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Topic : 10/22 Exes at War

Number of Replies: 443
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Created on : Friday, October 19, 2007, 01:41:49 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil checks back in with some memorable guests. Last time, Keri accused her ex-husband, Ken’s, fiancée of being a mean, evil step-monster to her three kids. Keri says she took three Xanax before the show to combat her nervousness, and as a result, she was too overwhelmed to get her point across. She says she was portrayed as a bitter, jealous ex-wife, and she was so angry, you won't believe what she did when she got home! Now, seven months have passed, and the parties return to set the record straight! Why is Keri still upset with Ken? Ken and his new wife, Cari, say they just want some peace for the sake of the kids. So why has Ken called the police on Keri five times? Is Ken hiding money? Plus, find out what Ken says he found on their son’s cell phone that scared the heck out of him. The drama continues as Dr. Phil tries to resolve this war of the exes once and for all. Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.


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October 20, 2007, 11:18 pm CDT

Your sour grapes

Quote From: aryoung

Obviously, you as the "new wife" have never been in her situation. The children are entitled to the family they were born into. They do not need a "new family" from your husband or his ex. Do you not think the kid's feel abandoned by their father. Children protect their mother. Period. The father can be great and loving, great, but maybe if he wanted a relationship w/ his children he should have thought more before moving on! I am so sick of men moving on 2 days after a divorce/death. YES, it happens all the time. Wait till the kids are older before getting a new bed mate MEN! What do you women expect? Do you really think the kids are going to embrace you w/open arms. You are not their mother. Do you wish they would call you "Mommy"? The ex was married to this man for 17 years. Why did they divorce? You did not mention that. I bet you are years younger than your new husband. Ever hear of a women scorned? The ex obviously was looking for something your husband could not give her. I believe her problems are a result her not wanting history to repeat intself. SHE is their MOTHER, not you! Do not fool yourself, you may have a reasonable relationship w/the kids @ some point, but it will not last . The children will always be loyal to THEIR MOTHER! Taking their mom to court will only further alianate them from their dad. THINK a little. Do you have children from a previous marriage? How would they feel to have a new step mom for them, who wants to take them away from you over everything. Come clean on your whole story, and them maybe I can synpethize w/ you, otherwise shut-up & but out.

Your response sounds like some one very hurt.  Children don't always protect their mother's.  there are too many varibles in what has been put on that clean slate that Dr. Phil speaks off. Children also grow up to resalize later that what they were told or sculpted to believe wasn'lt true and they rebond with the other parent scorned.  You might want to sit back and re think your answer after you remove your own personal anger from it.

 
October 20, 2007, 11:51 pm CDT

I was accused

Many years ago--back in 1965 I was accused by an exwife of being the "Other woman" although they had been separated for many years. and I met him in Iowa--she lived in Maryland  I watched the man I loved give his son to the other man.--he signed adopten papers  Jack and I were happilly married for 32 years and have a wonderful daughter and 2 Grands and recently a Great Grand--and still the exwife is the one my in-laws gave care to--hey--it happened,  I still hurt over the way I was treated..  I had romances that did not work well when I was single--doesn't everyone?  But for all these years of a good marriage I have heard "You don't know how hurt she  was(cannot remember her name)  I think carrying a hurt hurts only you.  I think her name was Betty--she stole his son, and hurt him so much--he never forgot--or stopped loving his son--he-Jay was always within his heart.  I believe that he was betrayed by his ex--using Jay-my step son whom I have never met--I no longer have a relationship with Jack's sister--and no longer care to--when he was dying he said "I do not know her anymore--when did she become God"--
 
October 21, 2007, 6:19 am CDT

10/22 Exes at War

Quote From: luniarg

To all of the  "ex's" out there!  Move on with your anger and move in to a healthy relationship with your ex's for the sake of those children involved.  I assure you, your child(ren) will be the ones picking up the tab for all of the selfishness. This is not about you nor is it a competition against each other.  The issue at hand is this:  the child(ren) need to see and know they are loved, cared for by all, and that all parties involved have only their best interest at hand. 

 

My son was 4 years old when his father and I divorced.  It has been 15+ years now since our divorce. In the beginning of starting new lives, I will admit, it was difficult for both my ex and myself to see each other with different people; however, we all made the choice to put our differences aside, (yes, that means putting your agenda last and the child(rens first!)   Since that time, we have all become friends and have done many things together as an extended family.  We celebrate birthdays, holidays, school events and various social gatherings for the support of our son.  We have even vacationed together with their daughter whom also spends time with us on occasion. It is, afterall, my son's sister.  She deserves the same honor and respect as we have all put into our son. 

 

Overall, my son is a happy, well-adjusted college student with nothing less then admiration for what his parents have given to him.  He spends a great deal of time with all of us.  Our hope for his future is happiness, success but most importantly, to understand we loved him much more than we loved being "right."   I guarantee if you put all your feelings aside (anger, resentment, etc.) for the betterment of your child(ren), you will not only be much happier in your own marriage,  you will have set the  example of  what comes from the true meaning of unconditional love and compromise for your child(ren),  and  they too will become the victors, not the victim's.      

Just interested, why did you divorce?
 
October 21, 2007, 8:20 am CDT

10/22 Exes at War

What do you do when you have an ex-wife who keeps kids away from their dad and tells them he is the father of 4 kids, even collects Federal Disability money for 2 kids that are not even his.  We have had 9 cops in our house in 6 months, DEA watching us because this bitch just won't tell the truth.  The truth.......  one daughter is her current husbands kid (and has lived with his child since she was 9 months old), and the daughter that is older than her is my husbands best friends kid.

 

My take on things...................................women are evil, vindictive, mean, nasty, rude and conniving when it comes to their ex's, and they won't ever change.  THEY get custody of the kids, THEY get to raise them, THEY get to talk crap, THEY get to do whatever they want while the man gets to be taken away from his family, talked about and everythng else.   As far as this show goes, I'm anxious to just see what they have to say about each other, and if they can come togehter for the sake of the CHILDREN.    Do people not understand IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU, IT'S ABOUT WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE CHILDREN? 

 

Lynda J in Utah

Dealing with horrible cops, Office of Recovery Services who would rather collect money from an ex husband than go after a female version of Mark HAcking and Scott Peterson. 

 
October 21, 2007, 10:55 am CDT

welfare question

this is the show where several of us posters were trying to understand how child support works along with the welfare system.  This man was to pay a ton of child support but the welfare system was keeping some of it and sending the rest on to the family (?).   How did that work?  I'll watch and hopefully this question will be answered.

Love, Luanne

 
October 21, 2007, 3:29 pm CDT

Cash Assistance

Quote From: luannet

this is the show where several of us posters were trying to understand how child support works along with the welfare system.  This man was to pay a ton of child support but the welfare system was keeping some of it and sending the rest on to the family (?).   How did that work?  I'll watch and hopefully this question will be answered.

Love, Luanne

I don't know how it works in other states, but I would imagine they are similar to Ohio.

 

How it works here is this:

The mother can choose to receive cash assistance from the state.  The income guidelines are very low, so you usually cannot be working and still receive it.  The benefits themselves are also quite low.  It's $336 for a household of two.  If the mother chooses to receive the cash assistance, any child support paid by the absent father would go to the state to "pay them back."  If the child support exceeds the cash assistance, the state should close the cash assistance, and give the mother the child support.  If they kept a portion and sent her the excess, she is likely over income for the assistance in the first place.  The issue lies in the fact that most states have separate entities for child support and public assistance, so basically, the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.  It's possible she is receiving assistance  and is receiving the excess of child support, which would be fraud on her part, if she is not making the public assistance agency aware that she is receiving it.  Based on the dollar amount Dr. Phil quoted that the father was paying last time, it's highly unlikely that she would be able to receive any of that still be eligible for any public assistance at all.

 

I personally would like to see the ex-wife address whether she is working, and if not why not.  It's not just a father's responsibility to support his children, and per the last show, the father is paying significant child support. 

 
October 21, 2007, 7:27 pm CDT

10/22 Exes at War

Quote From: aryoung

Obviously, you as the "new wife" have never been in her situation. The children are entitled to the family they were born into. They do not need a "new family" from your husband or his ex. Do you not think the kid's feel abandoned by their father. Children protect their mother. Period. The father can be great and loving, great, but maybe if he wanted a relationship w/ his children he should have thought more before moving on! I am so sick of men moving on 2 days after a divorce/death. YES, it happens all the time. Wait till the kids are older before getting a new bed mate MEN! What do you women expect? Do you really think the kids are going to embrace you w/open arms. You are not their mother. Do you wish they would call you "Mommy"? The ex was married to this man for 17 years. Why did they divorce? You did not mention that. I bet you are years younger than your new husband. Ever hear of a women scorned? The ex obviously was looking for something your husband could not give her. I believe her problems are a result her not wanting history to repeat intself. SHE is their MOTHER, not you! Do not fool yourself, you may have a reasonable relationship w/the kids @ some point, but it will not last . The children will always be loyal to THEIR MOTHER! Taking their mom to court will only further alianate them from their dad. THINK a little. Do you have children from a previous marriage? How would they feel to have a new step mom for them, who wants to take them away from you over everything. Come clean on your whole story, and them maybe I can synpethize w/ you, otherwise shut-up & but out.
I agree with the reply to your message you sound like you have obviously been hurt by some man.  I was left by my husband of ten years.  I was angry and hurt at first but as a mother I care more about my daughter than myself so I put the feelings of my situation aside to make hers better.  Life is not always perfect and there was not a darn thing I could do to change his mind so I accepted it and made our relationship better for our daughter.  She is a well adjusted 8 year old who loves both her dad and me.  I encourage her relationship with him and her new step mom.  She is a very happy little girl.  I have moved on also with a wonderful man who has an ex and a son from that marriage.  She is a very bitter and angry person.  Their son is not very well adjusted.  He says he can't tell his mom what he does here because it will make her mad and that will make her have long conversations with his dad and he doesn't like that.  He has even started to lie to keep her happy.  I feel sorry for him.  In defense of the dads my husband  has told me how upsetting his divorce was to go through with.  Not every man is a jerk because they can't make it work.  It is an even worse idea to stay together just for the kids, I also tried that and the fighting would be far worse.  I say take what life deals you and make it the best you can.  Being bitter for the rest of your life especially if children are involved will probably come back to bite you in butt whether you would admit it or not  it probably would.  I am confidant that after my daughter is grown she will thank me for making her life as a child of divorce better than it could of been and unfortunately for most kids turns out to be.  I hope if anybody reads this they will only think about all of the children and not themselves.  Like I said divorce stinks to go through but the outcome on the children relies heavily on what decisions,  as parents,  we make from that point on.
 
October 21, 2007, 7:42 pm CDT

10/22 Exes at War

ALright I remember the first show these two were on. The ex wife is totally jealous.

 

I remember the x repeating that he doenst pay support but lives in a multi million dollar home. All the while she collects welfare. Well the reason she may not be recieving the full amount of child support or none at all is because the state is taking it to offset their expense of taking care of this woman. (welfare) Does this woman think that she should get the child support AND welfare?? Well if the Dad is paying then the state will take it as a payment for taking care of her and her family.

 

As far as the clothes issue........................

The daughter as I remember is a bit big. (not being mean I am a big girl too) Of course the step Mom can't buy the step daughter clothes from the high end stores. (limited too, aeropostale, hollister) THoes stores only have a certain style of clotes that are tailored to the thin girls. She just wouldnt fit in them or would look really bad in them. My own daughter went though a stage (was hitting puberty) where she didn't fit into what she called 'the cool' stuff from the fancy stores. So we went to a store that had a lot of things that were fashionable but hid the areas she wanted to hid. (like babydoll shirts) They were not the top stores but they looked good on her.

 

This ex wife has to get over it. It already has consumed enough of her life and poisoined the children. She comes across as nothing more but a bitter person.

 
October 21, 2007, 8:06 pm CDT

Get over HIM Keri

Keri, you want him back so bad, we can all tell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Get over HIM!!  He's happily married now and NOT with you!!  The new wife DOES treat your kids with respect.  You are just putting all the blame on her because you want him back. Look what you are teaching your kids.  They are looking at a WEAK mom and looking UP TO their step-mom!!  Keep on doing what you're doing and your kids will pay the price and continue to look UP TO their step-mom for EVERYTHING!!

 
October 21, 2007, 11:37 pm CDT

it is always a mistake

As a person who lived a second marriage (until he died--32 years later) I was "privy" to the horror that his first wife perpetuated.  She would call me at 3 o'clock asking me to "wake him up" when he did not live with me.  She stole his son--I view her as a horrid person--if only she could have understood he was so unhappy with her.  She also said "being from New Jersey--I can get a contract on you at any time"--dramatic, but effective.  We lived happily with our daughter in the Midwest and Southwest--far away from her nastiness.
 
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