Quote From: target2000After almost 40 years in the workforce, I experienced my first true workplace bully. This not someone who is simply difficult to deal with. My bully managed to get me fired from a very good job and then got me blacklisted.
With some research on the Internet, I found www.bullybuster.org. This is where I found out I was far from alone. Bully busters makes a point of calling the receivers of the bullying "targets" and not "victims."
Many of the problems that targets have are on my list of problems:
HR immediately took the new manager's side even though I had been there almost 5 years, with excellent performance reviews, and she had just been there 6 months.
My co-workers could not have missed what was going on, but no one helped me.
My bully managed to have me in tears every day for almost 6 weeks -- all in the name of "counseling" me for poor performance. She came from a law-enforcement background (husband, father, uncles) and knew just how she could get away with this stuff.
Everyone occasionally works with someone who is hard to deal with, and when you try to explain what is going on to others, including family and friends (even spouses) they think you are exaggerating or being too sensitive. They don't realize this is DIFFERENT. This adds to the frustration and the "am I crazy?" feelings that you have.
This bully managed to totally destroy any amount of self-esteem I ever had. I was truly convinced I was the most worthless piece of trash around. After almost a year, a third party put me in contact with the person who replaced me. The bully did the same thing to him! He quit after throwing up every day before he went to work. We were able to help each other see we weren't all the bad after all, but the damage had already been done.
I have had a very difficult time getting past this because it has totally destroyed my life. I work in a technical field where you have to stay up with the latest trends. This woman kept me from working long enough, and couple with being over 55, I can not get a job doing what I love doing. I am now making as much money in a week as I used to make in a day! I lost my dream home, my favorite vehicle (which I sold to make mortgage payments), and had two vehicles repossessed. For six months I slept on a cot in the dining room of some friends' house. Then I moved to a woman's house for six months with another crazy woman to assist in taking care of show dogs. Then I moved to another woman's house to help with her show dogs. This house was over 50 years old, not maintained or cleaned. I tried to clean it up, but there is only so much you can do with 35 dogs in the house. I finally got a job at a pet store that specializes in birds. More cleaning up after animals. The owner can't put two words together without the f-word in between. That lasted 9 months. Now I am working as a PBX operator at a hospital, so the hours are rotten and there is no hope of advancement. I am on food stamps and driving a 13 year old vehicle with 150,000 miles on it.
If my standard of living hadn't been cut so drastically, I might be able to get past this, but I have constant reminders of what has happened to my life. I can't do the things for my daughter that I could have done if this hadn't all happened. This drastically effected her life as well, because she was 16 when all this started in 2000.
I have had ups and downs in my life, but nothing compares to this. Intellectually, I know I did nothing wrong. Emotionally I play back tapes in my head trying to figure out what I did or said that set this woman off. I want to make sure I NEVER do it again! Most of all, it haunts me because this woman did this deliberately and maliciously -- with the help of management!!!!!!!! It is too late for any justice. She died of MS about 3 years ago, so the only record the company has is her version and she can't recant any of it now.
How do we get companies to understand the damage that is being done? www.bullybusters.org points out how much this costs business, but they don't seem to know it.
Believe me I understand... I have run into a few bullies. The first had me also in tears.. pitting me between other members of my work group whom I respected. And the never ending string of f'ing this and f'ing that. This was a woman working for a Fortune 500 company (at the time).
I had a department manager that finally reighned her in. In large corporations that is easier.. they do not like publicity of such things. Another bully I worked with also drove me to resign but not without documenting my reasons in a calm and sane letter of resignation that went to the president of the company. I was treated with respect from them.
I am lucky to now,,, finally be working for some truly nice people but for a third of what I was making
in my previous "life". I had 28 years in that life.. it is time I found a good place.
There are still some tensions in different areas of the opposite extreme. Probably some scars
from the prior encounters. But life has a funny way of straightening things out.
Thank God I am only part time ... I need more time to adjust from a case of techie burnout.
Hang in there.... there are many out here that can relate.
