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Topic : Workplace Bullies

Number of Replies: 245
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:25:23 am
Author : dataimport
Bullying is not just a schoolyard pastime anymore, it has spread to the workplace as well. Share your stories, support and advice with others dealing with a bully at work.

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September 11, 2007, 1:33 am CDT

Connecticut BullyBusters

Hi,      

        I first posted on this message board at the end of August 2007. At that time, I saw that this board was not very active, with few posts, made in the past year.   Now, after checking back, just a few weeks after I last posted, I see that several more people posted and/or replied to posts about "work place bullying and mobbing".  I am so happy that the word is finally starting to get out there!

        I first learned about the phenomena of "work place bullying and mobbing" about 4 years ago when I came across these terms on the Internet.  I had put in my browser's search engine "Intimidation at work" after which pages and pages of information about "work place bullying and mobbing" popped up on the screen.  I had finally found the real cause of my problems at work!  It had been puzzling me for over a year.  I  began obsessing over what I could have possibly done to first my manager, and then to my coworkers, to turn them all against me.  Prior to this, with the exception of one other bully manager several years previously, I had always been well liked, and exceeded productivity and quality standards expected of me. 

So what was there not to like?  The tactics of my current bully and the bully I had several years ago were almost identical.  I thought they must have learned these behaviors in a management class.  Now I realize their behaviors are similar because:"bullying and mobbing" is a predictable phenomena, NOT a bad management class.  After learning about the phenomena, my entire outlook has changed.  It scares me that I may have never come across this info at all, and I wonder what would have happened to me if  I didn't. 

        I live in Connecticut where very few people are familiar with the terms “Work Place Bully and Mobbing” although according to the Workplace Bullying Institute’s - Zogby survey on workplace bullying, this problem is of epidemic proportions affecting 49% of workers nationally.

        Workplace bullying is defined by the Workplace Bullying Institute as repeated, health-harming mistreatment in the form of verbal abuse, threats, intimidation, and humiliation. 

       This is a silent epidemic in that 49% of workers still deny observing this phenomena in their workplaces.  Work place bullying is often done covertly, behind closed doors, most frequently by serial bullies who chose one target at a time.  The bully often employs the help of the "target's" coworkers, which is called "mobbing". Gossip and rumors of half or twisted truths about the target, are one of the primary tactics used by bullies to manipulate coworkers into participating in the abuse as well as isolating the target. What's so strange about this phenomena is that targets are usually better than average employees who are cooperative and start off popular with coworkers. The target is devastated by the abuse and isolation that she/he doesn't understand nor know how to stop because there is no reason for the abuse! Bullies usually have personality disorders or other physical or emotional mental disorders that rob them of their empathy and compels them to behave in this way. The motivation is usually to get rid of someone who's good performance is a threat to their own feelings of inadequacy or to control and subjugate their target. Once chosen as a target there is a 77% chance that the target will quit, be fired, or commit suicide within 2 years. After elimination of the "target", the bully is compelled to choose a new target within 2 days to 2 weeks.

      Short newspaper and magazine articles printed in the United States fail to drive home the complexity and seriousness of this abuse of power, which is similar to the abuse of power in sexual harassment cases.  This abuse often leads to depression, anxiety and complex post traumatic stress disorder as well as dozens of stress related physical health problems.  Many targets become disabled for life.  The number of people and hours involved in a bullying/mobbing campaign is our largest, hidden, expense in business today.

       As the word gets out about this phenomena, workers who have been targeted by workplace bullying and mobbing are starting to speak up.  In Connecticut the first anti-bullying support group, “Connecticut Bully busters” held their third meeting on August 29th.  Meetings are facilitated by Professor Katherine Hermes, our state’s coordinator for the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute, in Bellingham, WA.  Meetings are held monthly, at Central Connecticut State University. 

       Connecticut is the 12th state since 2003 to introduce a version of the “The Anti-bullying Healthy Workplace Bill for Connecticut, 2007.  This bill died in Judiciary Committee and was never voted on to move to the Senate floor. Despite this set back, advocates of the movement continue to hope that Connecticut will be the first state to pass this legislation.  To learn more about Bullybusters or to follow the progress and how to support this important bill, go to this Internet link:  http://www.bullybusters.org/advocacy/legis-ct.html.

       Here's the announcement for our 4th CTBullybusters meeting:

     The next meeting of Connecticut Bullybusters will be held on
Wednesday, Sept. 26, at 7:00 p.m. at the Ruthe Boyea Women's Center in
the Student Center of Central Connecticut State University in New
Britain, CT. The WC is on the 2nd floor. All students, staff, faculty,
and the general public is welcome to attend. The group offers support
to those who have been victims of workplace of bullying and also works
for legislative reform. Please contact ctbullybust...@gmail.com for
further information.

       I also have a website where I write about the subject, giving advise and links to other sites for even more information.  So stop by my site some time.

http://360.yahoo.com/antibullyingcrusador   Don't despair about work place bullying and mobbing.  Instead, LETS RECOGNIZE IT, NAME IT AND END IT. TOGETHER!! 

                                             Sincerely,   ABC (AntiBullyingCrusador)


 


 
September 11, 2007, 2:15 pm CDT

Thanks for your responses

  Thanks to all who read and responded to my recent postings... it is reassuring to see that I am not alone in this.  Just knowing there are so many other examples of workplace bullying and that the patterns are so strikingly similiar tells me that my situation is not exclusive to me only.  I would be a liar if I didn't say that I often wondered (and sometimes still do) why me?  What did I do to deserve that?  Instinctively, I know the answer is: nothing!  But it's human nature to think that way, I suppose.
  Interestingly, I have come to realize (as other postings here have provided insight into the motivations of a bully) that perhaps maybe my competence, intelligence, and likability is WHY I was targeted by this idiot.  That has actually been suggested to me more than once by others, but I still have a tendency to keep asking myself what was it about me that this woman despised so much.  I have since realized that it not so much about me, as it is more about HER. 
  I used to think that the only people who get pushed around are those who "allow themselves" be pushed around.  I have been known to say  "If you lie down like a doormat, people will walk all over you."  I still believe that, but now I realize that it is not such a black-and-white issue.  I now see that it is possible to get walked upon because someone has kicked you to the floor and is keeping a foot on your back ! (Hoping that metaphor makes sense...)
  I am by no means a shy, timid or gullible person whatsoever.  By the same token, I am by no means a mean-spirited, condescending, arrogant, or manipulative person.  From my personal experience, I can honestly say it would be genuinely hard for me to come up with instances where someone has "disliked me."  I know my strengths, my intelligence, but I am also keenly aware of my weaknesses.  I'm mature enough to know that no one person is superior to another.  I believe in teamwork and patience.  I firmly believe in fairness.  These are good qualities an employer wants in an employee, among others, I am sure.  I do not believe in doing shoddy, sloppy work -- no matter what the task.  And if a task that I have been assigned to do can be improved upon to become more efficient, organized, or timely, then I will apply that, which I did tenfold in the job I was just terminated from.  I went above and beyond, and I was more than glad to do so.  So, it begs the question: WHY would they be so willing to lose an extremely competent employee for such a minor reason???  This is one of the issues that angers me still and I can't wrap my mind around that.  I am willing to bet anything that most of the timesaving shortcuts and procedures I implemented are now being used and taught to whomever they hired in my place.  I am more than sure of it... on more than one occasion my boss, my supervisor, and my co-workers asked me to teach them things about the software system that they have been using for years.  It seemed as if every other day I was discovering some basic, but necessary,  function in the software package that was built for this organization that no one else seemed to have any knowledge of, or if they did, not the foggiest idea how to use!
  So what's the answer here?  Should I have "dumbed myself down" so as not to arouse the snake of jealousy that lay dormant within the emotional baggage that this dimwitted workplace superior carried around?  I say, HELL NO.  That's a price I won't pay.  But it is so unfair that I am now without employment due to another person's psychological issues and the cowardly (or maybe even deliberate) inability of others to stand up to or acknowledge it .
  Thanks for indulging me here and allowing me to vent my frustrations...  Good luck to all, and may the bullies get what coming to them!
 
September 11, 2007, 8:22 pm CDT

Be Proud to be a Target. I am

Quote From: nooyawkgurrl

  Thanks to all who read and responded to my recent postings... it is reassuring to see that I am not alone in this.  Just knowing there are so many other examples of workplace bullying and that the patterns are so strikingly similiar tells me that my situation is not exclusive to me only.  I would be a liar if I didn't say that I often wondered (and sometimes still do) why me?  What did I do to deserve that?  Instinctively, I know the answer is: nothing!  But it's human nature to think that way, I suppose.
  Interestingly, I have come to realize (as other postings here have provided insight into the motivations of a bully) that perhaps maybe my competence, intelligence, and likability is WHY I was targeted by this idiot.  That has actually been suggested to me more than once by others, but I still have a tendency to keep asking myself what was it about me that this woman despised so much.  I have since realized that it not so much about me, as it is more about HER. 
  I used to think that the only people who get pushed around are those who "allow themselves" be pushed around.  I have been known to say  "If you lie down like a doormat, people will walk all over you."  I still believe that, but now I realize that it is not such a black-and-white issue.  I now see that it is possible to get walked upon because someone has kicked you to the floor and is keeping a foot on your back ! (Hoping that metaphor makes sense...)
  I am by no means a shy, timid or gullible person whatsoever.  By the same token, I am by no means a mean-spirited, condescending, arrogant, or manipulative person.  From my personal experience, I can honestly say it would be genuinely hard for me to come up with instances where someone has "disliked me."  I know my strengths, my intelligence, but I am also keenly aware of my weaknesses.  I'm mature enough to know that no one person is superior to another.  I believe in teamwork and patience.  I firmly believe in fairness.  These are good qualities an employer wants in an employee, among others, I am sure.  I do not believe in doing shoddy, sloppy work -- no matter what the task.  And if a task that I have been assigned to do can be improved upon to become more efficient, organized, or timely, then I will apply that, which I did tenfold in the job I was just terminated from.  I went above and beyond, and I was more than glad to do so.  So, it begs the question: WHY would they be so willing to lose an extremely competent employee for such a minor reason???  This is one of the issues that angers me still and I can't wrap my mind around that.  I am willing to bet anything that most of the timesaving shortcuts and procedures I implemented are now being used and taught to whomever they hired in my place.  I am more than sure of it... on more than one occasion my boss, my supervisor, and my co-workers asked me to teach them things about the software system that they have been using for years.  It seemed as if every other day I was discovering some basic, but necessary,  function in the software package that was built for this organization that no one else seemed to have any knowledge of, or if they did, not the foggiest idea how to use!
  So what's the answer here?  Should I have "dumbed myself down" so as not to arouse the snake of jealousy that lay dormant within the emotional baggage that this dimwitted workplace superior carried around?  I say, HELL NO.  That's a price I won't pay.  But it is so unfair that I am now without employment due to another person's psychological issues and the cowardly (or maybe even deliberate) inability of others to stand up to or acknowledge it .
  Thanks for indulging me here and allowing me to vent my frustrations...  Good luck to all, and may the bullies get what coming to them!

After reading your description of yourself it's quite obvious to me that you are a typical "target", just like I am, CONGRATULATIONS!  Having a typical "Target" personality I therefore have been a target of work place Bullying 4 times in my adult life. The only differences between my first and current bully and the others is; different job / different bully. This time around, I finally noticed that the behaviors / tactics were almost identical as if these people went to a class to learn it or they some how knew each other. I called it "leading by intimidation" before I came across the word "Bullying" on the Internet about 3 years ago.  After a tremendous amount of reading on the subject I learned that the similarity in tactics used by bullies is what makes this thing a "phenomenon" rather than the result of a management class from Hell!  Phenomenon are predictable.  Simply learning everything you can about this phenomenon, will help you cope and plan your strategy.  You may find that you can predict your bully's next move, before your bully does!

Now that I've learned so much on the Internet and from the posts of my anti-bullying groups, I feel WONDERFUL! I am a "Target" and PROUD to be one. If you need a boost to your ego, just read one of the lists of "characteristics" of a "target" on any of the anti-bullying sites. We are all very special people WORTHY of our Bullys' attention through our above average performance and popularity with coworkers. We are actually a threat to those who bully us by our competence that out shines theirs. One site described "Targets" as the "salt of the earth"!

Click on the links below to read articles on bullyonline that explain - why me?

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/myths.htm

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/vulnerab.htm

I hope this reading leaves you uplifted and PROUD TO BE A TARGET!.

 

Also stop by my web site for more articles, links and information about work place bullying and mobbing.   

http://360.yahoo.com/antibullyingcrusador

 Sincerely ABC

 
September 13, 2007, 3:58 am CDT

thanks for putting all this into words................

Quote From: abcbullynomore

Hi,      

        I first posted on this message board at the end of August 2007. At that time, I saw that this board was not very active, with few posts, made in the past year.   Now, after checking back, just a few weeks after I last posted, I see that several more people posted and/or replied to posts about "work place bullying and mobbing".  I am so happy that the word is finally starting to get out there!

        I first learned about the phenomena of "work place bullying and mobbing" about 4 years ago when I came across these terms on the Internet.  I had put in my browser's search engine "Intimidation at work" after which pages and pages of information about "work place bullying and mobbing" popped up on the screen.  I had finally found the real cause of my problems at work!  It had been puzzling me for over a year.  I  began obsessing over what I could have possibly done to first my manager, and then to my coworkers, to turn them all against me.  Prior to this, with the exception of one other bully manager several years previously, I had always been well liked, and exceeded productivity and quality standards expected of me. 

So what was there not to like?  The tactics of my current bully and the bully I had several years ago were almost identical.  I thought they must have learned these behaviors in a management class.  Now I realize their behaviors are similar because:"bullying and mobbing" is a predictable phenomena, NOT a bad management class.  After learning about the phenomena, my entire outlook has changed.  It scares me that I may have never come across this info at all, and I wonder what would have happened to me if  I didn't. 

        I live in Connecticut where very few people are familiar with the terms Work Place Bully and Mobbing although according to the Workplace Bullying Institutes - Zogby survey on workplace bullying, this problem is of epidemic proportions affecting 49% of workers nationally.

        Workplace bullying is defined by the Workplace Bullying Institute as repeated, health-harming mistreatment in the form of verbal abuse, threats, intimidation, and humiliation. 

       This is a silent epidemic in that 49% of workers still deny observing this phenomena in their workplaces.  Work place bullying is often done covertly, behind closed doors, most frequently by serial bullies who chose one target at a time.  The bully often employs the help of the "target's" coworkers, which is called "mobbing". Gossip and rumors of half or twisted truths about the target, are one of the primary tactics used by bullies to manipulate coworkers into participating in the abuse as well as isolating the target. What's so strange about this phenomena is that targets are usually better than average employees who are cooperative and start off popular with coworkers. The target is devastated by the abuse and isolation that she/he doesn't understand nor know how to stop because there is no reason for the abuse! Bullies usually have personality disorders or other physical or emotional mental disorders that rob them of their empathy and compels them to behave in this way. The motivation is usually to get rid of someone who's good performance is a threat to their own feelings of inadequacy or to control and subjugate their target. Once chosen as a target there is a 77% chance that the target will quit, be fired, or commit suicide within 2 years. After elimination of the "target", the bully is compelled to choose a new target within 2 days to 2 weeks.

      Short newspaper and magazine articles printed in the United States fail to drive home the complexity and seriousness of this abuse of power, which is similar to the abuse of power in sexual harassment cases.  This abuse often leads to depression, anxiety and complex post traumatic stress disorder as well as dozens of stress related physical health problems.  Many targets become disabled for life.  The number of people and hours involved in a bullying/mobbing campaign is our largest, hidden, expense in business today.

       As the word gets out about this phenomena, workers who have been targeted by workplace bullying and mobbing are starting to speak up.  In Connecticut the first anti-bullying support group, Connecticut Bully busters held their third meeting on August 29th.  Meetings are facilitated by Professor Katherine Hermes, our states coordinator for the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute, in Bellingham, WA.  Meetings are held monthly, at Central Connecticut State University. 

       Connecticut is the 12th state since 2003 to introduce a version of the The Anti-bullying Healthy Workplace Bill for Connecticut, 2007.  This bill died in Judiciary Committee and was never voted on to move to the Senate floor. Despite this set back, advocates of the movement continue to hope that Connecticut will be the first state to pass this legislation.  To learn more about Bullybusters or to follow the progress and how to support this important bill, go to this Internet link:  http://www.bullybusters.org/advocacy/legis-ct.html.

       Here's the announcement for our 4th CTBullybusters meeting:

     The next meeting of Connecticut Bullybusters will be held on
Wednesday, Sept. 26, at 7:00 p.m. at the Ruthe Boyea Women's Center in
the Student Center of Central Connecticut State University in New
Britain, CT. The WC is on the 2nd floor. All students, staff, faculty,
and the general public is welcome to attend. The group offers support
to those who have been victims of workplace of bullying and also works
for legislative reform. Please contact ctbullybust...@gmail.com for
further information.

       I also have a website where I write about the subject, giving advise and links to other sites for even more information.  So stop by my site some time.

http://360.yahoo.com/antibullyingcrusador   Don't despair about work place bullying and mobbing.  Instead, LETS RECOGNIZE IT, NAME IT AND END IT. TOGETHER!! 

                                             Sincerely,   ABC (AntiBullyingCrusador)


 


Hi!  Reading your message was a deja vu experience for me.  Finally, someone has put into words the EXACT thing, and the feelings I went through about 15 years ago.  And has given names to some of the things that happened such as "mobbing". 

I have always been a good teacher. My work reviews proir to meeting up with a certain principal bully were wonderful. The reviews I received later on were also wonderful and very very similar to the ones I got early on.  Then there was the "Twilight Zone" year.  A new person took over transferring from another school in the district.  For whatever reason, she targeted me.  There were little humiliations and put-downs, as well as accustations that I did certain things that of course I never did.  She cozied up to my assistants and plied them with bagels and donuts in her office, while turning them against me and getting them to act like spies.  They soon got in on the lies too, and enjoyed helping her "go after" me.  No matter what I did, it was twisted and misinterpreted.  I know some parents wrote to her about what I great job they thought I was doing.  She NEVER mentioned these letters to me.  During classroom observations, she twisted things to make it seem like I was not performing up to standard, and disregarded all the good things going on in the classroom; all my hard work, and good lessons.  I used to get up feeling sick every morning.  I was not myself.  Whatever I did I could not change her distorted views of me.

I ended up leaving at the end of that year.  If I didn't she probably would have gotten rid of me anyway.  My self-esteem was at an all-time low.  But in a way I felt a certain freedom.  She no longer had total power over me., but I have to say that the recovery period took a long time.  When I went for another job interview and did a demonstration lesson, my supervisor-to-be was smiling as she watched me.  It was not much different from the work I did at my other job, however, this person saw the good stuff and hired me.  Coincidentally her reviews of my work were similar to those of all the supervisors that came before the bully.  My self-esteem gradually picked up.  But I lost some sort of trust in the working world.  I did my job well, but could not give my full heart to it for a long time, because I couldn't risk being shattered again as I was by that bully.

Thank you for expressing this abuse so accurately and I am happy to hear that there are bullybuster groups getting started.  Thanks for listening.

 

JB

 
November 11, 2007, 3:26 pm CST

Bully buster groups are great

Quote From: juliebgg

Hi!  Reading your message was a deja vu experience for me.  Finally, someone has put into words the EXACT thing, and the feelings I went through about 15 years ago.  And has given names to some of the things that happened such as "mobbing". 

I have always been a good teacher. My work reviews proir to meeting up with a certain principal bully were wonderful. The reviews I received later on were also wonderful and very very similar to the ones I got early on.  Then there was the "Twilight Zone" year.  A new person took over transferring from another school in the district.  For whatever reason, she targeted me.  There were little humiliations and put-downs, as well as accustations that I did certain things that of course I never did.  She cozied up to my assistants and plied them with bagels and donuts in her office, while turning them against me and getting them to act like spies.  They soon got in on the lies too, and enjoyed helping her "go after" me.  No matter what I did, it was twisted and misinterpreted.  I know some parents wrote to her about what I great job they thought I was doing.  She NEVER mentioned these letters to me.  During classroom observations, she twisted things to make it seem like I was not performing up to standard, and disregarded all the good things going on in the classroom; all my hard work, and good lessons.  I used to get up feeling sick every morning.  I was not myself.  Whatever I did I could not change her distorted views of me.

I ended up leaving at the end of that year.  If I didn't she probably would have gotten rid of me anyway.  My self-esteem was at an all-time low.  But in a way I felt a certain freedom.  She no longer had total power over me., but I have to say that the recovery period took a long time.  When I went for another job interview and did a demonstration lesson, my supervisor-to-be was smiling as she watched me.  It was not much different from the work I did at my other job, however, this person saw the good stuff and hired me.  Coincidentally her reviews of my work were similar to those of all the supervisors that came before the bully.  My self-esteem gradually picked up.  But I lost some sort of trust in the working world.  I did my job well, but could not give my full heart to it for a long time, because I couldn't risk being shattered again as I was by that bully.

Thank you for expressing this abuse so accurately and I am happy to hear that there are bullybuster groups getting started.  Thanks for listening.

 

JB

Bully boss sends me to 5 jobs in a day and others one,this is a pattern
I  am asking for a reduction to 32 hours.
I am used because I am also wiilling to go
I call it to her atention and to others
They are sick, sitting there reading adn writing cards all day
This will be reported again. i am asked to work alone on shifts and always so nice
I have to be assertvie and said no,i do my sahre
 
November 16, 2007, 11:14 am CST

The bully has returned!!!

I worked the evening shift at a small company for four years then a  workplace bully(a former friend) started trouble and spread nasty lies about me around the office. She's a good con artist so naturally everyone believed everything she said about me..including the few friends that knew me really well. Things got so bad that I lost all my friends and I almost lost my job! So I transfered to the morning shift to get away from her

Things have been great since my transfer until this morning it was announced that this person who bullied me for years has been transfered to my morning shift!

 I think she'll probably be given the desk next to mine and I have a feeling she's going to start trouble for me on this shift as well. I don't care what the others think of me but my main concern are the other two ladies I share an area with, we seem to be getting close and I know if this bully sees us socialising she'll try to start trouble between the three of us just like she did with my friends on the other shift.
My husband thinks I should warn them about her but I tried that with my friends on the other shift and it made things worse for me..and better for her.
 I am going to try to avoid her as much as possible but other than that I haven't a clue how to deal with this situation...any advise?

 
November 18, 2007, 3:59 am CST

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: nrotfps

I worked the evening shift at a small company for four years then a  workplace bully(a former friend) started trouble and spread nasty lies about me around the office. She's a good con artist so naturally everyone believed everything she said about me..including the few friends that knew me really well. Things got so bad that I lost all my friends and I almost lost my job! So I transfered to the morning shift to get away from her

Things have been great since my transfer until this morning it was announced that this person who bullied me for years has been transfered to my morning shift!

 I think she'll probably be given the desk next to mine and I have a feeling she's going to start trouble for me on this shift as well. I don't care what the others think of me but my main concern are the other two ladies I share an area with, we seem to be getting close and I know if this bully sees us socialising she'll try to start trouble between the three of us just like she did with my friends on the other shift.
My husband thinks I should warn them about her but I tried that with my friends on the other shift and it made things worse for me..and better for her.
 I am going to try to avoid her as much as possible but other than that I haven't a clue how to deal with this situation...any advise?

  I am so sorry that your bully has followed you.  You are correct that the bully is likely to start up with you again.  I would take your husband's advice and tell your new friends BEFORE she has an opportunity to poison their opinion about you.  Tell them about it by explaining the phenomenon of "work place bullying and mobbing".  Tell them to look it up on the Internet.  It's so hard to get people to believe you, because it's so unbelievable.  When they see all the information on the Internet about it, they'll believe you.  Do your best to avoid her, and DO NOT REACT to any bullying behaviors.  Your reaction is a form of entertainment to a bully.  If you do nothing, your bully may become board with you and bother someone else. Best of Luck, Sincerely,  ABC
 
November 23, 2007, 7:00 pm CST

Learn your states labor laws

I have been reading these posts because I am a devoted fan of Dr. Phil and I wanted to see if he had addressed "workplace bullies" and "wrongful termination" issues.  I was suprised at so much abusive treatment in the workforce.  I am dealing with an abuse situation right now but the abuse was not against me it was against a coworker who happens to be my son.  I have worked for this company for 18 years and love my job and coworkers.  I have been blessed with the employers and the integrity of my company.  There are a few managers with HUGE egos and controlling personalities but I fortunately do not work for them.  I am a very loyal dedicated employee and have always had good reviews.  My son is going to school for his "Bachelors Degree" in computer programming.  He is very good with computers.  The V.P. of Sales asked me to have my son come in to apply for a new position that the V.P. was creating which would be alot of administrative help such as opening mail, going to the bank, post office and several marketing functions but also computer support on sight since our computer department is in another state and that the position would work for the V.P. of sales himself.  I have known this man for about 10 years and he has known my son since he was a little boy.  My son is now 19 years old.  I informed the V.P. that my son has "ADHD" and although he is very smart they would not be able to have several people giving him tasks at the same time it would have to be streamlined and I was told it would not be a problem he would have my son report to his Executive assistant and she would prioritive his work since the V.P. traveled so much.  My son took the job and after his 90 day review they hired him permanent and everyone in the office liked him and things seemed to be going well.  Then things started changing and one girl in payables and the Executive assistant started nitpicking and gossiping and making it impossible for my son to get thru the day without them creating more trouble.  He asked me what he should do and I told him to ask this woman who was suppose to be his manager to sit down with him and let him know what his responsibility for this payable person is and help him with a plan to get the job done he liked everyone and wanted to do a good job and he could feel the tension building.  After that meeting the V.P. was back in town and the assistant  went to him with some complaints and they both called my son in and the V.P. verbally attacked him and threatened him that if he speaks to me he will be terminated it does not matter if you have a good day or a bad day if you tell her anything your fired and if you are told to stand on your head on a forklift for 8 hours you do it.  I kept my mouth shut as hard as it was and advised my son to notify Human Resources and copy the President which he did and H.R. replied and said they were looking into it and would get back to him.  My son was also told in another verbal attack from this V.P. that if he wanted to he would take my son out in front of everyone and strip him down and fire him if he even looked crooked.  There are emails confirming the notification to H.R. and also contradicting email from the assistant to my son.  I finally emailed the CFO, President and H.R. asking for help in the HORRIBLE situation that was going on in our office.  My son was terminated about two days after he sent the request for help.  I went online doing some research and filed a complaint  with the the EEOC for violations of the "Americans with Disabilites Act" the "ADHD",  then I took my son to an Attorney who specializes in Employment issues and since I live in California several state Labor Codes were violated.  Harrasement, wrongful termination, retaliation discrimmination (the disability).  I found out it is also a violation to tell an employee not to speak to a third person regarding their employment.  If they come after me there will be a bigger case.  I will give up my 18 year career if I have to but I will not stand by and watch any one of my coworkers be abused especially when it is my son.  If they wanted to terminate him there is a dignified professional way to do it.  They wanted to terrorize him and harrass him to get at me.  If you are in a horrible work situation because of bully's and liar's and upper management does not have the integrity to step in get online for your state and find out your rights.  It does not cost anything to file with the EEOC and once an investigation is opened whether it is by the state or the federal they both jump in.  My sons case is pending I will let you know how it turns out.
 
December 23, 2007, 12:29 pm CST

Boss attempts to control perception

I work in a science research lab in a university.  I work for a young faculty member.  His bullying is similar to verbal abuse in marriage.  He attempts to control people's perceptions by trying to make people think that the "truth" is what he constructs.  He uses extensive note taking, in which the notes contain falsehoods, omissions and misinterpretations, to attempt to construct images that he can claim to be the "truth."  He goes to a lot of trouble to do this.  He also has elaborate methods to try to throw me off guard and try to diminish my self confidence.  He will write up descriptions of incidents leaving out his own behvaior and the ways he started trouble.  Then he tries to portray my responses as "unprofessional behavior."  For example, he refused to give include my name on publications, and then claimed it was a "behavior" problem when I cried about it.  But he failed to state the reason I cried.  He asked me in detail about a particular task I performed.  Then he focused on the most insignificant part of it and said "that's trivial."  But he ignored the major effort.  He adds on extra features and extra tasks and then accuses me of not finishing work quickly enough.  I got a problem to work that he and a post-doc could not get to work.   I did this because I could figure out all of the math and they could not.  Then he said I was wasting time going into the math, that he could understand all of the math and that if I would have asked him, he could have explained it.  I had spoken with him about the problem.  He assigned it to me because they weren't able to solve it.  His "explanations" are incomplete and meaningless - he draws a sloppy sketch or throws around some terminiology.  He is always trying to turn everything I say or do into a negative.  The administration of the university makes grandiose claims to be a humane and ethical workplace, but that is baloney, since the administration people just act like flatteres for whoever is the authority figure.  It is nice when employees have a strong labor union.  But the important word here is "strong."  We have a union with a bunch of do-nothings.  We have been hired for union-covered work outside of union categories.  I called the union several times and they said a steward would call and the steward never called.  What good is it to have a union if that particular union is run by do-nothings.  I wish we were part of the ILWU.  Then they couldn't play around the jobs and employees.  The effects of the stress: right now I have a rash that the doctor thinks is shingles.  I am exploring the possibilities for medical leave and possibly workmen's compensation.
 
December 24, 2007, 11:03 am CST

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: namedeclin

I work in a science research lab in a university.  I work for a young faculty member.  His bullying is similar to verbal abuse in marriage.  He attempts to control people's perceptions by trying to make people think that the "truth" is what he constructs.  He uses extensive note taking, in which the notes contain falsehoods, omissions and misinterpretations, to attempt to construct images that he can claim to be the "truth."  He goes to a lot of trouble to do this.  He also has elaborate methods to try to throw me off guard and try to diminish my self confidence.  He will write up descriptions of incidents leaving out his own behvaior and the ways he started trouble.  Then he tries to portray my responses as "unprofessional behavior."  For example, he refused to give include my name on publications, and then claimed it was a "behavior" problem when I cried about it.  But he failed to state the reason I cried.  He asked me in detail about a particular task I performed.  Then he focused on the most insignificant part of it and said "that's trivial."  But he ignored the major effort.  He adds on extra features and extra tasks and then accuses me of not finishing work quickly enough.  I got a problem to work that he and a post-doc could not get to work.   I did this because I could figure out all of the math and they could not.  Then he said I was wasting time going into the math, that he could understand all of the math and that if I would have asked him, he could have explained it.  I had spoken with him about the problem.  He assigned it to me because they weren't able to solve it.  His "explanations" are incomplete and meaningless - he draws a sloppy sketch or throws around some terminiology.  He is always trying to turn everything I say or do into a negative.  The administration of the university makes grandiose claims to be a humane and ethical workplace, but that is baloney, since the administration people just act like flatteres for whoever is the authority figure.  It is nice when employees have a strong labor union.  But the important word here is "strong."  We have a union with a bunch of do-nothings.  We have been hired for union-covered work outside of union categories.  I called the union several times and they said a steward would call and the steward never called.  What good is it to have a union if that particular union is run by do-nothings.  I wish we were part of the ILWU.  Then they couldn't play around the jobs and employees.  The effects of the stress: right now I have a rash that the doctor thinks is shingles.  I am exploring the possibilities for medical leave and possibly workmen's compensation.

First of all, I would like to wish everyone a Happier 2008 from California

 

July 30, 2007 -My husband was terminated from a national company due to a workplace bully who made up lies from conversations that everyone was involved in.  This bully managed to get 4 other coworkers to say the same thing, and instead of taking this to the manager of the building, he took it all the way up to HR of national company.  So, what this means is that someone came out - did an incomplete investigation, while  letting my husband continue to work and worry at the same time.   My husband had been promoted in Feb. 06, even was chosen to go to a big meeting at corporate headquarters(across the country) to discuss future of company.  He  was very career oriented with this company and always did his work on time, if not more, was on various committee's, had earned the record for most completed (nationally) at this one task, he was dedicated to his job.

The workplace bully has never liked my husband and he made it a point (after he got back from a disability) to intentionally harm my husbands reputation and hurt our family.  My husband did go to the corporate office - another investigation happened and 2 of the 4 people recanted, of course the workplace bully and his best friend did not.  Corporate HR said 'they would help my husband' anyway they could to get another job. 

Well, this hasn't happened yet, and my family and I are suffering.  We don't ask for food, but family and friends have come through either by giving us gift certificates for food, or bringing food over here, or donating money.

I am eternally  grateful to the friends and family that we have.

 

I pray for hope, a job for my husband and a way to get back on our feet in 2008.  With the economy on a downward spiral - it is testing our faith, our hope and the ability to feed/clothe/keep a roof over the heads for our 3 children. 

Through all this emotional turmoil - the one thing this devasting deliberate act of no good DID NOT do was to make my husband and my relationship suffer.  We have grown stronger together and our love will never stop.

 

A message to the workplace bullies out there - May God grant you a sense of belonging in HIS path to love and care for others.

 

 
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