Topic : Workplace Bullies

I have lost the last two jobs I had because I "did not fit in to the corporate culture." Those are not my words, they are the words of the employment counselor at my college. What in the world do you do about something like that? The kinds of stuff I'm reading about on these boards - I'm scared to death to get close to anyone on the job. Then, no one is on your side, and you're not seen as part of the team.

I'm dying to know - what are the questions that you ask when you're interviewing? All I want is to be left alone to do my job, which I always do well; in fact, I'm almost always the hardest working person at whatever job I'm at. I just don't get it. Don't these managers need people who work hard, who take pride in their work, who don't want to get involved in gossip and office drama? I'm so discouraged. Now I'm 44 and starting a new career, and I just can't get enthusicastic about it anymore. It is SO HEARTBREAKING to try so hard over and over, and it just is not enough.

I started working at my job in August.  I waitress and waitressing is stressful without co workers.  My co workers stress me out so much because they all think they need to pick at each other and know everything about you.  I don't feel close enough to my bosses to talk to them about others I don't know what to do..... Any suggestions?

Over time there are severe and life-threatening health consequences that can result from bullying.  This is especially important because bullying/mobbing has increased exponentially with the dearth of decent jobs.  People take out their frustration laterally. 

I am living those health consequences and I am disabled from it.  My whole endocrine system is messed up thanks to stifling the bad chemistry all those years and not being able to find resolution or release enough to deal with the onslaught.  The normal natural reaction to bullying does create negative chemistry in the body but there does not seem to be any therapies or anything at all available to help victims overcome and so the cumulative effect is greater than any effort the victim can make in many cases.

Our culture has devolved so much and this is one extremely common and very detrimental result of that devolution.  Education towards a cultural change is necessary.  In my case as I became more ill my mental function deteriorated and then I was publicly ridiculed for that on top of everything else.  Supervisors and other management need to be trained about health conditions that can affect performance.  (co-workers too.)  I would hope that with that education people would not be so quick to add fuel to the fire because the negativity does not help one perform better, nor does it help one regain help.  I would have dearly loved for someone at work to validate my deteriorated mental function for my doctor rather than ridicule me because maybe with that validation I could have gotten medical help sooner and could possibly still be working.  But the environment was far from a kind one.

    It broke my heart to read your question.  It's sounds like your bully has you doubting yourself by making you believe that you are at fault for what ever problems she is citing.   You must know in your heart that you are not at fault and that this is a VERY COMMON TACTIC of bullies.   AGAIN, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!  YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS WITH ALL YOUR HEART!!   When bullies make critical comments about you, they are usually projecting their own inadequacies on you.   In other words, if the bully says "you're stupid", it is the bully who feels stupid.  It's  usually the extra good employees who are targeted by bullies because the target's good performance makes the bully feel more inadequate about themselves by comparison.  So be proud to be a "target" of workplace bullying and mobbing.  It takes a special person to gain the attention of a bully!  Know this and be proud!  It is your GOOD qualities that your bully detests.  They can't stand to see another person shine.  More and more adult suicides are the result of workplace bullying.  It is this very thing that causes it.  Targets not understanding this phenomenon become obsessed trying to understand what the cause of their workplace problems are, when there is no real reason at all, other than the whim of a bully.  The targets who don't understand this, blame themselves, sometimes resulting in suicide.  How terribly sad!   It's an important public health message that all working American learn to Recognize it, Name it and End workplace bullying and mobbing together!    ABC-Antibullyingcrusador.  Stop by my website some time @:  http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/

I feel so bad for you in this horrible situation.  You are already in the advanced stages of a workplace bullying and mobbing campaign.  To be perfectly honest, your prognosis as far as remaining in this position is grim.  If you stay on this job for the health benefits you are going to need to use those benefits more than you ever dreamed.   Workplace bullying and mobbing results in adverse mental and physical health problems.  You are risking your health, the only thing of real value in this life by staying on there.  Don't let this ruin your self esteem.  Keep reminding yourself of all the successes you had on that job.  Those successes were real, not the lies that people are saying about you now.   Because of your successes you are a valuable employee to someone.  Get out there girlfriend and find out who that next lucky employer is!  

If for some reason you can't find another job, there is a slight chance you maybe able to turn this thing around.  It's called the "Backfire Model". It consists of making the bully's/mob's plan to take you down, backfire against them, by the following actions you must take below: 

-Reveal: expose the injustice

-Redeem: validate the target, challenge devaluation

-Re-frame: emphasize the injustice, counter reinterpretation

-Redirect: mobilize support, be wary of official channels

-Resist: stand up to intimidation and bribery

You need to learn more about the above by reading the entire article on one of my websites.  Here is the link:    http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Bj.c1sQmeq8LY8fmKDIGug--?cq=1&p=53

Also stop by my new weblog at the link on the bottom of the page, to learn more about workplace bullying and mobbing.  It's my mission that all working Americans learn about the phenomenon so that we can:  Recognize it, Name it, and End workplace bullying and mobbing together!     ABC

http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/

--Hope this helps someone out there.......ABC

Shana I can relate to what you are going through.  I waitress ed most of my life, and or bar tended

my last restaurant was a six year stay.

The bulling usually comes from jealously, and envy by the culprits. 

Especially if you are good at what you do, and the public loves you and requests your table.

I have found that the more private you are, especially when it comes to what you made in tips, the better off you are.

Cooks especially can be a hard hoe to tow.  I had a cook once get the edge of my plate that I was to carry out to the customer, so hot that I had to drop it, all because I would not date him.

I had another cook damage my car twice because I told the owners that he was giving free food away to his friend.

In this business it is cut throat, no one is really your friend.  They bait you to obtain gossip that they can pass on.  These are usually insecure, no life, on drugs, or booze.  So they cannot stand someone that has it together.

Do not loan anyone that you work with money!  That is a very bad move. You usually have to beg for your money back, cause they hope you will forget about the loan.

Watch what you say, and watch your back.  The restaurant business can be a very hard job with the politics.

Good Luck    Picalina

I think it is very common for a bullying victim to doubt him/herself.  I was in that situation about 15 years ago.  I worked in a school where the principal would target a different person each year.  I got my turn, and I felt like I was in the twilight zone all year. I had never doubted my working skills until she came on the scene and disapproved of everything I did.  Interesting that EVERY other superivsor I had both before and after the bully loved the job I was doing.

It is a very difficult thing to go through and I sympathize with anyone in that situation.  Sometimes, the best thing is just to get out and start over somewhere else.  That is exactly what I did.