Topic : Workplace Bullies

 

  Dear Dr. Phil fans,

 

  I wasn't sure whether to put this under "Stress at Work" or even what to title it, but it's been

  weighing on my mind a lot, so I thought I'd write about it.  Because it's hard to characterize, I

  will simply let the words come as they may.

 

  I feel I'm chronically subject to a certain kind of ridicule that I really detest.  It involves

 disclosing something personal about myself, either in reference to a question, or simply as  

 idle  chit-chat, when someone at the office who's listening will "take advantage" and 

 ridicule  me.

 

 For example, several workers around me could be talking about their cars, and I join in,

 telling them something about my vehicle.  Thus a conversation could start with

 someone complaining about a bad deal they got with their insurance company, after 

 which others contribute their own stories.  Yet when I participate, I get blamed for my 

 troubles.  Or simply ridiculed for something so benign, I can hardly believe it.

 An example of this is someone noticing my maintenance sticker on my windshield, then

 asking why I haven't had my oil change yet, due to the fact that I exceeded the recommended mileage on the sticker. 

 

Joe Schmuck may give his opinion on a political matter, and when I offer mine, especially if 

 it's more conservative than theirs (which is what it tends to be), forget it.  I am then isolated

 by those in the "circle" simply because I feel differently.  Later, to my utter disbelief and

 upset, I am labeled "intolerant" for something I said.  Nevermind that I was singled out

 earlier and made to feel guilty for my views.  Hypocrites!

 

 Maybe it's not just ridicule.  I sense some boundary violation as well (in old-fashioned terms,

 not minding one's own business).  I've even stopped to consider whether I was being too

 sensitive, but being as it is that I don't treat people in this fashion, I can't justify their

 comparable treatment of me.   Is it that they don't like me, or are jealous, and deal with it by 

 finding fault wherever they can (even though I'm like everyone else and have faults)?

 

I get so tired of being violated and put down.  My self-esteem has diminished, and my spirits are frequently down because I feel I have the so-called Rodney Dangerfield Syndrome:  " I can't get no respect".  People in general over the course of my life have characterized me as "very intelligent" more than any other adjective, yet I'll be damned if I can find those kind of people in the workplace.  No amount of strategizing has yielded the kind of work environment I feel I deserve.    

 

Worse yet, these folks have some serious personal flaws, and here they are judging me.  This one is twice divorced, this one is pregnant twice out of wedlock, that one is an alcoholic, the operations manager disdainful with her pierced tongue.   And they don't necessarily perform better than me at work. 

 

Management is kind of lax when it comes to validating my complaints and holding people accountable in this regard.  Each time I'm in the manager's office, I feel I'm in a courtroom debating the merits of my case with another attorney.  In the end, I'm left in this gray area because of the spineless character of my boss.  What was it Dr. Phil said?  "Peace at any cost is not peace at all".  Likewise, I am not at peace because the peace my superiors try to keep cannot possibly satisfy.

 

I'm so tired of these immature, groundless and petty remarks.  Besides neglecting to say anything more, I'll probably search for a new job later this coming year.  Yet I still wonder what's going on with these people.  Does anyone else here relate to this nonsense?  I wonder what Dr. Phil would say.  I would sure welcome his devoting more shows to workplace issues. 

 

I hope someone can help me with this.  Sometimes I feel like lashing out in anger at these people.

 

Sincerely,

Patty Benson

ptty_bnsn@yahoo.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  I know the type well.  I used to live with a South American woman who would frequently

  attack me verbally for the most minor of things--and things that weren't her business.

 

  The woman you speak of is an uneducated derelict who wasn't raised to appreciate the

   boundaries of others.  She is a product of her upbringing.  Maybe time around the right

   people (as well as  time itself) will cure her of her impulsive tendency to highlight the

   "flaws" of others.

 

  I would encourage you to say something (in good taste, of course), or otherwise talk to her

 superiors.

 

  I believe it is a cultural thing.  Sorry if I've offended anyone, but I'm not politically correct.  No,

  not at the expense of truth-telling or my serenity.

 

  Warm regards,

  Patty Benson

  ptty_bnsn@yahoo.com

 

 

 

There is a lot of info on the Internet about bullies in the workplace and about mobbing and gangstalking. It goes on all the time. Sometimes the victim goes in with a gun and shoots the co-workers. If this wasn't allowed to get to this extreme this would never happen. No one wants to do anything about the harassment and so the victims end up taking the law into their own hands. There is even police sponsored gangstalking and state sponsored gangstalking. What about the cops who held that guy down on the ground and punched him in the face and it was caught on video tape. And the time they handcuffed the guy and put him in the back of the cop car and then took out their pepper spray and sprayed his eyes. Cops get away with far too much abuse. There is a book, "L.A. Secret Police" written by Rothmiller who used to be a cop and tells how they are trained to be abusive and lie and plant evidence, etc.

Six years ago my friend and I started a small nonprofit organization. A few months ago my friend invited someone to join our group against my wishes and despite many warnings from others that,this person joins small nonprofits such as ours and starts demanding changes, takes over leadership of the group and eventually runs the group into the ground.
The takeover has begun this person swooped in and took over the vice presidents position when he took a temporary leave of abscence this fall now,she is demanding changes and trying to take over my job in the group.
 I'm trying to fight back and prevent her from taking over but I fear I'm fighting a losing battle.
My friend plays dumb to it all she refuses to see the light, it's almost as if she's brainswashed.  I've thought of resigning but this group means so much to me that I can't bear the thought of leaving. Please help!!!

Well done for speaking out. I have been in similar situations and spoke out too which is so difficult. It seems this kind of behaviour happens in the workplace wherever in the world you are. I worked in the UK and it happened there and it seems crazy to let it slide.

 

Of course the best thing I ever did was to get a much better nicer job with wonderful people who have integrity and are considerate and fun loving. My new job is working for ( would you believe it ) an investment bank which is the most supportive and wonderful environment for me. I have learnt so much more in this role and it is because I am not constantly worried about being beaten up emotionally. I find people can't believe that I would ever have been bullied and make a point of explaining to others who might be looking for work not to work for company X which I found so terrible.  Word of mouth spreads, there is another girl who works for my new company who also quit under similar circumstances at the same place because of bullying. These things do eventually get found out.

 

I hope everyone else on the site finds a good role and a culture where tolerance and diversity are evident. Some people might want to take legal action but I just wanted to walk away and get my life back which I now have, I know now when I interview with someone that I need to ask lots more questions and DO! Good luck everyone and stay strong. Everyone has individual talents and skills which can be brought out if they work in the right place.

As a person who also experienced workplace bullying, i applaud you for getting out and making a new start.  That is usually the best thing, and it is what I did many years ago.  The bullying at my former workplace was well-established before I ever got there, and from what I hear continues on to this day.  I have had two jobs since then, but no bullying, and I can do my job in peace- we understimate how important that is until we have to deal with a workplace bully.

Asking questions at an interview is very important as you say.  Though I do think that some bullies are very slick, and it may not show through at an interview. Some people (my former boss included) can be very charming to the rest of the world while being very abusive to select people who work for them.

Yeah I spoke out but not in the right way.  Thats what I have been finding out since doing research on workplace bullying.  I am the kind of person who will say something and I end up looking like the villain in the process.   And the worst thing to do in a confrontation is to use "you" statements instead of "I" statements because it puts the person on the defensive and makes them look like the victim.  What I really should have done was just kept my mouth shut and started to document all of this individual's behavior instead of getting into a heated debate with him.  Never get into a debate with a bully because they will try to make you feel guilty for pointing their behavior out to them.  Especially the narcissistic and self-loathing types. Just document, documet, document. 

Dont give up. Good luck!

I recently got fired from the Health Maintenance Organization that I was working for.  I read with interest all the messages posted on this message board about people who experienced workplace bullies and getting fired from healthcare facilities.  My story isn't much different from the rest.  I was a victim of office gossip and pretty much most of the department became bullies.   I chose to ignore them so I avoided the breakroom and I kept to myself.  On breaks, I went outside and walked alone, or I sat in my car and ate my lunch alone.  I did not socialize with anyone at work.  Most of their gossip was untrue remarks about my private life, so I did not tell anyone anything about my private business.  Well, I got fired after three and a half years of service.  It happened when my performance review was due.  I was told my performance review was due and unsatisfactory, therefore, I was being terminated.  I was given no disciplinary action or no goals to work toward.  Whenever a co-worker came to me and asked me something, I replied to the question, but I did not offer anything further.  I did not share with my co-workers what I did over the weekend or what I watched on TV the night before.  We had too much work to do and I did not waste time socializing with my co-workers.  You'd think my supervisor would have appreciated my devotion to work, but instead she held it against me.  I was gained up on by my co-workers and fired because nobody wanted to work with me.  We got a new computer billing system and only a few selected people got training on it from the reps.  Those few people were instructed to train the rest of the department.  When I was trained, they deliberately didn't tell me certain details and set me up to make mistakes.  Then these mistakes were conveniently given to the supervisor to use as an effort to firing me.  Everyone is so clickish and if you aren't in the click, you will be outcasted.  These workplace bullies seem to be more and more young people, but also some in their 50s.  I think they are schoolhouse bullies who never grew up.  I hope there will be nice people at my next job.  Quite frankly, I don't want to work anymore if I have to work with a bunch of bullies.  I have even considered not working another job in the healthcare industry.  What does it take to turn these bullies around?  We all work for the same reason:  to get a paycheck.  The gossip and bullying has to stop.

Sorry to hear about your illness.  I know how you feel, I've been through  this Boss Bully  two times in  my career.  My last job would have cause me the same sickness as it would to you if I were to stay much longer.  I've left the job 6 months now, the bully boss still haunted me  and I've got very stress out just thinking about the situation I've was in.  My last job,  the very 1st day I went to work, we had a meeting.  Management announced about the merge, immediately, I know my job was introuble.  So I went to Real Estate school part-time.  Prior the completing the merge, I had good working relation with my immediate manager and other departments, three months later the merger was completed, nothing but hell after.  I was disrepect and disregard of my believe and practic.  I later found out I was a threat to boss's current adminstrative assistant.  I was insulted, yelled, and talked down infront of others.  My immediate manager fought for me, but I know it was a lost cause.  I was so stress out all the time, I became sick very often.  I couldn't take anymore I left to do Real Estate full-time and I bought a business in California so I don't have to work for Bully Boss any more. 

 

I still stay in-touch with my manager, he told me soon after I've left, the bully boss promote his
Admin. Assistant to my position. A couple of days before I left the Bully boss brought in this friend and pay her $20.00 to do my job while they decided about recruiting for my position.  A supervisor from I've hired for company later called me.  She asked me if I would joint her on the Harrasment law suite.  I ignore her because I don't want to go through all the stress all over again.  The bully boss did many il-legals activities, it will caught up to him really soon.

 

Work place Bully is everywhere - it is a very competative world- therefore, people are welling to bully on the weak, just so they come out on top. 

 

One thing to Remember - Life is a wheel -what goes around will comes around - sooner or later! 

 

Thank you for taking the time to read