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Topic : 10/22 Exes at War

Number of Replies: 443
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Created on : Friday, October 19, 2007, 01:41:49 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil checks back in with some memorable guests. Last time, Keri accused her ex-husband, Ken’s, fiancée of being a mean, evil step-monster to her three kids. Keri says she took three Xanax before the show to combat her nervousness, and as a result, she was too overwhelmed to get her point across. She says she was portrayed as a bitter, jealous ex-wife, and she was so angry, you won't believe what she did when she got home! Now, seven months have passed, and the parties return to set the record straight! Why is Keri still upset with Ken? Ken and his new wife, Cari, say they just want some peace for the sake of the kids. So why has Ken called the police on Keri five times? Is Ken hiding money? Plus, find out what Ken says he found on their son’s cell phone that scared the heck out of him. The drama continues as Dr. Phil tries to resolve this war of the exes once and for all. Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.


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October 22, 2007, 9:28 am CDT

Life Is Short And Precious

Quote From: balletmomof2

Keri, you want him back so bad, we can all tell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Get over HIM!!  He's happily married now and NOT with you!!  The new wife DOES treat your kids with respect.  You are just putting all the blame on her because you want him back. Look what you are teaching your kids.  They are looking at a WEAK mom and looking UP TO their step-mom!!  Keep on doing what you're doing and your kids will pay the price and continue to look UP TO their step-mom for EVERYTHING!!

What great , succinct, and utterly spot-on advice to Keri

 
October 22, 2007, 9:37 am CDT

VERY well stated.

Quote From: iamvip

I think this whole situation is sickening.  To me, the ex is obviously jealous.  I say this because she keeps bringing up his wealth and belongings.  she should have considered her lifestyle before she had an affair.

 

Her daughter that she says has all these issues with the new wife is old enough to be told  "you'll have to work this out with your dad."  That's what I do.  If my 16 year daughter does not want to leave with her father, spend time, stay overnight, etc.   SHE'S the one that has to call him and work it out not me!  As Dr. Phil says, there is a way to be divorced and get thru things with minimal contact with the ex.

 

When my daughter was younger, she was packed and ready and out the door as soon as her father pulled up.  He learned that if he was late and didn't call, there was a possibility that we would not be there.  He learned that he couldn't rely on me to tell my daughter  "your dad can't make it."  Because I ALWAYS put her on the phone to talk to him.  HE learned that if he wanted a relationship with his daughter, that he was responsible for fostering and maintaining it.

 

I never questioned my daughter about her time with her dad or his women.  As long as my daughter came home happy and healthy and safe, I was cool.  He understood this.

 

He was a dog and a cheat when we were together and when I made up my mind to leave, I knew that I was better off without him.  I never looked back.  I don't care about his life, I'm not curious about his new wife, etc.  I HAVE A LIFE.  Perhaps Keri needs to get one too!

 

And if she can't afford her kids and the dad has so much, let them go live with the dad and let him support them.  She is just trying to stay in his life AND his money.  MOVE ON.

 

I think these folks have gotten addicted to conflict and drama and don't know how to let go of it!

 

Maybe this will help:

 

I have a cousin who for some reason had a (unkown to me) problem with me.  She didn't just want to be mad and tell me off.  She wanted a huge blowup with fireworks.  She tried and tried to engage me.  When she finally reached me (after leaving severl nasty messages) she thought it was "on." She started her ranting  I would simply say  "I love  you."  She'd go on with her rant, and whenever she took a break I'd say "I love you."  Finally, after about 30 " I love yous - she loudly sighed and hung up on me!

 

I never  found out what the problem truly was ( some he-say she-say stuff, but considering this is a person I rarely even see - maybe once per year- or think about - I can't even imagine what anyone might have told her I said), but I've never had a problem with her since.  I do know her to be a person that is often getting into arguments with people and sometimes physical fights.  And you know what, these fights are always with the same people over and over- - the people that DO engage and argue with her and try to make a point!  Let it go!

 

Sometimes LOVE WORKS!

 
October 22, 2007, 9:53 am CDT

VERY well stated

Quote From: iamvip

I think this whole situation is sickening.  To me, the ex is obviously jealous.  I say this because she keeps bringing up his wealth and belongings.  she should have considered her lifestyle before she had an affair.

 

Her daughter that she says has all these issues with the new wife is old enough to be told  "you'll have to work this out with your dad."  That's what I do.  If my 16 year daughter does not want to leave with her father, spend time, stay overnight, etc.   SHE'S the one that has to call him and work it out not me!  As Dr. Phil says, there is a way to be divorced and get thru things with minimal contact with the ex.

 

When my daughter was younger, she was packed and ready and out the door as soon as her father pulled up.  He learned that if he was late and didn't call, there was a possibility that we would not be there.  He learned that he couldn't rely on me to tell my daughter  "your dad can't make it."  Because I ALWAYS put her on the phone to talk to him.  HE learned that if he wanted a relationship with his daughter, that he was responsible for fostering and maintaining it.

 

I never questioned my daughter about her time with her dad or his women.  As long as my daughter came home happy and healthy and safe, I was cool.  He understood this.

 

He was a dog and a cheat when we were together and when I made up my mind to leave, I knew that I was better off without him.  I never looked back.  I don't care about his life, I'm not curious about his new wife, etc.  I HAVE A LIFE.  Perhaps Keri needs to get one too!

 

And if she can't afford her kids and the dad has so much, let them go live with the dad and let him support them.  She is just trying to stay in his life AND his money.  MOVE ON.

 

I think these folks have gotten addicted to conflict and drama and don't know how to let go of it!

 

Maybe this will help:

 

I have a cousin who for some reason had a (unkown to me) problem with me.  She didn't just want to be mad and tell me off.  She wanted a huge blowup with fireworks.  She tried and tried to engage me.  When she finally reached me (after leaving severl nasty messages) she thought it was "on." She started her ranting  I would simply say  "I love  you."  She'd go on with her rant, and whenever she took a break I'd say "I love you."  Finally, after about 30 " I love yous - she loudly sighed and hung up on me!

 

I never  found out what the problem truly was ( some he-say she-say stuff, but considering this is a person I rarely even see - maybe once per year- or think about - I can't even imagine what anyone might have told her I said), but I've never had a problem with her since.  I do know her to be a person that is often getting into arguments with people and sometimes physical fights.  And you know what, these fights are always with the same people over and over- - the people that DO engage and argue with her and try to make a point!  Let it go!

 

Sometimes LOVE WORKS!

I, too, am an ex-wife with a child. Although my ex's and my relationship has NOT been free of conflict, things did not escalate to anything anywhere NEAR the behavior these people are exhibiting. 

 

I don't think the escalated conflict and the wedding are coincidental. However, I think ALL parties have gotten addicted to the conflict (Ken & Cari included). The teen children are definitely old enough to make up their own minds regarding their living arrangements. Fish or cut bait, kids, but quit complaining about the situation! I am surprised that nobody has brought up the possibility that the kids are contributing to this by playing one parent against the other.

 

That said, I concur heartily that Keri needs to move on and get on with her own life.

 

BTW, I have had the same struggle vis a vis the point that HE, not I, was and is responsible for fostering his relationship with his daughter. 'Tisn't easy to get that point across.

 

Prof

 
October 22, 2007, 11:59 am CDT

Exes

Keri seems a little upset that her husband is actually happy now.  She looks mad and angry and probably wishes she would have never left him.  He's a great looking guy and looks like he found a beautiful woman that he is very happy with.  She seems miserable.

I feel like this- a lot of ex husbands and ex wives think that because their exes have things and go on trips etc that they are hiding money or using the child support etc.  I've been through it.  What they fail to realize is that some people budget, prioritize and save their money to afford things or meet their goals.

What people fail to realize is that your child support is based on your Ex-husband/Ex-wifes income - not the person they have married so possibly they do actually have the extra money to do things together or save towards trips etc. It doesn't mean they are hiding anything or being deceptive.  There spouse has an income also that the State does not have to take into consideration when determining child support.

You should be thankful and happy if you are actually receiving your child support and have a father or mother that actually wants their parenting time.  That Ex will always be your childs mother or father so take let them have their time because it slips away so quickly.  If you deny your child the right to see their other parent or bad mouth them or cause conflict and fight all the time you child will resent you!

 

Thank you and have a Blessed Day

D.A.

Michigan

 
October 22, 2007, 12:11 pm CDT

Today's Show 10/22/07

I am really annoyed with today's show, as I feel that Dr. Phil spent most of his time making a mockery of the exwife and her fiance' than advising them and/or pointing them in the right direction. Don't get me wrong, I love Dr. Phil and have the utmost respect for him. I record the show daily to avoid missing it, however, I am just really disappointed with the outcome of today's show.

First, I agree that the exwife is obviously still harboring pain from the divorce along with jealousy towards the exhusband's financial stability. There is obviously no question that some personal counselling is needed for her; specifically, in my opinion, some spiritual counselling to help her forgive her exhusband completely. The unforgiveness she holds inside is not hurting him, but is actually poisoning her entire body, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. If she could just seek some spiritual counsel on how to ask for God to teach her how to forgive him and the new wife, while understanding that forgiveness doesn't mean justifying the other's behavior, but releases her from that bondage completely and gives her inner peace, I believe it would benefit everyone in the situation;most importantly, the children involved.

I do, however, understand her frustration with the child support situation. Unfortunately, it is all too often a distorted belief on the behalf of the absent parent that when he/she pays their child support obligation, that he/she is in no way responsible to provide any further financial assistance outside of the court mandated amount. The fact is, child support is paid to the custodial parent specifically to financially assist him/her in providing the child with the basic necessities of living such as running water, food, shelter, clothing, proper hygiene, etc. When extra expenses come along, it is still the absent parent's responsibility to at least pay for half of those things such as the yearbook mentioned in today's program. Anyone who has children knows that extra expenses are always coming along such as school fees, sports fees, tutoring fees, extra curricular activity/attendance fees for school dances, football games, basketball games, field trip fees, etc. The child support paid out is not meant to cover those kinds of expenses. I feel that maybe she should have asked if her exhusband would be willing to split the cost of the yearbook with her rather than expecting him to pay the entire amount. 

I feel that the exwife came back to the show to try to get some real help and advice this time because she felt she was not only wrongfully portrayed during her last appearance, but felt she was unable to get any type of support for her issues. She obviously felt there were too many things left unsaid and unresolved, hence, the notes she wrote on her hand in attempt to remember the things she wanted to get addressed. As for the dentist appointment, I really do not feel it was necessary to bring the issue up, as it just appeared to be an attempt to portray the exhusband to the viewers as an unreliable parent. I do feel, however, it is the responsibility of the absent parent to assist the custodial parent in taking the child to doctor visits of any kind.

At any rate, I will close this small book I have written (haha) by saying that there were far too many comedic approaches towards the exwife and her fiance' and not enough guidance on how to solve the issues at hand. Obviously, the root of the problem needs to be addressed, which is the pain and jealousy harbored by the exwife before anything else can be done. Next, a mediator needs to be involved to avoid anymore contact between the exspouses. Finally and most importantly, the children need to begin some counselling to help each of them overcome the trauma this entire mess has caused each of them. As for the exwife and her concerns about the exhusband's finances, I would just simply advise her to request a modification and/or investigation be done within the child support enforcement agency and if that doesn't work, I would request an audit be done on the exhusband's finances. I pray that God blesses each of these individuals with some kind of inner peace and provides each of them with the guidance to move forward and leave the past where it lies.

 
October 22, 2007, 12:23 pm CDT

exs

This woman does still want him back. I have been divorced for 9 years and I would be embarrassed to have my son see me and his father act this way towards each other. We have attend functions together for him, his wife, my boyfriend myself and my ex-husband. The kids did not choose this why should they suffer?
 
October 22, 2007, 12:34 pm CDT

What is WRONG with this woman???

I realize that both Ken and Kari are contributing the insanity in this situation, but Kari seems NUTS! All that anger and spewing of hatred is disturbing and can only be severely damaging to her children. What is she doing with this fiance? If I were him, I'd be running as far as I could as FAST as possible! She is OBVIOUSLY not over Ken...or maybe she's just bitter about the divorce and the fact that he's found happiness. I think she uses her children as an excuse for her behaviour, has no idea how to disagree/argue in a rational manner and needs therapy. She is frustraing, rude and comes across as a liar.

 

I always find it fascinating when former guests accuse Dr. Phil of being unfair, biased, etc. Perhaps they need to rewatch the show and view their own behaviour from another perspective.

 

I feel for Dr. Phil with guests such as these. They are simply impossible to reign in, refuse to hear anything other then the diatribe going on in their own heads and won't stay on topic. GAHHHHH!!! I just want to tell her to SHUT UP!!

 
October 22, 2007, 12:37 pm CDT

wow. this is completely ridiculous

seriously

they are supposed to be adults.
and on top of that its just completely outta hand.
my parents are divorced and my mom's good friends with my stepmom and my dad gets along with my stepdad

its not that hard.
yeah they used to argue but get over it!
and dont put the children in the middle.
 
October 22, 2007, 12:43 pm CDT

Think of the Children

 Both of these people are not thinking about their children.  I have no particular bias but I do think Dr. Phil has unfairly overly focused on the women in this situation.  IT is ridiculuous for the father to live the way he does and not buy a yearbook or pay school fees for his biological children.  He seems to be a very cold, excessively controling person who would be very hard to get along with.  She should use an intermediary for all future communications.  Dr Phil seems to blame the women for everything.  IT is equally ridiculous that the father is calling the police!!  I have  been married for 25 years, have 2 chldren and have no particular reason to favor one or the other.  It is a sad situation for the kids.  Please rethink what you are doing-both parents!
 
October 22, 2007, 12:43 pm CDT

Please give this msg to Keri

Dear Keri,

              I've been where you are, there are probably thousands of women out there who have been there. Please, for your own sake, Let it go. It's not worth it and it can only bring more grief. You need to let it go. It looks like you have someone really special and this could possibly ruin it. It can use up all your energy and you need this for your kids, use your energy to better your life. Even if you're not living as well as them, struggling from day to day, you can make it better without all this. This kind of anger that you are showing is eating you alive and your kids can't see all that's good about you that much anymore. Let It Go!

It's bad  karma for him if what you claim is true, and it's rubbing off on you. Eventually he will have to answer for his wrong doings, I learned to let it go and I live a more happier beautiful life and my kids see this everyday and that's exactly how they should grow up. They know I'm a strong mother that has been and always will be there for them. We may have struggled along the way, but we have each other. He just doesn't equate into our family anymore

Your never going to be able to change him, he is always going to be obstanent towards you and you can't change that. Just let it go!

I look at your face and all this has taken most of your beauty away, inside and out. Stop! Give it up. Let It Go!

I wish I could show you all that's good that has come to me since I did, I wish the same for you.

Sincerly, Leslee

 
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