Topic : Workplace Bullies

I have to say that; this bullie buisness can go over the line pretty quickly. I worked in a  liquore store for almost three weeks before my boss sexualy harassed me. needless to say. I got out of there quickly and I am taking action. I've brought him to court. I didn't think it would happen, but the DA has evidence! how awsome is that? 

I was 20 when this happened. (now I am 21) 

I was wondering if anyone has any advise. 

My boss has always been a bully.  Without going into ten years of history, my current problem boils down to this... she thinks my personal life is her business.  So, especially over the last couple of years I have kept very quiet about my personal life, particularly my love life.  She doesn't even know I am engaged!  Or that I am moving to London, UK in about two months.  I am going to wait to tell her I am leaving until my UK visa comes through.  Then I will give her notice. 

Here's the predicament.  I don't know what to tell her.  I know if I tell her the truth, she will harrass me for the next few weeks with stories of stalkers and how horrible Europeans are, and how stupid I am, etc.  My mother suggested simply telling her I am moving out of state and leaving it at that, but there is no way she will let it go that easily.  She will want details and won't rest until she's satisfied.  I'd thought about lying, telling her I just need a change in life and am moving to Seattle where some friends of mine live.  I don't really care what she thinks, I just don't want to be tortured for three or four weeks.  She'll be pissed at me no matter what I tell her, just for leaving. So what do you all think I should do?  Tell the truth and just ignore her poisonous words?  Or tell a lie about where I am going and what I am doing to forstall the doom sayer? 

Help? 

I would tell her the truth: tell her you have gotten engaged to a wonderful guy and will be moving to London.  You don't need to provide a long list of details. Nor do you need to cover up what you are doing. If she starts talking negatively about the move and about Europeans, don't feed into it.  Just say that you are looking forward to living there.  If you repeat variations of that enough maybe she will get bored with bothering you about it. And don't worry if she gets mad that you are leaving-just think-you won't have to deal with her any more in the near future! 

And now let me wish you congratulations on your engagement AND on your impending move.  You are moving to one of my favorite cities.  I have been fortunate to visit there a couple of times.  By the way I saw no stalkers there (LOL) and my experience with Londoners was  that they were friendly  and helpful.  Best of luck to you and your fiance. 

I also say you tell her the truth; but not until you put in your work noticed that your quitting. Then, you simply tell her that you are moving, you don't need to say anything more, and you can always say just "The U.K" to her as well. Most people think of London when U.K. come up anyway. 

Secondly, you don't need to listen to her either; just shut her down. You don't need to be rude but I would say something like "What I do in my personal life is my own bloody buisness so get off it!"  

Sorry, but it sounds as if you just let this woman walk all over you; I don't like people who do that. 

I  just quit my job after standing up to a bully of a supervisor. Until just a few weeks ago I could not put a name to it. The daily picking on, fault finding, singling out soon became things like wage information being withheld (she was always pleading ignorance! so she wouldn't have to lie) Policy and procedure that applied to one and not to another. Always being scolded for some ridiculous piece of nothing in order to embarass me in front of the group (and then tell me she thought I needed counseling). Refused to let me transfer to a different department because I really WAS a valuable employee. I had enough and walked out!. While it felt pretty good at the time and except for a few breakdowns along the way, still feels pretty good I am wondering if you all who are reading could advise me on this one issue. 

Being 51 years old and not ready to throw in the towel - I need to muster up my courage and go find another job but what should I do about the part on the applications that say..."why did you leave your other job?" or "may we contact your last employer?" beacause I am sure she is carrying a torch for me? 

Trying to keep a chin up in Ohio 

It's interesting that I just read your post.  Just yesterday I stood up to my boss (bully) by accident.  I was so frustrated that I started an email to her ranting and raving about her behavior.  I intended to save the email as a "draft"; however, when my phone rang, I distractedly (accidentally) fired the email off to her.   

The problem?  We have been good friends for ten years and she recently hired me to work for her.  She has an extremely caustic personality and our ten year friendship has been based on trading (what seemed like) good natured insults.   

However, what I could take in a friend, I have found exceedingly difficult to take from her as a manager.  On the one hand, she has a good heart and will do anything for me.  On the other, she constantly puts me down.  It seems to be in a "teasing" way, but now I think it's an underlying hostility thing.  She takes her hostilities out on me because she can't do it with others.   It seems to be a "control" thing.  I have tried to establish professional boundaries to no avail.  This job isn't even a month old, and I don't see it lasting very much longer.  Either she will fire me or I will quit.   

I too am a 50 something and need to work.  I don't know what the Ohio labor laws are, but in California when the question is asked "Can we contact your former employer?"  It means contacting your previous employer's  H.R. department which will only verify dates of employment and salary history.  A company can be held liable for divulging "opinions" or other supposedly "slanderous" information about a former employee.  Especially, if it prevents that person from securing another job.  (It's just hard to "prove".) 

My strategy has always been to have a list of people with whom I have had good working relationships as references.  (You probably don't want to use your former supervisor.)    

My references are people that I respect, and  who respect me.  Doesn't have to be former supervisors, but that helps.  Many of my references are former co-workers with whom I have worked closely or people from departments other than my own with whom I have collaberated on special projects.  I always ask their permission to use them as a reference and I always give them a "heads up" if I have been interviewing and they might be getting a phone call from a prospective employer.   

When asked why you left your last position --- NEVER bad-mouth your former company or your former boss.  This is the kiss of death when interviewing for a new position.    

In most cases the interviewer will know that things were just not working out with the previous job.  Personality conflicts, etc.  But "take the high road" by saying things like "I was ready to explore a new opportunity with room for career growth" or something like that will win points.  Because most prospective employers will not want to hire someone with "sour grapes".  Most importantly be professional at all times.  Hope this helps.  Good luck to you.  And most of all keep your chin up!