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Topic : Workplace Bullies

Number of Replies: 245
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:25:23 am
Author : dataimport
Bullying is not just a schoolyard pastime anymore, it has spread to the workplace as well. Share your stories, support and advice with others dealing with a bully at work.

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May 3, 2006, 4:35 am CDT

to target2000 and amica22

Just wanted to let you know that I understand where both of you are coming from.  I have always been a good worker wherever I have worked.  Most of the time I had great bosses.  Until I ended up working for someone who likes to "go after" people.  She loves to have a target to put down, criticize and is an expert at twisting things and weaving a web of lies.   If there is nothing wrong to write in an evaluation-no problem!! She'll just make something up!  I worked for this nutcase many years ago, and in a school no less!  This is the type of sleaze that runs our schools that we trust our children with. I always had raving reviews both before and after I worked for her-but coincidentally, not during that twilight  zone year.  The worst thing is that it took a while to get my self-esteem back after she did everything in her power to destroy it that year. 

So I do see where you are coming from.  There are sick people who jump from target to target (yes there were some before me as well as after me).  For some reason they feel the need to abuse someone.  In this case the woman had one failed relationship after another.  Being a workplace bully was probably her way of feeling she has some control in some area of her life. 

 
May 3, 2006, 4:44 am CDT

sometimes the best thing is to move on

Quote From: sunshinea

I worked at a job for a little over a year and worked hard at what I did. I was getting paid very well, until one day one person threw it all away for me. I had asked to stay late one day, asked the president of the company as my supervisor had gone for the day already. I was sick the day before and didn't know I could stay later until about 10-15 minutes after my supervisor had already left for the day. So i asked the president whom was also the only manager there at the time. He was ok with it. My supervisor called me a few minutes at work after my usual time to clock out and asked why I didn't ask her and went around her back to the president. I explained i didn't, and that i didn't know i was staying later till my babysitter called me after she'd already left and agreed to meet me in town 15-20 minutes from when i usually got off. I found out another gal had overheard me ask the president of the company if he had gotten my email i sent on asking if i could stay a few minutes later to catch up from the day before when i was sick. He was ok with it. He even emailed me back not to stay any longer than an hour as i was sick and he wanted me to get rest. The next morning, i was called in the office and told that i am not suppose to go around my supervisor and ask him, the president< but i need to go to her. I explained to him that she was not there. He stated that whatever i had against her was going to get worked out now and there. i had nothing against her except the fact she was always on the cell phone with her sister while clocked in and that she needed to practice what she preached. she would get on other workers not to take off for appointments until Friday, when we got off early, but the next week, she left early one day and it wasn't a Friday. I was tired of the whispering between the supervisor and the other 2 gals, i felt like i was back in high school. When i went into the president's office the next morning he pointed his finger at me and said this is not grade school or high school. I didn't say anything except slammed the door and walked off my job. It was getting bad and for staying only 26 minutes longer and getting in trouble for not asking the supervisor when she wasn't even there to ask was stupid. So the gals that work there brag about hangovers. Now who is acting like gradeschool and high school kids. Sorry , just venting but thanks for listening. I took a $3 dollar cut in pay and now am having a hard time accepting this has happened and how it happened. Especially when I gave it my all and worked hard to get where i got. Any suggestions on how to cheer up and get over this. I'm trying to find a better paying job, but nothing is out here. I've been putting my resumes out and get down when i don't get anywhere. It's been 2 weeks since i walked out of my other job.  Help me get over this and move on.
Sometimes when you are in a bad situation the best thing is to move on.  Especially if you have tried to talk to people and just found that your words have fallen on deaf ears.  You had a very logical reason for going over your supervisor's head-she wasn't there!  But she looks at it as a slight to her which is kind of immature if you ask me.  She could have said to you that the next time, she would like you to call her or try your best to find her if you wish to stay late.  But instead she chose to not let it go.  Very childish.  To me it sounds like you are better off going somewhere else.  Read my previous post to amica and target and you will see that I once found myself in a really bad work situation.  Whatever I did to try to make it better just didn't work.  In the end the best thing was to get out and start over.  Yes, it took a while to regroup and recharge my self-esteem.  But it can be done.  Best of luck to you!  Julie
 
May 9, 2006, 4:38 pm CDT

bullying in a public library

I worked for a public library in Colorado that has the most toxic work environment I have ever been in ever since we got a new director. The poor taxpayers have no idea of the waste and highly questionable practices going on, and the management and Board have taken steps to keep it that way.  Freedom of speech and freedom of information have been actively squelched by a library no less!   

 

The general craziness has resulted in one filed lawsuit, one filed intent to sue, one imminent class-action lawsuit based on civil rights, multiple firings, discrimination and harassment charges and a union attempt not to mention a criminal investigation in just 2 years. A lot of staff, of course, knows what's going on and several have been threatened with firing if they don't shut up. Some staff have even been asked who we talk with on our own time and other staff members have been warned about not talking with certain other employees. The bullying and mobbing have been extensive and destructive to the staff and library. The city and county won't do anything and the main library is named after the owner of the local paper. You can imagine the coverage when a reporter does write an article.  

 

  

 

I read somewhere that there are only 8 states that have anti-bullying laws.  We need laws in all states against workplace bullies.  Because of my personal experience of workplace bullying, and in my opinion, violations of free speech, I’ve become an activist on several issues, including the strong need for anti-bullying laws in the workplace.  Does anyone have any advice on how I can get started?  Thanks.  

  

 
May 9, 2006, 9:13 pm CDT

I think I worked for the same person

Quote From: target2000

After almost 40 years in the workforce, I experienced my first true workplace bully.  This not someone who is simply difficult to deal with.  My bully managed to get me fired from a very good job and then got me blacklisted.  

   

With some research on the Internet, I found www.bullybuster.org. This is where I found out I was far from alone.  Bully busters makes a point of calling the receivers of the bullying "targets" and not "victims."    

   

Many of the problems that targets have are on my list of problems:  

   

HR immediately took the new manager's side even though I had been there almost  5 years, with excellent performance reviews, and she had just been there 6 months.  

   

My co-workers could not have missed what was going on, but no one helped me.  

   

My bully managed to have me in tears every day for almost 6 weeks -- all in the name of "counseling" me for poor performance.  She came from a law-enforcement background (husband, father, uncles) and knew just how she could get away with this stuff.  

   

Everyone occasionally works with someone who is hard to deal with, and when you try to explain what is going on to others, including family and friends (even spouses) they think you are exaggerating or being too sensitive.  They don't realize this is DIFFERENT.  This adds to the frustration and the "am I crazy?" feelings that you have.  

   

This bully managed to totally destroy any amount of self-esteem I ever had.  I was truly convinced I was the most worthless piece of trash around.  After almost a year, a third party put me in contact with the person who replaced me.  The bully did the same thing to him!  He quit after throwing up every day before he went to work.  We were able to help each other see we weren't all the bad after all, but the damage had already been done.  

   

I have had a very difficult time getting past this because it has totally destroyed my life.  I work in a technical field where you have to stay up with the latest trends.  This woman kept me from working long enough, and couple with being over 55, I can not get a job doing what I love doing.  I am now making as much money in a week as I used to make in a day!  I lost my dream home, my favorite vehicle (which I sold to make mortgage payments), and had two vehicles repossessed.  For six months I slept on a cot in the dining room of some friends' house.  Then I moved to a woman's house for six months with another crazy woman  to assist in taking care of show dogs.  Then I moved to another woman's house to help with her show dogs.  This house was over 50 years old, not maintained or cleaned.  I tried to clean it up, but there is only so much you can do with 35 dogs in the house.  I finally got a job at a pet store that specializes in birds.  More cleaning up after animals.  The owner can't put two words together without the f-word in between.  That lasted 9 months.  Now I am working as a PBX operator at a hospital, so the hours are rotten and there is no hope of advancement.  I am on food stamps and driving a 13 year old vehicle with 150,000 miles on it.  

   

If my standard of living hadn't been cut so drastically, I might be able to get past this, but I have constant reminders of what has happened to my life.  I can't do the things for my daughter that I could have done if this hadn't all happened.  This drastically effected her life as well, because she was 16 when all this started in 2000.  

   

I have had ups and downs in my life, but nothing compares to this.  Intellectually, I know I did nothing wrong.  Emotionally I play back tapes in my head trying to figure out what I did or said that set this woman off.  I want to make sure I NEVER do it again!  Most of all, it haunts me because this woman did this deliberately and maliciously -- with the help of management!!!!!!!!  It is too late for any justice.  She died of MS about 3 years ago, so the only record the company has is her version and she can't recant any of it now.  

   

How do we get companies to understand the damage that is being done?  www.bullybusters.org points out how much this costs business, but they don't seem to know it.  

Believe me I understand... I have run into a few bullies.   The first had me also  in tears.. pitting me between other members of my work group whom I respected.  And the never ending string of f'ing this and f'ing that.  This was a woman working for a Fortune 500 company (at the time). 

I had a department manager that finally reighned her in. In large corporations that is easier.. they do not like publicity of such things.  Another bully I worked with also drove me to resign but not without documenting my reasons in a calm and sane letter of resignation that went to the president of the company.  I was treated with respect from them.   

I am lucky to now,,, finally be working for some truly nice people but for a third of what I was making 

in my previous "life".  I had 28 years in that life.. it is time I found a good place. 

There are still some tensions in different areas of the opposite extreme.  Probably some scars 

from the prior encounters.  But life has a funny way of straightening things out. 

Thank God I am only part time ... I need more time to adjust from a case of techie burnout. 

Hang in there.... there are many out here that can relate. 

 
May 17, 2006, 12:16 pm CDT

Bully in my neighborhood

I need help. 

  

There is a little girl in my neighborhood that is the bully of the 6th grade.  The school is beside itself, the police don't want to deal with the family anymore and I am out of options.  Please tell me what I can do to get this girl out of the school or at least under control. 

 
May 28, 2006, 9:12 am CDT

I've changed jobs due to bullying

  

I have been an RN since 1986.  I have worked the majority of my career as an Operating Room nurse.  In most OR's that I have worked, there has been friction between staff on all levels.  The last couple of years I have been teaching nurses how to become Operating Room Nurses.  The last hospital I taught in, finished me off!!  The staff were rude and disrespectful to me and my students.  Everyday I would leave my home with a positive "today is going to be great" attititude and each day I would drive home stressed to the max.  I am now going to teach nursing training and am hoping that removing myself from the Operating Room environment will decrease my stress and allow me to enjoy my students and my career again.  Tired but not beaten. 

  

 
May 28, 2006, 9:28 am CDT

sometimes the best thing is to move on

Quote From: juliebgg

Sometimes when you are in a bad situation the best thing is to move on.  Especially if you have tried to talk to people and just found that your words have fallen on deaf ears.  You had a very logical reason for going over your supervisor's head-she wasn't there!  But she looks at it as a slight to her which is kind of immature if you ask me.  She could have said to you that the next time, she would like you to call her or try your best to find her if you wish to stay late.  But instead she chose to not let it go.  Very childish.  To me it sounds like you are better off going somewhere else.  Read my previous post to amica and target and you will see that I once found myself in a really bad work situation.  Whatever I did to try to make it better just didn't work.  In the end the best thing was to get out and start over.  Yes, it took a while to regroup and recharge my self-esteem.  But it can be done.  Best of luck to you!  Julie

  

Please try to accept that this had nothing to do with you.  The person bullying you will now just find someone else to bully.  It says nothing about you and everything about them.  It doesn't minimize the pain this has caused you, but  recognize that the bully has moved on to harm someone else.  You could not have changed the sequence of events that occurred unless you left the job earlier.  Perhaps that is the lesson for all of us:  If bullying is going on in the workplace, stop looking in the mirror and start looking in the want adds!  Hope you feel better soon. 

 
May 29, 2006, 4:59 pm CDT

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: guitrlvr

I need help. 

  

There is a little girl in my neighborhood that is the bully of the 6th grade.  The school is beside itself, the police don't want to deal with the family anymore and I am out of options.  Please tell me what I can do to get this girl out of the school or at least under control. 

http://www.kidscape.org.uk/ 

  

http://www.safechild.org/ 

  

http://www.hwcdsb.edu.on.ca/elementary/e_pdfs/Student%20Services%20Newsletter-feb05.pdf#search='what%20to%20do%20if%20you%27re%20sixth%20grader%20bullies' 

  

just a few thoughts: 

  

can you see an attorney and take the parents or the school to court for negligence or something?   can you write the mayor or city council members to inform them of this bullies terrorization of the neighborhood and ask for their assistance?   

can she be reported to child welfare services for the parents failure to control her?  

 
May 29, 2006, 5:07 pm CDT

Workplace Bullies

Quote From: raerea

I guess I can't really say that I am being bullied at work but I am having an issue that maybe I can get some input on. My husband has been working for a sales company for the past three years. There are only six employees that work there, three of which are salesman. I was offered a position there about six months ago. Recently one of the salesman has been making accusations saying that I have been favoring my husband by "stealing" leads and that he just feels like something is wrong. I confronted him on this issue and he couldn't give me an explanation. There is no way I can "steal" leads because they are automatically saved when they come through the system. I have also told him to change the password and not give it to me because I have nothing to hide. Still no response from him. He doesn't know this but on numerous different occasions I have caught him trying to delete emails(leads) from the computer that he has checked from home and other shady actions. Everyone in the office knows this except for the boss. She tries to stay blind to it all.I love my job but am very hurt by this man that has claimed to be my friend. Any suggestions on what I should do?
I think an anonymous, typewritten letter to the boss may be my first step.  tell the boss everything you know about this workers shady actions.  if there is a boss above her, I'd send them an anonymous copy too and keep sending it up the ladder, even to the CEO if necessary.  in the meantime keep your distance from this friend.
 
June 3, 2006, 11:26 am CDT

Over the line

I have to say that; this bullie buisness can go over the line pretty quickly. I worked in a  liquore store for almost three weeks before my boss sexualy harassed me. needless to say. I got out of there quickly and I am taking action. I've brought him to court. I didn't think it would happen, but the DA has evidence! how awsome is that? 

  

I was 20 when this happened. (now I am 21) 

 
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