Topic : 10/17 Sexual Predators?

I am not a person who condemnds without exploration.  You have said something that I brought out years ago...When you do not see anything, or you lack evidence, you can only believe...then hope to God your belief was not misplaced.

From what I have been reading on these forums, it seems to vary State to State, as to how these accusations are handled.  New York does not easily convict without evidence, although I do not know about the Family Court.  As a brother-in-law, he had no rights to see my children, were there to have been a molestation or not...so if it were their father, I do not know what the next steps would have been.

Your ex-wife sounds like the type of person who makes people like myself, look bad...or at least, weakens our credibility.  It is ironic that she used the exact same phrase that I did...however, I tend to believe her to be insincere, while I can swear  for myself that I truly am sincere...or rather, my children are sincere. 

Your child/ren, as you didn't mention if there was more than one, are victims as much, if not more, than mine were.  How does a child grow into adulthood, knowing that his or her mother coached a dirty lie to get back at the Dad?  There may come a day when you will be needed more than you ever thought possible, and if Kharma comes round, your ex will be the loser in the end.  I wish you luck with your family, and do really feel for you....I repeat, a lie about a molestation is as serious as a molestation.  The web that you posted, I promise to check out.  As I mentioned, I do a lot of speaking on this, and it may be informative and very useful to both sides.  I think it is important for the true victims to realize that their cases cannot be tried without evidence, as well as to see that there are those who will exploit this, knowing it to be false...thereby raising questions about anyone's total honesty.

I tend to believe that there is and has been, a good bit of child molestation...more than I had imagined...certainly the last 7 years have opened my eyes....honest to God...I am educated, but I NEVER thought this would happen!  I never believed it actually did, not in the close loop..the abductors in the vans...yes, but my kids were never alone, and believe me, we didn't go scoping out vans.  Probably, my own false sense of security was a big factor in what happened...I never thought that of a seemingly nice person...it just was not in my reality...and the fact that my oldest believed HIM...well, I raised her, and the issue wasn't stressed...I believed it to contaminate innocence, and really scare young children, so it wasn't taught in my home...I was a stay at home Mom, so what could EVER happen...also, I never sent my kids to camp, to pre-school, certainly not to Day Care...and I never had a baby-sitter....so in my mind..".it couldn't happen to us, and don't think about it."  Came as quite a shock, and a very humbling experience...I learned I could not detect a pedophile, like I should have had radar.

Guess it's the people, such as your ex wife, who know all of the ins and outs of this...the planners...just like the pedophiles, they know how to strike....and we, as innocents get hit with it, from both sides.  Guess you judge others by yourself...you wouldn't do that to her, I wouldn't be sexual with a child...so we trust...and sometimes that trust is betrayed...Sorry it happened to you...I hope that you can work a relationship with your child/ren. I also hope that your ex feels the shame of her actions.  She ought to hook up with my son-in-law, sounds as if THEY belong together!  Best of luck to you!

I did go to the www.pathlights.com website.  I did read about those wrongly accused, as well as how children can be lead or coached into believing that something had happened, when in fact, it did not.  I can't say that I had the experience of the professionals using dolls or toys.  I HAD heard of it, but they were not used in our case, probably because of the ages...my son 10, my daughter, 12.  I was NOT permitted to be in the interview room  However, at both the Police Station for Special Victims, and at the District Attorney's Office, my husband and I were allowed to see and hear through a special glass.  The interviews were not leading at all.  Since it was a case involving children, the childrens" services case worker came to our home to conduct the interview.  I was not allowed in the room then, either...it was done in the den, and as such, I have no idea of how she questioned them, just that she did.  In our case, however, all was told to ME at first...and with the severity of the report, I brought them to a therapist, but it was a professional I knew, and had total trust in his ethics, so this was a bit different...his allegiance was to no one, other than to the children.....Also, it was not court mandated, I brought them to him immediately.

In my heart, I KNOW they were truthful, yet the evidence and some statutes of limitations did force the case to be dropped for lack of evidence.  One thing on the website caught me, the child involved in a divorce/custody case is more apt to stick to the story...yet, a child, truly molested with an intact family is more apt to recant....not wanting to lose a family member, or the security of that intact family...hence, it is often true that children often protect the abuser.

What to do?  I don't know...you can't sweep it under the rug, you can't ignore it, but with some bitter divorces, or a desire for a civil suit, where there is a good bit of money...lies are told. 

No one case can validate , nor disclaim another.  This coming out is all so new, we don't know how to deal with it...legally, a molester should not be set free, but neither should an innocent person go to jail.  With a custodial parent, it becomes worse...in our case, we COULD sever all ties, although losing my daughter almost killed me...by the way, tomorrow is her birthday....another day to look forward to.  It's no joke, people can be vile...the pedophiles and those who perpertrate false accusations.  My opinion, both are sociopaths, and  sadly, you can't grow a conscience.  I still believe the epidemic of abuse is real, but also believe that too many are hopping on the bandwagon for their own gain...there's the sociopathy, right along side the pedophile...I despise them both, as the damage is to severe to be very kind and forgiving to either person...neither of whom will very often even OFFER an apology....making forgiveness an impossibility.

When I first saw the story about the 3 year old girl, I cried.....It hurts me as a mother, to see and hear these awful things that happen with innocent little children.

It reminds me when I was molested as a child.  I was scared of telling my mother. My father had threatened me and I was very terrified of him because he was a big man. I was a very shy and quiet little girl and did not know what to do.

When I was in 5th grade I finally got enough courage to write my teacher a letter. Monday morning came, and people were waiting for me in the office. My mom had accused me of lying, I felt so helpless. When we went to court, my mother told me to write a letter and tell the judge, that I didnt want my dad to go to jail.

So long story short.....My father did not go to jail.....and he was able to continue what he had started:(

Years went by and my father still tried to do little things.  When I told my older sister what he was doing, She felt so guilty for not protecting me, when we were little. And after so many years, she confessed to me, that my father had done the same to her, but worse. He was having sex with her, and she was just a little girl.  And now, I have so much hatred towards my mother, for not protecting us. It's weird cause most of my hatred is towards my mother, instead of my father. I trusted my mother to protect me and instead, I felt as though she was just handing us over to him.

Now I have four children and protect them as much as I can. I would hate for them to go through what I went through.

I worry about my littliest one, who is 1 years old. Her father is someone I do not trust. Right now, he has supervised visits. But next year, he will be able to take her with him and I am horrified that he may do to her, what Chester Stiles did to the 3 year old girl.

My baby's father has gone out with a 13 year old girl.....he was having sex with his niece.......and now he has had sex with his 30+year old sister and I just feel it in my gut, that this guy will do something to my daughter.  The supervised visits will end next year and I am so scared of leaving my baby alone with her father.  I DO NOT TRUST HIM AT ALL !

This guy does not having any molestation charges or anything like that against him, BUT

CAN HE BE A SEXUAL PREDATOR?

It wasn't until about 21 years ago that OPRAH picked up the rock and shined a light on this subject that our society ever even talked about this disgusting subject!

It gave victims the courage and the trust to finally come forward from the private hell (we)  they lived in and seek treatment.

The damage these subhumans inflict turns into a lifetime of pain unless proper treatment with trained professionals can get a person from the internal hell and cage they put themselves into (THE VICTIM)  to face life,  to trust again and stop the self abuse (we) they inflict as a result of said abuse!

I am no longer a victim I am a survivor. 

At one point a show like this may have made me flash to my own childhood abuse. 

Today I am strong and with all my heart I try to help others along the way.

WORLD>>>>>>>>>> please do not be fooled. 

These sexual predators isn't always the crazy eyed stranger in the grocery store.  It is a real threat they can be an actual family member too which makes the abuse 2-3 x harder to deal with because the child has no safety...until they get older or stronger  or have enough courage to finally say NO!~

It is so good DR Phil chooses to continue to show, expose and to actually treat the abused person.

This isnt a ratings sweeps ploy...Its a life problem and to me DR Phil is about making this AMERICAN EPIDEMIC  better by exposing this type of scum!

Today in all of the New York papers, there was a report of a terrible tragedy.  A 34 year lod dentist was shot and killed, in broad daylight, during visitation with his daughter.  His Ex wife was arriving to pick the child up and also witnessed the murder.  The articles went on to say that that there had been a bitter divorce, with the wife accusing the husband of sexually abusing their daughter.  Just based on the fact that he was with his child, I'm assuming the allegations were unfounded.  Both prents are dentists, so I hope, well educated professionals.  The police are looking into a possible "hit man" for hire, from the wife's family, as a possible suspect.  May be so, yet don't you wonder?  If a man is accused in opened court...assumedly a Family Court, as Criminal was not mentioned, of sex abuse, and the wrong person hears it...well, vigilante justice cannot be ruled out either.  Some zealot may have thought themselves to be a "savior"....and gunned him down.  Or, a family member may have felt the courts to be remiss, and just decided to fix things.

Is this the trend in divorce cases today?  Are people really going so low, as to use the positives of true victims, just really beginning to speak out, as a green light to throw it around as if it were nothing? My fear is that it will so discredit any allegations, or scare the honest people back into silence, for fear of not being believed.  Usually, true victims are not so cavalier with their disclosures.  Honest people have respect for the law, and many are very intimidated by it's process.  This has such a negative potential....as pretty soon, all will be seen as b/s, once the courts hear too many false allegations, they'll become immune...and all of the progress will be washed away because of opportunists who see no shame in using whatever headline horror they can to reach their goal. 

Odd that it surfaced today, and I only read in in depth because it occured in Forest Hills, Queens...I grew up there...had I not, I may not have read the article in its entirety.

From the mother of two victims, knowing the devastating effects real sexual abuse are, it sickens me to learn that it is taken so lightly by certain people in a messy divorce.....this buzz phrase "in the best interest of the children" has been bastardized by those who manipulate the system.  Millions always have, they've just found a new way to do it.  What a sad world...glad my kids are now older...I'd be afraid to start a family today where the word CONSCIENCE is just in the dictionary.

I hate to be the one to break it to you Hon, but you can bet your @ss that your baby daddy, just based on what you said here, will do weird things with your daughter.  He is haveing sex with his sister and his niece. ...going out with 13 year old girls?  Yes, the answer is get full sole custody of your daughter and see about getting his visitation stopped.  Believe me your daughter is not missing out on anything productive, not having him in her life.