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Topic : Workplace Bullies

Number of Replies: 245
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:25:23 am
Author : dataimport
Bullying is not just a schoolyard pastime anymore, it has spread to the workplace as well. Share your stories, support and advice with others dealing with a bully at work.

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July 6, 2008, 11:22 pm CDT

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: banks575

I have a woman boss whom everyone thinks is wonderful - the big bosses love her she's a huge rainmaker.  I have worked for her for 5 years.  We are both professionals. I watch others who came to the company the same time as me advance while I don't get any reviews.  I work for this particular bully and 3 other people (1 woman and 2 men).  I absolutely love the work I do and I love working for the 3 other people. They are kind and great to work for and constantly give me positive feed back.  The problem is that I was hired to be the associate for the bully.  She is older never had children and is highly accomplished.  I just had a baby.  Don't get me wrong, the insults and screaming and downright rude behavior began long before my pregnancy so I don't think it's that I had a baby.  When she is wrong, she is wrong at the top of her voice.  I dread going in to work.  She puts me down by saying things like "What would ever make you think that it is okay to put this provision in this agreement" or my favorite when I was pregnant "you're starting to look like pamela anderson, I think you should start wearing jackets." She used to constantly criticize my wardrobe which was nothing different than any of the other professional women I work with and we are not required to wear suits.  She eavesdrops on my conversations and when I hang up the phone she screams at the way I handled something.  It is so embarrassing when she screams and puts me down. I have visions of myself punching her in the face (I really would never do that).  Today, she was out of the office I handled something for one of her clients who called me and needed an immediate answer, I ran my response through another supervisor who thought it was fine and i sent the response and cc'd my boss.  Well, I guess as they say no good deed goes unpunished.  She checked her emails and responded as follows "Did you even bother to look through the system to see my analysis."  I didn't even know that she had analyzed anything.  The client never told me that on the phone.  I am sitting here crying contemplating what to do -- should I take the screaming and meanness all day tomorrow or, when she yells at me should I say, "I'm going to work from home today because I don't appreciate when you talk to me like that" (which I can do, but have never really done that)   I will have to go in to work really early tomorrow to take her screaming before anyone else comes into the office.  It is extremely embarrassing when she yells at me in front of my colleagues.  I hate her.  I wish I could quit but there are no comparable jobs in my area for my expertise - I am stuck.

My son had a cook that yelled at him alot even about stuff that happened on days he wasn't there.  I worked in the same restaurant and it took everything I had not to go and slap her but I let him take care of it.  I did buy him a pocket tape recorder and told him to record one of her rampages.  He never had to do it, just showed her the recorder.  I also researched hostile workplace and printed it out, giving a copy to the cook and to our boss.  This stopped that behavior pretty fast. 

 

It is against the law, what she is doing.  You have the right to expect more.  Keep records of what was said, how it was said and how often she yells at you, making it a hostile workplace.  Record her tantrums and take it all to her supervisers.  Tell them how much you enjoy your job and the people who you work with.  If they are worth their weight they will talk with her and putting her on notice about that behavior.  If they aren't, then you can either talk with a lawyer about suing her and the company, find another company, or keep putting up with it but learn to not put a lot of weight in it. 

 
July 23, 2008, 12:06 pm CDT

Wrongfully Accused and Fired

Hi everyone, I was wrongfully accused of something at my job and was fired. I used to work with children and Was pulled in the office one day and told that they were "letting me go"  because I was talking about the children. I had never been spoken to about this before, like they said I was, and there was no way they could prove that I was or had been talking about the kids. From the beginning of my employment there I always found that I was looked upon as the Outcast and was treated differently then the others because I didn't have as much experiece in the field as everyone else did. I was constantly being blamed for things that I did not do and no matter how many times I said that I didnt do it I was never believed. I was even accused once of telling a parent that their child didnt like another teacher and that they werent the only parent that voiced concern about this other employer when in fact it was a different employer that said that and blamed it on me. The parent even told the Director who said it and the Director said "Oh no she wouldnt say something like that" and continued to blame me. so of course,  I was the one who got in trouble once again.

I wasn't exactly happy there, but just as I would start to look for another job things would get better and id shrug it off, only for things to get bad again within a few months. I even spent my whole week of vacation one time worrying about what I was going to do if I decided to quit, I was seriously thinking about putting my two weeks notice in when I got back from my vacation, but never did.

Because I was always accused of things, and got pulled in the office all the time I was constantly telling my friend and another co-worker that I would be the first to go, the one to get fired, and they kept reassuring me that I wouldn't and that they wouldnt fire me, they had no reason to.

The day I got fired it was my boss who told me, and the director sat there with a Pissed off look on her face the whole time. I even asked for them to put me on part time to prove I wanted to be there and the Director looked at the Boss (who seemed very upset about having to let me go) and said with an angry tone "This isn't an option is it?"  I really feel that if the director hadnt of been in the office that day Id still be there, even though I think that career is the wrong choice for me.

I am thinking about going back to school and taking a different trade, however I am afraid that people wont hire me because of me being Wrongfully accused, I cant prove that I didnt do anything wrong, yet the employer cant prove I did anything wrong either. How can I clear my name so that I can start off on a clean slate so to speak and start my life over again? I really need someones advice!!!

 
July 31, 2008, 4:50 am CDT

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: sniff97

Hi everyone, I was wrongfully accused of something at my job and was fired. I used to work with children and Was pulled in the office one day and told that they were "letting me go"  because I was talking about the children. I had never been spoken to about this before, like they said I was, and there was no way they could prove that I was or had been talking about the kids. From the beginning of my employment there I always found that I was looked upon as the Outcast and was treated differently then the others because I didn't have as much experiece in the field as everyone else did. I was constantly being blamed for things that I did not do and no matter how many times I said that I didnt do it I was never believed. I was even accused once of telling a parent that their child didnt like another teacher and that they werent the only parent that voiced concern about this other employer when in fact it was a different employer that said that and blamed it on me. The parent even told the Director who said it and the Director said "Oh no she wouldnt say something like that" and continued to blame me. so of course,  I was the one who got in trouble once again.

I wasn't exactly happy there, but just as I would start to look for another job things would get better and id shrug it off, only for things to get bad again within a few months. I even spent my whole week of vacation one time worrying about what I was going to do if I decided to quit, I was seriously thinking about putting my two weeks notice in when I got back from my vacation, but never did.

Because I was always accused of things, and got pulled in the office all the time I was constantly telling my friend and another co-worker that I would be the first to go, the one to get fired, and they kept reassuring me that I wouldn't and that they wouldnt fire me, they had no reason to.

The day I got fired it was my boss who told me, and the director sat there with a Pissed off look on her face the whole time. I even asked for them to put me on part time to prove I wanted to be there and the Director looked at the Boss (who seemed very upset about having to let me go) and said with an angry tone "This isn't an option is it?"  I really feel that if the director hadnt of been in the office that day Id still be there, even though I think that career is the wrong choice for me.

I am thinking about going back to school and taking a different trade, however I am afraid that people wont hire me because of me being Wrongfully accused, I cant prove that I didnt do anything wrong, yet the employer cant prove I did anything wrong either. How can I clear my name so that I can start off on a clean slate so to speak and start my life over again? I really need someones advice!!!

so sorry to hear about all that you went through with that awful, bullying director.  If you read any of my previous posts on this thread you would see that I went through something similar years ago in a school I worked in.  I always had a good work record wherever I have worked, but this one principal took a dislike to me for reasons which I am still not sure of all these years later. Like you, I was accused of doing and saying things that I never did, and  when she would visit my classroom for evaluations she would actually make up things that never happened just to be able to write negtive things about me.  She cozied up to my assistants and got them to act as "spies" and they would tell lies to bolster her case, and they also felt that they could slack off in the classroom because the boss would take their side no matter what.  Of course their lack of productivity made my job even harder to do.It was an awful year and I ended up leaving at the end of it.  Sometimes that is the best thing you can do.  I know that you probably felt that what was being done to you was unfair, but "if you just worked a little harder the boss would see how great you are and change her mind". Unfortunately that just doesn't happen.  Once the bully targets you, they seem to be relentless.  They get some perverse enjoyment out of putting another person down.  I'll bet anything that your bully boss has now found another target since you are no longer in her power to bully. Mine did.  She found another target, then another one, and another one.  I'll bet she is still bullying people, now in the state of Florida, where she moved several years ago.

 

Like I said earlier in this post, I have always been a very good worker wherever I was employed.  My reivews both before I had that supervisor, as well as those that came after ,were always excellent.  So I know that it really wasn't about the job I was doing, but rather it was a very unfortunate situation where someone with a sick mind needed to build herself up by targeting and bullying another person. She is far in my past now and I have done very well at the two jobs I held since working for her.  I was respected and treated well and well liked by the staff, parents and students in both successive jobs.  (Actually I was well liked by the parents and students and the majority of the staff at that job where I was bullied too, but all it took was one person in power to destroy the job for me.)

 

By all means please go back to school or do whatever you need to do to get another job. Focus on what you have to offer to another employer and don't worry about that old bully.  I wouldn't even bring up the old bully when interviewing for another job...the worst thing you can do is badmouth your former employer.  But if asked, you can always say something to the effect that you and your employer had "different working styles" and you are looking for a "better fit'. If asked to explain that, tagain, ry to resist badmouthing your  supervisor.  As tempting as that may be, you should not vent that with a new employer.  You can let loose with your family and friends if you need to do that.

 Good luck and if I can be helpful to you please write again on here.

 

JB

 

 
August 15, 2008, 7:42 pm CDT

Workplace Bullies

Sniff97, I just wanted to say the only mistake you made was the choice of choosing that school as your place of employment, not your career.

 

I too am having a problem with my boss. And it's really not just me that is having a problem with her, it's everyone I am currently working with. Just so you understand, I work at a major Supercenter as a cashier, not Wally world though. She gets us for every minor detail. Today, I was on my break and went over to our deli so I could have a quick bite of lunch before going back. As I was getting my soda and silverware she came up to me and said" Stephen you forgot to close your lane gate. If you do it again you and I are going to 'walk the lot'" Truthfully I still have no idea what she meant. I didn't know if she meant she would fire me or put me outside with the baggers. Truthfully I've been there 6 yrs this September. She has been there longer, however she has only been my manager for the last year. I've really been trying to just keep my head low and do what is asked of me and get out. But it's just lately seemed that she is always trying to find a way to pull the carpet out from underneath me.  She is always so rude to a lot of the employees and she is always pretty much stalking us. One great example I had there was a day when I had my shift mixed up slightly. Just a couple weeks ago I was getting ready for work and thought I was suppose to be there at 10:45am . And lately I've been running two or three minutes late so I thought I would leave a couple minutes earlier than usual to get there on time. Well I got there and she is standing outside in the Garden center waiting on me!!! I went in to go clock in and I looked at my schedule and it turned out I mixed up my times with the next day. I was due in at 10:30, unlike I had told earlier. I really have tried to be positive about this but I think I'm her target. I really just get pissed off with her because she doesn't know how to treat her employees. A lot of these people I work with are either, college students, teens doing their first jobs, or parents who are on welfare or need the insurance. These people already have enough problems in there lives and they don't need anymore bullshit from a manager.

 
August 25, 2008, 5:39 am CDT

I dread going to work, each day

I've posted on this board, before-Getting wrote up for having an argument with a co-worker and using profanity-not taking out the trash--I'm told if I didn't have such bad attitude at work and kept my comments to myself, things would be OK.

In the last 4 mos. My Mom passed away and I had to put my dog(of 16 yrs.) down. All the while trying to maintain some semblance of balance.But when I see something at work I feel is wrong-I bring it up-Maybe you think I should just duck and cover-I've tried that approach-it is my nature to do my job and also tell it like it is-I work with all men with the exception of 1 other woman-I feel like I'm supposed to act like a woman and be nice-but all the while men can say what they want-I have friends and family telling me next time I get wrote up-throw the discrimination word up to them. I truly feel like they show me reverse dicrimination--I get no slack-I truly feel like I am on somebody's s*** list-My feed back from them is I have a bad attitude-and I'm lucky to have a job- Well, my response is We are all lucky to have jobs

I work in receiving at a mfg. company-but I get to do s*** work-clean up take out trash-I do not feel like I am too good to do this--Yet, I don't see new people doing  clean up work-and if I dare bring it up-I'm told that is not my concern-It is my nature(always has been) to bitch if I see something wrong or unfair

So should I be the good lil' woman and suck it up?? I'm mad because they make me feel like this is on me-like-a figment of my imagination. Go along to get along-I'm ready to go to some kind of counselor to help me deal with all of this frustration

Anybody have any answers? I would appreciate, some feedback from somebody impartial.

Thanks for letting me vent

Joni 

 
August 31, 2008, 11:42 pm CDT

My experience with a workplace bully

I have been reading everyone's experience with workplace bullies and wanted to share my experience.

I am a Master of Laws student (in Australia). I have career ambitions, to not only work as a lawyer, but also in the film industry (I have been accepted into one of the best film schools in the state I live in). As a university student, I am still supporting myself through study working part-time jobs.

About two months ago, I left a job at a well-known sport shoe company. The manager there was a nightmare to work with. When I first started to work with her, she was overly nice to me. After a few months, many of my work mates started to complain to me they were being discriminated against on the basis of personal attributes, such as weight, religious beliefs and intellect. Not wanting to lose my job, I did not say anything.
One morning, I went into work and was pulled outside my the manager for a 'one-on-one' talk. I was lectured to and told I was not doing my job. One of the other workers told her that I was pulling a lousy work performance. I was told that if I didn't improve I would lose my job. I was staggered to believe that this manager, who only told me a week before hand what a good job I was doing, suddenly had turned against me like this. She told me that I would lose my job if I didn't improve. After this talk, when ever i was working with the manager, she would constantly criticise me in front of customers, steal sales away from me and make me stupid and belittle my career choices. On occasions, her son (also employed in the company) would also belittle my career choices, and invade my personal space- which included touching me (he used to try and hug me all the time (which the manager did as well at times), which I found very offensive.
I have placed a big complaint in with the anti-discrimination board and the Australian Government department -workplace heath and safety.
I am now away from that place and have got myself a new job, but I feel like I am not coping well, as I feel like I have to watch my back constantly in front of management. Last week, I had a few stressful days where I was yelled at by angry customers nearly all day. While, the manager got a little rude with me last week, the management at my new job is nowhere near as bad as my last job. Are there any tips that anyone could give me on coping strategies?
 
September 22, 2008, 3:52 am CDT

hi,

Quote From: jade_21

I have been reading everyone's experience with workplace bullies and wanted to share my experience.

I am a Master of Laws student (in Australia). I have career ambitions, to not only work as a lawyer, but also in the film industry (I have been accepted into one of the best film schools in the state I live in). As a university student, I am still supporting myself through study working part-time jobs.

About two months ago, I left a job at a well-known sport shoe company. The manager there was a nightmare to work with. When I first started to work with her, she was overly nice to me. After a few months, many of my work mates started to complain to me they were being discriminated against on the basis of personal attributes, such as weight, religious beliefs and intellect. Not wanting to lose my job, I did not say anything.
One morning, I went into work and was pulled outside my the manager for a 'one-on-one' talk. I was lectured to and told I was not doing my job. One of the other workers told her that I was pulling a lousy work performance. I was told that if I didn't improve I would lose my job. I was staggered to believe that this manager, who only told me a week before hand what a good job I was doing, suddenly had turned against me like this. She told me that I would lose my job if I didn't improve. After this talk, when ever i was working with the manager, she would constantly criticise me in front of customers, steal sales away from me and make me stupid and belittle my career choices. On occasions, her son (also employed in the company) would also belittle my career choices, and invade my personal space- which included touching me (he used to try and hug me all the time (which the manager did as well at times), which I found very offensive.
I have placed a big complaint in with the anti-discrimination board and the Australian Government department -workplace heath and safety.
I am now away from that place and have got myself a new job, but I feel like I am not coping well, as I feel like I have to watch my back constantly in front of management. Last week, I had a few stressful days where I was yelled at by angry customers nearly all day. While, the manager got a little rude with me last week, the management at my new job is nowhere near as bad as my last job. Are there any tips that anyone could give me on coping strategies?

Is this message board still current? just skimming through the site and I found this (I'm already in the shared diaries quite often.)

anyway - i went through office bullying a few years ago. - there were four of us, who had gotten on very well with a manager who left; the new manager was not nearly as pleasant and encouraged by a vengeful guy who thought he should have been the new manager. At first she seemed nice but just used everything she learned about us to be hurtful. This lasted over several months and took a huge toll on my health, I completely lost my appetite. I quit because my husband transfered somewhere else. The next place was great but it took me at least a year to realize everything was ok and not flinch if someone I worked for was in a bad mood. So if you start to panic just remember it's a different place and think right away of the good things you've done there so far.

 
September 23, 2008, 7:04 pm CDT

What a coincidence?

Quote From: chouchou

Is this message board still current? just skimming through the site and I found this (I'm already in the shared diaries quite often.)

anyway - i went through office bullying a few years ago. - there were four of us, who had gotten on very well with a manager who left; the new manager was not nearly as pleasant and encouraged by a vengeful guy who thought he should have been the new manager. At first she seemed nice but just used everything she learned about us to be hurtful. This lasted over several months and took a huge toll on my health, I completely lost my appetite. I quit because my husband transfered somewhere else. The next place was great but it took me at least a year to realize everything was ok and not flinch if someone I worked for was in a bad mood. So if you start to panic just remember it's a different place and think right away of the good things you've done there so far.

Thanx Chouchou for your pointer to work place bullies, I am still trying to find my way around.

I find that it does really affect my appetite sleeping patterns and trust, being positive does help though which i am thankful for the reminder.

What I find helpful is that I can read other peoples experiencesand know that I am not alone I feel a mutual understanding.

 

The place that I am from no one talks about it first hand or no one mentions it bulling is kept hush hush I think possibly because it is such a small province so fear rules fear in a way.(logically I know I can't be the only one in the world who has encountered some form of bulling) cheers chou

 
September 25, 2008, 8:52 am CDT

Toxic co-worker

Not sure if this is the board to post this on, maybe should go under the "Stress at Work" board.

 

A female co-worker (call her A) has been in the cube right next to mine for a little over a year.  Our cubes are very close together and have to walk by her to exit it.  She speaks to just about everyone else in the office, but rarely speaks to me.  She likes to give me the silent treatment and has written mean things about me.  She says that she doesn' t like to talk in the morning, but she'll talk to others.  She is pissed off at me because I lent her some cd's and when she hadn't returned them by midmorning on the day I agreed to let her keep them until, I sent her an e-mail asking them back the next day.  I don't feel that was a bad thing to do since it is my property.  In my opinion, when something does not belong to you, you have to return it ASAP, not hold onto it and return it when you want to.  She did give them back right after I sent that e-mail but she didn't hand them to me, she put them on my desk, but not very gently.  Now, I found out that she said something to a co-worker (call her B) about me that was very cold.  One day this week, co-worker B saw me early in the morning as I was going out of the office to get breakfast.  When I hadn't come back, co-worker B got worried and asked co-worker A to go with her to look for me.  Co-worker A refused and made a comment that she didn't care.  I know that she wouldn't help look for me and I never expected her to, and that doesn't bother me.  What she said is what bothers me as she should have worded it differently.  She obviously doesn't care that what she said would eventually get back to me.  Co-worker A and I are not friends but in the past we have gotten along ok.  She acts like I have done something wrong, but she is the one who has been in the wrong and we have not spoken to each other in 4days and when I pass her around work she'll either glare at me or not make eye contact.  I don't care if we ever speak to each other again, but she is being such a bitch and should apologize for her behavior.  I guess she thinks it's ok to treat me that way, and that I should just take it.  Has anyone else had any experiences similar to this and how did you handle it?
 
September 30, 2008, 7:24 am CDT

she is very immature!!!

Quote From: starrose

Not sure if this is the board to post this on, maybe should go under the "Stress at Work" board.

 

A female co-worker (call her A) has been in the cube right next to mine for a little over a year.  Our cubes are very close together and have to walk by her to exit it.  She speaks to just about everyone else in the office, but rarely speaks to me.  She likes to give me the silent treatment and has written mean things about me.  She says that she doesn' t like to talk in the morning, but she'll talk to others.  She is pissed off at me because I lent her some cd's and when she hadn't returned them by midmorning on the day I agreed to let her keep them until, I sent her an e-mail asking them back the next day.  I don't feel that was a bad thing to do since it is my property.  In my opinion, when something does not belong to you, you have to return it ASAP, not hold onto it and return it when you want to.  She did give them back right after I sent that e-mail but she didn't hand them to me, she put them on my desk, but not very gently.  Now, I found out that she said something to a co-worker (call her B) about me that was very cold.  One day this week, co-worker B saw me early in the morning as I was going out of the office to get breakfast.  When I hadn't come back, co-worker B got worried and asked co-worker A to go with her to look for me.  Co-worker A refused and made a comment that she didn't care.  I know that she wouldn't help look for me and I never expected her to, and that doesn't bother me.  What she said is what bothers me as she should have worded it differently.  She obviously doesn't care that what she said would eventually get back to me.  Co-worker A and I are not friends but in the past we have gotten along ok.  She acts like I have done something wrong, but she is the one who has been in the wrong and we have not spoken to each other in 4days and when I pass her around work she'll either glare at me or not make eye contact.  I don't care if we ever speak to each other again, but she is being such a bitch and should apologize for her behavior.  I guess she thinks it's ok to treat me that way, and that I should just take it.  Has anyone else had any experiences similar to this and how did you handle it?
Your co-worker is very immature.  first of all, if you two had an agreement that she would return the CDs on a certain day, she should have,.  If for some reason she couldn't bring them back that day she should have come to you and said something.  I'm sure you would have given her more time if she had only asked for it.  But to give you the silent treatment because you asked for them is junior high school immaturity. I wouldn't want to bother with a chick like that.  My advice is to be polite to her but not overly friendly.  If she keeps acting rude then SHE is the one that is going to look like an idiot; not you.  So take the high road on this one. Let me know how it turns out.
 
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