Topic : 10/22 Exes at War

My boyfriends ex talks crap about him to their children constantly. She doesn't know how it affects these children. It got so bad that 1 child begged to come live with us.  So I know what it's like. The ex needs to stop and get over herself and stop being so jealous. Let them live their lives!

Oh my, these people are tedious. I recall them from the first show when my head ached for an hour after it was over. Can they possibly deserve another hour of Dr. Phil's time ? I think not. While I do realize that part of the purpose of having this type of total disfunctionality on the show  is to potentially help others in similar situations,  this purpose might have been better served with people who had a little more impulse control and good ol' common sense so as not to YELL over each other and Dr. Phil in the most annoying and ignorant way.  They are obviously clueless. Please don't bring these people back again.

I think this whole situation is sickening.  To me, the ex is obviously jealous.  I say this because she keeps bringing up his wealth and belongings.  she should have considered her lifestyle before she had an affair.

Her daughter that she says has all these issues with the new wife is old enough to be told  "you'll have to work this out with your dad."  That's what I do.  If my 16 year daughter does not want to leave with her father, spend time, stay overnight, etc.   SHE'S the one that has to call him and work it out not me!  As Dr. Phil says, there is a way to be divorced and get thru things with minimal contact with the ex.

When my daughter was younger, she was packed and ready and out the door as soon as her father pulled up.  He learned that if he was late and didn't call, there was a possibility that we would not be there.  He learned that he couldn't rely on me to tell my daughter  "your dad can't make it."  Because I ALWAYS put her on the phone to talk to him.  HE learned that if he wanted a relationship with his daughter, that he was responsible for fostering and maintaining it.

I never questioned my daughter about her time with her dad or his women.  As long as my daughter came home happy and healthy and safe, I was cool.  He understood this.

He was a dog and a cheat when we were together and when I made up my mind to leave, I knew that I was better off without him.  I never looked back.  I don't care about his life, I'm not curious about his new wife, etc.  I HAVE A LIFE.  Perhaps Keri needs to get one too!

And if she can't afford her kids and the dad has so much, let them go live with the dad and let him support them.  She is just trying to stay in his life AND his money.  MOVE ON.

I think these folks have gotten addicted to conflict and drama and don't know how to let go of it!

Maybe this will help:

I have a cousin who for some reason had a (unkown to me) problem with me.  She didn't just want to be mad and tell me off.  She wanted a huge blowup with fireworks.  She tried and tried to engage me.  When she finally reached me (after leaving severl nasty messages) she thought it was "on." She started her ranting  I would simply say  "I love  you."  She'd go on with her rant, and whenever she took a break I'd say "I love you."  Finally, after about 30 " I love yous - she loudly sighed and hung up on me!

I never  found out what the problem truly was ( some he-say she-say stuff, but considering this is a person I rarely even see - maybe once per year- or think about - I can't even imagine what anyone might have told her I said), but I've never had a problem with her since.  I do know her to be a person that is often getting into arguments with people and sometimes physical fights.  And you know what, these fights are always with the same people over and over- - the people that DO engage and argue with her and try to make a point!  Let it go!

Sometimes LOVE WORKS!

As  child of a bitter divorce I have suffered 35 years of anxiety and panic disorder.  The mother is vindictive, selfish, manipulative, jealous, and filled with hate.  The father should sue for custody and get them out of her house.  She is destroying her children by her addiction to her ex-husband and his wife.  I know the stomach aches of visiting my father and step-mother because I knew when I returned home my mother would want all the details and criticize everything.  To keep peace I said I did not like them etc. and this started at 10 years old.  My father did not come to the house because it made things worse for us.  The father should not live in grandeur if the children are on welfare.  The children will resent the father for the rest of their lives.  Father buy your daughter gift certificates to take home for clothing.  Take the kids out and take them shopping.  Do not get bogged down in who pays for what.  The experience of shopping with Dad (not step-mother) is not just about money.  Make sure they have the computers they need etc.  I remember a skirt and top my step-mother bought me and that was 40 years ago.  Out of self-preservation I severed the relationship with my mother at 30 until she passed at 82.  My mother was an educated person with a Master's in Education but jealousy and anger ruled her life.  Parents make a decision about your future and the children's future.  Or are you too selfish?  Father before you spend anything else begin or add to college funds for all your children.  More specifically for your oldest so she can go away to college and get away from her mother as early as possible.  Let the children know they have a plan for the future.  Prepare early to buy her a car so she can have the resource to get out of her mother's house (go to friends, get a part-time job, or engage in school or church activities) help her to have freedom from the mother's household.  Her mother will resent her if she drives to your house so try to have dialogue with her that you will understand.  Listen to Dr. Phil.

These people at war with each other just don't understand what they are doing is hurting the kids and they need to stop fighting right now not tomorrow not the next day NOW!!!!!! Stop calling the police stop using the court system stop usuing the U.S. Goverment to get welfare checks you don't need STOP! STOP STOP! and Carrie leave the man alone leave everone alone you owe Dr. Phil a huge apology for destroying

his gifts to him and get some conseling real badly and move on with her life it's over do you hear me it's

OVER!!!!!

My concern is for the kids too Dr. Phil.

I wanted so much for you to say on the show, "I've talked with the kids and they say...."

Have you talked with them?  Do you know where they stand?

We all know the saying..." IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!"

I have always heard that the adults should never say anything negative

about the other parent, be positive because those kids have love for both of you.

And when you bad talk one, you are bad talking a person they love very dearly.

Can these two do that?

Wow, I hope you keep up with these folks ~ FOR THE KIDS SAKE!!

Though I did not see the first show on this topic, I will watch today.  There are so many versions of Parental Alienation Syndrome out there - many documented in this message board.  I am the second wife of a man whose ex is bitter, resentful and out of control.  In this case - she did the cheating, she wanted the divorce.   Though she no longer wanted this man, she does not want anyone else to have him either.  She has made our lives and his 3 children's lives miserable over the past 8 years we have been together, and even before we met since they had been divorced 5 years before I knew him.

We have dealt with his ex telling the 3 kids that their father refused to pay child support, that their father wants nothing to do with them, that it is OK to be rude to me and hate me.  These 3 kids are incredibly confused and bitter due to the lies and poison this woman continues to spread.  We have endured prank calls in the middle of the night from this woman.  We had to pay her $300 in order to "buy" one ticket to his daughter's high school graduation - she refused to give us the two tickets slated for us, and she felt she deserved the extra money.  There is so much more vile behavior on her part, but not enough room to even chronicle it all.

This woman does not listen to reason - she is "right, and hers is the only opinion which matters," just ask her!   Dealing with the backlash of her narcissistic personality disorder has been challenging beyond words.  The youngest son involved recently turned 18 and will no longer talk to either parent - the PAS certainly worked in her attempt to alienate this child from his father.  What the woman didn't count on was the reverse effect - the parent perpetuating the PAS also gets alienated.

I am very interested in what Dr Phil has to say about this, especially in the cases where the ex is unreasonable.  My husband and I realize that we cannot control her actions, but we really want to learn how to undo the severe destruction she leaves in her wake.  

I look forward to today's show - we need help!