Topic : Stress at Work

Thank you so much for caring.  I'm glad there are others out there who understand my situation.  

Oh, in my previous post about the part where I became complacent.  I used the wrong word.  I meant disinterested.  I felt I hit a plateau or glass ceiling with my supervisor -- that I couldn't communicate my worth to him anymore  -- and as a result I temporarily stopped caring (I gave up) about my situation for a while, took classes, lived my life, and just went along with being the undervalued worker.  I didn't have another job to go to and I definitely didn't want to be unemployed so although I was grateful I had the job, I have been longing to leave for months. 

I hope other managers learn something from my pain.  I dealt with some awful politics a few years back when a new supervisor took over and you know, after that (that's a book, too) I deserve to be treated right! 

I ask myself many times:  Why me?  Why me?  Why?  Why?  Please stop this garbage!  It's enough to drive you crazy.  I just want to work and make a living!  I have no time for games.  I just want to be respected, valued, acknowledged, and most importantly compensated a reasonable salary that someone w/a BA should be making.  Because of my efforts, I deserve to be making more!  Like my previous coworker said, "you totally deserve it.  C'mon now, what is he pulling anyway?"  I abhor favoritism and backstabbing (with a smile on his face) and discriminating bosses.  

Once again, loyalty and dedication mean nothing.  Moving up, getting more responsibility, and receiving better pay is all about the supervisor liking you enough and if he doesn't, your doomed to remain in a go-nowhere, dead-end gig w/lousy pay even though they have the budget to pay more. 

Several weeks before Christmas, I had lunch with a friend who said she would be retiring either December 2005 or January 2006 from a local big name employer.  She worked there about 30 years and was telling me that the last 15 years weren't as good as the first.  I asked her why.  She told me that moving up is all about networking and schmoozing Vs loyaly, dedication, and hard work.   

Early January, I sent out a bunch of resumes.  Usually I never hear but then I got a "bite."  Yaay!!  Interview time!!!  The guy said in the e-mail that he liked what he saw on my resume, and asked me for my salary requirements.  After I responded, we scheduled a mutual day/time to meet. 

It's interesting.  The salary range I mentioned in the e-mail was fine w/him.  But to my current supervisor, I can't even get to the bottom of that range!  

It just shows you that there are employers out their that place enough value on employees working for them.  I wish there was some hint at the end of the interview where I can know if he's going to consider me over other candidates.  He did say to e-mail him if I have any questions.   

Shortly after I responded to the ad he posted on such and such website, he contacted me.  So it appears the search for a new candidate has recently begun.  I wish I had asked in the interview:  How long have you been looking to fill this position?  I got that advice from my brother.  I did ask other questions that I thought were good.  He said he's interviewing for two more weeks.  Is this a normal response or if he liked me wouldn't he get back to me right away or within a couple of days?  Plz anyone, shed some light on this mystery of interviewing. 

Should I handwrite, type, or e-mail my thank you note?  Have done all of them in the past but wondering which one is better. 

I have hardly a life because I'm spending my evenings exhausted from job hunting.  It is so true that looking for a job is a full-time job.  So it's like I have two full-time jobs.  If only I were well-connected...(sigh) 

The last girl who left got more respect from our supervisor but he did something that peeved her and she decided that it's time to go.  About two weeks after that she started a new job.  Now how did she find that quickly?  Because she has good connections.  I only wish I did. (sigh) 

I can't even enjoy a good book when I get home from work because my mind is preoccupied with this whole thing. 

On top of that, I assist an anal, critical, nit-picking, manipulative, and sometimes verbally abusive publicist.  That is PART 2 for another time.  Oh, is she a bag of hot & cold air and false promises.  Briefly I'd like to say that I offered my writing services and now she can't afford to pay me until she gets one or two new accounts!  I ran several errands for her after work last year and she's like, "Thank you!  Thank you!  I'll never forget this (x2)!  You're the best!  I'm going to buy you an outfit.  Blah blah blah."  It's not so much that I need the outfit, but she never did buy it for me after all I did for her!  As talented as she is, she has family problems and she takes it out on me.   It's been off and on since we met.  She claims to be in the image and tact biz but hasn't been tactful with me on many occasions!  Not everyone has a photographic memory like her.  She asked me what the guy said at the end of the interview and I was nervous, went blank and casually said, "I don't remember."  And she had a problem w/that.  Responding with a snotty, "you mean you don't remember?"  It's hard to put on paper here but she is just flatout strange.  The only reason I stay in touch and help her is because she's a good contact to have (in the industry she works in.)  Also, I can get press release clips.  She says I'm a killer writer and I know she means it!  It's not everyday I meet publicists who are willing to take a chance on me!  She used to live down my hall and that's how we met.  First friends, then I volunteered my services to help her in her PR biz (sort of like an apprenticeship), then I started freelancing.  From the beginning of our friendship/work relationship, she sensed I was hungry to do writing.  And she has been moody from the beginning.  Guess that comes along with the terriorty of running a small, one-woman show. 

Before that turns into a book...more later for another time. 

   I have had a pattern of getting a great job, really liking it and doing well, then after 6 months to a year, things start to fall apart.  Other coworkers have complaints about my attitude, feel like I am rude or difficult to work with, etc.  I really work hard at getting along, but I am doing something wrong and I am not getting the picture on how to change my behavior for success in working relationships. 

   I recently quit a job I love because of this.  I am not sure how to make the right changes. 

  I believe this problem is related to a background of abuse in my chilhood. My mother is bipolar and abused me emotionally and physically.  This has affected my relationship with my own daughter who is now grown.  I am not trusting of women as a rule, and I am a nurse, so the majority of workers are women.  I do not make friends easily, and believe that I avoid close relationships for fear of being hurt. 

   I would like to work on this problem, because avoiding it is not working.  I need a new plan and a new attitude.  I am tired of carrying this problem and am ready to be a better person. 

   I have had a pattern of getting a great job, really liking it and doing well, then after 6 months to a year, things start to fall apart.  Other coworkers have complaints about my attitude, feel like I am rude or difficult to work with, etc.  I really work hard at getting along, but I am doing something wrong and I am not getting the picture on how to change my behavior for success in working relationships. 

   I recently quit a job I love because of this.  I am not sure how to make the right changes. 

  I believe this problem is related to a background of abuse in my chilhood. My mother is bipolar and abused me emotionally and physically.  This has affected my relationship with my own daughter who is now grown.  I am not trusting of women as a rule, and I am a nurse, so the majority of workers are women.  I do not make friends easily, and believe that I avoid close relationships for fear of being hurt. 

   I would like to work on this problem, because avoiding it is not working.  I need a new plan and a new attitude.  I am tired of carrying this problem and am ready to be a better person. 

However, I did not have an abusive childhood--one of my parents was a terribly abusive alcoholic, but I must admit my mother sheltered us a great deal from his abuse--lord bless my mother, she was a saint to stay with him as long as she did.  However, he did threaten to kill us all one night when he came back home in a drunken rage, so I absolutely know what you mean. 

I have the same problem of making female friends at work.  And I am at the same junction--either I change, or I continue in this horrible pattern! 

I am with you!  Please help us change ourselves!! 

Sincerely, 

Izzy