Quote From: mskamishWithout seeing this show, I could offer a million examples if anyone is at a loss for words...I lived this lifestyle from age 9 to 21, married someone just like Dad, and 20 years after that divorce, my daughter is still "expected" by her Father to take the parental High-Road. with her absent Father with his telephone calls twice yearly ( She will NOT)
It is devastating to say the least, how assuming the role of responsibility for an actively addicted parent affects a child. My father was a mess, and my mother gave up. Someone had to keep the house running. I have assumed the role of caretaker since. Waiting and Watching for an addictive parent to "need you" is a horrendous rollercoaster. Living on EggShells, Knowing to expect the worst, "just in case" Trying to prepare for an adult problem at 10? Failure to prevent the parent from messing up again, only leaves the child ( or spouses) with a sense of failure and the understanding that "they should have done something different or assume of course the RESPONSIBILITY for the actions of the parent. ( Of course, that opens an entirely new show possibilit)y. Anticipation for what is needed of you, removed your abiliy to anticipate your OWN needs. Should I go on to school after being up all night? Should I go, or should I wait to see if he wakes up? Should I go away to college and let everything fall apart? College, who had time to think about college; I could balance a check book, pay utilities, contact work places write business letters and telephone contacts and language, but college is impossible for someone so CONSUMED with the needs of others, and in a constant state of recovery from the latest sleepless night or financial embarrassment or well known disaster. It is though you can't stop to address all of the demands of YOUR life, studying, projects, A FUTURE! Who can think of the future when they are trying to SURVIVE today? Terribly unfair.... It took ten years of therapy for me to realize that I had every right to forge my own life. But Children, and Adult Children of Substance Abusers are often "trapped" in the cycle of "needing" to take care of everyone but themselves, it becomes their defining "source of pride". It is very sad, but it made me a very strong woman, a survivor and most capable of limiting the lasting affects of such demands for my own children. It took my own divorce and a lot of counseling to "catch-Up" to my counterparts that were fortunate enough to have parents that had put the needs of their children above their own!
This program was like looking at my own life..... I was the young girl who said nothing to anyone about my mother's alcohol problem. Too ashamed.. I knew my family was "different". Couldn't have friends over. Walked on eggshells my whole life around her. I am 47 years old now... I see so clearly how my mother's alcoholism affected me in all areas of my life. Parents divorced when I was 6, and my world was never the same. With the divorce, then the alcohol - I resorted my own comfort - food. Was the only thing I felt comforted by.
Today, I have just ended an 11 year on and off again relationship with an alcoholic. Just like this man here, my partner would binge on beer..... not eat for days.... and then the recover period.. Never knowing what I was coming home to.... so much I could share here.... but ...... will just say that in 10-07 I made him leave our home... he had spent entire paychecks one too many times...... My ARM went up also this same month, taking my mortgage from $1442 to $2390. Could not pay this mortgage on my own. Put the house up for sale. To date, no offers. Am facing foreclosure now.
I have a six year old son by my ex partner.... he hasn't paid a penny of support. I am struggling financially... but - I have PEACE in my house. No longer do my son and I pack our bags and go to a hotel when he's come home drunk. No more do I wake up in the middle of the night hearing things being knocked down, breaking glasses... NO MORE. He's been to 3 or 4 treatments.... the last one, I drove him to was Schick Shadel - the 10 day program. Did it work? No. He still drinks.
What I would say to anyone who is with an alcoholic partner.......RUN, don't walk - get out as fast as you can. I am not kidding.... it is a vicious hell to live. My son knows the smell of alcohol. He can tell just by looking at his dad and be able to tell if he's been drinking. I made the decision last night after watching the show... and also after our last incident..... he is not going to see his son unsupervised. That's final.
I will go to KC Family Court Services - and let them map out a plan. I am done.
I am now trying to live for myself and kids... I have 2 older daughters from a previous relationship, ages 28 and 20. I have spent my entire life on unavailable men ..... alcohol addicted, porn addicted, drug addicted, married, ...... ... It's time for me to focus on me.... and treat myself loveingly and kindly.
I have spent so much time and energy on men that don't have their @#%@ together. I refuse to ever in my life do it again. The way I feel today - I would rather live alone with my son.... forget about a relationship - it's been way too much work.
I tell my daughters- don't date anyone who drinks, or has any family that is an alcoholic. do research, know all the facts.... don't get caught up in their cons.... . because they are all big cons and liars.
(Original Air Date: 10/25/07) Should teens have to police a parent who is drug-addicted or just overall irresponsible? Robert, a father of two, has been in rehab six times in the past four years for an alcohol addiction. He says he drinks so often that his 14-year-old daughter, Keryn, pours out his beer daily, cleans up his bloody wounds after drunken falls and walks him home to prevent the police from arresting him! Robert's wife, Eileen, says she feels torn between protecting her children and loyalty to her husband. Will she stop enabling Robert's addiction, and will Robert get the wake-up call he desperately needs? Keryn has been her father's overseer for so long, is it too late to reverse their roles? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
