Topic : 10/17 Sexual Predators?

I'm 62. The abuse was from two cousins, my father's friend, and a stranger in town when my grandfather left me (five years old) to walk home alone. I haven't told yet. I'm waiting until my mother passes. She's 85 now. She would blame herself if she knew. Back when it was going on, society didn't talk about such things. I grew up in confusion and sadness and knowing I wasn't protected. As Dr. Phil says, "They wrote on the slate of who you are." I'm trying to erase it. How? I've been married and divorced twice and am remarried to number two. He loves me. I'm trying to love me. I'm still wondering what love really is. I've got a degree in education, but I also have an anger problem. I substituted and found that I couldn't deal with challenges in the classroom. I may know all about grammar and how to teach writing, but I've been so afraid that there would be one bad episode in the classroom that would wipe it all away and send me home, so I never tried. I've never seen myself as a whole person--more like an irregular, like a cheaper version of the real thing. I hope this makes sense.

Last night Dr. Phil was sitting in for Larry King. He interviewed a young lady who had made a movie (film) about child sexual abuse. She herself is a survivor. She literally knocke on doors, asking women about their childhoods. She found that 70% of grown women had been the victims of sexual or physical abuse. So, what does that say? We are certainly not alone. We all can help one another and I think she's done something good for herself and all the rest of us. God bless her and may God bless us all. 

sick ...sick,,, sick thats all ican say....

would we rather him dead than in jail.... maybe we need to impose the same what punishment on him...

may sound cruel .. but NOBODY should take the innocence  of a child... its not fair and definately not right.... no excuses because seriously there is none..

The fact that we have so many of these kinds of people on the street is sick.  I myself have had a man that my mom was chatting to try to get my phone number after I told him that my mom was away (he assumed that I was home alone) a few years ago.  This sick person kept begging for the phone number and I refused to give it to him.  I know that if he would have gotten the phone number, he'd also get the address because it is listed.  I told my mom about it when she got back and thank goodness she got rid of the disgusting child molester. (I am in high school now).

My grandfather was also a child molester.  He molested my aunt when she was little and got away with it.  My grandma knew that her daughter was molested and she never had him arrested.  My aunt eventually killed herself because it ruined her self-esteem.  I never knew her because I was either born after she killed herself or I was too young to remember.  My mom never let me see my grandpa because of the fact that he was a child molester.  He eventually died this last year.  Thank goodness because that's one less child molesters on the street.

I know about therapy.  I began therapy to help with my demons at the age of 40.  It was the first time I ever told anyone about what happened to me.  I'm grateful I can't remember everything, because what I can is almost unbearable.  However, my situation was quite complicated by the fact that the therapist I chose to finally confide in was not very trustworthy himself.  He broke confidentiality--or at least stretched it to the (maybe) legal limit, mocked and demeaned me.  I am still in therapy, but find it very hard to be open and really trust in the process because of him. 

To anyone seeking therapy to help with issues of abuse:  Please check out the prospective therapist thoroughly.  If ever he/she makes you question their motives don't hesitate to leave.  It is difficult to leave a therapist to whom you've "spilled your guts."  You feel they are a professional and so know what they are doing.  Listen up!  They're people too, with their own problems, quirks and demons.  Be careful!

Bless you in your healing journey.  I hope you find peace.

that  was one of you best shows that you did.  i think that was really important  to discuss that and tell people what to look to for and that tell kids what to do.   i think it was shocking to learn that people that do are people that really know that trust that is really scary that people who we trust we really should be so trusting.  it is sad that this can go on and that parents don't even know that it is happening to their on kid or when learn they what to blame or believe that it didn't happen.  i hope that chester rots in prison nd think for the about what it did and the girl's face in till the day he dies. how could do that to girl that young and not care about her. i hope that the girl doesn't start to remember the whole thing when she gets on the stand to tell what happens and i hope she doesn't go though any effects when gets older.

You said: "If a father washes his 2 year old's privates, is it any different than the mother doing it? How does a youngster know the difference and not confussed?"

I said: "I then explained that only my husband, the doctor, and I have permission to touch that area and only when something was wrong."

You said: "A little coaching by DHR, teachers, or a vindictive spouse planning on divorce is all it takes. What is this world comming too, when a Father has to be afraid to take care of his child for fear of mixed signals a child has from being taught something they completely don't understand. There goes the innocence. Parents need to be parents and be very observant , but do they have a choice when a school official teaches them something, that is totally off base?"

I say: There is no difference in which parent bathes the child unless that parent has been charged with inappropriate contact. No parent should be afraid to bathe their child. It is best to teach the child how to cleanse themselves so that  none of the above referenced situations can ever reach fruition.

If the child was raped, then I for one can not fathom how any mother would not know as there would be obvious signs on the little girl, on her panties, bedding that it took place etc.....she would also show signs by being bathed etc....I find it differcult to believe that nothing showed up....I have five grown kids and believe me because I did their laundry and bathed them etc.....the obvious would be present....what do you feel about my thoughts Dr. Phil?

First of all this so called 'man' WILL go to prison!  And in his case what goes around comes around!  We all know what happens to 'men' like this!  He WILL be raped just like he raped that little girl! I feel not one shred of pitty for him!  He is sick!

For those that think Mom should have known, well YOU have NEVER gone through anything even close to this!  YOU have no idea how a children can and DO hide this.  I know because once upon a time I was this child!  My Mom never new untill I told her!!!!!!!  And NO she is and was not and never will be a bad MOM!  So please do NOT GO THERE!!

Most of the sane people in this world fully understand what predators do; however we may

not be clear as to what causes them to be the way they are.  Predators need to be removed from

society, but we must be sure beyond a reasonable doubt that in fact a person is truly a predator

and not falsely accused and have a life destroyed.  In this case there is no doubt that the person

who was apprehended is guilty as sin and should be dealt with accordingly.  The other concern is

why the show is becoming a "News Broadcast" ,i.e.. Britney, Jena, O.J., and now this.  Let the news

casters deal with the news and you continue on assisting those who are frustrated in their marriages,

work, or dealing with other emotional problems which appears to be your forte.  When you back away

from what you do best; the community at large suffers.  Solving problems as in," Man Camp"  is more

productive and holds my attention.  Thank you.

I hope the Mother of this little  girl will see my post.  This also goes out to any parent of a sexually assulted child, or yourself!

This show could not have been broadcast at a better time.  I was molested from such an early age that I can't remember, until I was in the 3rd grade, by a family member.  I am on a personal quest to help, myself and others who have been victimized too.  If I can help just one child deal with their feelings or prevent it from happening to them, then everything that I have went through, will have had a purpose. 

First of all, I know as a parent, that you feel awful.  Most of the time, parents have no way of knowing what happened, and would never suspect it.  As long as you have been a loving mother and have honestly done the best you can to protect her, you have done all you can.  I have a feeling that she will never blame you for what happened to her.  My parents were often in the next room and never had a clue.  You can't live in fear 24/7.  Sometimes you just have to trust people.

As for the violator, I believe he should be punished.  But he also needs help.  Something has happened to him to make him feel that he has to have control over such an innocent soul.  I believe he probably has been abused, sexually assulted, or denied love in his past.  I'm not an expert, but that seems to be the case.  I am not going to say that all people who have been molested, turn around and do it to others, but alot do. 

For the little girl; I wish her the best in her future.  As Dr. Phil said on the show that around puberty and when she gets into a serious relationship, that will be the time when she may develop recalls of what happened.  I blocked most of the memories out until around those time periods in my life too.  I know that most people are uncomfortable talking about the details.  I would like to offer my time to this little girl and her family if they should want to talk.  I believe it is easier to relate to someone who knows how you feel!