Thank you Dr. Phil for featuring this topic, and for getting help for this family. I recorded the show for my daughter, who is currently away at college. My daughter has walked in the shoes of the 14 year-old featured on the show, and I have walked in the shoes of the wife. I have been separated for 4 years from my daughter's father, who is a recovering addict.
Like the young lady, my daughter grew up much too quickly, and is wise beyond her years. And like the mother on the show, I truly believed that staying with my daughter's father was best for her. I was certain she was better off having both a mother and a father at home. I also took my marriage vows of "For Better or Worse, Richer or Poorer, In Sickness and In Heath" very seriously. (Of course when I married I didn't dream it would be 20 years of Worse, Poorer and Sickness!) I felt my husband's "condition" was an illness, and I wouldn't want him to leave me for an illness, so I didn't want to do the same to him.
It was my daughter, who was 14 at the time, who convinced me it was time to walk away from what was a very unhealthy life we were living. I had seen him through 7 different treatment programs, she and I supported him and accompanied him to meetings, programs, etc. She recalls going to rehabilitation programs with him as young as 7 years old. The first treatment program he was in that she can recall came about after she told me he had taken her with him to purchase his drug of choice.
I hope the family you featured sticks with all you are giving them for support, and the mother takes a serious look at the effects this has had on her daughters. I hope she doesn't wait until she has lost as much as I have. My husband's addiction and his actions near the end took everything we had. My credit is ruined. My daughter is having to pay for her college tuition on her own through student loans. I have an incredible amount of debt and though we are legally separated, I have not had the means to make things final through a dissolution or divorce because I cannot afford an attorney or the court costs.
The plus side: My daughter is a wise, wonderful and very insightful young adult. She speaks to peers about the affects drinking/drug use have on a person and their family, and she vows never to drink or use narcotics. I am incredibly proud of her, and am sorry I did not give her a better life. I did my best to "mask" her father's illness, and worked overtime to be both the best mother and father I could be, as her father was not there physically or emotionally as he should have been. Though he missed school events, sporting events, and other events important in a child's life, I tried to cover up his not being there by throwing myself into everything - PTA President, Band Booster President, volunteering at every event, etc. Though she appreciated all I did, it did not cover up the fact he wasn't there, and she so longed for him to be.
I sincerely believe that if we were still living with her father today, he would still be using. Even after loosing his wife, daughter, and his home, he used drugs for 6 months after we had separated. He is clean today, but he has developed diabetes and other health issues, probably because of the effects of years of drug use.
My lesson: When you believe you are doing what is best for everyone step back and take a long, hard look at your life - you may not be doing what is best for anyone.
(Original Air Date: 10/25/07) Should teens have to police a parent who is drug-addicted or just overall irresponsible? Robert, a father of two, has been in rehab six times in the past four years for an alcohol addiction. He says he drinks so often that his 14-year-old daughter, Keryn, pours out his beer daily, cleans up his bloody wounds after drunken falls and walks him home to prevent the police from arresting him! Robert's wife, Eileen, says she feels torn between protecting her children and loyalty to her husband. Will she stop enabling Robert's addiction, and will Robert get the wake-up call he desperately needs? Keryn has been her father's overseer for so long, is it too late to reverse their roles? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
