Topic : Stress at Work

I am 38 years old and have been employeed by the same company for nearly 19 years. I did not finish college, but felt that work gave me my education. The last two years, I have come to realize that this company is not the love I want to give to a career.  

I have my own issues that keep me from barely keeping myself together. I do my best to face my challenges head on, but lately it's becoming more difficult to deal with life and work. I even got so bad yesterday that I asked for an off work excuse. 

The company (and probably most companies) rarely acknowledge the blood, sweat, and tears you give them. Once upon a time, I was eager to jump when the phone rang, and ready to save "world". That is actually my nature in a nutshell. My therapist once told me that I am a fixer, as in I love to fix everyone else's problems so I don't have to face my own. 

Last year, I thought I had made a wise choice to change offices. The supervisor I worked said that I would be in line for her position when she promoted. I've made bad choices before, but I think this is becoming the winner of them all. I came to an office ready to jump in and give 110%, share knowledge and make new connections. I was actually running from some supervisors in my old office that were making me miserable by their dumping on me and running with the credit (yes, I know, quit whining). The office I am in now literally loves to live in the company of misery. My promotion? I found out when that supervisor was terminated, she lured me away with a promise that she actually used on my co worker as well to keep her from quitting. 

Our company president has many qualities that got him the job, but at the same time he lacks a lot of skills that may not only cost me my job and career, but other employees as well. I work for a moving and storage company . There should be no time that anyone can claim they have nothing to work on. Our president does not understand our department and we don't even listen to his promises to work with us to learn. I don't know about other states, but California has pretty stringent labor laws. Mr. "M", thinks nothing to let one person work six hours befor the next person shows up for work.  I need my job, so I try to keep the piece, but he will insinuate that if you can't handle it, then maybe I need to be replaced. My department is the bottom of the barrel as far as recognition and appreciation goes. Customers call us every name in the book after they have been given the run around, managers call us and get frustrated because we don't have magical instant answers. Not only do I, but my co workers need our breaks, a few minutes to catch our breaths so we don't lose our minds. 

I am quite knowledgeable about our company. Many do not understand why I do not perform a higher role in our company. I want to, in fact, I need to. I am currently working on me, and what I want from life (there is one out there when it's time to go home). I am going to school and love it. I once thought this company would be my life's work. Now, I have anxiety attacks when my days off end. I come home at night and turn off the phones because I am sick of hearing them ring. This week my therapist actually pleaded with me to take the rest of the week off. She was so concerned about my behavior that she even asked me if I was having suicidal thoughts!  

If I absolutely had to, I could leave work and go on disability, but this actually makes my depression worse. I know it's because I need struction, but I am afraid of the stigma of being unemployed for any length of time. I thought that next week I was interviewing for a promotion, but instead, I am working on keeping myself together to let management know that at this time I need to pass on the opportunity. I am at a loss, I am tired of chasing my tail, I am tired of not living life.  

I know what you are saying because I have been exactly where you are.  I worked for a company for 19 years and thought of it as home and family and life and the center of my existence.  There wasn't an hour of the day, a day of the week, or a holiday of the year when I wasn't in the office giving 110%.  Once, on Thanksgiving, I even brought some of my home-cooked Thanksgiving dinner over to the security guards that I knew had to be on duty at the plant where I worked.   When they announced the closure of the it was like a death sentence, but life does go on.   

I'm also in school now and my first paper was to complete a "personal goals" assessment.  In going through this exercise, I realized that my life needs a more balanced perspective.  I broke it down into three things -- mind, body, and spirit.   

Take the lop-sidedness off the employment life and start focusing on other areas.  Take walks or hikes, enjoy nature, enjoy time with friends and family, get involved with your community, pursue interests that feed your spirit.  Feed your intellect with subjects that interest you.  It's so easy to be like a "dog with a bone" when it comes to workplace injustices (and they are the norm, not the exception).  I had worked for 30 years at four companies in 19 job descriptions and 25 different managers. I've been a manager of employees.   I was down-sized almost a year ago.  And it's not half bad.  I'm not homeless, I'm not anxious, my thinking has gotten more creative and most of all I have realized that there are a lot of options out there.  Focus on what you're really good at and focus on what you love.  The rest will follow.  I had to learn to lighten up after I was laid-off.  Sometimes the worst will lead to the best.  Take care.   

 I am 39 years old and have been in my current job for five years.  Before that, I was in a very similar job in the same field for three years.  I work for a non-profit program that serves at-risk families and their children.  Although we have no age or income requirements to participate, almost all of our clients are low-income families.  I have always enjoyed my work and I feel fortunate that I have been given the opportunities to advance without a college degree.  I am the Supervisor of the program, which normally requires not only a Bachelor's degree, but a Master's degree.  (I have less than a  year of colleg under my belt). I am proud of the accomplishments I've made and I still enjoy the work I do.  The problem is, I am fed up with the attitude of a good portion of the families to whom we provide services.  We offer comprehensive services that cover many aspects of their lives and they choose to participate, they are not mandated to do so.  And they have this attitude of entitlement, like we owe them something.  There is no appreciation for the things we do for them or for what we provide.  We don't even have to do many of the things we do for them, such as throwing a huge Christmas party complete with Santa and bags of gifts.  They have no ambition, no desire to improve thier situation, and expect everyone else to support them and provide for thier needs.  I can't take it anymore!  And, PLEASE, don't tell me that they have had a hard life.  Haven 't we all?  I was raised by poor, but loving parents, I was 19 and single when I had my first child.  I lived in subsidised housing and still managed to stay off of welfare.  How?  Because I wasn't afraid to work for a living.  I WALKED my child to the babysitter, WALKED to work, WALKED back the babysitter, and WALKED back home again every day.  What is the problem?  No one has that "do what you have to do" attitude anymore.  And I feel like, by doing what I do for a living, I'm just contributing to the problem.  I used to think I wanted to be a Social Worker. Not anymore!  I have taken a step in the right direction.  I am in college, taking two classes a sememster.  But I can't go into the human service industry.  I just can't.  I used to be so open-minded and so "left-wing."  But exposure to the realities of the "at-risk" population have shown me that they are not persecuted, "poor things."  They are lazy, freeloaders who would rather stay down than do any work to pull themselves up.  One disclaimer...the elderly, children, mentally ill, or disabled (and I mean TRULY disabled, not just sucking up a disability check on a trumped up claim), are of course exempt from these statements.  Those are the only people I can think of who reallyd deserve all the services they get.  

So.....have I become hard-hearted?  What do you think?   

 I am 39 years old and have been in my current job for five years.  Before that, I was in a very similar job in the same field for three years.  I work for a non-profit program that serves at-risk families and their children.  Although we have no age or income requirements to participate, almost all of our clients are low-income families.  I have always enjoyed my work and I feel fortunate that I have been given the opportunities to advance without a college degree.  I am the Supervisor of the program, which normally requires not only a Bachelor's degree, but a Master's degree.  (I have less than a  year of colleg under my belt). I am proud of the accomplishments I've made and I still enjoy the work I do.  The problem is, I am fed up with the attitude of a good portion of the families to whom we provide services.  We offer comprehensive services that cover many aspects of their lives and they choose to participate, they are not mandated to do so.  And they have this attitude of entitlement, like we owe them something.  There is no appreciation for the things we do for them or for what we provide.  We don't even have to do many of the things we do for them, such as throwing a huge Christmas party complete with Santa and bags of gifts.  They have no ambition, no desire to improve thier situation, and expect everyone else to support them and provide for thier needs.  I can't take it anymore!  And, PLEASE, don't tell me that they have had a hard life.  Haven 't we all?  I was raised by poor, but loving parents, I was 19 and single when I had my first child.  I lived in subsidised housing and still managed to stay off of welfare.  How?  Because I wasn't afraid to work for a living.  I WALKED my child to the babysitter, WALKED to work, WALKED back the babysitter, and WALKED back home again every day.  What is the problem?  No one has that "do what you have to do" attitude anymore.  And I feel like, by doing what I do for a living, I'm just contributing to the problem.  I used to think I wanted to be a Social Worker. Not anymore!  I have taken a step in the right direction.  I am in college, taking two classes a sememster.  But I can't go into the human service industry.  I just can't.  I used to be so open-minded and so "left-wing."  But exposure to the realities of the "at-risk" population have shown me that they are not persecuted, "poor things."  They are lazy, freeloaders who would rather stay down than do any work to pull themselves up.  One disclaimer...the elderly, children, mentally ill, or disabled (and I mean TRULY disabled, not just sucking up a disability check on a trumped up claim), are of course exempt from these statements.  Those are the only people I can think of who reallyd deserve all the services they get.  

So.....have I become hard-hearted?  What do you think?   

And oh my gosh can I relate!  I think in our line of work it is critical to separate what we have done in life and overcome and what they are doing or not doing.  It's IS hard to see families day in and day out not do the most basics required of adults, let alone parents, but you have to hang onto those few that truly do try.  It's not as simple as most like to think in dealing with the issues that are so ingrained and generational and it sure feels like it's all for not a lot of days.  Remember that most of their behavior is learned and they do believe they are owed by hanging onto being a "victim", but every now and then one comes along that truly needs your help and will listen to the suggestions you provide.   

One thing I would suggest, assuming you are funded through the CSA in VA, is ask your employer for another position within the company or take some time off to ponder what YOU want in life.  If you are burned out and frustrated you are doing a disservice to the families you work with, but that does NOT make you a bad person.  The burn out rate of being a social worker is HIGH and for those of us that go into ground zero, their home place, that is kicked up several notches. There is nothing wrong with telling your supervisor you are burned out and would like another position if one is available.  We employ 52 Social Workers and Para-professional staff and I can assure you from an employer standpoint we would MUCH rather shift a person to something else than lose a valuable employee!  

Take a little time each night and give yourself some credit for a job well done, even if they don't seem to be making progress.  Make yourself some form of escape that takes your mind off your work and set specific times for yourself to enjoy that place.  Also congratulate yourself on things in YOUR life you have accomplished against the odds and the continued efforts you are making!   

Lori