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Topic : 03/20 Policing the Parents

Number of Replies: 195
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, October 19, 2007, 01:48:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/25/07) Should teens have to police a parent who is drug-addicted or just overall irresponsible? Robert, a father of two, has been in rehab six times in the past four years for an alcohol addiction. He says he drinks so often that his 14-year-old daughter, Keryn, pours out his beer daily, cleans up his bloody wounds after drunken falls and walks him home to prevent the police from arresting him! Robert's wife, Eileen, says she feels torn between protecting her children and loyalty to her husband. Will she stop enabling Robert's addiction, and will Robert get the wake-up call he desperately needs? Keryn has been her father's overseer for so long, is it too late to reverse their roles? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.


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October 25, 2007, 1:28 pm CDT

Robert should be ashamed

Robert should be ashamed of his louse ways, and that is what he is,  A louse. His wife should have dunped him long ago. This poor daughter of his deserves a thousand times better than a demented drunk dad who cant even stand up as a father for her, he should be ashamed, The Mother needs to dump his ass, and should be ashamed of herself for subjecting her daughter to this horrible life. I used to date alcoholics, and finally broke this pattern, Robert is a lowlife forging his wifes checks,  ect or taking her money behind her back.  i had an alcoholic ex boyfriend who did this, i feel so sorry for this daughter i could just cry. The child welfare authorities should have gotten her a better home long ago.
 
October 25, 2007, 1:31 pm CDT

10/25 Policing the Parents

Quote From: riqyboy

being an alcoholic myself it is easy to understand what this guy is saying. i have done many of the same things he has and have even drank the same type of beer that he has drunk. it is not easy to think that you can turn a switch and your clean. you will always have a craving. i've had 10 years sobriety and went back. i am now seperated and living alone. imagine the thoughts that go through your head at the lowest part of your life. it's not that we dont want to quit it's that it feels there are many factors working against you. imagine watching a football or baseball game without being bombarded with beer commercials for one example. i feel that things work against those who are truly challenged with this problem.

I understand that there are many factors running against you - from going out to dinner to the commercials that fill the airwaves and that its hard work to stay sober.  THis guy has been living with an enabler who brought her two daughters up to be enablers -- even on the show the 14 year old said they need help and not the kind where the insurance company yanks him out of rehab after 9 days - cause you see its the insurance company's fault for not giving him the help he needed - nevermind that it was his 6th attempt at rehab. My own brother is sober 15 years - and its hard - its hard on the entire family - but its well worth it. Neither the mother or the father wanted to do the real hard work towards a sober family - they left two kids there to try and do it for them. That's the shame here - two kids are paying the heaviest price.

 
October 25, 2007, 1:44 pm CDT

Dang

i didn't have to grow up with drunks for parents lucky. I have seen my uncle be a drunk and act voilent. His health is kind of wacked out now. drinking does that to the body. I don't think kids should be responisble for their parents nor should the other spouse be responsible.
 
October 25, 2007, 1:50 pm CDT

Recovering Parent Police

 I am now 38. I spent all of my childhood scared of an abusive alcoholic/drug addicted mother and  father. I had a younger sister that I took care of and had to be the fixer of everything. I thought when they divorced when I was 9 that maybe it would be easier on me because I would only have to take care of one of them but I was so wrong. We went back and forth between parents and grandparents. I honestly swore I would never end up that way. While living with my father at the age of 14 he came home in the early morning and had some strange woman come and wake me up to say my dad was in the yard having a heart attack and somewhere inside myself  was not fear anymore it was anger, I knew he was drunk and I really didn't care if he was having a heart attack, I called the ambulance and of course the fire dept. showed up as well, I will never forget all of the red and blue lights flashing on all the neighbors houses watching them all come out to see what was going on. I used to hide this type of stuff from everyone outside our house but I couldn't do it anymore even though I was humiliated I was seeking revenge for all the years of grief, because I knew when I got my report card from school and my grades were failing I would be grounded or even worse. This type of behavior went on for about a year. We moved in with my mom and her and I would go to the bars I think mainly to bethe sober driver of the two even though I had no liscense. The story goes on and on really but my point is even though I was left in charge to grow up and take care of my sister I was also angry and I took out the emotional abuse on her. She has chosen to live away from the family like I have but we are not close at all. I have forgiven my parents for all the mess, but I can't help but think how much pain their addictions have caused our family and now mine and my sisters families to suffer even though I swore I would never be like either one of them, its inevitable not to be affected somehow.
 
October 25, 2007, 1:57 pm CDT

Life Saving Group

All I can say is Alanon/Alateen. 

Al-anon  Alateen  Al-anon  Alateen Al-anon  Alateen  Al-anon  Alateen

I can't say it enough!!!!!

 

 This is a free place to go that can give you the help and give you a new life. Whether the family member is still drinking or not. I have peace and serenity now with the help of Alanon and so does my two teenager thru Alateen. This is for anyone that has ever been effected by someones drinking.....

Your so worth it !!!!! So please check it out. 

Al-anon  Alateen  Website

 

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

 
October 25, 2007, 2:00 pm CDT

get real

Quote From: myrna47

  i too knew of a similar incident.  where the husband would always drink to get drunk and then abuse his kids, the wife would try and stop it, the husband would turn on the wife too.  now that the husband/abuser is dead the widow/wife has tried to make a decent living for herself and son.  so what happened!  a nosy trouble making town reported her to the child protective services.  was there neglect? no!  there was health issuses on the child.  and to top things off the child would not listen or mind the parent.  think about some of the attitudes that the children do to their parent or parents before someone judges the parents.  there is two sides to the story!

 You talked about the child not listening to the parent and having a bad attitude.  This is from a mother of 2 young adult children.  Number one,  teenagers get attitudes.  Number two, if this child didn't have an attitude it would shook me.  Do you not see what he has been through?  Dealing with an alcoholic parent without abuse is bad enough, but then throw abuse in the mix-please, are you kidding me?  Then the child has to go through the death of a parent and as if that weren't enough for the child, go through the dealings of protective services.  The child should have been protected long before this.  It was the job of the mother to do the protecting since the father had physically and emotionally checked out along time before his death.  You're right-there are two sides of the story and someone should have been listening to the child's long before child protective services were called. 
 
October 25, 2007, 2:05 pm CDT

in regards to todays show

Dear Dr. Phil       I can understand where the mans wife is coming from because my husband is aloso an alcholic but hes been sober for 146 days..... There is a couple organazations to help the family members Al A Non and Ala teen .... They will help alot it did wonders for me and my family.... if the girls need someone to talk to you may give them my e mail address and i will help them in any way i can ... Alcholism is a disease... the family needs to remember that they didn't cause they can't control and they can't cure .... its all up to the husband and fathere ge has to make a choice everyday weather to drink or not to drink..... it will be hard for the family... because its still hard for me.... my husband has not relapsed yet thank goodness and god willing he won't  
 
October 25, 2007, 2:06 pm CDT

PLEASE PUT AL-ANON INFO ON YOUR WEBSITE!!!

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

  I am again writing in regards to the fact that you have not ever spoken about or advised people to join Al-Anon or Alateen. I am more than frustrated by this because you could help untold numbers of people with the platform you have. I have been a grateful member of Al-Anon for 10 years and it saved my life as well as the lives of several people I love. I was lucky enough to find it through the family unit of a treatment facility. I KNOW that a great deal of what you say on most of your shows comes from Al-Anon so maybe that's why you are so reluctant to mention them!!! You should be ashamed of yourself for not posting such valuable information!!! Please stop trying to sell yourself and just help people by posting Al-Anon information. Al-Anon has been here for over 50 years and is accessible from almost everywhere in this country as well as the rest of the world. It is FREE and an invaluable resource to those affected by the FAMILY disease of alcoholism (or addiction) whether the person with the addiction is a spouse, child, parent, friend or other relative.

 

Since you refuse to post such info, I will:

 

Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.

1600 Corporate Landing Parkway

Virginia Beach, Va  23451-5617

 

Tel:  (757) 563-1600

Fax: (757) 563-1655

 

You can find a meeting in your town by going to www.al-anon.org 

 

The books and other reading materials are very affordable and completely invaluable!!!!

 

Dr. Phil,

If you would like to discuss any of this with me, I'm ready and waiting so how's that work for you?

 

Very sincerely,

Ann

 

 

 

 

 
October 25, 2007, 2:18 pm CDT

10/25 Policing the Parents

This show totally resembles my life.  I grew up with three older brothers and a mom and dad that were so loving.  I never noticed when I was younger that drinking had taken part of my dad's life.  I just thought it was something that grownups do.  My mom was never a big drinker.  She only had a drink here and there and she said she never really liked the taste, but my dad on the other hand was one of those who you would see with a drink in his hand from morning til night.  He did a great job of showing that he was not "drunk".  As I started my teenage years, I am now 24, I have seen kids throw house parties and there was alcohol involved.  I must have my mom's genes because I never could really acquire that taste to alcohol either.  My dad soon became out of control and there was yelling matches between him, my mom and I.  My older brothers have moved out of the house at this time.  My mom is a nursing supervisor and this really reminded me of this show.  I am living at home at the moment to finish my nursing degree and sometimes I feel that I need to be around to protect my mom from the yelling.  She would confront him about hiding alcohol, since he is not allowed to drink around us.  He would deny it all the time, but you could smell it on his breath.  Sometimes I just want to stay out of it, but his brain is so damaged that all he can do is lie and not come to his senses to tell the truth.  I feel guilty that I am not doing anything to help the situation since rehab did not work, but I know deep down it is not my fault.  I am sick of living this way and watching my mom make all the money, just to be stolen to buy his hidden alcohol.  This show today touched my heart because I understand what the 14 year old daughter is going through.  I am an adult, but it doesn't seem to matter if you aren't sure if you love a parent anymore.  Thank you so much Dr. Phil for airing this show to help others who feel the same way!

 
October 25, 2007, 2:20 pm CDT

Alcoholic legacy

I wish there had been someone around like Dr. Phil when I was growing up.  My dad was an alcoholic and my mother would send me to the grocery store or wherever else he used to be in a drunken state to pick him up, I being a young girl of about 16 or 17.  Once when I went to get him at the local grocery he had wine bottles in his grocery  cart with crazy items of groceries mixed in.  I had to threaten him to get him to leave, with the managers eye on us the whole time.  This was a small town.  The shame of knowing that everyone in town knows that your dad is a drunk is a lot to take.  Insensitive people would remind my sister and I that they saw our dad in an alley passed out in his car.  Later, he had even made an advance at one of our friends, who told her husband  and we were no longer friends because of this.  He had many, many wrecks including one where two women were injured and he was fired from his job because he was in a company car.  My brother had to stop him from beating our mother many times, from the time he was old enough to stand up to him and at the age of 55, sadly my brother is full of rage to this day and though while not as bad an alcoholic as my dad, does drink to dull his pain.  I cry now when I see my son, who stuggles with alcoholism , but does admit that he has a problem at least and is taking steps to quit drinking.   I don't think I can watch my son go through what my dad  and all of us went through.  I didn't even want anyone to know what my last name was when I was growing up because I was so ashamed of my father.  I looked forward to the day when I would marry and change my last name.  Now as I have gotten older I realize that this was not my fault.  I also realize that my father's addiction was his way of self medicating for his history of depression and anxiety and just never got the help he needed.  My mother was an enabler and to this day it pains me to hear her say even now that he wasn't really an alcoholic.  I would advise anyone with children not to let this continue without getting help for an alcoholic spouse.  The damage to the children in situations like these is tremendous.  All four of us children who are living suffer some kind of damage from it and sadly my special needs sister who died many years ago suffered from the abuse as well.  I could go on and on, which makes me think that maybe I should write a book, which might be therapeutic for me. 
 
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