Topic : 10/17 Sexual Predators?

 In cases where sexual abuse is alleged during a divorce, isn't it mandatory to have filed a police report first?  I'm not sure of how that works, but from articles that I have read, often there is NO MENTION of the police....only in the Family Court, and during the divorce hearings.  Should it not be common sense that if the accusations were being taken seriously, the first place you'd go would be to the police?  If you are found to have deliberately filed a false police report, you will be charged with a crime.  In New York, the police DO investigate, and it is turned over to the District Attorney who will really investigate...medical and phychiatric records are subpeoned.  There are interviews with the children alone...not with the parent in the room, and the D.A. also will arrange for an interview with their forensic psychologist. It is a very grueling process, and if the accusations are insincere, I can see why a parent supporting them would shy away from the authorities, and bring it up in the lesser stringent Family Court...they have a much lower burden of proof, and they are not as harsh with a false report, as the falicy can more easily be "explained away".

I remember the much publicized Brigid Marx case where she lost custody of her twins for a time, as she alleged sexual abuse, in a Family Court hearing, and was determined to be guilty of parental alienation.  I do not think she went to the police, which makes me ask...why not?  That was the place that I went....and although there was a lack of sufficient evidence, it WAS taken seriously....and I'm telling you, from both sides.  We were examined as closely as the accused, which really set me off, but I'm beginning to respect why.  And we held up...there were no lies to be uncovered, no hidden ageanda...the D.A. was very definite in telling me that although it could not meet the burden of proof, and it , in part, was beyond the statute of limitations( thereby inadmissable supporting testimony...that hurt us), she knew it was in no way, a false report...but I knew that right off the bat, so I had no hesitancy in going to the police.

My opinion is that any accusations of sexual abuse should not be allowed to be brought forward in a Family Court without the first report going to the police.  If you believe it, and you have no skeletons, no ax to grind against the accused, other than the molestation, it must go forward criminally.  Maybe that would cause a decline  in the deliberate false allegations, as the authorities frown on false reports.  There are criminal reprecussions which could give one food for thought, while not silencing those who report in good faith. 

I agree with you that I cannot even fathom a person...any person could falsely accuse a person of such a hideous crime against a child.  This is where Licensed professionals need to be involved to make assessments and opinion's and present them to a court!

SIDE A  SIDE B  SIDE C  there should always be an impartial party judging or gathering and analyzing information if in deed a child is at risk  and a person is at risk for going to prison!

This whole subject is crap really.  Not what we are all sharing  just the lowest form of scum in this society that would do such an act.  It repulses me.  This is not alright...It will never be alright and lives are destroyed!

New York is a very Liberal  City, and I have not seen to much to the contrary, although we are far from perfect.  You also spoke of your time frame...a good ten years before ours.  We reported in the year 2000, while the early 1990's were a time of the daycare paranoia...I do remember that the pre-schools were re-vamped during that period, although, not being involved with them, I'm not sure of the particulars...just that it was done to safeguard the children....and the care providers.

Believe me, in New York, if an accusation is brought forward, the person doing so is looked at as hard, if not harder than the accused.  Our conviction rates are very low, and the numbers taken to trial are also minimal, lacking D.N.A. evidence, an independent eye witness, or a video...or a confession, of course! Please bear in mind, I can only speak for the CRIMINAL arena...I don't know about Family Court, or Civil Court, but I would tend to believe that N.Y. is also Liberal in the process.

I am so used to living here, as I was born in the City and never lived elsewhere.  I did spend time in Florida...a lot of relatives there...but the legal system scared me...and I'm not a criminal!  It just seemed very harsh and had a low burden of proof on everything...the policeman's word was like the gospel...at least that was the feeling I got from their papers.

Maybe that is why so many postings are beyond me, and differ so from what I've experienced.  Mine are probably very wierd sounding to others not of this area.  Funny, we live in the U.S.A.  but States' Rights make it like another world within itself.  I know that N.Y. is not popular with many...we are called the bleeding heart Liberals, the Limosine Liberals...but we do, I think, try to be fair.

I was not happy with my outcome, but you can't manufacture evidence...not here, so while I wanted to spit on our streets for a long time, maybe I should kiss the ground!  You had a mess...and it's so long...your children must be grown...and that is tragic.

I have a son.  It could come to be him falsely accused one day.  I must keep that in mind when I want to bring back the "Hanging Tree". Your story has given a face to the other side...and I'm appreciating where I live more than ever.  This in no means changes how I feel about child molesters...but to accuse the innocent is a crime afainst everyone, and those who do are no better than the most active pedophile....you don't solve a crime by committing one yourself.  Awareness has to be raised on both sides, and we do need a more effective means of helping victims...on both sides.....SICK WORLD!  UGH!

I agree with what you have said and I would also add that in New York State there are professions that are state mandated to report child abuse of any kind.  I am sure that this leads to some "false reports" but we only report- not judge.  These professions include doctors, teachers, nurses, lawyers and other state licensed persons.  Not to report could mean a revocation of license to practice.

Probably one of the most disturbing facts about child sexual abuse and incest, is that in 80% of reported cases, the mother of the victim was aware of the sexual abuse inflicted on the child, yet did little or nothing about it.  Just how responsible is a parent for failing to report or stop the sexual abuse of a child or family member? 

If the sexual assault has occurred within 72 hours of a physical examination, forensic evidence collection should be conducted.  A complete physical examination, including careful documentation of any lacerations (a torn or jagged wounds), ecchymoses (skin discoloration caused by the escape of blood into the tissues from ruptured blood vessels) or petechiae (pinpoint size flat round red dots under the skin surface caused from hemorrage - bleeding into the skin), is critical. Physical examination of the oral cavity includes inspection of the hard and soft palate for bruising or petechiae, and inspection of the frenulum (the membrane that attaches the tongue to the floor of the mouth) for any lacerations that can result from forced oral penetration. 

Rape evidence collection kits are available in the emergency department of most hospitals. Evaluation of acute sexual assault may be conducted in an emergency department setting or, if available, at a children's advocacy center. In nonacute cases, the office of the family physician has the benefit of being a familiar location for the patient.  The physician should maintain a gentle and calm demeanor and be considerate of the apprehensive child. It is helpful to explain the examination beforehand to the patient and caretaker.

Medical problems include anogential (anal) trauma, bleeding, irritation or discharge, dysuria (painful or difficult urination), frequent urinary tract infections, encopresis (repeated passing of feces into places other than the toilet), enuresis (repeated passing of urine into places other than the toilet), pregnancy, diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and oral trauma. 

Children may present with somatic (muscles and nerves) complaints such as recurrent agdominal pain or frequent headaches resulting from the psychologic stress.  Sexual acting-out behavior is the most specific indicator of possible sexual abuse.

Child sexual abuse generally refers to sexual acts, sexually motivated behaviors, or sexual exploitation involving children. Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of behaviors, such as: 

• Oral, anal, or genital penile penetration
• Anal or genital digital or other penetration
• Genital contact with no intrusion
• Fondling of a child's breasts or buttocks
• Indecent exposure
• Inadequate or inappropriate supervision of a child's voluntary sexual activities
• Use of a child in prostitution, pornography, Internet crimes, or other sexually exploitative activities

Sexual abuse includes both touching offenses (fondling or sexual intercourse) and nontouching offenses (exposing a child to pornographic materials) and can involve varying degrees of violence and emotional trauma.  

The most commonly reported cases involve incest, or sexual abuse occurring among family members, including those in biological families, adoptive families, and stepfamilies. Incest most often occurs within a father-daughter relationship.  

Mother-son, father-son, and sibling-sibling incest also occurs. Sexual abuse is also sometimes committed by other relatives or caretakers.  In fifty percent of reported child sexual abuse within families the perpetrator was an older sibling.

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the child: 

• Has difficulty walking or sitting
• Suddenly refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities
• Reports nightmares or bedwetting
• Experiences a sudden change in appetite
• Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
• Becomes pregnant or contracts a venereal disease, particularly if under age 14
• Runs away
• Reports sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the parent or other adult caregiver: 

• Is unduly protective of the child or severely limits the child's contact with other children, especially of the opposite sex
• Is secretive and isolated
• Is jealous or controlling with family members 

The presence of a single sign does not prove child abuse is occurring in a family; however, when these signs appear repeatedly or in combination you should take a closer look at the situation and consider the possibility of child sexual abuse. 

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE - DEFINED

Child sexual abuse (1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys) occurs among all groups of the population. It happens to children in both rural and urban areas and in all socioeconomic and educational levels, and across all racial and cultural groups.

There is no rule governing the age range between a victim and a perpetrator. Generally, children are sexually abused by adults who are related to them or known by them or their families.

Sexual abuse is forced, tricked, or coerced sexual behavior between a young person and an older person.

Child sexual abuse may consist of any one of the following acts:

1. Nudity 2. Disrobing 3. Genital exposure 4. Inappropriate kissing or fondling 6. Masturbation 7. Oral-genital contact 8. Child pornography 9. Digital penetration 10. Vaginal or anal intercourse

Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators. In sexual abuse cases committed against females, approximately one third to one-half of all perpetrators were related to the victim. Only about one-tenth of the abusers were related to their male victims. 

Hope it helps!

Wow...can I relate to your pain of that grandchild.  I learned that I have two...both little girls....the older will be 5, I think in February, the younger, I know will be 2, but I'm not sure if it's Jan or Feb.  My daughter and I were closeasthis...and I too, have been told to move on...and put this behind me....in living, I suppose that's what we do.  As parents, you just don't stop loving your child...and to know of a coming (or existing ) grandchild you'll never see...well, we know that pain...

I lost mine to a predator of one nature, you lost  yours to the other kind.  How can people like that live with themselves?  I know I couldn't, and would not leave one stone unturned until I made things right.  I guess to people like that, this is right...they get to keep it all and care not of the expense to another human being.

You are right about the process being so different even City to City...smaller towns command fewer votes, and offer fewer jobs.  Very often, the professionals with the best credentials go for the bigger cities...as the volume does make for a better salary. 

The mandated reporting laws are very serious in New York...you can't play with it...but very often these reports are better coming from a professional, as they have no ax to grind...but again, your well taken point...training!  If it's not the correct training, without the education to back it up, well, it's flawed.  I know that I heard this from my son, and ran to a professional.  As his mother, I believed him, and I saw such emotion, but I'm not objective...that was/is my baby...so lacking both objectivity and training, I turned for help. Our professional had a license, in New York, untarnished, for at that time, 20 years.  He holds a PhD. in child psychology, so I valued his opinion.....he validated both of my children, yet he could only give a professional OPINION, as he saw nothing, and could not serve as an eye witness...and we needed that..or something more.  We had nothing else...so many people think you can see sexual abuse, but only certain acts leave anything visable...you can't see evidence of oral sex...and not years later.  It IS a catch 22, and it needs a better balance.  My opinion is that there is not a continuum to get to that place of balance...it's either sweep it under the rug, or a witch hunt of sensationalism...it sells papers, but it really does not address this very serious problem.  It ebbs and flows, but it does not receive the right attention.  It's like ALL or nothing, and neither is good, neither are working.  I'm beginning to think that there really is no definitive answer...lacking evidence, it's a "he said, she said".  As a mother, do I like the fact that a man I believe to be guilty of a capital crime went free?  NO!   Yet, when I hear of a situation like yours, I don't like that either.  Both of us have had portions of our families destroyed, as have a good number of others posting on this forum.  Problem being, it is NEVER over, it is generational...now we pass this to our grandchildren.  Want some advice from an old pro?  Do NOT listen to Gloria Estaphan's Christmas carrol"I WANT TO SEE CHRISTMAS THROUGH YOUR EYES", this season unless you want to be a zombie....I 'm not sure I'm ready now...but three years ago, I had to run outside and drive for a while...it made me want to die!  I put on a Rod Stewart CD, and let Maggie May take my mind back to being 14 and happy...and I could forget XMAS...until I saw the decorations on the houses...believe me, this is the gift that keeps on giving...it's one with a "NO REFUND" polocy, and I'd really like to give it back! 

You get married, raise a family, and look for these moments.  God, how it hurts when they are stolen from you.  I'll think of you this Jan. and hope you are O.K.  It gets easier, as I'm sure you know...but does it ever really stop hurting?  I hope so, but I'm not putting money on it!