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Topic : 06/03 Controversial Love Affairs

Number of Replies: 358
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Created on : Friday, October 19, 2007, 01:47:27 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/24/07Are you falling in love with all the wrong people? Dr. Phil's guests are entangled in affairs so taboo, one man could land himself in jail! Emily and Brandon have been married for two-and-a-half years, and Emily was shocked to learn that her husband had sex with a 15-year-old — twice. Brandon, 25, is now facing two felony charges for having intercourse with a minor, and blames his actions on a porn addiction. Does he really have a disorder, or is he just building a defense for his potential arrest? Then, Debbie, 51, says she has no shame about posing as a younger woman online and meeting attractive men. Her adult children, Michelle and Nathan, say her behavior is not only humiliating, but it's also very dangerous. Why did Debbie fake her own death? Is it possible for her to stop this behavior, or should her children just mind their own business? Tell us what you think.


Find out what happened on the show.


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October 23, 2007, 2:56 pm CDT

No Stoning here

Quote From: rissa140

I may get stoned for this, but its my personal opinion....

 

I'm sorry but, If this 15 year old CONSENTED to the affair, then she is NOT a victim of RAPE! I read another post in another thread about the sexual predator that was recently caught, etc. and I have to agree with that person & say that I highly believe the laws need to change in regard to consensual sex. (For the record, this person's post was NOT talking about the sexual predator that the discussion was about!) Dont get me wrong, the affair should NOT have happened because the guy is married, but to say he is a "sexual predator" or anything of that nature is ridiculous, given that this girl consented. I dont care what anyone says, she is old enough to know better, so where is HER responsibility & punishment in all this? The laws are so twisted.... its legal for a 15 year old to work in some places & take driving classes to learn how to drive, but its not legal for them to consent to sex??? How does that make any sense? And we all know that if it was the other way around & the older person was female & the younger one was a male, then the female would get a slap on the wrist, compared to if she were male.

 

My mother got pregnant with me at 15 (had me at 16) & my biological father was like 21-22.... did my grandparents try to get him in trouble/arrested? NO, because they knew my mother was just as responsible as he was! People need to STOP treating teens as LITTLE kids & make them accountable for their actions. Its not fair for this guy (or anyone else) to be facing felony charges & possibly have to register/be branded as a "sex offender" (and the other person involved gets NO kind of punishment what so ever) when it was CONSENSUAL! I mean really, lets focus on the REAL sexual predators & rapists & put THEM behind bars or worse, and leave the CONSENTING people to clean up their own messes!

 

(oh, and I believe here in CT, the legal age of consent is 16)

Most predators say their victims "consented".  It can be part of a predatory delusion.  As an abused child at the age of 14, I can tell you that my aggressor stated "She wanted it".  I did not fight, kick or even say no.  No child should be put in that position of complacency.  Some victims even believe they wanted it.  Please don't presume that you know all the facts in this case.  Predators operate freely by using psychological tactics to attain their victim's trust.  (ie pity, remorse, affection, love, etc)  What do you really know about this particular 15 year old?  She may have known what she was doing but more than likely was manipulated by this "adult" man.  As for this man, he obviously was aware of the risk he was taking.  He only became concerned of his actions once he was discovered. 

 

The fact is that the age of consent laws MUST have some sort of defined age.  What do you suggest that age be?  15? 13? 10?   And how would we define "child"?  Unfortunately, we cannot make the law per individual circumstance.  So, it must be based on an overall perception.  I say since the legal age of adulthood is 18, the laws on legal consent stand as a realistic method of resolution.  As for being labeled "sex offender", there are degrees of offenses.  It covers everything from indirect contact ( ie patting or pinching a rear) to direct sexual contact.  Again, there is no realistic way to sort out the separate stance of the few.  It may be unfortunate but it is a fact. 

 

It's easy to voice complaints against the justice system, The problem lies in finding a clear, concise and workable solution. 

 
October 23, 2007, 5:55 pm CDT

10/24 Controversial Love Affairs

The 51 year old posing as a much younger woman to meet men, hmmm, bet those men got the shock of their lives when they met her.  Seriously though, I do hope she's being safe, or at least as safe as she can be,  and not going anywhere with these men and meeting in public areas etc.,, I have to agree with the danger aspect, faking her own death, well.... that's a bit much, BUT I wonder if she DID get herself into a nasty situation that this seemed the only way out ? Wait and see I guess.
 
October 23, 2007, 6:09 pm CDT

10/24 Controversial Love Affairs

Quote From: rissa140

Well thank you for not stoning me, I know many people would and/or will.

 

I AGREE that teens are not yet adults either & sometimes dont think about the consequences of their actions. However, its the parent's job to teach their children right from wrong & what could/will happen if they choose wrong. Now, will kids/teens ALWAYS listen to EVERYTHING their parents tell them? Of course NOT, but if they do do something they know they're not supposed to, then they DO need to deal/suffer with the consequences & not be treated like a victim or innocent person.... or how else are they gonna learn from the wrong-doings?

 

I also AGREE that the "porn addiction" is a lame excuse/cop out. However, I dont think we (generally speaking) should just assume that this man would/could go after someone even younger. I mean, I suppose we shouldnt necessarily assume either way, but for some reason, I just get the feeling he is NOT a REAL sexual predator. But I guess I will just have to wait until the show airs to kinda see how he acts & what he says/how he words things to get a better opinion.

 

As far as the thing for the non-legal or barely legals being a sign of something more sinister.... I think its about the thrill. The whole being with someone younger or older thing is very fun & exciting to some, of course it should be CONSENSUAL. But some other people still find the concept very taboo, therefore, making it seem more 'forbidden & exciting'. I actually have some personal experience with this....  however, I was older than this girl on the show (and he was not married). I was 19, about to turn 20 (I'm 21 now) & I started dating a 30 year old. In the beginning the age thing was an issue for me because my mom, uncle & aunt were (still are) in their 30s & it was kinda weird, I actually turned him down at first because of it, but I got over it because I really liked him & it wasnt like nobody else in my family hadnt dated someone with an age difference (obviously my mom included.... now in her 30s, she's also dated younger guys). By being involved with this guy, I realized that older guys tend to be more real & mature than guys my age. Which is why I now prefer older guys, I do have my limits though. This is NOT the case for ALL older guys, but definitely for a lot of them. Anyway, now I'm just rambling, but these are some more of my thoughts.

You're right wait and see, but I wonder why a married man feels the need to troll the High School ?

But what is a parent to do ?

Here we just had a case of a 30 year old MARRIED Police Officer having sex with a fourteen year old after he asked her online.  In Canada age of consent is FOURTEEN and since he was off duty, then he got away with it, the parents had NO RECOURSE, and since she could "CONSENT" then the parents hands were tied. I do AGREE with you that parents  should be teaching their children right from wrong and some morals, but I also think that ADULTS should be held ACCOUNTABLE.

The oldest defense for guys like this "She liked it " she came onto me" and  "she CONSENTED", and it wouldn't matter if the girl was fifteen or six, they ALL say these things, that's what worries me about cases like this.

Again, I'll wait and make an effort to watch this show, I will say though the debate is going to be lively I think.

Cheers

 
October 23, 2007, 9:58 pm CDT

10/24 Controversial Love Affairs

Quote From: manofgoods

Sorry, but I have to disagree. Any man or woman that has sex with a teenager is considered statutory rape, regardless whatever the child consented to it, or not. No matter how you think about it, it is rape. If the man really didn't want to destroy his family & be behind bars, don't you think that he would've said no to her, told his wife about her actions, & have his wife call her parents on her? Think about it. I don't have any sympathy for rapists at all; I don't see why you do. Therefore, the child is the victim! Not to mention his wife & their children!
I DO believe his wife & children (if they do have any) are victims of his adultry, and he should've said no if he didnt want to destroy his family... but I stand by my opinion about the 15 year old NOT being a victim. If this guy was an ACTUAL rapist, as in he FORCED her, THEN I would NOT feel the least bit of sympathy for him. BUT, If she WILLINGLY CONSENTED (meaning, he's not just saying she did), then he is NOT a rapist & she was NOT raped! And it seems like the only reason, specifically in cases like this (when its consensual), its considered "statutory rape" is because the legal system couldnt think of anything better. If this girl did in fact willing consent, then she needs to take some responsibility as well!
 
October 23, 2007, 10:49 pm CDT

10/24 Controversial Love Affairs

Quote From: rpmhansn

Most predators say their victims "consented".  It can be part of a predatory delusion.  As an abused child at the age of 14, I can tell you that my aggressor stated "She wanted it".  I did not fight, kick or even say no.  No child should be put in that position of complacency.  Some victims even believe they wanted it.  Please don't presume that you know all the facts in this case.  Predators operate freely by using psychological tactics to attain their victim's trust.  (ie pity, remorse, affection, love, etc)  What do you really know about this particular 15 year old?  She may have known what she was doing but more than likely was manipulated by this "adult" man.  As for this man, he obviously was aware of the risk he was taking.  He only became concerned of his actions once he was discovered. 

 

The fact is that the age of consent laws MUST have some sort of defined age.  What do you suggest that age be?  15? 13? 10?   And how would we define "child"?  Unfortunately, we cannot make the law per individual circumstance.  So, it must be based on an overall perception.  I say since the legal age of adulthood is 18, the laws on legal consent stand as a realistic method of resolution.  As for being labeled "sex offender", there are degrees of offenses.  It covers everything from indirect contact ( ie patting or pinching a rear) to direct sexual contact.  Again, there is no realistic way to sort out the separate stance of the few.  It may be unfortunate but it is a fact. 

 

It's easy to voice complaints against the justice system, The problem lies in finding a clear, concise and workable solution. 

First & foremost, I'm sorry that you were abused, I truly am.

 

As for him just saying she consented, IF that is the case then yes, it was rape because that would mean she didnt WILLINGLY CONSENT.... but if this girl WILLINGLY CONSENTED & REALLY DID WANT TO HAVE SEX, I do NOT feel she was raped or is a victim. I'm not trying to say I know all the facts or anything about this girl, if I'm giving that impression, I apologize... thats why I stated that I'd have to wait until the show aired to see how things unfold. As I also stated before, I know that teens are not exactly adults yet (as they are not LITTLE KIDS either), but what some people need to realize is that, they (teens) are capable of more things than most people would like to believe. Most teens these days know more about sex (and other things) then their parents. MAYBE she seduced him!? I'm not saying that she did, but I'm saying its possible. And IF that were true, then this guy could've said no. He could've said no either way, but I'm just saying.

 

As for the laws for age of consent.... I agree that there should be some sort of defined age & it should be the same age in every state. As for what that age should be... I would say 15. I know MANY MANY people DISAGREE, but here is my reason why.... Like I stated in another post, at 15, teens are already allowed to work in some places & start learning how to drive. I believe that if a 15 year old can work & learn how to drive a car, then they're NOT a "child" (because children dont work or drive cars) & they ARE able to consent to sex. Many of our government's laws are twisted & dont make sense. I know this is off topic but another fine example is that you have to be 21 to buy/drink alcohol, but you only have to be 18 to not only buy/smoke cigarettes, but to serve in the MILITARY! How does that make sense? The justice system clearly needs to catch up to biology, technology & society.

 

 

 
October 23, 2007, 11:18 pm CDT

Never

Growing up in Iowa--and having a wonderful Mother whom I miss every day-I learned the greatest lesson "Never deal with liars or fools--liars will always lie and fools will always be foolish".  It is interesting that so many  today are both liars and fools--over these 66 years--the advice my Mom gave me has proven to be true--never deal with liars or fools".  My daughter is grown now--and I am a Great Grama (AKA  "GG") but I hear "I know, Mom, Liars and fools".
 
October 24, 2007, 4:03 am CDT

Need to check information

I was watching this show and it makes me sick about what he says and does I have a hard time believe what he says. He said that he was on active duty and deployed with the Marine Corps but the pictures of him in his uniforms were not the uniform of the Marine Corps. I am very upset about this because he is giving the Marine Corps a bad name with this.

 
October 24, 2007, 4:57 am CDT

me too

Quote From: manofgoods

Sorry, but I have to disagree. Any man or woman that has sex with a teenager is considered statutory rape, regardless whatever the child consented to it, or not. No matter how you think about it, it is rape. If the man really didn't want to destroy his family & be behind bars, don't you think that he would've said no to her, told his wife about her actions, & have his wife call her parents on her? Think about it. I don't have any sympathy for rapists at all; I don't see why you do. Therefore, the child is the victim! Not to mention his wife & their children!
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, so I won't stone that lady either. But I have to agree with this person's comment. I was a sexually abused child which left alot of scars mentally, emotionally and physically. I flaunted my body to older men all the time because I thought it would make them love me. At that age (15) I was NOT mentally capable of knowing the consequences of my own actions. I slept with quite a few males who could be convicted of statutory rape. Looking back now, I realize that I was VERY lucky to not get pregnant or some sort of STD. I don't care if the girl is flaunting herself to you. YOU are the ADULT!! You don't know if this girl (or boy)has some issues in their past. YOU should be the one to say NO!!! And furthermore, he has a daughter. Does he want some 25 yr old man coming after her? Maybe he should think about those things before sticking his "head" where it doesn't belong! 
 
October 24, 2007, 6:25 am CDT

"LOVE" may not be LOVE

Poor children, both YOUNG and ADULT.

 

We parents are SUPPOSED to be mature, responsible, unselfish and all those other good things that God intended. Sadly, many of us fail miserably. The difference between most of us and the guests is that WE CARE. We don't want to keep failing our children. We don't want to keep failing oursevles. We want MORE (and BETTER) for ourselves and our children.

 

My heart breaks for all the unhappy people in this world. Most are unhappy due to the lousy choices they've made with regard to their own lives. And until they step up to the plate, get help, get a handle on their lives and stop being selfish, they will continue to be miserable. I hope the guests learn something from their meeting with Dr. Phil. They owe it to both THEMSELVES and their family members to clean up their lives.

 

LOVE is not dirty or sneaky or dishonest or immoral. TRUE LOVE is beautiful and comes with very few problems. I have been married 18 years to a wonderful man, lover, friend and father (to our children). We have a great life with few spats....few spats because we truly LOVE eachother, we respect eachother and we work together to make the great life we have. Our children are blessed because we've CHOSEN not to live in chaos!

 

It's time for MANY "adults" to grow up...only then will they discover true love and happiness.

 

 

 
October 24, 2007, 6:35 am CDT

sad sad day

Me and Brandon were acquaintance's.  I was in his unit back in PA.  This does not shock me at all.  He always talked and joked about having a porn fetish.  Having a porn fetish is one thing, but taking action or advantage of a minor is appalling.  I hope justice is served. 

 
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