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Topic : Workplace Bullies

Number of Replies: 245
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:25:23 am
Author : dataimport
Bullying is not just a schoolyard pastime anymore, it has spread to the workplace as well. Share your stories, support and advice with others dealing with a bully at work.

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March 12, 2008, 1:13 am CDT

how do we get along with bullies

OK so we now know that they do exist, I have a sister in -law that is a bully with me , and I am in Switzerland...its a global problem. I believe her bullyness stems from her insecurities....NOW...how do I deal and work with that ?  Its dysfunction junction here and there is NO way she will ever address her own problems. Do you back down and let them win to save your job...stand up to them and risk your job? Is there a happy medium? Any ideas girls?
 
March 22, 2008, 11:50 pm CDT

Professional Harassment

I work for 2 women that manage by professional harassment. I just recently finished a big project, which pretty much went off without any hitches ... moving staff to new space within a medical setting.  So at the beginning of the project my supervisor tells me that I should take over the facilities and equipment, which will lead to a facilities manager because I am good at it.  I have always been complimented on how I handle everything with a smile and in a professional manner.  In fact, I was nominated for employee of the year for the 3rd time.  Well, there are a few people at work that are jealous and make stuff up to get me in hot water.  My supervisor pulls me in about a week ago to discuss my behavior.  I was told that I was acting unprofessional and disrespectful.  That 8 employees had complained about me within a few short days.  She then named some of them. (which is wrong to begin with)  Which I approached a few of these folks who told me that they did not complain and they are after "XX" too and that is the way management works around here. Now the team I work with, is giving me the cold sholder, being snotty when I ask something, not including me in discussions, cutting me off in the middle of my sentences and acting like I don't exist.  Then on Friday, I overheard my supvervisor tell someone, yeah it's working out great, she is wicked.  I felt this meant the new girl they recently hired on our team, because she has been really snotty and they (the supervisor, her and the other girl) have had several closed door meetings without me.  It is effecting me severly.  I cry all the time, I wake up in the middle of the night crying.  I had to leave my desk several times on Thurs because all I did was cry.  I suffer from depression anyway (and the supervisor knows it), I thought that I could confide in her to get assistance.  They build me up when they need something from me, then slam me to the ground when they are done with me.  I don't know what to do.  I need this job for the medical insurance, but it is taking a toll on me mentally.  Any advice is appreciated.
 
March 25, 2008, 4:49 pm CDT

No one reads this board anymore

I have to say, I truley don't think anyone reads this board anymore.  I had hoped to find some others that are experiencing this problem.  I often look at myself as I am the the problem.  Everything I have read about Workplace bullying and mobbing states that they want you to believe that you are the problem.  Does anyone else out there experience this type of problem in the workplace?
 
March 29, 2008, 5:00 am CDT

Are You The Problem? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Quote From: sammybear10

I have to say, I truley don't think anyone reads this board anymore.  I had hoped to find some others that are experiencing this problem.  I often look at myself as I am the the problem.  Everything I have read about Workplace bullying and mobbing states that they want you to believe that you are the problem.  Does anyone else out there experience this type of problem in the workplace?

    It broke my heart to read your question.  It's sounds like your bully has you doubting yourself by making you believe that you are at fault for what ever problems she is citing.   You must know in your heart that you are not at fault and that this is a VERY COMMON TACTIC of bullies.   AGAIN, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!  YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS WITH ALL YOUR HEART!!   When bullies make critical comments about you, they are usually projecting their own inadequacies on you.   In other words, if the bully says "you're stupid", it is the bully who feels stupid.  It's  usually the extra good employees who are targeted by bullies because the target's good performance makes the bully feel more inadequate about themselves by comparison.  So be proud to be a "target" of workplace bullying and mobbing.  It takes a special person to gain the attention of a bully!  Know this and be proud!  It is your GOOD qualities that your bully detests.  They can't stand to see another person shine.  More and more adult suicides are the result of workplace bullying.  It is this very thing that causes it.  Targets not understanding this phenomenon become obsessed trying to understand what the cause of their workplace problems are, when there is no real reason at all, other than the whim of a bully.  The targets who don't understand this, blame themselves, sometimes resulting in suicide.  How terribly sad!   It's an important public health message that all working American learn to Recognize it, Name it and End workplace bullying and mobbing together!    ABC-Antibullyingcrusador.  Stop by my website some time @:  http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/

 
March 29, 2008, 1:51 pm CDT

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: sammybear10

I work for 2 women that manage by professional harassment. I just recently finished a big project, which pretty much went off without any hitches ... moving staff to new space within a medical setting.  So at the beginning of the project my supervisor tells me that I should take over the facilities and equipment, which will lead to a facilities manager because I am good at it.  I have always been complimented on how I handle everything with a smile and in a professional manner.  In fact, I was nominated for employee of the year for the 3rd time.  Well, there are a few people at work that are jealous and make stuff up to get me in hot water.  My supervisor pulls me in about a week ago to discuss my behavior.  I was told that I was acting unprofessional and disrespectful.  That 8 employees had complained about me within a few short days.  She then named some of them. (which is wrong to begin with)  Which I approached a few of these folks who told me that they did not complain and they are after "XX" too and that is the way management works around here. Now the team I work with, is giving me the cold sholder, being snotty when I ask something, not including me in discussions, cutting me off in the middle of my sentences and acting like I don't exist.  Then on Friday, I overheard my supvervisor tell someone, yeah it's working out great, she is wicked.  I felt this meant the new girl they recently hired on our team, because she has been really snotty and they (the supervisor, her and the other girl) have had several closed door meetings without me.  It is effecting me severly.  I cry all the time, I wake up in the middle of the night crying.  I had to leave my desk several times on Thurs because all I did was cry.  I suffer from depression anyway (and the supervisor knows it), I thought that I could confide in her to get assistance.  They build me up when they need something from me, then slam me to the ground when they are done with me.  I don't know what to do.  I need this job for the medical insurance, but it is taking a toll on me mentally.  Any advice is appreciated.

I feel so bad for you in this horrible situation.  You are already in the advanced stages of a workplace bullying and mobbing campaign.  To be perfectly honest, your prognosis as far as remaining in this position is grim.  If you stay on this job for the health benefits you are going to need to use those benefits more than you ever dreamed.   Workplace bullying and mobbing results in adverse mental and physical health problems.  You are risking your health, the only thing of real value in this life by staying on there.  Don't let this ruin your self esteem.  Keep reminding yourself of all the successes you had on that job.  Those successes were real, not the lies that people are saying about you now.   Because of your successes you are a valuable employee to someone.  Get out there girlfriend and find out who that next lucky employer is!  

 

If for some reason you can't find another job, there is a slight chance you maybe able to turn this thing around.  It's called the "Backfire Model". It consists of making the bully's/mob's plan to take you down, backfire against them, by the following actions you must take below: 

 

-Reveal: expose the injustice

-Redeem: validate the target, challenge devaluation

-Re-frame: emphasize the injustice, counter reinterpretation

-Redirect: mobilize support, be wary of official channels

-Resist: stand up to intimidation and bribery

 

You need to learn more about the above by reading the entire article on one of my websites.  Here is the link:    http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Bj.c1sQmeq8LY8fmKDIGug--?cq=1&p=53

 

Also stop by my new weblog at the link on the bottom of the page, to learn more about workplace bullying and mobbing.  It's my mission that all working Americans learn about the phenomenon so that we can:  Recognize it, Name it, and End workplace bullying and mobbing together!     ABC

 

http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/

 

--Hope this helps someone out there.......ABC

 

 

 

 

 

 
May 15, 2008, 1:18 pm CDT

Bullies

Quote From: shawna_88

I started working at my job in August.  I waitress and waitressing is stressful without co workers.  My co workers stress me out so much because they all think they need to pick at each other and know everything about you.  I don't feel close enough to my bosses to talk to them about others I don't know what to do..... Any suggestions?

Shana I can relate to what you are going through.  I waitress ed most of my life, and or bar tended

my last restaurant was a six year stay.

 

The bulling usually comes from jealously, and envy by the culprits. 

Especially if you are good at what you do, and the public loves you and requests your table.

 

I have found that the more private you are, especially when it comes to what you made in tips, the better off you are.

 

Cooks especially can be a hard hoe to tow.  I had a cook once get the edge of my plate that I was to carry out to the customer, so hot that I had to drop it, all because I would not date him.

 

I had another cook damage my car twice because I told the owners that he was giving free food away to his friend.

 

In this business it is cut throat, no one is really your friend.  They bait you to obtain gossip that they can pass on.  These are usually insecure, no life, on drugs, or booze.  So they cannot stand someone that has it together.

 

Do not loan anyone that you work with money!  That is a very bad move. You usually have to beg for your money back, cause they hope you will forget about the loan.

 

Watch what you say, and watch your back.  The restaurant business can be a very hard job with the politics.

 

Good Luck    Picalina

 
May 21, 2008, 2:44 pm CDT

I think that is very common

Quote From: abcbullynomore

    It broke my heart to read your question.  It's sounds like your bully has you doubting yourself by making you believe that you are at fault for what ever problems she is citing.   You must know in your heart that you are not at fault and that this is a VERY COMMON TACTIC of bullies.   AGAIN, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!  YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS WITH ALL YOUR HEART!!   When bullies make critical comments about you, they are usually projecting their own inadequacies on you.   In other words, if the bully says "you're stupid", it is the bully who feels stupid.  It's  usually the extra good employees who are targeted by bullies because the target's good performance makes the bully feel more inadequate about themselves by comparison.  So be proud to be a "target" of workplace bullying and mobbing.  It takes a special person to gain the attention of a bully!  Know this and be proud!  It is your GOOD qualities that your bully detests.  They can't stand to see another person shine.  More and more adult suicides are the result of workplace bullying.  It is this very thing that causes it.  Targets not understanding this phenomenon become obsessed trying to understand what the cause of their workplace problems are, when there is no real reason at all, other than the whim of a bully.  The targets who don't understand this, blame themselves, sometimes resulting in suicide.  How terribly sad!   It's an important public health message that all working American learn to Recognize it, Name it and End workplace bullying and mobbing together!    ABC-Antibullyingcrusador.  Stop by my website some time @:  http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/

I think it is very common for a bullying victim to doubt him/herself.  I was in that situation about 15 years ago.  I worked in a school where the principal would target a different person each year.  I got my turn, and I felt like I was in the twilight zone all year. I had never doubted my working skills until she came on the scene and disapproved of everything I did.  Interesting that EVERY other superivsor I had both before and after the bully loved the job I was doing.

It is a very difficult thing to go through and I sympathize with anyone in that situation.  Sometimes, the best thing is just to get out and start over somewhere else.  That is exactly what I did.

 
June 19, 2008, 6:56 pm CDT

I can't take it

I have a woman boss whom everyone thinks is wonderful - the big bosses love her she's a huge rainmaker.  I have worked for her for 5 years.  We are both professionals. I watch others who came to the company the same time as me advance while I don't get any reviews.  I work for this particular bully and 3 other people (1 woman and 2 men).  I absolutely love the work I do and I love working for the 3 other people. They are kind and great to work for and constantly give me positive feed back.  The problem is that I was hired to be the associate for the bully.  She is older never had children and is highly accomplished.  I just had a baby.  Don't get me wrong, the insults and screaming and downright rude behavior began long before my pregnancy so I don't think it's that I had a baby.  When she is wrong, she is wrong at the top of her voice.  I dread going in to work.  She puts me down by saying things like "What would ever make you think that it is okay to put this provision in this agreement" or my favorite when I was pregnant "you're starting to look like pamela anderson, I think you should start wearing jackets." She used to constantly criticize my wardrobe which was nothing different than any of the other professional women I work with and we are not required to wear suits.  She eavesdrops on my conversations and when I hang up the phone she screams at the way I handled something.  It is so embarrassing when she screams and puts me down. I have visions of myself punching her in the face (I really would never do that).  Today, she was out of the office I handled something for one of her clients who called me and needed an immediate answer, I ran my response through another supervisor who thought it was fine and i sent the response and cc'd my boss.  Well, I guess as they say no good deed goes unpunished.  She checked her emails and responded as follows "Did you even bother to look through the system to see my analysis."  I didn't even know that she had analyzed anything.  The client never told me that on the phone.  I am sitting here crying contemplating what to do -- should I take the screaming and meanness all day tomorrow or, when she yells at me should I say, "I'm going to work from home today because I don't appreciate when you talk to me like that" (which I can do, but have never really done that)   I will have to go in to work really early tomorrow to take her screaming before anyone else comes into the office.  It is extremely embarrassing when she yells at me in front of my colleagues.  I hate her.  I wish I could quit but there are no comparable jobs in my area for my expertise - I am stuck.
 
June 20, 2008, 5:21 am CDT

Workplace Bullies

I've been at my job for almost 2 years now and a new lady just started and she came up to me the other day and asked me my age and I was like 21. She told me I looked 26. I took that as an insult. Also my sister works with me and she's always picking on me. It's like I never look good enough for her. She'll tell me I have no butt in my jeans or I look like I crapped myself cause my clothes hang off me, but I'm skinny and I think I look okay for hust having a baby 8 months ago.
 
July 6, 2008, 10:58 pm CDT

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: amakenth

I've been at my job for almost 2 years now and a new lady just started and she came up to me the other day and asked me my age and I was like 21. She told me I looked 26. I took that as an insult. Also my sister works with me and she's always picking on me. It's like I never look good enough for her. She'll tell me I have no butt in my jeans or I look like I crapped myself cause my clothes hang off me, but I'm skinny and I think I look okay for hust having a baby 8 months ago.
hun dont be effended they are just mad because they dont look like you so cheer up
 
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