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October 17, 2007, 5:34 pm PDT
Sexual predators?
I was molested by various males growing up. As children around 6 or 7, for one summer, my brother and his friend that were one year older, would only let me play if I stripped and let them 'explore'. Many would write this off as normal childhood curiosity but that was not the effect it had on me. Growing up my mom ran around, inside and outside (we lived in the boonies) in her underwear; my dad would make me wash his back; we children ran around in either just panties or naked; and an uncle was forcing me to masturbate him thru his clothes. As for my brother, I have only told my therapist - no one else would believe or give credibility to it as having any negative effect.
I could never understand why my mom or aunt allowed this since he would grab me as soon as I got out of the car and do right there in the driveway while everyone else went into the house. Hint they knew: my aunt would let him only into the kitchen at meal times. The rest of the time he lived in a room over the garage. History: my mom (her sister who was married to this man was 20 years older), 2 olders sisters, and who knows how many others were also his victims.
When I found out they were victims, my question I wanted to ask, but have been afraid, was why did they not protect me? As my younger sister got older, I made sure I was always between her and our uncle when we were there. I protected her.
Then when I was 12 my sister's boyfriend, later her husband - now ex, showed up when I was the only one home. He trapped me in my bedroom and molested/raped me. Law I think calls it molest - I call it rape. My last memory before 'blacking out' is him shoving the brush in my vagina and I was having my period at the time. After researching, looking back that is what triggered PCOS. After that I hated everything physical about being female - periods, breast, pregnancy, etc. He emotionally raped me for the next 14 years until my sister divorced him. 7 of those years I was married but I still told no one. He promised next time he would do it right. To this day I am not sure what he meant. I escaped for a year in 1966 and while I was gone he tried to rape my younger sister who was 12. Praise God she was able to fight him off, told my sister who was married to him and our mom but they did nothing.
I even hated holidays when we had family gatherings. Not only was I having to dodge my uncle, but now I had to dodge my brother-in-law. When he would come up the driveway, I ran to be alone or made sure I was around others. But, he still would try to catch me; even from across the room or table he would mouth 'next time I will do it right." Even though everyone in the family knows what a sexual pervert he is, he has never had to pay for what he did to me.
It was in the 90s before I stopped living in fear he would show up at my door and 'finish' what he started. 'Do it right' as he would say.
In 1984 my husband had an affair which triggered the pain associated with the memories. When I finally told my husband in 1984 - 20 years later, his first response was something like 'why didn't you stop him?' Otherwise he at first blamed me.
I believe he molest my younger brother and his oldest son. My brother does not deny nor acknowledge. My sisters know the pervert he is but that never stopped my sister who was married to him from letting him have unsupervised visits with his two sons. Nor does knowing what a pervert he is stop his younger son from letting his kids (boys and girls) from being around him.
When I talk with my oldest sister and my ex-brother-in-law comes up, she tells me to get over it. When I tell her I have dealt with what he did but that does not mean I embrace him. Nor do I wonder how many other kids he molested/raped after my sister divorced him. As far as I am concerned he should hang from his 'balls' until they are ready to rip off, take him, let them heal and repeat the process a few times then let them pull off. She also ask why I don't prosecute him if I feel that way. I tell her cause the statue of limitations has gone by. But if that is true, how are all these men and women suing the Catholic church? Many have remembered all along but did not acknowledge it just like me.
At age 72, before her memory went, my mom told me about being raped by her brother-in-law (he died before I was born) at age 12 and the uncle who molested us girls. For 60 years she never told anyone. The anger and pain ate at her insides.
The question asked by others - has it always been around? I believe so. The Roman Empire fell due to sexual pervertion. No - it is not about sex, but power, intimidation, joy in inflicting pain. TV, movies, books, media, etc. all contribute to this sexual perversion. As one poster said, when they removed God and the Ten Commandments that gave kids guildelines for moral behavior from school and public places, it just gave more openings for the perverts.
As for the effects on victims - in counseling I learned we all react differently. One woman was just as tramatized (or maybe more) by on event in her life - a boy sticking his finger in her vagina at age 6 as I was from all my abuse (I also had verbal, emotinal, and physical abuse).
I was a victim, then survivor and now an overcomer. An overcomer in that the abuse does not control me. I wish that for all of you.
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You've read the headlines, now watch the story about a crime so heinous some would rather see the suspect dead than in jail. The manhunt for the nation's most wanted alleged pedophile ended last night as fugitive Chester Stiles, accused in the videotaped molestation of a three-year-old girl, was arrested outside Las Vegas. Stiles had been wanted since October 5 on warrants issued for 21 felony charges in connection with acts seen on the videotape. Could you spot a child predator? Is your family at risk? Be there when Dr. Phil tells you the warning signs to watch for -- you'll be shocked! Plus, the reported victim's mother breaks her silence in an exclusive interview with Dr. Phil. Then, hear what Stiles' ex-girlfriend's son has to say, and what the victim remembers about the attack. If it's happening now, Dr. Phil is going to deal with it now! Don't miss this breaking news Dr. Phil Now. Join the discussion.
