Topic : 10/17 Sexual Predators?

My  husband & I found out  on June 2nd. this summer that our son had  ( was ) being sexually abused by a brother of  his friend . Our son did not tell us as most children  DO NOT - the friend told  another friend of my sons  " You know my brother raped -- " . The next day his mother told me . We called  Crimes Against Children Unit , they spoke with my son &  did a forensic intreview . The younger brother & older brother  DID NOT show up for their interviews . The police officer called  CPS  ( Child Protection Services ) who chose  NOT to get involved - they  DO NOT  work with " child on child cases "  only with cases that involve family members or caregivers ,such as baby sitters. What a JOKE that is ! My son was 8 years old when the abuse started the older boy was 14 years old . He  RAPED  my son ,had him perform ORAL SEX  on him ,& performed ORAL SEX on my 8 tear old . The police officer said NOTHING can be done because there is no physical evidence . The doctor who performed the physical exam explained to us that the  Inside of the body heals quickly  usually within a  3-4 days . The officer said he definitely believes my son BUT because of  the laws  without physical evidence you can go forward . We have our son in counseling , he has been diagnoised with Post Tramatic  Syndrome . A few days ago he said to me  " Mom one time when we -he ,his friend ,the 14yr. old ,& other kids  - where outside _ & _ said who all here that have had sex raise their hands "  he said they raised their hands , the 2 boys said  " You have had sex so raise your hand "  - my son said he HAD NOT HAD SEX - then he said " Mom I havent had sex ! " - I said I know honey - I asked him if they said who they have had sex with - my son said  " Mom , you remember they RAPED ME !! " . I told my son I was so sorry & if I had know I would have protected him , he said " I know Mom , It' s okay ". It kills me that nothing will be done to this 14 yr. old . Because  the laws make it so hard to prosecute juvenile sex perpetraters they can keep on  sexually abusing other children . Most research I have read states that  sexual offenders usually DO NOT get caught UNTIL they have abused 100's of children . Perhaps if they would have been helped at younger ages then they would not have coninued sexually abusing other children & ruining those INNOCENT CHILDRENS LIVES . My son asks me questions now that he never would have thought of before .  I THANK GOD THAT WE FOUND OUT WHEN WE DID ! My son keeps asking  & hoping the 14 yr.old will go to juvenile detention center - how do I explain that  NOTHING  WILL BE DONE to that boy who raped him & threatened him with a gun , & did other things to my son . HOW can we allow this to go on ? That boy would have got in more trouble if he had been selling drugs  than  for RAPING my son  & who knows how many others he has & will do this to !

  I know it is hard to believe that mom or caretake should have seen signs of abuse but it is so well hidden.My father abused me from the age of ~2 to 9 until my mother walked in.I was taught not to tell about the abuse.The abuser knows how to scare a child.I didn't give any hints or clues.I know it is hard to understand unless you have been there.My mother took steps to stop the abuse when she found out. but at that time (60) the law didn't protect the child much.It was many years later that my father was sent to prison for what he did.I don't blame my mother, only my father.

patricia

Men ARE NOT the ONLY ones capable of these kinds of heinous crimes, and I'll gladly give you an startling example. For that reason, I wish people would quit always equating these twisted, warped, sick-minded kind of games w/ men, 'cuz it's really getting on my nerves. Since more [and more] women are becoming disturbingly addicted to pornography [one of the things that causes grown folks to molest/have sex with small children and minors besides the sexual trauma they experienced themselves growing up], I'm seeing more and more adult women end up in prison [the Mary Kay Letournoau (sp?) story being the first high-profile criminal case of a woman having sex w/ a minor] over having sex w/ minors and young children.

Earlier today I watched a groundbreaking episode of the 'Steve Wilkos' show [that same guy who's a bouncer for 'The Jerry Springer Show' and an ex-cop] about a woman who not only brutally molested her 7 year-old daughter [by giving her oral sex (and making the little girl perform oral sex on her) an taking pornographic pictures of her. [The abuse started when the child was 5 and the woman also has a 12 year-old son.] Anyway, one day someone became suspicious, tipped off the cops, so an undercover cop [cleverly] chose to chat w/ her, soliciting her to bring her daughter to a hotel for him to film her have sex w/ the little girl while he watched [and was possibly invited to join in this insane sexcapade].

Sorry if I can't tell the rest of this story as of now; this website's out of whack, so I can't type nowhere near as fast as I want. Plus bedtime's beckoning me. Be back later for the rest of this story about the another MONSTER [like Chester the Child Molester, only the perp/rapist this time is a woman, who is the mother to the victim].

I just wanted to say that it's absolutely sick what this man did.  But to the mom ... it isn't your fault for trusting your friend ... no mother ever wants her child to go through something like what your little girl went through.  I have a five year old niece who stays with me about four days a week and if anyone hurt her I would first feel like killing that person and I would feel as you do ... I would hurt so badly inside that I would rather be dead ... but you should be strong for your little girl ... and know that you have done everything in her best interest.

As for the little girl not remembering ... I was molested by my babysitters daughter when I was 4 or 5 years old ... and I had no recollection of it UNTIL I was about 17 years old ... and I started having disturbing nightmares ... and I remembered the girls name.  I asked my twin sister if she remembered anything about this daycare and the daughter ... and my sister said she remembered the daughter liked me and always let me come and play in her room during nap times.  I never said anything else to my sister about it, but I did tell my mom ... and she encouraged me to find this woman or report it.  I chose not to pursue it ... since it had been somewhere around 12 or so years earlier ... but it's a great possibility that your little girl has blocked it out ... and someday she may come to you and ask questions.

The best you can do for her is what you are doing ... be there, love her ... support her.  My heart goes out to you and your daughter and your family.

I don't think it is even close to fair to blame the mother for neglect.  How many people in this world go to work every day and leave their children with a babysitter or a friend????  Most of us don't expect our close friends and especially someone we live with, to put our children in danger ... BUT you really can't blame a little girl's mom for what happened.  This man was sick ... there is no reason why ... there never will be ... everyone feels better when they can blame someone or point the finger at someone and say "it wouldn't have happened if ..." but you just can't live your entire life on the IF's ...

This mother is hurting ... she's in pain and she'd give anything for her daughter to be OK .... I think what we could all do is have a little bit more sympathy ... blame the man who did it, not the mother who was working two jobs to keep a roof over her head, feed her family, clothe her family and be a good mother.  I'm sure if she had ANY idea that her daughter was in danger she would have never left her little girl there.  How would you feel if you found out your child had been molested ... you had NO IDEA ... and everyone around you blamed YOU for it?  How fair would that be when all you did was love your baby?

I really do appreciate your compassion for the victims.  Reporting is not a walk in the park, and often leads to nothing more than additional feelings of exposure, and betrayal.

The idea of an adult using a child for sexual gratification is so repulsive, I fully understand those who post, seeking some violent retribution. Our society cannot provide that.  If we choose to take the law into our own hands, then we will go to jail...being of no use to our children...so it's not a very responsible decision, but it is understandable.  The rage toward the abuser is just so strong, yet to act on the impulses is just not acceptable.  With this subject coming out more in public discussions,  the epidemic is obvious, yet so is the very real truth that not all offenders operate in the same way.  It's almost like a cancer.  Some, like Chester Stiles, are Stage 4...there is a history of crime, insanity, I believe...and his blatant video-taping...my God...he's fully advanced.  If he's not sentenced to life, in all probability, he could kill.  But, we also have the "others".  People who act normal, obey the law, work, have families...yet, they perform sexual acts on children, most leaving no evidence....they are doing the same thing, committing the same crime, but in such different ways...how can you spot them?

When I was in college, we brushed on childhood sexual abuse in psychology class.  My professor stressed the strangers in cars, to never leave children outside alone.  Well, for MANY reasons, I would never leave my children outside, or in, alone.  He also taught that the best way to Prevent this was to just simply tell children that there's good touching and bad touching, yet not to get too graphic so as to poison their innocent minds.  At the time, it sounded right to me...but now, after the fact, the offender was a loved family friend who went on to marry my older daughter.  She remained with him, calling my children deranged liars, and as such, we've not had any communication in over 7 years.  I wish that I had a Nanny cam in our family room.  Since I never had a nanny, at the time, I would have thought it to be crazy, invasive and abnormal....today, I speak to groups on this very topic...I encourage the use of Nanny cams.  Disgusting, but when you hear a man as learned as Dr. Phil say point blank, that no one is above suspicion, it's an answer.  Also, in reading these posts, along with those on Saving Grace, Parts 1 and 2...the staggering number of victims...and who the molester was to them....combine that with our experience....I'm trusting of no one!  That in itself is not healthy, but with all of this coming out....fathers, uncles, grandparents, friends....the people you SHOULD be able to trust, often misuse this trust for their dirty little secret. 

Many times, in speaking I have heard victims' accounts of what happened and by whom....more often than not, it was a person you'd hope to be above suspicion....yet, they were not.

Then, you worry.  There's a nice guy, helpful...a family man...a neighbor...good standing in the community...educated, no criminal past....everything our parents told us to look for in choosing our friends.Do we suspect EVERYONE?  If we do, it's not socially healthy, but if we don't, then our children could one day be writing on a similar forum to this one.  It's almost as if we need to de-program everything our parents taught to us about nice people, but then, what about the TRULY NICE PEOPLE? 

There is so much research, contradictory to itself...modern medicine has come so far in every other area of mental disorders, why not with this?  Should we, as citizens and parents, not be outraged by the mindset of the dark ages, when it is hurting our children?

I KNOW that so many hate this referred to as a mental disorder.  Please, if it is not...tell me. what it is. The act is a crime, I'm that smart...but the URGE TO HAVE ANY SEXUAL CONTACT WITH A CHILD IS A MENTAL DISORDER OR DEFECT!  Whether or not it's acted upon is the determination of a criminal offense, yet who can get into another person's head.?   A man you know, respect and love, could be with his wife, and fantasizing about his child...or yours...or mine.  We can't know...who'd admit to that?  But based on the number of incidents, there are more than we can imagine who are silently fighting the urges.  Will they succeed?  Some yes, some no.  Will they be caught?  Again, it depends.  We need to get into research with an agression, pool the findings of ALL teams....get medicine science...anyone who cares ,on the backs of our governmental  powers to pull this out and see if it can be controlled or cured.  Like the activists for AIDS, they did not roll over, nor were they devisive in their cause.  In unity, they were heard.  We must unify for the good of our children...both sides, the cowboy fighters and the curative hoping souls....to dig this out of its grave.  The only way to be effective, is to unite, be strong and be loud.  It will never happen as long as we fight amongst ourselves.  When we do this, there are a lot of pedophiles SMILING....is it worth the closed minds of  yester -year, if opening a few doors can save multiple victims in the future?  My children were victims, they are survivors....I want a new approach, so do they...to allow it remain in the present stagnecy is no tribute to any of us!

The sky isn't falling.  Either there are a number of pathological liars posting on this forum, myself included, or there is an epidemic of sexual abuse in our society.  I hold major contempt for anyone sick, evil, cruel and immoral who plays this card to gain leverage in a divorce.  Also, I detest and condemn anyone who would stoop to the lowest of the low levels, in a Civil suit...a repressed memory that popped up when old Uncle Harry hit the Lottery!   People who use this for selfish gain, knowing it to be untrue are no better than a pedophile.  I am calling for a new approach to deal with this problem.  My opinion is that anyone who gets sexual gratification with a young child has a mental disorder....the American Psychiatric Association also believes this to be so, if I'm wrong, at least I'm in good company.  Assuming it to be as such, why not offer confidential treatment to those who are afflicted with this disease?  Why not have groups, such as A.A. where there is total annonimity, while support is offered, and accountability is demanded.  If you are a Pedophile...you need to take responsibility to make sure that your urges do not become actions.  No, I don't believe everything that I read, otherwise, I'd be stuck in the old mindset that there is no cure, no hope for recovery and all will re-offend.  I don't hold these beliefs, yet I cannot  support your attitude either.  You sound as if you were wrongly accused...be that the case, you are a victim.  You also lack objectivity, as the coin has two sides...victims very often lack objectivity, and hence, the need for our society to intervene.

Could you give me a motive for my son, at 10 to lie about this?  Could you explain to me how he knew the taste, texture and temperature of sperm, as well as the process of emission from the penis?  Why would he say this about his new brother-in-law?  Should I have ignored it?  Swept it under the rug?  Ignored my 10 year old as a salute to those wrongly accused?  This makes me akin to Al Sharpton?  My daughter, at 12, why would she say similar things about the same person?  How would she know what I didn't until I had first hand experience at 25, not 7...and that's when, according to them, it began.  Since there was no DNA, we could not convict.  He too, stands as wrongly accused, with my first born daughter by his side, dividing our family for 7 years.  Would I have a motive to coach them....sure, I  had just dropped  $ 100,000 over a two year period, engagement party, shower, the wedding...the rent for a year on their apartment...which I SET UP ON THEIR HONEYMOON...all to give them a start in life ?  Would I have handed him a 2 carat pear shaped diamond, as he just began his job, and wanted her to have something nice, but could not afford it...to set him up for the kill?  WHY?  This marriage, had he not been accused by my younger children, was hopefully going to last.  I would be CRAZY to have done anything so deviant...want to meet with me...I'll take a polygraph...I'll take it on national television...because I, too hold MY head up high.  My children had no motive...their ages...10 and 12...give me a motive...I'll exploit it...even now, at 17 and 19, nothing has changed...they just feel a hell of a lot better having gotten therapy...did the therapist have a motive to support their accounts as being true?  There was no Civil suit...there will never be one....I wouln't take a penny of that creep's money if he has it...and I don't know, nor do I care, if he's a millionaire by now.  They have two little girls...I never saw them...I sat in a depresssion after hearing of the first one's birth for a year...I could not function the pain was so intense.  Think I had FUN?  How about my kids, my husband, my uncles, cousins and friends who thought that I wasn't going to make it? 

What about the victims who meet, to whom I speak...not one has been involved in a divorce, or a civil suit...are they Al Sharptons and Jesse Jacksons?  And truthfully, those two men do go to bat for their people, so while I support the efforts of Jesse, and I'm not fond of Rev. Al, I'm also not black...as such, I will NEVER ATTEMPT TO KNOW OF THE EFFECTS OF RACIAL PREJUDICE...just that it's so wrong, and if the activists help in any way, I'm glad that they do.  Who helped us, but us?

If our groups offend you, too bad...we also need support.  You are a victim...get some help, but don't reverse this onto all of us who speak, in what we believe to be, sincerity.

Here's my promise...IF it is ever revealed that my children lied, I will issue a public apology to my estranged son-in-law, and to my daughter.  I wiil by GOD, walk out of this house, and never look back.  But do you realistically expect a responsible parent not to react and probe further, upon hearing this?  If it were YOUR child, what would you do...objectively?