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October 25, 2007, 4:18 pm PDT
Alcoholisms
I saw the show today and it just touches so close to home. I have lost everything as a result of not leaving my alcoholic husband long ago. I lived for a few years in hope after he went through alcohol classes and had some sobriety for a while. Believe me when they say the relapse begins where it left off....well I lived it!! The hardest thing I ever had to do was stand on my own boundary and make the call to the police that got him his 3rd DUI. I went through months of emotional torture but I knew one thing...He didn't harm or kill someone innocent that day and I followed through on a very tough boundary. Of course he said he had learned his lesson from classes and would never again pickup those keys...of course all ability for rational thinking goes right down the drain once the bottle is picked up again. That day was the divine intervention that was the beginning of the end of my home and marriage. As far as the children, and the effect on them, in some ways I have been lucky, because my daughters are in their 20's and doing well, but there are some things I see in their life that is part of the unpacked baggage from the life we lived, my choices, the changes good and bad and no matter how hard you try it just seems to follow you. As for my step son, well I am still watching and listening on where he is. He didn't live with us, so he didnn't see alot. Things were not hidden from him, but in the end, I did my best to keep him away from the drunken insanity. The hardest part was when he actually wanted to live with us, it couldn't happen because the addiction tragedy was in full force and I knew it would not be good for him to live in what I was living in. Of course he has issues and I just try to keep him on the right path. In the final end, after the first time I watched a withdrawal seizure, the cycle worsened just as text book as you can compare. For months I watched everything go, jobs, intimacy, health, our home, pawned items and even wondered if he would actually drink himself to death. None of the detoxes helped and even the 7 months in jail for the 3rd DUI didn't even awaken him. He drank again in the first 2 hours he was released, of course he thinks he can control it now....."Constitutionally incapable of being honest with himself" I have to say yes at this time. He has chosen a geographical move to another state and back with family and friends that have no idea of just how bad his addiction is...playing the great Denial game again. Help only works when the person wants it more than anything and they have to want it for themselves. My divorce is pending and I may still loose more before it is over. I have spent the last 2 years trying to put a life back together after losing my home, my pride, and dreams that now have to become new ones. Sometimes it is really hard to start your life over when it was suppose to be stable, but I believe the best is yet to come. If it wasn't for my faith and the peace that God gives me, I don't know where I would be. I love to hear Dr. Phil work on this subject and cut through the dynamics. I have my own sobriety for many years by the grace of God...even through this and many other tough life experiences. There has never yet been another life excuse for me (good or bad) that makes alcohol or drugs look like the answer to anything! It is totally up to the person with the help of that higher power to make sobriety the best and only choice. I can't say enough about any 12 step program and counseling to get underneath what drives the addictions. It is the only way for the changes to come.
I'm really glad I was able to see this show today. I have had the opportunity to be in the Dr. Phil audience and it is a wonderful and fulfilling experience. As hard as it is to do, breaking free from the person with the addiction IS the better thing for the spouse and the kids. Every day that you don't have another memory of the drunken insanity is one more day of peace and one less day of tapes to play in your memory. It is one more day of making some kind of life for the family that the addict doesn't touch. YES it is hard but you can survive anything with faith and moving forward.
TLC in Denver
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(Original Air Date: 10/25/07) Should teens have to police a parent who is drug-addicted or just overall irresponsible? Robert, a father of two, has been in rehab six times in the past four years for an alcohol addiction. He says he drinks so often that his 14-year-old daughter, Keryn, pours out his beer daily, cleans up his bloody wounds after drunken falls and walks him home to prevent the police from arresting him! Robert's wife, Eileen, says she feels torn between protecting her children and loyalty to her husband. Will she stop enabling Robert's addiction, and will Robert get the wake-up call he desperately needs? Keryn has been her father's overseer for so long, is it too late to reverse their roles? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
