in a frame. He succeeded in getting into my room, kicking me and yelling at me, but we were also laughing at the same time. He fixed my door. He was very embarrassed he did it, and while I don't know what he told my mother and my other three sisters about it, probably a lie, he replaced my door. There was this unspoken implication I wasn't supposed to tell my mother and sisters why the door had to be replaced so I wouldn't embarrass him.

Believe this or not, I grew up thinking my father's behavior was normal. I wasn't supposed to talk about it. I was even warned by one of my sisters on the day we buried him after he died unexpectedly of a heart attack one month after his 65th birthday, not to discuss his abuse and his temper outside of the family "because we were private people". I didn't say anything to her, but I didn't buy it. In an earlier time my anger at his violent attitude would have been unaccessible to my because of guilt, fear, worry. Those three emotions--guilt, fear and worry were eroding my self-esteem like a Chinese water torture.

So Colin, if you think this is "okay" or "normal", read my story and think again. My mother should have considered my father's violent temper before she married him too. My Grandparents had their doubts, obviously. My father lost his father when he was six and didn't know about it until one week later. His mother went to work as a bookkeeper, and she hated it, but she needed to support her daughter and son. And this was during The Depression. There were no support groups my Grandmother could go to, no therapy for her self or her children, all because being a single parent due to divorce or widowhood was "unheard of". Neither were child abuse, alcoholism, family dysfunction. They were all hush-hush and kept private in the family. People pretended these issues didn't exist, and then these same people complain about "The Good Old Days", when life was a Norman Rockwell painting! Please.

In my home my father's word was The Final Word, so when he insulted me, I thought his insults were The Final Word. He called me Stupid, a Bitch, a Schmuck (A Yiddish term meaning a despicable person), he grounded me from my music, he physically assaulted me, all because he felt entitled to.

When he died, I was very hurt, but I also remembered the abuse. I got therapy so I could deal with my own anger at that, and recognize the insane behavior for what it is. Dr. Phil, I thank you for the times you get abusive people on your show, because it helps me to stop blaming myself for the abusive people in my own life.

I'm commenting on the woman who injured her back on a skydive and now her husband is terribly afraid for her to continue in the sport.  Women are usually in the position of having to control their fear over their husband's dangerous career or sport, why shouldn't a husband be required to do the same?

 

I took up skydiving when I was 54 years old (I think menopause made me crazy) and I had an unusually hard time learning.  I broke my wrist and probably compressed my spine in the process, but 6 years and 641 jumps later I'm one of the happiest women on the planet.  My wonderful husband of 26 years was probably scared too, but he never let his fear interfere with my joy and sense of accomplishment.

 

Anything can happen to any of us at any time; skydiving is no more risky than driving on a highway.  I say live like every day is your last; with passion and joy and abandon.  Living is dangerous; living with passion makes you grin a lot!

 

Happy Skydiver Over Sixty, Cheri

Ok for starters it's nice to know that people love their pets but come on treating them like they are human is kind of strange. Pets will never be human. Asa far as drummerman goes he need to get a real job fast of his wife may send him on his way.

 And, being rude to servers because they bring the entree "two minuters" after the salad? Colin's has got to be the dumbest, lamest excuse I've ever heard for rudeness. Would he rather wait 15 minutes after he's finished his salad, for the entree? And. has he never heard of eating the salad  with his entree? I did that all the time, growing up. At home, supper always included salad. And, we always ate it with everything else. Only when rarely ate out, on weekends, was salad served first. Get a life, Colin. Or, you might get something you didn't order, in your food!

 Guests often put themselves out there, to be lambasted and ridiculed on the MB's, by being on a highly edited show. Viewers don't see, and hear, everything that goes on during the taping. Only what's left after the editing crew gets done.

I have been married to a man like Colin for 16 years. I hope Amber reads this because maybe she can avoid a lot of pain. I wish someone would of warned me. I dont know if i would of listened.but I sure wish I could go back in time.

I married a guy like that. He hid his anger though, since we only dated for 11 months.  I only saw it twice!

Once was when his snow skis fell a few feet (didnt hurt them or sractch them at all!) and the other time when I didnt do a Full Load of Laundry at the FREE Laundro Mat and he said I was WASTING THE AIR FORCES WATER!!!!

I should of ran. In fact I did get on a plane the next day, but then he turned on the charm and sent flowers.

I thought since he never hit me, that all men get mad. I saw my dad get annoyed and angry sometimes at things.

But the past 16 years has been a rollercoaster of hell. He doesnt hit me, but He blows UP at the slightest thing! Its ruined birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, Family Reunions and I so dread Christmas. Because he will blow up over who knows what. He yells at our son and me for nothing and then a few minutes later, Its like Nothing EVER HAPPENED!?????!!!

 

Dr. Phil told him it was Curable and Fixable. Id love to know HOW because I dont think it is. I think these guys just have no Tolerance for any frustration.  Raising Kids and having a life of ups and downs, is going to be frustrating. SOme people just take it in stride. I see my friends Husbands just going wtih the flow when something bad happenes. Like a flat tire, or a Mistake on their bill, or the boy who cut their grass cut it too low and dug into the lawn and dirt with the mower and butchered thier lawn. i see these husbands get annoyed, but they know how to laugh and NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

Amber, My main hope to you is, you dont want a life like I have. It will WEAR YOU OUT emotionally. The DRAMA NEVER ENDS with these guys. I am counting the days (1,260 days ) until our son graduates High School and Then I am moving out. I cant take it anymore.
I used to laugh and be happy and have friends. I am wound up on Pins and Needles allt he time with a guy like this. And what is SAD is men usually get WORSE the older they get.

Not BETTER. Thats been my experience.  Amber, you are a pretty girl and are young and have your whole life to look forward to. I have a life of pain and regrets.  Once on a cruise with him, He bitched and complained about everything from the food (IT was awesome!) to the service! (t was Impeccable) to how I dressed! To the Weather! (TOO SUNNY, TOO HOT, TOO WINDY, TOO COLD, TOO CHOPPY WATER, TOO LOUD MUSIC, TOO EVERYTHING!)

That I honestly thought about pushing him over the edge of the Railing into the Carribean sea! I honestly Did! This man ALMOST Has driven me to Push HIm to his death! HOw sad is that. THE ONLY THING THAT STOPPED me was that I thought about how horrible it would be for him Treading water int eh sea at night and watching the ship sail off into the dark! It scared me. And also if I would of got caught and went to jail.

Thats the level he has pushed me too> My friends dont recognize me. Im depressed now, sad , dont laugh and when I hear other people laughing I wonder How they can be so happy.

Its up and down drama with these guys and you wont have any life. Please run while you can. Dont tie yourself down with children to a man like that. Because they will become like him.

There are men out there who are patient and kind and who dont blow up over every little thing. I passed one by to marry this one. I thought he was just going through a hard time in the military. As it turns out, the past 16 years has been frustrating to him. He just has no tolerance. I read about some men who have Irish Descent are like this. They have short fuses!   My husband has never hit me, but bithces constantly about everything.... There is no pleasing him and its getting old.

Remember one other thing. Men are ON THEIR BEST BEHAVIOR BEFORE THE WEDDING. Once you seal the deal, they let thier guard down and become who they REALLY ARE! THIS IS A FACT! They show you who they really are then.  Has anyone ever explained this fact to you? Women think it will stay all love and roses, but Men see it , as they got the Job, they passeed the interview, they are in now and they can relax. So if he Colin is this bad now. Just think what hes gonna do once you both tie the knot.

My husband only showed me 2 times during our 11 month courtship this side of him, But on our Honeymoon I sure saw it!!! Hissy Fit after Hissy Fit! He ruined Jamaica for me. I should of ran...

Please dont do it Amber. Learn from others mistakes.

 

I can't understand Amber. She's already got three kids from a previous, and obviously failed, relationship. And, another, 11-months-old by Colin, with whom she's been living for two years. Meaning she got pregnant four months into their live-in arrangement. Surely that was long enough to realize that Colin had issues with his temper. And, her kids. Or, did infatuation blind her to this?

Im really impressed that this man admits he has that problem. Its good to see that he admits it. i wish my husband would admit. I too wish Dr. Phil woudl of said what the treatment is. He told Colin that its easy to fix.  I wish he would do another show just on this topic. Because my husband of 16 years has ruined almost every family outing, holiday and vacation, not to mention just evenings at home.

He gets furious over everthing. His mother told me he was like that when he was a little kid too.

So..... Dr. Phil do another show on this and tell us where or how to help overcome it.

Its ruining my life and I cant take much more of it. Is it a neruological problem?  Having a short fuse?

 

When I was a kid and threw a temper tantrum my mother busted my butt. I learned that If I didnt deal with frustration in a calm way things would be worse. Maybe these men and women who act that way as adults have never been taught you can throw a hissy fit and Bitch and raise hell when things dont go your way.

I learned that in Kindergarden! 

Help us wives and people who have to live with these people Dr. Phil.

I do salute this man for owning up to it. Thats very honrable in my opinion.

 

Amen Sister!!! I agree totally!!!