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Topic : Workplace Bullies

Number of Replies: 245
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:25:23 am
Author : dataimport
Bullying is not just a schoolyard pastime anymore, it has spread to the workplace as well. Share your stories, support and advice with others dealing with a bully at work.

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October 7, 2008, 9:42 am CDT

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: juliebgg

Your co-worker is very immature.  first of all, if you two had an agreement that she would return the CDs on a certain day, she should have,.  If for some reason she couldn't bring them back that day she should have come to you and said something.  I'm sure you would have given her more time if she had only asked for it.  But to give you the silent treatment because you asked for them is junior high school immaturity. I wouldn't want to bother with a chick like that.  My advice is to be polite to her but not overly friendly.  If she keeps acting rude then SHE is the one that is going to look like an idiot; not you.  So take the high road on this one. Let me know how it turns out.

Thank you so much for your response.  I agree with  you, we did have an agreement.  If she had come to me and said something I would have given her more time, but she had them with her and I feel that it was my right to mention it as they are my property and she had not given them back by mid morning.  Then she doesn't say thank you.  Her silent treatment is something that she loves to do, and by doing so, she is trying to make me feel like I have done something wrong.  She also calls me names, which I won't go into here and I told her yesterday to stop it and she gave me attitude and doing the silent treatment again.  We are not friends, never will be, and I have stopped talking to her completely.  I only talk to pleasant people and if that means no talking for however long I work where I am, I have no problem with that.  Why should I waste my time on someone like that.

 

Please read another post I have on this same person.  The topic is "Stress at work" and my post is called "Co-worker and fragrance".  This will give you more of an idea of her character.  No one else has complained to me and there are many people in our office who wear fragrance that is so strong that it gives you a headache, yet mine has virtually no scent and she says that it bothers her.  Just something for her to bitch about and she has to find fault with people to make herself feel good.  She's a miserable person.

 
October 15, 2008, 8:10 am CDT

force of resignation

I started this job almost a year ago where I thought I had potential and thought I had co-workers whom I thought were  my friends.  Things were great until about a month ago, I was pulled in the office and told me that today was my last day.  I was forced to write a resignation letter which they said it was better for the future employers to see.  I also assume that I would have a reference as well.  As a result, I've been looking for jobs and had a couple of interviews.  I get a call back and that they can't help me or get the job.  I've had 3 employers that called me of the same.  When I left my previous employer, I left with no drama and kept as a professional attitude.  During my employment, I know I was doing my job right and I know I worked hard and took pride.  I felt I was treated unfair if they forced me to resign.  I should have every right to have a positive reference. 

 
October 16, 2008, 5:47 pm CDT

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: melsta70

I started this job almost a year ago where I thought I had potential and thought I had co-workers whom I thought were  my friends.  Things were great until about a month ago, I was pulled in the office and told me that today was my last day.  I was forced to write a resignation letter which they said it was better for the future employers to see.  I also assume that I would have a reference as well.  As a result, I've been looking for jobs and had a couple of interviews.  I get a call back and that they can't help me or get the job.  I've had 3 employers that called me of the same.  When I left my previous employer, I left with no drama and kept as a professional attitude.  During my employment, I know I was doing my job right and I know I worked hard and took pride.  I felt I was treated unfair if they forced me to resign.  I should have every right to have a positive reference. 

Did you ask them why you were being "forced to resign"?

 

Visit the CubeDrama community and share your story, we want to help!

 

www.cubedrama.com

 
October 17, 2008, 5:25 am CDT

toxic chick

Quote From: starrose

Thank you so much for your response.  I agree with  you, we did have an agreement.  If she had come to me and said something I would have given her more time, but she had them with her and I feel that it was my right to mention it as they are my property and she had not given them back by mid morning.  Then she doesn't say thank you.  Her silent treatment is something that she loves to do, and by doing so, she is trying to make me feel like I have done something wrong.  She also calls me names, which I won't go into here and I told her yesterday to stop it and she gave me attitude and doing the silent treatment again.  We are not friends, never will be, and I have stopped talking to her completely.  I only talk to pleasant people and if that means no talking for however long I work where I am, I have no problem with that.  Why should I waste my time on someone like that.

 

Please read another post I have on this same person.  The topic is "Stress at work" and my post is called "Co-worker and fragrance".  This will give you more of an idea of her character.  No one else has complained to me and there are many people in our office who wear fragrance that is so strong that it gives you a headache, yet mine has virtually no scent and she says that it bothers her.  Just something for her to bitch about and she has to find fault with people to make herself feel good.  She's a miserable person.

You are best off just talking to this person when you have to on work-related matters.  She sounds like she stopped growing emotionally in seventh grade!! Name calling at work?  That is absurd!! If she does it again I would tell her that it is very childish and that she needs to stop it immediately. She sounds like a very insecure person if she needs to find fault with everyone else in order to feel good.
 
October 22, 2008, 3:48 pm CDT

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: chouchou

Is this message board still current? just skimming through the site and I found this (I'm already in the shared diaries quite often.)

anyway - i went through office bullying a few years ago. - there were four of us, who had gotten on very well with a manager who left; the new manager was not nearly as pleasant and encouraged by a vengeful guy who thought he should have been the new manager. At first she seemed nice but just used everything she learned about us to be hurtful. This lasted over several months and took a huge toll on my health, I completely lost my appetite. I quit because my husband transfered somewhere else. The next place was great but it took me at least a year to realize everything was ok and not flinch if someone I worked for was in a bad mood. So if you start to panic just remember it's a different place and think right away of the good things you've done there so far.

This is almost verbatum to my situation.  Difference is I complained about the behavior, and was told I had to learn how to deal with the conflict.  This wasn't a conflict, this was clear cut abuse.  I sought help from a Psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with Anxiety.  I was eventually terminated for my regular complaints and not able to get along with my fellow co-workers.  That was last November.  In April of this year, I actually felt my back relax.  I couldn't believe it.  I tensed it back up and then relaxed again, and was amazed to how long it took to recover from that situation.

 

I did file an EEO complaint, which is now going to Federal Court.  Anyone know a good lawyer??...........lol 

 
October 23, 2008, 12:42 pm CDT

Petition!

Hi everyone!

 

If you'd like to read my thoughts and experiences please see my myspace blog. http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=419238492

 

If you'd like to sign a petition to pass the Anti-bullying Workplace Bill please click this link. http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/anti-bullying-healthy-workplace-bill.html

 

Thank you all. Hang in there, we're in this together.

 

 

 

 
October 23, 2008, 1:20 pm CDT

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: mary_kirk

Hi everyone!

 

If you'd like to read my thoughts and experiences please see my myspace blog. http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=419238492

 

If you'd like to sign a petition to pass the Anti-bullying Workplace Bill please click this link. http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/anti-bullying-healthy-workplace-bill.html

 

Thank you all. Hang in there, we're in this together.

 

 

 

Whoops, not sure why the links didn't come through and can't find how to edit so...

 

Blog 

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=419238492

 

Petition

http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/anti-bullying-healthy-workplace-bill.html

 

 

 

 

 
October 29, 2008, 2:44 pm CDT

being forced to take day off to decide my career future

I work for a big company and returned three weeks ago after taking a leave of absence for three months. Since my return it seems my sup is trying to get me to quit based on my performance for the last year. For the last three weeks I have been getting low marks for stupid things and everytime I ask for help to improve my performance I am ignored and told that I need to think about if my job is the right one for me. We have had discussions for three weeks and I am being told to do one thing and then told the next week another thing. After receiving another low mark yesterday I was pulled into the office and told they were sending me home for the day and they wanted me to seriously think if this job was a right fit for me again. This supervisor has always been on my case about knowing all the policies pretaining to my job even before she was my supervisor so I am finding this last talk to be be based on the low scores all based on the policies that I am supposedly not reading. There is no way I am going to quit my job after three years and prior good performance . Am I right to have reported this to hr or am I overreacting
 
November 2, 2008, 12:18 pm CST

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: patrush

This is an issue we have never seen addressed on the show. There are about 10 of us working under a narcissistic boss. She is also a pathological liar (although this seems to be another of the symptoms of narcissism).
The biggist problem is that she is an  elected official (Finance Director). At this point she is just appointed as her predecessor retired mid-term. She was able to fool many people including the mayor. About half of us met with the mayor in the fall. At that point he admitted that he also knew she wasn't right, but we had 2 options-look for another job or find someone to run against her in Nov.(2007) and he said he had someone in mind, our boss's former assistant, who has since transferred to another dept. due to the stress she has put on him. We do know that the mayor is helping us (behind the scenes) in seeing to it that she isn't elected in Nov., but we don't know how we can make it till then. The city could get rid of her, but they don't want egg on their face or admit they made a mistake. She is a bully, a blatant liar and puts so much of her work on us that we can't complete our work, then threatens to write us up if we are behind. None of the other Finance Directors have expected us to do their work (which she takes credit for). Looking for another job, isn't an option. Some of us are in our 50's, some have been there for a long time and within a few years to retirement. Several of us are on anti-depressants, although that doesn't help the stress. We all have a hard time falling asleep on Sunday evening, feel sick to or have knots in our stomachs thinking about going back on Monday. We are about 90% sure that she is going to lose the election, but how to deal with her till then, and what is going to happen when she loses in Nov. until Jan. when the new person takes office?
Please tell us how we can deal with her, we've read all the tips-agree with her, look awestruck when she tells the stories, etc. Is there anything else we can do to get her out of there? We have thought about going to the head of HR, although we're sure she knows what is going on. We are a united front, and lean on each other, but sometimes it isn't enough.
It is really sad that a president can be impeached, but we have to continue dealing with her because the current admin. doesn't want the embarassment. Thank you for listening.
I wrote this early in 2007, and this is a follow-up. Unfortunately, she won the election by a little over 400 votes. Of course, narcissists are very good at fooling people.  Since she has won the election she's gotten much worse, About half of us are going to counseling to deal with her. We have joined the union (which she fought) which makes us feel a little secure, but very depressing having to deal with her every day. She has told people that we joined the union because e dn't want to work. The good news is, some of the citizens are starting to see things they don't like, like her wasting taxpayer's dollars. Right now one of the citizens is getting petitions to have her recalled. We are saying our prayers. If this doesn't work, we may be forced to see an attorney and get a class action lawsuit against the city for fostering a hostile work environment. HR, the mayor, city's labor atty. union rep and all city employees know what we're dealing with. We're just so angry that she keeps getting away with everything. Hope her end is coming!!
 
November 7, 2008, 4:20 pm CST

Bullying

This is happening all over the country. Look at Dr. Gary Namie's and  Karen Horwitz's sites. You can read my story below.

 

 

LORNA’S SUMMARY

I was a tenured teacher at Havre Middle School with a successful work history of nearly ten years.  I was approached and harassed in my classroom by a mentally challenged and dangerous person during school hours. His speech and actions caused me fear that I would be raped, or worse. The administration’s less-than-positive response to the situation eventually caused me to file a sexual harassment and hostile environment complaint. After making the complaint and following the chain of command within the school system with no results, I filed a Montana Human Rights Complaint with the Montana Human Rights Bureau.  This was a dual filing with the EEOC. 

         Upon returning to work the next school year, I found hard-core pornographic emails on my school computer.  When I reported these emails to the proper authorities, their response was that “keep quiet”.  When I asked them to trace the pornography, the administration replied that it couldn’t be done.

         As I pressed the issue, the administration’s reaction was to try to find a way to get rid of me.  They embarked upon a series of closed meetings with students and parents in an attempt to discover anything and everything they could use to build a case to terminate me. Students were taken from their class for meetings with the administration and were told to keep the discussions “a secret”.  While I was never allowed to meet with parents or students to discuss what were obviously fabrications, rumors were rampant. Administration leaks were prevalent although I was continually told to keep silent I also received letters from administration threatening termination.  These letters lacked a basis in fact and were simply threats. 

         Such a campaign can take a toll. Admittedly, my teaching suffered.  I was afraid to discipline any student in fear that such an action would result in more closed meetings and threats of termination.  Grades were questioned. Parents called and met with members of the administration.  These meetings were either scheduled for times during which they knew I could not attend or simply held without notification.  I was totally isolated. These are only the highlights of a year of harassment and intimidation. Naturally, my health suffered.  At one point, I weighed 90 pounds and my physician prescribed medication for stress.  In fact, he recommended that I take a leave of absence.  I was diagnosis with PTSD.

         When I returned from that leave, my classroom was bare.  My personal possessions were boxed.  Student work had been removed, was missing or destroyed.  Grades had been awarded in my name that I had not authorized. In response to all of this and other forms of harassment, my union representative said simply “They can do what they want.  They’re administration.” Finally, I was terminated.

         While doing discovery, I learned that members of the Montana Human Rights Commission, members of the school district’s law firm, the Montana School Board Association and Montana Teachers Union all had political ties with the superintendent who terminated me. To make matters worse, he chairs the Board of Public Education. All of these people met to discuss my complaints against the administration.  These meetings were not publicized and I was not in attendance. 

         During the same period in which I was under daily scrutiny and discipline, male employees were allowed to use corporal punishment, have inappropriate relationships with students and drink alcohol on school sporting trips.  Other topics brought to the attention of the administration during this same period included the treatment of a Native American paraplegic paraprofessional and her Native American students as well as the use of derogatory names referring to women, ethnic groups and special needs children.  All these were dealt with behind closed doors. The public was never informed and no other teacher lost his job.

         Even though I received a settlement, I have been blacklisted and cannot be employed in my chosen career.  Sadly, I have lost my passion for classroom teaching and find myself fearful of those who work as administrators in the field of public education.  This entire scenario could have been avoided had the school administration been willing to discuss openly and frankly the events that led to my filing the first grievance.  It was filed only after the administration refused to listen to my concerns and only after I was told to “keep quiet”. At one point, the administration represented me as a hysterical female whose problem might be “hormonal”. 

All this was done with union knowledge and while I was under a Collective Bargaining agreement.  The union was in contact with the administration and was contacted by the administration. They did not protect me nor did they stand up for me. I believe this would not have happened had the Union done their job and not breached their contract with me.  Again, these are only highlights.

        

 

 

 

I know first hand the financial, personal, emotional and physical damage that can result when school administrators, the Montana Education Association and the National Education Association put their own interests above the students, teachers and the taxpayers of the State of Montana.  My files contain mountains of paperwork including depositions, declarations of truth, notarized documents and exhibits resulting from an arduous legal process that finally ended when the Havre (Montana) School District settled two lawsuits - a Federal suit and one filed in State District Court. These documents also include a letter from a union representative stating, “ This is nothing more than a witch hunt.” Yet the union continued to allow the school administration to harass, bully and bring harm to me.

         These two lawsuits resulted from a single incident that, had it been handled differently and under the light of public scrutiny, would not have snowballed into awards of more than $200,000 worth of damages. Funds that eventually came from the taxpayers’ pockets.  Ironically, as a taxpayer in Hill County, my family and I are helping to pay for the damages awarded to me.  This covered the attorneys’ fees. The settlement did not include my attorney fees, however the district, insurance and taxpayers paid the defendants attorney bills, which exceeded mine. The settlement was made on March 2, 2006.

         I was a tenured teacher at Havre Middle School with a successful work history of nearly ten years.  I was approached and harassed in my classroom by a mentally challenged and dangerous person during school hours. His speech and actions caused me fear that I would be raped, or worse. The administration’s less-than-positive response to the situation eventually caused me to file a sexual harassment and hostile environment complaint. After making the complaint and following the chain of command within the school system with no results, I filed a Montana Human Rights Complaint with the Montana Human Rights Bureau.  This was a dual filing with the EEOC. 

         Upon returning to work the next school year, I found hard-core pornographic emails on my school computer.  When I reported these emails to the proper authorities, their response was that “keep quiet”.  When I asked them to trace the pornography, the administration replied that it couldn’t be done.

         As I pressed the issue, the administration’s reaction was to try to find a way to get rid of me.  They embarked upon a series of closed meetings with students and parents in an attempt to discover anything and everything they could use to build a case to terminate me. Students were taken from their class for meetings with the administration and were told to keep the discussions “a secret”.  While I was never allowed to meet with parents or students to discuss what were obviously fabrications, rumors were rampant. Administration leaks were prevalent although I was continually told to keep silent I also received letters from administration threatening termination.  These letters lacked a basis in fact and were simply threats. 

         Such a campaign can take a toll. Admittedly, my teaching suffered.  I was afraid to discipline any student in fear that such an action would result in more closed meetings and threats of termination.  Grades were questioned. Parents called and met with members of the administration.  These meetings were either scheduled for times during which they knew I could not attend or simply held without notification.  I was totally isolated. These are only the highlights of a year of harassment and intimidation. Naturally, my health suffered.  At one point, I weighed 90 pounds and my physician prescribed medication for stress.  In fact, he recommended that I take a leave of absence.

         When I returned from that leave, my classroom was bare.  My personal possessions were boxed.  Student work had been removed, was missing or destroyed.  Grades had been awarded in my name that I had not authorized. In response to all of this and other forms of harassment, my union representative said simply “They can do what they want.  They’re administration.” Finally, I was terminated.

         While doing discovery, I learned that members of the Montana Human Rights Commission, members of the school district’s law firm, the Montana School Board Association and Montana Teachers Union all had political ties with the superintendent who terminated me. To make matters worse, he chairs the Board of Public Education. All of these people met to discuss my complaints against the administration.  These meetings were not publicized and I was not in attendance. 

         During the same period in which I was under daily scrutiny and discipline, male employees were allowed to use corporal punishment, have inappropriate relationships with students and drink alcohol on school sporting trips.  Other topics brought to the attention of the administration during this same period included the treatment of a Native American paraplegic paraprofessional and her Native American students as well as the use of derogatory names referring to women, ethnic groups and special needs children.  All these were dealt with behind closed doors. The public was never informed and no other teacher lost his job.

         Even though I received a settlement, I have been blacklisted and cannot be employed in my chosen career.  Sadly, I have lost my passion for classroom teaching and find myself fearful of those who work as administrators in the field of public education.  This entire scenario could have been avoided had the school administration been willing to discuss openly and frankly the events that led to my filing the first grievance.  It was filed only after the administration refused to listen to my concerns and only after I was told to “keep quiet”. At one point, the administration represented me as a hysterical female whose problem might be “hormonal”. 

All this was done with union knowledge and while I was under a Collective Bargaining agreement.  The union was in contact with the administration and was contacted by the administration. They did not protect me nor did they stand up for me. I believe this would not have happened had the Union done their job and not breached their contract with me.  Again, these are only highlights.

        

 
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