Topic : Stress at Work

I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this message, but thought I'd give it a try.  I began working at my new job approximately two months ago and I really like it.  But first, let me give some background which may or may not be relevant.  I am 35 years old and I just returned to the states from living abroad for about one year with my husband (who is from that foreign country).  Long story short, I left to come home because I found out that he was still in love with his ex and basically wanted to marry me in the hopes that he would forget her.  To add insult to injury, he even began seeing a completely different woman while struggling with these feelings.  I gave up everything to move there with him and now I have absolutely nothing.  I gave up my home, all my possessions, sold my car, etc. etc. Anyway...so, I'm back "home" and found a really great job after only 6 weeks.  I am living with my parents while I get back on my feet and am working diligently to rebuild my life.  It's not easy--but I am strong and am doing rather well all things considering.   

So, this brings me to my current dilema...I've been on the job for about two months and have made several friends in the office.  Everyone is really nice and one person in particular seemed to befriend me and has taken it upon himself to show me the ropes and make me feel comfortable so that I can do my job effectively.  No one in the office knows all the details my personal life (I'm very private and don't air my dirty laundry).  All they know is that I lived abroad and am back because my husband made "some mistakes."  Anyway, this person is not my direct supervisor but has been given the responsibility to train me and make sure I have all the resources to do my job.  This person is much older than I am, married, three grown children, involved in the community and his church and I trust him.  We have worked closely together on several projects and seem to be a good team.   

The other day after successfully completing a high-profile project, we went out after to relax and enjoy a beer.  No big deal I thought and completely innocent.  Well, he completely unloaded all this personal information about himself and his relationship with his wife.  Before that, he started this out by saying that he really didn't want me to leave my job but he trusted me and needed to confide in me.  Being the nice person that I am (to a fault) I allowed him to unload.  He said how much he liked me and trusted me and hoped that he could share his life and feelings with me because his wife no longer responded to him and threatened to turn their children against him if he left her.  Needless to say I felt very uncomfortable but at the same time sorry for him because of the pain he obviously was experiencing.  It was all a very strange conversation and he kept saying that he didn't want me to leave my job and that he doesn't normally do this and seek out other women.  He was also telling me stories (he likes to share stories which is fine with me--I'm a good listener) about his past jobs where his former bosses and colleagues would engage in somewhat questionable behavior with other women.  Like I said it was all very strange. 

Neeless to say I was a little confused but did manage to say at the time that his ramblings were confidential and that I would not talk about that with anyone else in the office and that he could trust me with his confessions.  But now, after having some time to digest all of that and his behavior with me the past two months, I am seriously wondering what his intentions are.  That's not true, I'm not wondering--I truly believe that he wants me to engage in some sort of relationship with him that goes way beyond friendship.  Once I realized that, I got totally furious!  I have two hard and fast rules regarding men--never get involved with a married man and never with one from work.  It's just not a good idea and nothing good at all can come from it. 

So, what do I do?  My first reaction is to quit my job as I'm not sure yet if I will ever feel comfortable there now knowing what I do about him and what he wants from me.  That idea completely infuriates me because here I am trying to get my life back together and I actually found I job I really like.  Do I tell him that I absolutely refuse to engage in that sort of behavior with him and that we are never to speak of it again?  Then move forward cautiously without having to quit my job?  How awkward will that be?? 

I am really upset about this and just want some feedback from the great folks here at Dr. Phil.com before I make any decisions.   

I appreciate your feedback and if you have any questions, I will respond.  Thank you for your counsel! 

already answered your own question.  Personnally speaking - go back and read your post a couple of times. 

I have the feeling he's twenty years older than you.  If you were able to get this job that quickly then that's validation that you are definitely employable.  You do not need to be around him anymore.  Collect your strength and intelligence and start looking - don't think you'll have too much trouble. 

Out of curisoty what is your field and how much experience. 

I work in higher education at a local, prestigious university.  I have a masters degree and over 10 years experience, so I know I'll find a job.  I just really wanted to work at THIS university.  It is so small that I really would not want to transfer to a different department.  I'm still weighing my options and appreciate the feedback.  Thanks!! 

I work in higher education at a local, prestigious university.  I have a masters degree and over 10 years experience, so I know I'll find a job.  I just really wanted to work at THIS university.  It is so small that I really would not want to transfer to a different department.  I'm still weighing my options and appreciate the feedback.  Thanks!! 

Nurses in my area are all "at-will" employees & can be fired for anything or nothing. I'm in my early 50's and got a new manager in her early 40's less than a year ago. I have been in my unit since it was opened 3-4 yrs ago.  When she wanted to appoint a shift coordinator she chose a 26 yr old with 3 years experience that was working only per diem at the time. Although she denies it, she gets furious when she or her protege are questioned.  She has picked one other 24 year old nurse to be a part of her clique. Although she hardly speaks to three other nurses in our unit she is making my life unbearable. She makes a point of trying to belittle me or make me feel stupid in front of my coworkers.  Behind closed doors she admitted she wouldn't give me the coordinator position because she couldn't work with me. Instead of going by seniority, she decreases our hours according to our work load based on the needs/wants of her two protege. When I returned to work today I find she didn't give me two days of my vacation because the three of them are going to a company paid seminar.  I don't know what to do. I'm at my wit's end. 

Nurses in my area are all "at-will" employees & can be fired for anything or nothing. I'm in my early 50's and got a new manager in her early 40's less than a year ago. I have been in my unit since it was opened 3-4 yrs ago.  When she wanted to appoint a shift coordinator she chose a 26 yr old with 3 years experience that was working only per diem at the time. Although she denies it, she gets furious when she or her protege are questioned.  She has picked one other 24 year old nurse to be a part of her clique. Although she hardly speaks to three other nurses in our unit she is making my life unbearable. She makes a point of trying to belittle me or make me feel stupid in front of my coworkers.  Behind closed doors she admitted she wouldn't give me the coordinator position because she couldn't work with me. Instead of going by seniority, she decreases our hours according to our work load based on the needs/wants of her two protege. When I returned to work today I find she didn't give me two days of my vacation because the three of them are going to a company paid seminar.  I don't know what to do. I'm at my wit's end.