Topic : 06/03 Controversial Love Affairs

Hi Rissa!! 

 

You are in agreement with most of the people on this board.  We are (almost) all saying that parents and adults in the lives of teens need to correct the bad behaviorthat teens exhibit.  Like your mom did when she found the picture on your computer.  She punished you and in that way held you accountable.  She did the right thing.  That is what adults should do. 

 

She did not say that you could go out on a date with the pervert.  She probably watched you a lot closer on the computer.  That is the job of parents.  The adults in a civilized society should back up parents with their job of  protecting their children.   Not prey on them. 

 

Rissa, I know that you love your mom and your dad.  You don't need to judge either one of them.  I don't judge them.  You have defended them- I, for one, am certain they did a good job with you.

We are on the same page!!

Dr.Phil won't ever agree with me, but neither he nor anyone else is going to convince me this girl didn't know EXACTLY what she was doing. Granted, this guy should have known better than to engage in sex with jailbait, yes, but he has a point when he said there was a difference between consensual sex and forcible rape. What he did was illegal, but I don't think he should spend the rest of his life in jail for it.

 

That's my opinion. Fire away.

First of all the guy will NOT spend the rest of his life in prison (or be castrated as some would like.)  Second of all you would really not like to live in a society where sex with children is okay.  Watch shows about places like Thailand that traffic children for sex.  Believe me- we are for better off with our laws just the way they are.  Thirdly- I don't think that you believe any differently.

You try going on stage with a whole audience staring right at you, I was extremely nervous and just went with the flow, I wasn't thinking about him holding my hand I was trying to pay attention without passing out.   And my reason for supporting him getting help is because if he just sits in prison getting worse for years then what will he do to our daughter when he gets out?... I can't risk that, YES he needs prison, but he also needs major help so he doesn't do this again when he gets out of prison because he won't be in there forever. 

Well, thank you for saying my parents did a good job with me & not judging them, I appreciate that.

 

I agree that people should back up parents in protecting their children, but ONLY WHEN the child/teen is completely innocent & didnt do anything wrong. The teen from the story on the show however (and MANY more out there), is NOT completely innocent in what happened. 

 

And you're right, No, my mom didnt say I could go out on a date with that guy & she did watch me a bit more closely on the computer. However, I also know that IF I HAD, WILLINGLY, gone on a date with that guy, my mother would've also held ME PARTIALLY accountable in doing so, as a parent should.

 

The problem with some (not all, but some) parents is that they try to be friends first & parents second, when it should be the other way around (Parents FIRST, friend SECOND, if not THIRD). Parents are supposed to teach their children (especially teens/young adults) how to be responsible & hope that they will take that lesson (and any others) into complete adulthood, which when we get down to the core is something I think we all agree on... HOWEVER, if you (generally speaking) dont make them take any accountablity/responsibility for their WILLINGLY actions, specifically as a teen, where it IS NEEDED (like in this case with the girl), then they'll never really learn how to be responsible people & they'll continue to think that mommy & daddy will always fix things for them. And it shouldnt be that way. So YES, parents should protect their children, but NOT when they're in the WRONG.

My stepson dated a gal 4 years younger than he was for several years.  He met her when he was a

senior in high school and she was an 8th grader (the small town HS had the junior high kids in the HS marching band).  I talked to him all the time about the "jailbait" concept, but I think they finally had "consensual" sex when she was 15 and he was 19 (can it really be consensual if NEITHER of their brains is fully developed?).  I was never so glad to see someone turn 16 (the age of consent in my state).  They were both "good kids," but those hormones do rage at that age and you can't possibly watch them 24/7.  My stepson always seemed young for his biological age---more interested in kid stuff than some of his peers. I think that's why he related better to a younger gal.   They have since broken up and she's now married to someone else.  My son is old enough now that jailbait no longer appeals to him, but I will always feel that he dodged a bullet.  How many other boys (and girls) have NOT ended up on the sex offender list just because they were lucky?  It's not right to punish kids for just being stupid.   As far as the 25 y/o man in this story, I have to agree that adults should have ultimate responsibility when a child is involved.  But what is a child?  Some states have the age of consent as young as 14.  Also, porn is incredibly addictive (I have seen families ruined over it), and seeing the same porn message over and over can warp someone's brain.  Throw a 15 y/o girl into the mix who is trying to act out, and you will have a big problem.  Even the wife said he's not the man I married.  He should be held accountable just like someone who drinks and causes an accident.  But whether he should be labeled a sex offender for life depends on whether he can move past this.  I've heard that true sex offenders cannot be rehabilitated---the primal urge runs too deep.   And I'd be the first to admit---I'm not smart enough to figure out which kind of man he is.

You are very young and choose to be very blind.  Your husband is a THREAT to young girls.  I do not know how you can not see this.  I guarantee that if you were the mother of this 15 year old or 17 year old you would have a completely different point of view.  I understand that you love him and at this point that is all you can see.  But you need to quit thinking like a wife and begin thinking like a mother.  Prison may not be the answer for him.  Some kind of treatment is and whatever that treatment is he DOES NOT need to be around you or your child while he is getting help.  If his defense is that he can not help himself then you need to help yourself and your daughter.  You also need to think about other people's daughters.

I was sexually abused by a Family Friend at a very early age and Nothing was ever done about it.  I am 55 years old and Still suffer from that abuse.  Please stop making excuses for him.  Trust me there are NONE.

Emily, it's clear you love your husband and that's good. I know most people want to throw him off a very large cliff and rightfully so, but I believe people can be rehabilitated even in this area. Time in prison will do him good. It will give him lots of time to think about what he did and come to the concesus that what he did to the 15 year old and to you was very wrong. If he really loves you, then he will want to change. I believe the guys in prison with him will help him with this change as they will severely judge him for his charges. As addicted as your husband is with porn and having sex with minors, it's going to take some time for him to change. Not all guys with this addiction can or want to change, but contrary to public belief that they cannot be rehabilitated, they can. It takes lots of counseling and tough love, but it can happen. Also you could wake up one day as say what am I doing with this guy and move on. That happens a lot also. Hang in there. You have a good heart that hopefully your husband with greatly see one day. If not, there are others guys out there that will.

Emily you deserve better than what you have gotten.  Your daughter is learning by your example.  She is watching what you are willing to put up with.  She will interpret that as normal behavior and the cycle will go on. 

 

It isn't as if this man has just cheated on you.  He came on the show and told you that he has a 17 year old "girlfriend."  He did not even attempt to call it an affair.  Why are you willing to put up with someone who disrespects you so much that you confess on national TV that he wants every woman but you?  Forget the part about sex addiction or being a pedophile- He treats you with utter indifference.  Where is your self respect?  For the sake of your daughter get some counseling about why you tolerate this behavior.