Quote From: kathleen27I fully agree with you in that there are sick, cruel and evil people who WILL encourage their children to lie, even about something as repulsive as this. In my opinion, they are no better than the pedophiles. They are, however, the defense attorney's dream come true. Without physical evidence, an independent witness, or, a video tape...well, short of a confession, there's the defense...the mother coached them. That was played against me, the defense said I could have coached them...not even at trial...there was none. There was no Grand Jury either...an arrest, an indictment, he met bail...and my children, my husband and I went through 6 months of hell, only for a dismissal...could not prove the case.
What is one to do? It has been 7 years, and I still don't know the answer. I believed my children then, and do so till this day. Without ever SEEING it, or suspecting anything, I'm as sure as one can be...but can I prove it? No! Did I coach them? NO! But, can I prove to anyone that I did not? Again, NO!!
People seem to think that all child molestation can be seen by the mother..."don't you bathe them? " Well, in our case, it was oral sex...my 10 year old boy could accurately descibe the taste, texture, process of emission, and temperature of sperm...how could he know this? How could you see it? Same with my 12 year old daughter...how could she know? Well, I could have drilled it into them...I did not...but how can I prove that? My history was clean, never accused anyone of anything...never called the police in 46 years of my life...not one police report...so I had no negative background. My children were never in trouble, well behaved, top students, no fights, no tattling in school. They had a pretty good past, but it's not enough. My husband never had an incident with the police, short of reporting his license plates stolen....the police even found them, so his hands were clean. Not clean enough. He was also the inferred abuser...the kids could be naming someone else to protect their father...They were evaluated by a therapist...I went to a specialist in the field...his opinion, it happened, and was done by whom they said...operative word being opinion, expert opinion, yet he could not testify beyond that...he saw nothing. He did treat them, he holds a license in our State without a blemish for 25 years, but his evaluation of their progress was again, his opinion.
It is obvious to me that our whole system needs an overhaul in the legal process of sexual abuse of children. If your case is too weak, why can't the D.A. just tell you that? Why bring in Childrens' Services to make in home visits, why re-interview young children multiple times, if there is slim hope to convict. That, too is as cruel and evil as the false allegations, or the acts of the pedophile....these are children...not hardened criminals. Parents bringing their children to a therapist and reporting are also very vulnerable...it's horrid, it's heartbraking....do decent parents deserve that? In seeking justice for what I believed to be a henious crime, I lost all respect for the system. Worse than that, so did my children...at 17 and 19, they fear the law, just do not trust it. That's a hell of an outcome, yet it happens all too often. I cannot buy into this mindset that tells us we must report to save others. Who did we save? The creep went on to have 2 little girls of his own, he lost nothing, but the lawyer's fee...and that served no purpose of benefit to anyone, other than to the lawyer's bank book. Sorry, but I resent having my children further exploited to fund a defense attorney....and that is ALL it did. Yet, as you have pointed out...you HAVE to be sure, and there HAS to be evidence, to protect the innocent. So how about getting into some serious lobbying to amend these mandated reporting laws? We can't, nor would we want to, erase reasonable doubt as a criteria for guilt...we cannot lower the burden of proof. So why not lower the burden to the victims and to their families? Don't give us this false hope of a case being a slam dunk, when you know damn well it's not? Why force reporting on to professionals when in the final analysis, their opinion holds very little water? IF there is an accusation made concerning a person having access to the child/ren, or if the children state the abuse to be ongoing, then, yes, by all means, report...better to error on the side of caution. However, when it's been kept a "SPECIAL SECRET"...and the person no longer is permitted in the home, why not let the children heal, in peace, minus the dog and pony show, that can do nothing but cause more problems. My opinion, if it can't get to a jury, then it should not be reported. IF law enforcement can guarentee a trial for a report, that's fair. When that day comes, I'll change my mind about reporting. Until then, there are times where it serves no purpose...Had we been given a trial, the jury would have been the last word....I can accept that. When you do the right thing, and are denied your day in court, exactly for the reasons you have brought forth, then it becomes the wrong thing...The system is flawed. This was long silenced, and with the good coming from opening it up, there comes the bad...that being the scum who play the cards to get even with another, or to score points in a divorce. Because the "open ness" is relatively new, the system doesn't know what to do with it. Unless they figure it out, I predict this going back into the dark ages of keeping quiet. If mandated reporting is not modified to truly be "in the best interest of the child", victims will be denied much needed treatment...EVERYONE who knows of my case has said they'd NEVER put their children or themselves through that, only to get nothing..no Grand Jury, no trial...just a real circus at the expense of two young kids...kids I believe to be telling the truth....the unproven truth.
I am so sorry you had such a painful experience with the "Criminal JusticeSystem." You are right....sometimes reporting does not bring justice. Not because professionals don't want to hold offenders accountable but because they can't always. You're right, taking a sexual assault to trial is a long and difficult process for everyone, but mostly for the victims. Think about it...the demand for repeated disclosure of the allegations, all the societal agencies getting involved in your personal life and in some ways taking the parents control of the situation away from them, and the medical exams are sometimes just as traumatic as the sexual offense. Then there's the court testimony and reliving the incident. The defense is sure to "blame" the victim(s) and dig up any personal information they can in the suspects defense. I cannot blame anyone for not wanting to pursue charges for sexual assaults. I'm not absolutely certain I'd have to fortitude to stand up to the inquisition. Perhaps taking care of yourself and your family, in any way you deem appropriate, is enough. People should know that they have a right to the decision of whether or not to press charges. Even if a child protective services unit contacts you and investigates allegations of sexual abuse, you still can refuse to provide information to police for the purpose of pressing charges.
You've read the headlines, now watch the story about a crime so heinous some would rather see the suspect dead than in jail. The manhunt for the nation's most wanted alleged pedophile ended last night as fugitive Chester Stiles, accused in the videotaped molestation of a three-year-old girl, was arrested outside Las Vegas. Stiles had been wanted since October 5 on warrants issued for 21 felony charges in connection with acts seen on the videotape. Could you spot a child predator? Is your family at risk? Be there when Dr. Phil tells you the warning signs to watch for -- you'll be shocked! Plus, the reported victim's mother breaks her silence in an exclusive interview with Dr. Phil. Then, hear what Stiles' ex-girlfriend's son has to say, and what the victim remembers about the attack. If it's happening now, Dr. Phil is going to deal with it now! Don't miss this breaking news Dr. Phil Now. Join the discussion.
